Human VS Being 🧐

sillysassysillysassy
edited November 2024 in General

📢🚨🛑PSA LONG POST AHEAD

I was just recently reminded of something that made me start looking at things a little differently in every aspect of my life. 

There are quite a few sayings about our reactions to people and situations.
"Its human nature to fight or flight"
"Its human nature to lash out in anger"
"Its human nature to assume instead of ask questions for certainty"
"Its human nature to put yourself first"

I just took this cool class that talked about this in a new way. The course leader asked us to put all of our ideas on a shelf, just try and hear an idea with a conscious decision to be open to something NEW. The idea was presented that we would benefit from making a differentiation between our HUMAN and our BEING.

I internalized it as kind of a new way to think about my actions. How I am BEING.... doesn't ALWAYS have to reflect traditional human nature. I get to decide how I act as opposed to how I NATURALLY react. Maybe we as human beings could distinguish the two. Not whether it is "good or bad" but instead, maybe is it useful? Is it USEFUL if I am always reacting out of FEAR? Am I BEING aggressive because I'm scared about something that isn't true of the present moment? Is that a useful way to relate to other people?

What I find so fascinating is that this happens in a positive way as well as negative. Science seems to point to the idea that our memories release chemicals in our brain in reaction to our external environment. 
The fear that helps us punch someone and run away who's trying to hurt a loved one. 
The shame that wells up in us when words are spoken that remind us of a parent scolding us. 
Also the glow in our hearts when we smell certain things like bread baking or lemon scented Pine Sol because of a good memory in our youth. 
"I don't know why I cry but every time I see that video with the present and the BIG RED BOW, it kills me!" Rosie O'Donnell-Sleepless In Seattle

When I take time to think about how I am BEING, I can have clarity re the influencing factors. This feels very different than the "knee jerk" response that might be about something else entirely.
Am I BEING kind?
Am I BEING curious?
Are we BEING thoughtful?
Are we BEING generous?
Are we BEING open to ideas or the possibility that someone EXPERIENCES life differently in very meaningful ways?

Comments

  • sillysassysillysassy
    edited November 2024

    A parenting story for me and my adult daughter...

    We were talking through some problems in our relationship (now that she is an adult she had some things she needed to chat about in a pretty serious manner) so we set up an appointment with our counselor. >!A lot of this stuff was hard to hear and immediately I tried to tell her "WHY" I chose to parent the way I did. I had great reasons, they were decisions I made that would help her in her future (like how to do laundry at an early age, how to cook, how to manage money etc etc) etc etc etc.
    Now that we are both trying to speak more freely, she said "MOM! You always do this. I'm trying to tell you about my feelings and my EXPERIENCE, but you are so nervous about proving why you did what you did you can't even hear me. I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO DENY MY EXPERIENCE. Trying to explain away my feelings.
    She wasn't trying to tell me I was a bad Mom. She wasn't trying to tell me that I had destroyed her life or scarred her forever. What she was trying to do was share her EXPERIENCE. Not for me to fix it. Not for me to feel bad about it. Not even for me to RELATE to it..... But instead just to share it.  
    Again... This specific thing changed the way I approach everything in my life. When someone wants to connect with other human beings, we don't always have to relate to their experience, but I do feel like its important to LISTEN and not be dismissive of their unique experience.
    There is no way that I can understand what its like to go through life the same as every other human being. I don't even think I can say I know what it feels like for as little as 100 other human beings.... even if we have shared/similar experiences. 

    The big takeaway for me was that I don't ever want to deny someone's experience again. 

    I would also like to continue being curious about all the things I think I know as facts, but might not actually be true.
    We move through life with ideas that we hear about a few times or ideas that we hear about a LOT of times. Some continue to be true (like gravity) and some have just been put on a shelf and believed to be true because of how many times I've heard them (like whether or not I am loveable). Until we are willing to listen to someone's experience without all of our preconceived notions or assumptions we will never be able to learn anything new. 

    I can't know what it feels like to go through life and at 50 years old learn that my DNA shows I have the probability that my parents I grew up with aren't my biological parents. 
    I can't know what it feels like to have multiple voices in my head, directing me to do different things.
    I can't know what it feels like to NOT be able to carry another human being in my body. 
    I can't know what it feels like to be told all of my life that I am LOVABLE exactly as I am. 

    I am the only person who can understand what it means to be me, BUT I have the ability to share my experience of that in order to connect with other people even if they can't relate. I can't do that with people who are unwilling to believe that we all have a different experience. 

    When I was young I was told there was a very specific way to live life and find joy. For everyone. I don't believe that any more.

    I heard it from practically every person I interacted with. Every organization, class at school, friend, authority figure, tv, magazine, movie, teacher, etc etc etc. When you hear something like that as often as I heard it, you believe it to be true. 

    As I got older and started doing some of my own investigating, and also made different friends than the ones my parents introduced me to, I started to hear some things that questioned that truth. All of the sudden I heard the same thing from so many people. Now I had TWO things that were polar opposite ideas, lots of data to support both ideas, and I didn't know how to figure out who was telling the "truth." 

    My daughter introduced me to Glennon Doyle and a book she wrote called "Untamed" back when we were both in college. The first chapter told a story and it made me realize that just because I have been told something my whole life doesn't make it a FACT... its just one possible way to look at things. It made sense why my life always felt like a constant battle to be what I was "supposed to be."

    Maybe you’re a cheetah and all your life you’ve been told to act like a lab. 🤨

    I say all of this because of how it has affected me and my relating to others. There has been a lot of lashing out these past few weeks/months and it makes me sad. For both sides. We wind up limiting ourselves sometimes. 

    We are all here because of our own reasons. But we are all human beings. (Except for the occasional AI or BOT 😂) The vast majority of people are here because they're looking for ways to connect with other human beings in a slightly non-traditional kind of way. THAT SAYS SOMETHING!! That already says that we have a thread of commonality and we are at least open to soothe our touch needs with a non-traditional method. Giving room in our life for ONE thing that isn't mainstream gives me hope that we would all be willing to be open minded about other areas of our life. 

    I'm not naive enough to think we could all be so much love and acceptance that no-one's feelings would ever get hurt, but maybe we could learn something from listening to each other's experience even if we can't relate. 

    I think its beautiful when someone can say "I used to think that, but I am open to hearing new things and possibly changing my mind." To be OPEN. That's all anyone can ask. Even if you walk away with exactly the same mindset, you will hopefully be enriched for being open and listening to someone else's experience. 

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    This is beautifully expressed, @sillysassy ! We can choose to be curious about things that we don't know, and that can lead to the joy and wonder of discovering new things.

    It's admittedly difficult to entertain the possibility that we are wrong about something, especially when it's something we were taught at an early age. Recently I've been asking myself, "What's the likelihood that all of my original assumptions are correct?" If I'm honest, it's no more likely than it is for anyone else. I'm probably wrong about something. There is no shame in being wrong as long as I'm willing to explore where I might be wrong.

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    I have to be honest... I didn't read it all. Most, yes, all, no. However, I wanted to take this moment to say, to @sillysassy, I AM GRATEFUL THAT YOU EXIST. Period. Your warmth, encouragement, kindness, uplifting spirit, and willingness to allow us to be at our best--in your eyes--- has had a PROFOUND influence on me, even though (sadly :( ) we've never met in person..

    I think you are a beautiful, kind, funny, warm, amazing person who has, somehow, figured out the fact that we are, indeed, allllll connected, and that we allllll have the right to exist---in whatever manner we happen to be living.

    I, for one, am grateful for you. Amen! :)

    Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming....

  • zaleazalea

    @sillysassy loved what you wrote!

    The vast majority of people are here because they're looking for ways to connect with other human beings in a slightly non-traditional kind of way. THAT SAYS SOMETHING!!

    I resonated a lot with this line in particular! before cuddling, I was in tech and there was almost no human connection at all, and I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings 😔 now when I have a client I'm so excited about what kind of connection we'll be able to make, cause every person is their own adventure 😊

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)


    @sillysassy actually read your entire post except for the spoilers and this quote kind of in my mind related to what you’re saying I think all of us have some core values that rarely change and then we have thoughts and ideas and I think those thoughts and ideas are the ones that change grow or evolve

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    @lonelytauros ~ Powerful. Beautiful. True. Thank you for posting this and making it available to all of our seeking Souls..

  • UREverythingUREverything

    @sillysassy As I sit here waaaaay past my sleeping arrangment, im glad your wrote it.

    20-30 years ago I wouldnt be on this website, I'd probably make fun of it. I'd be using my time for things that allowed me a taste of city living and experience to remember or a story to tell. If it snowed like it recently did and I was in the house to long for any reason, I would get cabin fever.

    Now I lived it so I no longer want it. I dont want to go anywhere.A good night sleep is a win, no funerals to attend is a reason to be happy. Searching for Sensible answers to Common issues will keep me up along with body aches wondering "Am I being the best to myself?"
    Am I a leader or just being mislead?
    Am I truly happy or just complacent?
    How do show more empathy to myself and others to not lose touch?
    What is distracting me from understanding my truth?
    How can I communicate this better, even when I dont feel like it?
    Do I count my blessings regularly?
    Or do I give into Dispare?
    Is the land of promise just a lie?
    Patience is the Answer I trust to all my questions. Sabali, Sabali, Sabali, yonkontê

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited November 2024

    @sillysassy
    Your first post above immediately made me think of one of my favorite books…

    Daniel Gardner talks about the “Merchants of Fear” - all the people and organizations who manipulate people via their fears. The evening TV newscast keeps people watching through commercial breaks with statements like, “New danger found on playgrounds, details when we return.” What parent is going to turn off the news before hearing more about that new danger?

    Insurance companies and home security companies paint horrible mental images of how your life, and the life of your family is in danger if you don’t buy their products and services.

    We are bombarded daily with people and organizations attempting to manipulate us by preying on our fears. This book shines a light on the subtle and not-so-subtle ways they do so and offers advice on how to counter those attempts to live a happier, less stressful life by avoiding (or at least minimizing) the manipulation.

    *** comment edited at the polite request of the OP

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    We've certainly been seeing plenty of instances of people inventing things to be afraid of so they can capitalize off of people's fear. And it's only getting worse.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    Love it @sillysassy!

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited November 2024

    @sillysassy
    Your empathy journey expressed here is inspiring. You're on the right track if you feel. We need more posts like yours.

    Preconceptions, narratives that follow our channels but not necessarily our lives is our online struggle. All that is required is an implied 3rd party perception of intent. It's easy to gang up on a screen name with a picture and pretend that there isn't a soul behind it. For that reason, I never pile on. Ever. I listen and pretend that I am that person. If I see someone being picked on or generalized, I always see me.

    If you are ever being ridiculed or bullied, misunderstood or ignored, know that I am in your place, feeling.

  • TD1964RGKTD1964RGK

    Recently bought what is my current favorite t-shirt. It says

    HUMAN • BEING
    be both

    Never got so much positive feedback for an item of clothing. 🙂

    PS it’s oversized and super soft and so has become my preferred cuddle t-shirt 👍🏼

  • sillysassysillysassy

    Thank you all for input and feedback and shares. And thank you for the kind words.

    @UglyDuckling I appreciate this... Had to look it up but it is a lovely sentiment.

    Patience is the Answer I trust to all my questions. Sabali, Sabali, Sabali, yonkontê

    @Dance_Culture

    You're on the right track if you feel.

    I think feelings are an important part of our journey. But I also think trying to delve into the WHY of our feelings.
    Why are we feeling scared?
    Why is that topic invoking anger?
    Why are we feeling sad & rejected & unworthy because of the words of strangers on the internet?

    Feelings are the first clue to our inner landscape, but it FEELS like that's just the beginning.

    I read a book a long time ago about us CHOOSING our actions. Making a point the we get to control the INNER BEING. We get to decide if we're going to BE tossed to and fro because of a singular statement, or if we are going to take a different path and look at a different set of data, take a step back, and try and decide how we're going to BE... in our actions, in our words. We get to choose our reactions. Glasser speaks to the idea that we as human beings have five genetic needs: survival, love & belonging, power, freedom, and fun. Depending on the degree that you have each of those needs. Someone who has a stronger desire for power doesn't have the same reaction as someone who has a stronger desire for freedom and on down the line. Very interesting possibilities.

    In the discussion about fear and the "Merchants of Fear" I suppose its fair that everyone everywhere is trying to "manipulate us" in some sense. Not just Big Business or the Home Shopping Network. I love the stuff that comes from Brenè Brown about scarcity mindset. This ties in with fear. If we are worried we won't have enough food (because we grew up poor or lived through the Great Depression) we tend to hoard food or spend our time worrying about that more than another person.

    It seems like it doesn't always have to be BIG fear.... it often stems from little things we hear a LOT of times from our tribe or our social media friends or our cuddle people.

    If we're being honest.... Even this thread has a desire to speak my truth but also maybe provide a new perspective that could possibly "influence" someone else here in the community.

    Back to a million discussions of intentions. Whether I am trying to influence someone because of kindness and love and a hope for everyone to have a chance to LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES or if I am trying to manipulate them because I believe there is only one perspective and they would do well to come over to my side of the fence and be in agreement with me.... I have to decide if I am going to ACT as though there is one underlying perspective that is "correct" or if I am going to be open to allowing people the ability to have their own experience and still appreciate them and esteem them and respect them as equals. I get to choose.

    My mind is bunny hopping all over the place about this topic and I am so very grateful for all the perspectives because I can agree with TD1964RGK we are both... Human & Being. I just want to tone down my HUMAN when it isn't useful and turn up my BEING.

    Happy FriYAY everyone. ❄⛄😊

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