Setting boundaries

lilhugdealerlilhugdealer
in Pro Cuddling

The more cuddles I do the better I have gotten at setting boundaries with my clients. However, some new clients disregard my boundaries or think they can do things that I have or the site has said are not allowed. How do other professionals handle setting boundaries without scaring them away or sounding like you’re just saying no, no, no!?

Comments

  • lilhugdealerlilhugdealer

    Also, what do other professionals wear during their sessions? I typically wear leggings and a tank top so hands can’t wander too easily and that has worked for me but I’m curious what other professionals are wearing.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I understand that a few Pros have decorated their space with the mounted heads of boundary-crossing clients.

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    State your boundaries before meeting and sit down a moment before a session and go over each other's boundaries again so they are fresh in both minds.

    You could also use a consent method called "ask and wait" instead of using the "blanket yes" (yes except for the boundaries stated). I can explain further if needed (But I gotta run to work for now).

    I wear shorts, a tank, and socks usually but I also carry leggings with me.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    What I have learned is that the more skin that is shown in profile photos, the more some men will be making assumptions which is 💯 Totally Wrong of them for a platonic website but unfortunately it happens.
    I think your pics are great btw, but first one might make some men think you look sexy. They need to use self control obviously but often they don’t.
    Also wearing a tank top in a session can cause more temptation to some men unfortunately.
    Live and learn, this is all from my own experience!

  • beaublissbeaubliss

    I respectfully disagree with @g_w_t_w regarding your photos; you should be able to display your body, your beauty, your joy in whatever manner works for you without fear that you are suggesting to men that you welcome more than what is allowed....by you and/or the site. Saying that specific photos make you "look sexy" is highly subjective.....and looking sexy should be celebrated anyway. Sure, one can adopt the Middle East perspective; that is, men are easily tempted, women must be covered. Or, we can simply try to vet clients well, trust the men that are welcomed, and find creative, strategic ways to continue to educate them how to cuddle affectionately without violating the boundaries set by the cuddle pro.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I agree, @beaubliss .

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    Of course the guys say bring it on. lol
    But as a woman who has been assaulted, I think women might keep their own safety in mind.
    Or they can show all the skin they want and then come back here and complain about mods removing their photos or about men pushing boundaries.

  • beaublissbeaubliss

    Your penchant for stereotyping guys is just another form of bullying and silencing. Your tendency to characterize a causal relationship between clothing choices for photos and resultant assault probability is old-school patriarchal thinking and women-shaming.

    We need to empower women to be authentic, communicative, and to break free of the dominant paradigm that suggests physical intimacy and affection often leads to boundary-pushing. Rather, let's create more positivity regarding vetting potential clients, training pros to create strategies to deflect unwanted behavior and help men to bring more consciousness to the burden their unspoken desires have on women.......without shaming them.

    I certainly do not want to minimize your personal trauma from previous assaults. Such unfortunate events can happen regardless of the beauty, clothing, or photos of a provider. However, the habit of extrapolating to future encounters continues the pattern of fear, anxiety, and suspicion that completely handicaps the pro cuddler......and often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, one must be prudent and prepared......but surrounding oneself with positivity, clarity, and love is a better preparation for this work.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited November 2024

    I think we’re talking about 2 different things and I’m specifically addressing behavior on a platonic cuddle site.
    We can’t change other people and what they come to CC hoping to find. We can make an effort to show we want a platonic cuddle experience in how we present ourselves. You have your agenda and that’s fine, so do your thing.
    Mods will continue to try to weed out the people who are trying to appeal to those looking for something sexual.
    You know it doesn’t affect me personally either way but for the new people here, being safe is a goal.

  • lilhugdealerlilhugdealer

    I can see both points of view. But if a man is looking to assault someone I don’t think it matters what they are wearing. Modest women get attacked every day as well as more progressive women who choose to celebrate their bodies and not hide them. But I also understand that not all men are feminists and will think they can ask for things that that you’re not comfortable with if they see your attire as sexy and therefore, in their minds, you’re willing to be sexual. I hope someday women will be able to show their breasts without the fear of being sexualized just like men and their useless ass nipples can now. I hope that someday we can freely celebrate our bodies without the fear of being attacked. But the only way to ignite change is to normalize dressing however we feel and not giving into fear and hiding our bodies. Can we please educate our children so little boys know from a young age to respect women and see them as equals and not just as sexual beings? We are a long way from equality and a long way from being respected by the majority of men. Hopefully with doing what we do we can aid in the further change of how men view nudity, consent and sex. Not too long ago cuddling with strangers for money would have been considered sex work and very few men would ever consider compensating someone for something like this. So change is happening. It’s just slow. Thank you to all the male feminists. May the ignorant learn form you!!

  • xandriarainxandriarain
    edited March 2025
    1. Boundaries are personal limits you set for yourself, not rules you impose on others. This means you are responsible for saying no, correcting clients who are out of line, and ending the session early if need be. To avoid these uncomfortable situations, I have a code of conduct in my profile, on my website, and everywhere I advertise my services. I require an initial consultation call to better understand the client's needs and reason for seeking cuddle therapy (which can often be very telling of their intent) and confirm that they have read and agreed to my code of conduct. If their behavior in session falls outside of our agreed upon code of conduct, I address it immediately and check in to see if they genuinely want a platonic service or are just settling for one. The goal of my photos and marketing and consultation calls is to weed out clients who might be settling for a platonic experience and to attract clients looking for platonic, therapeutic cuddling.
    2. This leads to my second point about Attire. While I agree that out in the world on our personal time, women should be able to wear whatever we want without being harassed or assaulted, when we are representing ourselves professionally, either in photos in our profiles or what we wear to sessions, our attire should be appropriate for our role. Our role is to create a safe platonic container for our clients and emphasize our work's non-sexual nature. Ultimately, wearing more revealing clothing is most likely going to be a turn-off for clients looking for someone who is genuinely platonic and will attract clients who are hoping you can bend the rules. Also, straight men are hardwired to be attracted to secondary female sex characteristics, so no matter how progressive and respectful they are, the more you show, the more likely they are to get aroused in a session, which is what we are trying to avoid. For this reason, I chose to dress more modestly for my work and wear t-shirts and leggings rather than shorts and tank tops. When it is hot in the summer, I wear more modest shorts that reach my mid-thigh. I don't see dressing modestly for my work as anti-feminist; I just see it as dressing appropriately for my professional role. There is plenty of time to show skin and celebrate my body when I am not working.
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