Bad hygiene- polite way of letting cuddler know?

zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs
in General

As a professional cuddler I take hygiene very seriously.
Can anyone give suggestions of politely letting someone know without hurting their feelings they need to have better hygiene?
I have offered ppl gum and always ask them to gargle just before a session but I’m referring to body odor.
I was so sickened by the smell that I had to breathe from my mouth. I did not have the heart ❤️ to say anything during the session.

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Comments

  • JSP_1JSP_1

    Cost of doing business 😂

  • JoemammaJoemamma
    edited December 2024

    Flagged and removed. Don't suggest violating the terms of service, even in jest. -JoyfulHeart

    But in all seriousness, just don’t book with them again. They really shouldn’t have to be told about hygiene when doing this, they should already know. That’s a them problem. It’s basic common courtesy. I’m sure there’s lots of other paying clients to choose from.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Oh my god, that is horrible. My imagination would run rapid if I had to endure that.

    I would say excuse me sir or mam, could you kindly take a shower? My nose is very sensitive and I want to offer you the very best close cuddles I can.

    Also you can perhaps bring a cleansing spray and spray them saying that this is to reset the energies in the room.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    Hmmm a cleansing spray to clear energies sounds good but what kind of spray? Suggestions?

    I am sensitive to perfumed smells but it wouldn’t mask the odor anyway.. the smell was embedded in his clothing.
    I think offering another shirt would be offensive .

  • pmvinespmvines

    Id say poops with the door open and fan it into the room so that you have something else to focus on

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I think if they try to book again just say it’s policy (your policy) for them to shower right beforehand.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited December 2024

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/terms/client-service-agreement

    “Cleanliness and adequate hygiene is required by both parties. This specifically includes showering/teeth brushed within 12 hours of the appointment, wearing freshly laundered clothing, and no (or minimal) perfume/cologne be worn by both parties unless requested.”

  • brownglucosebrownglucose
    edited December 2024

    @pmvines is a menace omg I’m crying 😭 stop it you 😂

  • Sheena123Sheena123
    edited December 2024

    I haven’t had that problem while cuddling but I used to work at a factory as a supervisor and the company was very strict on cleanliness so if someone on my crew came in with bad body odour, I would tell them “hey, so I’ll need you to head up to the showers and wash off whatever strong body wash or deodorant you have on” (knowing full well they most likely didn’t use either of those products). “Before coming to work, try using an odourless or less strong smelling of a body wash/soap and/or deodorant”.
    I felt that was the best way I could think of telling them to clean themselves but not calling them dirty. I’m reminding them to shower, use body wash and deodorant but not making them feel like they are disgusting.

    It seems so simple to think “uh duhhh… wash yourself, shower, brush your teeth, deodorant…. Hello?”
    But for some people I worked with, they truly were so used to their smell or grew up with a culture that leaned more on “natural smells” or even that they do wash regularly but their diet or way of life is jam packed with strong smells that cling to them.

    I feel this tactic could be used for cuddling too. Like, if their breath smells, I would probably offer them a mint while having one myself. If they decline, I would just say “oh if you could have a mint, I’d super appreciate it. I think the toothpaste you used or mouthwash you had has a different smell I’m not used to. I always use Listerine or Crest mouthwash and toothpaste! Thank you 😊 “
    (I also always have extra toothbrushes and paste.)

  • brownglucosebrownglucose
    edited December 2024

    I usually keep extra towels on hand so they can hop into the shower if necessary. I also keep baby wipes, mints and mouthwash on deck if they need to refresh after a long day of work. If the must persists and it’s mild enough to ignore, place a bit of essential oil above your upper lip friend. If the must , is too nauseating to ignore even after showering….you are within your rights to end the session early. I haven’t had to end a session short. But I don’t have the energy to continue hugging someone who is smelly.

  • brownglucosebrownglucose

    I once had to endure a client who was a fan of axe body spray. It was awful and I could still smell him on my cuddle gown until bed time.

  • penguin34penguin34

    In my chat before meeting cuddlers, I make it very clear that they need to have a shower right before the cuddle session. I once went all the way to London, the guy smelt really awful, I bought him a nice smelling shower gel 'sent' him in the shower. I basically threatened to leave otherwise. 😂

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    Shower or brushing of teeth within 12 hours? Should be right before the session. Especially if it’s the summer or if the session is at night and people have been running around all day.

  • brownglucosebrownglucose

    @Ironman294 My sentiments exactly. My ideal Cuddler is freshly showered

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    It might be their diet.
    They are likely unaware of their own body odor. I had one regular cuddler who was the sweetest kindest most respectful man but he had a horribly strong odor all the time. He showered at my apt and that made no difference.
    It was 💯 from his culture and diet of spicy ethnic food. I got to the point that I couldn’t continue with him because the odor made me nauseous.
    I did some searching about the odor from certain diets. No matter how often you shower, it won’t help.
    I could never hurt his feelings by saying something but I wanted him to know that he was such a great person and that the odor was the reason, not anything else.

  • KatotaKatota

    GOOD HYGIENE IS ALSO A MUST!

    PLEASE TAKE CARE YOURSELF (BODY ODOR WISE 🛀🧼AND ORAL HYGIENE WISE🪥👄) BEFORE WE MEET UP FOR CUDDLING!😬

    Deodorant and Listerine is your friend! 👍

    From my profile^^^👍😁

    This is as POLITE as I get when it comes to personal hygiene. 😁
    If they decide to come to my house with armpits smelling like a 50 bags of Funyuns!😖

    Or breath smelling like sh--Uhh...Poop! 😖

    My politeness is pretty limited once you're in my house with poor personal hygiene habits. 😑

    If you have not washed your a🤬, it's best that you don't even come to my house!

    Now, if you need to borrow my shower BEFORE we cuddle... That's fine, just let me know beforehand. Okay?😁👍

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I wouldn't
    Zero tolerance. i can't do it even if i was being paid for it.

    I can't smell myself good or bad, that's why I'd never arrive to a cuddle withbout being showered immediately prior. That's why I'm scared of cologne. I could over donut and never know.

    But bless yall that try to be polite i dont think id even try, it is too much for me. even though i don't smell myself i smell what your coworker had for lunch.

    I deodorize from the inside and out myself. in my experience cover ups make it worse. Fresh fruits and vegetables are preparation for close times.

  • HollydollhugsHollydollhugs
    edited December 2024

    If it was in his clothes, even if he did shower, it may only help a little. Someone mentioned he may not even realize it. You could just mention what @CharlieBear mentioned that came from the website, if you get another request, if after mentioning all of that, he still doesn’t understand, you could then make a decision whether to meet again with him based on that. 🙂

  • BrionCBrionC

    You have to realize that has to be discussed before you meet. You have to clearly state that a person must show up freshly showered wearing clean clothes and no perfume or cologne. You have to be comfortable saying these things to people otherwise you're going to be stuck there for an hour or two in a situation that you don't like want a simple conversation could have avoided the problem

  • brownglucosebrownglucose
    edited December 2024

    Multiple flags. Removed as personal attack and name-calling. -JoyfulHeart

  • roni56roni56

    This situation of yours is not so terrible since you are getting paid for it. My provider had a bad BO, i had to pay money and endure that. I could not say go and take a shower to a female provider without me being written off as a perv.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    Smell is a primal, instinctual, and ridiculously powerful thing.

    It plays a significant role in attraction, especially for women, and can influence mate selection based on underlying biological factors like immune system compatibility, making it a crucial sensory element beyond just visual appearance.

    (Yes, we know it’s cuddling. Our bodies, however, are savants, and react to what they react to.)

    We primates, like other animals, detect pheromones through smell, which are chemicals that can subconsciously influence attraction.

    Research shows that people may be attracted to individuals with dissimilar MHC (major histocompatibility complex) genes, which are linked to immune system function and can be detected through scent, potentially leading to healthier offspring.

    Even if we aren't consciously aware of it, a pleasant smell from someone can positively influence our perception of their attractiveness. Back when it mattered I would always ask the person that I was going to be intimate with what deodorant or cologne they liked.

    It’s weird, but fun, to ask someone what toothpaste they HATE. Because with our senses what we like is important, but what we HATE are the things that become relationship Enders.

    And, of course, cultural norms and personal preferences play a role in how much emphasis is placed on a person's scent.

    I’m perfectly fine with the stronger smells of someone who eats a lot of spices, onions, garlic, and oil.

    I’m sure that’s at least partly because I grew up in Los Angeles and then spent decades living in other cultures, studying and touring with musicians from those cultures. Sleeping in their homes, eating (and loving) the cooking of dozens of grandmothers. My diet and the way I cook for myself is best described as “WTF Global Fusion”.

    Like all things human, smell is complicated, personal, powerful, and best dealt with by honest and respectful communication.

    Maybe just me, but if I don’t trust someone enough to ask them to smell better for me then I simply avoid that person.

  • DarlingNikkiiDarlingNikkii

    @CharlesGrove Amen to the last paragraph! ❤️🍾

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited December 2024

    Some people are scrupulously clean but still smell due to a bacterial problem. Such medical conditions can be very difficult to deal with so it really isn't their fault.

    If you are in a place with a shower, you could say, "Now I'm very sorry that I forgot to mention this to you, but I invite all my clients to shower immediately before the sessions. I've had some bad experiences, y'know?" If necessary, followed by, "Well when I say 'invite' I really mean 'insist'."

    I really wouldn't worry too much about their feelings, but do be as polite and kind as you can in whatever you say and the way that you say it.

    For more specific problems, such as mouth odour, the conventional approach is to apply the problem to yourself. "I'm always paranoid about my mouth odour, would you be so kind as to check my breath? And I'll check yours ...... yeah, no offence but a swirl of mouthwash wouldn't go wrong. I'l lhave a swirl too, I had a client once who was too polite to say anything and it turned out later it slightly spoiled his session. Better safe than sorry, eh?" Or just go for the 'invite ... insist' routine obviously.

    Bear in mind that if a client or professional is not clean, that is a breach of the terms of service and you are therefore entitled to cancel the session.

    Should you happen to believe that men are more likely than women to be unclean, I invite you to spend some time listening to the stories of ladies' intimate waxers.

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    @CuddleDuncan Literally LOL. Wasn't expecting that ending. Well done!

    Should you happen to believe that men are more likely than women to be unclean, I invite you to spend some time listening to the stories of ladies' intimate waxers.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    My experience has been that boys are gross, but girls are also gross.

    Listen, our bodies are all disgusting miracles, and I think most of us are doing the best we can.

    Humor, kindness, sympathy.

    I would rather be told, apologize, brush/wash the offending whatever, apply minty/musky/flowery/fruity scent as needed.

    Bodies stink. ALL THE TIME.

    They simply stink slightly less for about 35 seconds right after a shower.

    Part of being a human.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    Sometimes you have to be blunt, you don’t have to say “you stink” but you can say, “can you please put on some deodorant” I keep mini deodorants, tooth brushes, tooth paste in my offices for this very reason. I also have it in my code of conduct that good hygiene is expected.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I was laying across from someone chatting a few weeks back and they got up and came back with Listerine strips lol 😂 point taken

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    I had this issue with a pro cuddler once, and it made the session mildly unpleasant. Like it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't something I could ignore either.

    I couldn't really figure out anything to do about it, except to not book her again, which I haven't. And it might have been just a one-time thing -- like she ran out of time to grab a shower before our session or something. But to find that out, I'd have to mention it, and I can't bring myself to do this.

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited December 2024

    Wow. I will try harder to be better. If this post is about me, I feel ya.

    The key is the cuddle checklist: and say it like Oprah

    1. Finger nail check

    2. Breath check (not sure of the best way to do)
      If it's bad, be playful ("holy smokes can we do something about that?") and then do it
      -I'd be grateful.

    3. Overall smell check
      ,-and say check, after each one, you are communicating the most important part of the experience.

    4. And then both of you wash your hands as a show of mutual practical intent.

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