Hello all, As a Pro Cuddler I'm offen asked to host, but as a single female who lives alone, I worry about safety. How do you ladies, or men, feel safe having a stranger in your home? What do you do? Very interested! Thanks in advance! Amanda
Frankly, I don't really worry about my safety in my own home. When I host, especially if it's a new cudler, I'm concentrating on making her feel safe.
I make sure it's well lit inside (for evening/night cuddles), clean, smells nice, comfortable temperature, soft background music, show her around, offer her bottled water, etc.
We just take our time getting acquainted with each other, talking on the couch. I try not to talk about cuddling initially, but instead, focus on other topics.
In other words, I just be natural, and let things flow organically.
Decide case by case. Some would be safe to have over, some are not. Go with your gut. Have a plan if anything gets dangerous. You can ask this on the pro page too and see those responses. Some prefer it, some don’t.
Females that I have cuddled with there have been times I went to their homes as they felt comfortable with me and we talked and got to know one another and even have met for coffee before we did our first cuddle session. One of them did have a problem with someone in the past kept showing up to her home, but she said, luckily, he finally just faded away and left her alone. I completely understand you and others wanting to feel safe in your own environment. I have talked with some that absolutely refuse to bring it into their home which is completely understandable. I have never had someone come to my home to cuddle. The few times that I have cuddled with someone I went to her home as she lived alone. If I were to cuddle with someone and she wasn’t comfortable keeping it in her home if at first or ever I am open to other options if she were to want that.
No thank you. One visit from the police (because of a rowdy exbf who wouldn't leave) was an experience I never want to repeat. As a pro, that could get messy if allegations are made and money is involved. TBF, I don't want any guy, friend or cuddle buddy, ever showing up at my house uninvited. Until trust is firmly established (and you're ok with your full name being known and possibly given out/traded to strangers), really really think hard about it. JMO.
Amanda, I've met a couple of pros who were comfortable hosting from home. But most that I've met have been a guest at my place, or have hosted at a hotel or an airbnb. I know several who flatly will not host from their homes at all because of safety concerns.
If I were a woman, I would not host someone in my home unless the person was an established client that I trusted enough to give my home address to.
I always felt much safer hosting because I could control the situation. I can’t imagine walking into a stranger’s home where I have no idea what to expect. But also I live in a very secure high rise apt building and that makes a big difference. Visible cameras in the hallways which I always pointed out to Cuddlers as we walked from the elevator. I always met them downstairs in the club room first also. I recommend at least a ring camera so that anyone coming to your home knows he’s being recorded. A woman alone in her home who is hosting a man who is basically a stranger from the internet is maybe riskier than a man hosting a woman but both situations can be a little worrisome. Even a man hosting a stranger might be concerned - who does she have waiting outside? Screening is imperative!
@ArtsyHarmony I have read on here how Pros who hosted have had clients leave without paying by pretending they're going to the bathroom. Getting payment up front could help, unless they watch where you put it and take it back while you're distracted.
I personally recommended to pros not to host someone until they met them couple times elsewhere. The worst kind to get stuck with that knows where you live are the ones that fall in love with you after one cuddle session and a few text messages. Couple pros I know had to change their phone number, and I'm always being polite and pretending to buy the false story as to the reason. but we all know why.
Just be safe and vet every mental midget you want to bring over to your place. Men should also exercise safety and common sense. If Shes 18 and a friend will be driving her over, odds are you should move on.
@starrynitecuds That happened to me once. The bathroom trick. I always got payment up front after that.
I can’t as such relate to your problem being a guy. I do understand safety and this is what I do. I will pick up most hitchhikers and as they proceed to get into my car, I tell them, “my dog doesn’t like stupid, so unless you don’t want to see her bad attitude, just enjoy the ride. “ Get a decent sized dog. They can sense bad vibes instantly.
A camera, personal defense equipment and trusting my gut.
Let a good friend know you are hosting or as a guest with new clients. Check in before and after. That way if you don’t check in on time, they can call the police. Give the address if you are a guest.
@ArtsyHarmony Great question. I do not blame you at all for not being comfortable having a stranger come to your home. I also do not like to host and I have only hosted one cuddle partner at my home but that was after really getting to know her well through a series of outdoor cuddles in state parks.
When I was hiring pros it was convenient if they hosted but that was not a requirement. When the weather is nice I enjoy outdoor cuddles and when I am traveling I already have a hotel and I have never had a problem hosting at a hotel.
Every pro needs to decide for themselves at what point, if any, they are comfortable hosting a cuddle at their home. Decide that threshold for yourself and do not let anyone try to get you to lower the bar.
@ArtsyHarmony Mostly it is a matter of knowing your own boundaries, trusting your red flags, and saying “No”.
But, anyone who deals with the public in a personal, intimate, and commercial profession (from bartenders, to entertainers, to various types of social services) is in danger.
Especially when dealing with those people who cannot meet their human needs in any other way.
Anyone who lacks the skills, talents, or patience to build and maintain their own relationships is not likely to be a “safe” companion.
Pro here… I don’t host in my home… I pay a hotel room and host there once a week… I will guest throughout the week.. but I host only 1 day.. it’s going to cost you about $200 but honestly well spent.. I have the safety of knowing that someone’s always around and if I start screaming someone’s coming in that room, I have hotel security around, the person I’m cuddling also has the same protection… it is neutral ground.
Is hosting or being a guest more dangerous? I assume being a guest is more dangerous but with hosting the guy knows where you live
FEMALE cuddlers .... The dynamic is much different with men hosting a woman.
I Will always prefer to host or meet at a hotel. No way I feel comfortable walking into a strange man’s house. That’s insanity. I’m more in control in my own home.
I frequently host, although I am an enthusiast/client man hosting women so it isn't quite the same.
I don't give my full address until the night before or morning of, after the person has confirmed. I insist on a photograph and if I didn't recognise the person who turned up I wouldn't let them in.
The professionals who I have met for the first time at their home mostly either are very experienced, or met me in a public area of their building.
@ArtsyHarmony if in doubt, don't.
This thread does not directly address the question but is relevant:
Pro here and I do not host in my home. I’ve heard too many horrible stories from other pros. I know I miss out on a ton of requests by not hosting but my safety is way more important. I do offer alternatives. Send them to apps that save money on daytime bookings at hotels etc. I have a friend that has a massage “clinic” that they will rent me for a minimum fee. At one point I thought about connecting with other local pros and renting a space designated for pros to use. We would use the rooms on a first come first serve calendar. I’m fact any pros in Los Angeles or Orange County interested in collaborating let me know.
@sage91436 I’m very curious, how do you feel safe going into a strange man’s home? It’s their environment, they are in control, not you. What if they start to get aggressive, will you be able to get out of their house? Those are things that would worry me. No matter how much screening I do, there’s always a possibility of something unexpected happening in a strangers house.
My apt was secure with cameras in the halls & parking lot and the cuddlers coming to my home knew that. I always felt safe. I guess I don’t like the unknown.
@g_w_t_w : I have talked to professional cuddlers before and some of the things that I've heard made them wish that the person did not know where they lived. I've heard from a few who felt very pressured to do stuff because they were scared of that person coming back.
@g_w_t_w most of my sessions are done at hotels. But I also have someone that is always close by and I check in with him and if I don’t check in he calls and if I don’t answer he’s at the door.
I know of a few pros that have had clients come back to their house unannounced after a previous session.
@ArtsyHarmony, isn’t it ironic how you specifically asked for feedback from female pros, yet the majority of responses seem to come from others? You might want to consider posting this question in the “pros only” thread to ensure non-women pros don’t chime in and make it about them.
As a professional, I personally only host clients at hotels or Airbnbs. Hosting at home as a female pro poses significant security risks, such as exposure to potential stalkers. Perhaps if I were an enthusiast, I’d be more willing to take that risk since I would be vetting people extra hard. Additionally, I always use an alias instead of my real name on CC, maintain a private number, and ensure my payment details don’t include my real name. Despite that I’ve had my run ins w stalkers, I’m great full none knew of my home address.
Stay safe out there and always trust your female intuition when gauging a clients risk factor.
i wouldn't advise it with someone you haven't cuddled with before.
I'm a man and even I wouldn't want someone that I don't know just showing up to my house/bedroom for something like a cuddle. Neutral spot like a hotel is acceptable.
I used to be a pro so I am responding from a Pro’s experience. I lived in a secure apartment with many safety measures in place. I had complete control over my environment. I would never have to worry about stalkers because they had no access to enter my building. I am very strong and do not come off as vulnerable. My age is a privilege. I make it very clear that I’m in control in my own home. Because of all this, in 2 years of cuddling, I never had the kind of issues but I am very careful to treat people with kindness and that gives me power. Don’t act vulnerable and helpless is my best advice. I also had a wreath covering my apt number on my door. I met them downstairs and walked them to and from and casually pointed out the cameras in the hallway. Also walked past apt office and waved. I felt very comfortable having a session in hotels also. Going to a strange man’s home, you have no idea what you’re walking into. You are not controlling the environment. Please take care of yourself
One thing I forgot. Get his information. Especially a pic of their ID, give the info to a friend. If he doesn’t want to, don’t engage.
I would be very comfortable having pros come over to my assisted living when I used to cuddle. I would show them where my life alert was in case I would pass out from all the excitement
If you want advice specifically from pros there is a pro only forum.
@Bear Love your profile photo! And your advice is spot on! Merry Christmas!