Men ultimately want to feel vulnerably safe, appreciated and desired. Cuddles give this illusion even if just for an hour.
@Anthony404 Based on what I have heard from pros and female enthusiasts on here, a lot of the men on this site are trying for a good deal more than that.
@WriterGF LOL!
I just want qualify footwear at a reasonable price
@Anthony404 i actually don’t think it is an illusion, because it takes a specific kind of person to do this. I have a friend who is financially struggling and is stuck, but REFUSES to try cuddling. Its just not for her. I have a guy friend who wants to try it because he sees himself as a healer. Other girls I have spoken with would rather do sex work than cuddle. They feel that cuddling is more personal. Everyone is different. It has less to do with financial circumstances and has more to do with the kind of person you are. You can always feel it when someone doesn’t want to be there, even if they are being paid. To do cuddling well you have to be present with someone, and you have to have an open heart.
If any guy here told me he wanted to feel desired, I would cease the conversation. Red flag. Not interested. Our ideas for platonic cuddling are not the same. Words matter.
@starrynitecuds i totally agree to that! Thats why I always do a phone call. One thing I will say, if that there are a lot of people who don’t want to feel rejected and instead accepted. That would be something I understand. But DESIRED? Big Nope! Desire implies there is potential for it to develop into something else, cuddling is all about embracing the relationship for what it is. Embracing that there is safety in the moment and eliminating complicated non-platonic interactions.
It's not an illusion when a woman is in your presence for the purpose of cuddling. Enjoy the precious time of sharing being "vulnerably safe, appreciated and desired".
It's definitely an illusion. If they wanted to be there you wouldn't be paying them
@JSP_1 disagree! i would do this for free if I could but I don’t have the time and capacity. I used to hangout with cuddlers too, but I stopped because I felt exhausted. I think for some people it’s an illusion but not everyone. You can tell when a cuddler doesn’t want to be there. Again, there are women financially struggling but refuse to do this. It really does take a specific kind of person. And empathy is an important skill that has gone unpaid for a long time. I think its good that theres some balance in the universe now.
@theCuddleDrgn Agreed
Balance in the universe?
@JSP_1 yes because empathy is undervalued in our society but here it’s very valuable. It’s an important facet to being a good human being.
@Anthony404 i agree 100% i think it's fully what i feel in the time i spend.
@pmvines yes actually that
@starrynitecuds i understand what you are saying but when im thinking of the work im thinking of it not in the way i believe you are uninterested in.
For myself im thinking of it more in the terms of 1. yearned or wished for; coveted 2. deemed correct or proper; selected; required
The more common use of the word is something some want as well but in this platonic context it isn't the case, for me.
Also sometimes because humans don't have a great understanding of what we really want and need we only know what actions makes feel that way it's sought for in other ways. Those ways often times are non platonic and sexual. That is unfortunate but i think it's the way humans are wired sometimes. Not to make a false equivalence but we see it with people who have suffered some sore of abuse who act out sexually to receive the love and affection they think they want.
I find myself fulfilled with the platonic aspect of cuddling in understanding what i actually need, that comes from maturing and learning. I can honestly say in my younger days i felt i received this through the sexual actions i participated in. Not that i don't want or enjoy sex now, i do, i just find that what im actually looking for most often is not necessarily sexual. But that's why I'm here and what I've come to understand about myself. That's why it's frustrating when the sex is actually introduced in it.
I can't speak for men i can only speak for me and the behaviors i see and read about in here lets me know where ladies are coming from so i understand that as a man i have to be sensitive to that. For me the non platonic portion always comes after that nurturing feeling i need then evolves in to what i want when in a healthy situation. So i understand @theCuddleDrgn why you guys feel what you feel.
Again speaking for myself, no defense for anyone else's actions.
Oh and it is an illusion that's why i sometimes and willing to pay to find it. For it to be a real thing it cannot be paid for.
I think it is possible for two things to be true at the same time (ie wanting to be there and also being paid). @theCuddleDrgn i like several of the points you make about possibly replacing the word desired with “accepted and not rejected”, also about empathy being a skill, and lastly about not having the time and capacity for cuddling the broader world.
@JSP_1 Disagrree. The type of "desire" you mentioned is within a an intimate relationship such as a girlfriend or wife. If you expect the same from a paid cuddler then it is an illusion. Payment is not the issue. It's the connectivity developed over time with women who desire to be with you repeatedly because they feel "safe appreciated and desired"
I mean that's all I want. Seems kinda reasonable and yet it isn't.
Another examination of this topic:
The Purpose of Pro Cuddling
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/19433/the-purpose-of-pro-cuddling/p1
Doesn't everyone want to feel venerably safe, appreciated and desired? Are these gendered preferences or human preferences?
@starrynitecuds the fact that you interpreted desire as anything intimate tells me that you’re clearly the red flag & lack empathy. Who doesn’t want to feel desired when they go in for a job interview… Imagine the callback like “Hi we couldn’t find what we were looking for but we need to fill this position ASAP, but you’ll have to do for now.” Desire is far beyond any red flag!
@Anthony404 Totally different context. Again, you have to keep in mind that a lot of people (mostly men, it seems like) are looking for sex, not just cuddling, here. That's why so many get banned. So "desire" is a code word here that it is not in a job interview or other context. Anyone who cuddles is putting themselves into a very vulnerable position and is going to have their antenna up for anything that sounds not quite right in a platonic situation. You've only been on the site a couple of months -- when you have been here longer and heard more of the horror stories, you will understand why someone would see that term as a red flag.
@Anthony404 as I said, "Words matter." I also wouldn't take a job from anyone who told me they "desired" me working for them. Learned that lesson in my early twenties. He was a married man who wanted to be "desired."
We seem to be stuck in word definitions, traditional and applied, by setting up these conditions as we pretend we understand the motivation of others. We have to ask ourselves, what are we doing here?
Desire defined in a cuddle: The person there wants to be there. The person there is not motivated solely by the timer or the money. If offered a choice the person would stay instead of, "I could go either way."
Although it might not get articulated regularly enough, men are so much deeper than get represented here and the women that get it are so hard to find, we may never hear from them.
We pay for a service that risks everything and to be honest, needs an overhaul. Our pros need to be trained. You could pay for a cuddle, think everythings fine, end up on a black list and not even know it. Think about that.
Maturity allows us to understand context. When it is convenient, we (as a whole) seem to (in our listening ear) air on the side of depravity. This selective process taints our whole view of mankind. How has that served you?
The English Language offers many paths to misunderstandings and we seem to fall for it every time.
Dictionary definition of desire includes "strong sexual feeling." Given how often boundaries get pushed here, why wouldn't someone err on the side of caution when they heard the term? How does that serve them ... maybe it helps them avoid getting molested a time or two.
I agree that many men are deeper than they are given credit for, but this site tends to attract a lot who are not.
@WriterGF Many men, when they report those who are offering more than cuddling, tend to get banned. (All you need to do is look at cuddlers with dozens of karmas that say "I will return" and then looking at the karmas you see no "repeats". Many of those are 1 time cuddlers on this site but ditch the site after that. In my experience, many of those cuddlers offer more and CC was the foot in the door, but CC alllows them to remain. I can only assume them getting a single payment is worth enabling them to continue here) Once banned, after taking a break, a new profile is established, since the old one is now dead. Your assumption that @Anthony404 is a "new" cuddler may or may not be true. To the original post here, maybe my market is different from the others, but "looking for more" is certainly not limited to men. Trying to screen those out is especially difficult since CC apparently welcomes their presence and seemingly protects them. Those of us who have reported them, not so much.
I think any answer to "What does x group of people really want?" kinda shoots itself in the foot. No one wants only one thing, we want different things with different people and we can't really know what those things will be until we meet/get to know them. I'm new here and haven't done much meeting up, but any time I meet anyone from anywhere my only intentions are to potentially make a new friend and to do whatever we talked about beforehand, while being open to talking about anything. I find that if I go in with that mindset I'm rarely disappointed, whether I feel like I want something else or not.
Also I think we are getting to hung up on the word desire here. Yes it can have sexual/romantic connotations a lot of time but it just means the same thing as "want." I desire pizza right now. I don't want to bang or date the pizza.
We know that isn't THE definition. That is A definition. Again, maturity and context.
I keep hearing about how bad people are, how we have to watch out for this or that, gives me no motivation in participating in a cuddle event. None.
These exceptions are bad, we need to find ways to manage and discipline them but these are exceptions.
If I'm new here and read these forums, I am not motivated to stay, I am motivated to leave. We have a responsibility to represent what we do here as a safe thing by being safe with vetting and maturity.
This public view of a very private event needs a cured empathic understanding of being new. I was thrown to the sharks being new and got spit out and paid for it. Our pros need training.
Yeah that's a tough problem to solve. Meeting someone alone who hasn't been vetted is risky but karma is the only vetting we have. Kinda hard to do when we are not a group that meets up and hangs out and anyone can just create an account. This is really an issue with meeting anyone from the internet. I don't know what happened to you but it can always go badly on purpose or not. A lot of people just don't communicate very well unfortunately.
@Muggle_Mike we definitely need a social site just for cuddlers