"If male pros were in high demand, why *wouldn't* you charge for it?"

FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
edited January 2025 in General

I've seen this question pop up several times recently--it goes something like this:

"OF COURSE there are relatively few female enthusiasts, because there are so many dudes that want cuddles, and many who are willing to pay for them, that even someone who starts out as an enthusiast quickly realizes they can charge for it. If there was a similar high demand for male pros, wouldn't you do the same?"

No. Even if a thousand women wanted to pay me to cuddle with them, I wouldn't, and here's why. Cuddling for me is a way to exchange some genuine and warmth and real connection, even if it's with someone you haven't known long and might never see again. "Platonic cuddling" is somewhat of a myth--there's a certain level of intimacy involved in pressing up close with someone, your skin against theirs, your face in their face or hair. It may not be sexual but it's beyond the normal "platonic" interactions I engage in with, say, coworkers or my nieces. I don't care to share that kind of intimacy with just anyone willing to pay for it, and I'm pretty sure that's the expectation if you're a pro--like with a message therapist (don't know if all the pros actually abide by that or not). I'm a little choosier than that. I want us both to feel that we're doing it because we genuinely enjoy each other's company and presence, and there's no way for the woman to know that for sure if I'm charging her.

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Comments

  • DavidJHDavidJH

    @FitSmartCuddler, I appreciate the sentiment but disagree that Platonic Cuddling (Quotes intentionally excluded) is a myth. I do agree that there is a definite gray area that is neither sexual nor Platonic. And I will say that it is a challenge to stay 100% Platonic and avoid the grey area unless at least one person has strong boundaries in which case it's quite easy. If you find someone that has boundaries that don't allow for the grey area you will quickly "discover" the amazing world of Platonic Cuddling. That means not touching sensual areas like the legs, neck and such. If you ever are so lucky as to have this experience you will want to pursue it since it is Sooo Incredibly relaxing, peaceful and long lasting. But the challenge is that sensual touch is a strong draw in the short term and nullifies any chance of Platonic Touch.

    I hope you have this experience some day...

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
    edited January 2025

    @DavidJH appreciate the feedback, but I maintain that even if I were willing and able to have as strictly and purely a platonic cuddle as could possibly be achieved in accordance with the guidelines of this website, it would still not be considered appropriately "platonic enough" an interaction to engage in with, say, coworkers or my nieces.

  • DavidJHDavidJH

    @FitSmartCuddler , you would have to go beyond the guidelines of this website and not do any touch or cuddling that you wouldn't do with a coworker or niece and you would have to strictly maintain an attitude to match, meaning, no sexual or sensual touches, thoughts, or intentions.

    I'm 56 and if I had read your post 2.5 months ago, I probably would have agreed with you because "56 years of experience doesn't lie." And I have to assume that your experience backs it up for you too.

    But 2.5 months ago I had my first cuddling experience with a professional in a professional environment, and I was VERY intent on not having ANY sexual or sensual touch, thoughts or feelings. For a week prior I was Extremely careful not to look at any woman with lust. And during the session, at the least sign of a sensual, romantic, or sexual thought or feeling, I stepped back and took a break. At one point I even moved her hand away from my collar bone and asked her to wait because of how it made me feel. When I settled down I put her hand back and was fine.

    This was the first time in my life that I had a Platonic Touch experience. I was shocked at how wonderful it was. I'm not speculating or theorizing that it "must exist." I have experienced it for myself.

  • mettamsomettamso

    Platonic is, by true definition, intimate and affectionate. A Platonic relationship is emotionally intimate without being sexual. The majority of cuddles here are by design, not dependent on Platonic love. There's another thing going on.

    Physical touch is weird for people in the U.S. I don't know why. Here's an example. I go to social dances, where you partner up. You're going to be eye-to-eye and body next to body for several minutes. And dance partners won't hold hands until the last possible second, like there's something wrong with hand holding. There's not. It's lovely. It's just another human being there, with whom you're going to do an innocent beautiful wonderful activity. I think in the mind of someone feeling awkward, it goes something like, "I've only held hands with sexual partners (an incredibly intimate act), therefore this act feels very intimate." And the solution is either to realize non-sexual physical touch can be just a kind, social thing, or continue to only receive touch via sexual partners.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with being picky about who and how you're intimate. I do think that physical gestures of care in the U.S. have long been reserved only for very deep moments of intimacy, which is a little sad. It makes us feel disconnected. I work hard to build community, and it's a tool we often can't use because it's misinterpreted.

    I would dare to say this community is about dislodging the mentality that touch has to be associated with sexual intimacy or even any intimacy. That is to say, that touch can be social. Kids do cuddle each other. Adults doing social cuddling at it's best often feel like kids again.

    Some grown men can only hug other met at funerals because they think there's a chance of it being intimate and therefore somehow sexual. Others understand that they can hug close friends and just have it be intimate. Still other men realize that a hug doesn't have to be more than a pleasant social interaction, a reminder that we all can share small moments of closeness without heavy emotional ties. It seems like most women have figured this out already.

    We're all family. We all still have those cuddly kids inside that want to feel safe and connected. To a lot of people, a hug or similar social touch is just saying, I'm a human that acknowledges we'd be there for each other, if we needed each other. I'd share my food if you were hungry. I'd stop to help you on road if you were having trouble.

    I'm think we all deserve to have these kinds of basic human acknowledgement on the regular, to remember we're not so alone.

    Now, in that context, let's consider professionals. You can ask friends and strangers for social touch, but what if it's hard to find without intimacy or sexual intimacy? What if life's been tough, and you just need to create a moment of safety and comfort with another human being, not to be intimate, just to be free to be socially physical. To be acknowledged as human. If someone wants to push the balance of healing and care towards themselves, to feel physically acknowledged in exactly the way they need, with added some basic guarantees of safety, with someone that understands how to communicate and orient towards someone elses needs, then we're talking about a therapeutic environment. In a similar way that a therapist can help you with emotional and psychological issues, a cuddle pro can help you with physical connection and physical social acknowledgement. Most of the the pro cuddlers on this site are like a form of life coach for this very basic human need. If someone is afraid of social touch, awkward with soical touch, in need by unable to communicate it well, embarrassed... it can be easier with someone who is focused on understanding.

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    I’m looking for genuine connections, not just transactions. So, I connect with people who share my interests.

    When we think of professionals, we usually think of people who charge for their time and have a lot of experience and expertise. But on this website, anyone who applies and gets approved can be a professional, no matter how much experience or qualifications they have. There are definitely some pros here who are really good at what they do, but the main thing that makes someone a professional here is that they charge for their time.

    I’ve never asked for or been offered payment for cuddling, so I don’t have any experience with that. I have had a couple of cuddle partners suggest that I should be a pro, but I don’t have that mindset. I don’t think I’d refuse it though, especially if a cuddle buddy wanted to for their own reasons.

    Now, if male pros were in high demand, I think getting paid would probably boost my ego, though that’s not something that’s necessarily a good thing. Realistically, I think I would accept (but not require) money to cuddle as long as it was with someone that I would want to cuddle with anyway.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)
    edited January 2025

    In this job market, trust me, a lot of guys would go the pro route to make a little extra money if there was a demand for it.

    Incidentally, platonic cuddling is not a myth on this site - it's the First Commandment.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug

    🪠

  • BearBear

    @FitSmartCuddler you are projecting your thoughts of intimate and platonic cuddling onto other people. It’s not the same for everybody. Obviously if it’s something you couldn’t do with others then it’s not platonic.

    There are plenty of people who can do platonic cuddles, as well as only doing intimate. It’s a matter of choice and perspective.

    I’ve been with professionals that were very nurturing and heartfelt. I’ve been with people who lay like a dead fish. Cuddling is different for different people.

  • roni56roni56

    What is right or wrong is subjective. Visit to strip club is fine for some, cheating for others. We will never come to a conclusion. If its platonic then there should establishments just like massage. But the city might not allow it, i wonder why?

  • TxTomTxTom

    In those intimate moments with my Pro cuddlers, when I was being held, caressed, and squeezed, I could not differentiate those specific moments with my Pro from those with my former girlfriends or -ex.

    In those intimate moments with my Pro cuddlers, when I was being held, caressed, and squeezed, I could not tell that those specific moments with my Pro were transactional.

  • roni56roni56

    I wonder if those people advocating it as platonic would allow their teen kids to become pros to earn some extra money.

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    Lots of people work jobs where they have clients, and they still enjoy doing what they’re being paid for.

    The world revolves around having money just to meet basic needs to live, especially once you’re an adult, so why knock someone getting paid to do what they may actually love?

    Pros don’t have to cuddle everyone who reaches out to them, and they don’t have to continue a session if they feel unsafe or if boundaries are crossed. Just like businesses can refuse service to customers who don’t follow their rules.

    Many other people figure out they love doing something and have a skill for it, then they start charging. Look at artists and bakers for example.

    Just because you may not do the same or feel as though it isn’t “real” doesn’t mean the other person has the same mindset.

  • JackNJJackNJ

    No, I wouldn’t want to be a pro if I could make money at it. Short answer, I don’t need money as it is not an issue for me. To do it just to make some pocket change is not for me. I’d like the real connection, not a business transaction. There is just some thing for me that makes it so much more enjoyable having a close connection with someone. I like having a connection that we are closer than just when it comes to cuddling. We have genuine feelings and care deeply for one another. We may even do things outside of cuddling, such as going for coffee and chitchat a bit.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)
    edited January 2025

    @roni56 I am sure there are 18 and 19 year old pros, though I have not seen many featured on here. I have mostly seen people in their 20s and older, and past the point parents can "allow" things. They're adults.

    As for why there are no cuddling establishments - well, in a sense, there are, because there are professional cuddlers who rent office space for their business. Cuddling is a niche, though, and it's not something most people are familiar with or is seen to have a large audience. So something akin to a massage establishment would likely not make money. My first exposure to this was an article on a cuddle therapy practice in Albany back in the late '80s.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    Hmmm, maybe a TLDR:

    “My various privileges allow me to cast judgment on those who make different choices than I do. And you should listen to me and change your ways because I MATTER MORE.”

    sighs

    I’m an utterly privileged man, and this stuff makes me roll my eyes. I honestly can’t imagine how women keep their eyes in their faces..

    Just a kind suggestion… rather than sneer at others, work on yourself.

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    I find it interesting that some strong opinions about this topic are coming from people without any history of paid or enthusiastic cuddles based on their karma reviews and years of being on the website. And I'll give you an example of how something "transactional" can be genuine.
    I'm a caregiver for the elderly, I've been a hospice worker and done some very personal care. Even though I'm making money at the job and believe me it's not that much. I put my whole heart into it and I treat those individuals like they're part of my own family.
    Another thing some may not realize is that to a cuddle provider like me the money made validates that my empathy, kindness, good will and positivity has value in this world above my aging pretty face. There are plenty of instances where I do not charge a fee for time, listening, attention, and cuddles and that can be a drain on me if I give away too much.
    As it specifically relates to the his topic of male pro cuddle and should they charge, etc. Y'all just don't know what it takes to thrive and survive here, so put yourself in someone else's shoes eh?

  • pmvinespmvines

    Oooh, another cuddle pro bad, non cuddle pro good thread (despite the fact that there could be zero cuddle pros and those who still put in no effort and act like clowns would still have no cuddles )

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I'd try charging for it just like the ladies who do it. Maybe I'd get some pleasure out of helping someone, maybe not. But I'd try it for a shot at making money. But i do agree that once being paid for it the dynamic changes. It would probably change in what i get from it. It would not be something I'd do because i enjoyed it, i probably would t look forward to it, it be something id do for money.but that will likely never happen, still probably never know.

    I also dont agree with the platonic statements. Even though it's intimate it's something you can share without sex being involved. But it's also something where sexual feelings can be involved unintentionally. I mean those thoughts come from seeing people and talking to people too. If you can control yourself in those times you can control yourself in closer tones. Just understand that you have those thoughts and feelings and don't act on them. Everyone does that all the time. Now if you have those thoughts and hope to move forward or try to move forward that's a personal thing and you have to get that in check. If you have it in check there is nothing wrong. Also as a consenting adult and you know you will go further if it was presented to you, then i mean that's a choice that changes the dynamic if it is presented.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Auroradream Well said.

  • cuddlemepurple6cuddlemepurple6

    Am I the only one that finds it weird he mentions his nieces in the platonic cuddling realm… I find that a very odd and uncomfortable thing to read…

  • getaloadofmegetaloadofme

    I do t think it's weird i just think it's a compare and contrast type example. Example i cuddle my 7 year old in a way i wouldn't my 17 year old. Even though i did cuddle my 17 year old at a point. The contact with my niece is different than the contact with my nephew.... it's kind of the way it is.

  • brownglucosebrownglucose
    edited January 2025


    oh boy

  • cuddlemepurple6cuddlemepurple6

    @getaloadofme i find it weird using family members to try to get any point across is weird… it’s not the same kind of interaction at all.

  • brownglucosebrownglucose

    I agree w OP, procuddlers are the antichrist., Unlike the morally superior cuddle enthusiasts who only hug a select few chosen by the divine cuddle gods, professionals will cuddle almost anyone, cats, dogs ppl alike. How dare these cuddly heathens see a lucrative market and decide to capitalize on it. Paying for cuddles is basically the same as paying for friendship. What’s next? Paying someone to listen to your problems like a…..therapist? Oh wait… they already do that. Not me though, I’m obvs better than that. But seriously, how dare people compensate women for their time and emotional labor? True connection can only happen spontaneously and for free, preferably while frolicking through a meadow of daisies. What gives them the audacity to charge when they could be cuddling for free like they’re supposed to? We really need to do something about these pro’s because they trigger my insecurities and make me feel icky. The gall of those Trollops

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I'm confused, shouldn't people be able to discuss how they feel about the state of affairs? Oh i forgot where i was, we can't hurt certain people's feelings. Others feeling don't matter.

    I know people have opinions about things but obviously there is a duality in thought here. Some people come to cuddle and some people come for money. Some people think it's a service that is valuable enough to pay for and others think it's a way to pass time at a low cost. I mean more than one thing can be true.

  • hugsandcuddles1hugsandcuddles1

    As soon as there is a demand for a fat, bald, ugly guy like me I am going pro. I am getting fatter and uglier by the minute so the window for me as a pro cuddler is narrow.

  • brownglucosebrownglucose

    @hugsandcuddles1 I’d book. Bigger dudes give better bear hugs. 🫂

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    All this discussion of what platonic means, and one thing I have never seen on here is what someone who is aroace - with neither romantic nor sexual interest - thinks is and is not platonic. From what I've seen, aroace people do cuddle and enjoy cuddling (unless they're touch averse, of course) so I don't see how people can say cuddling is not platonic.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    This is just one possibility and I learned this from cuddling many men…
    Some men want (subconsciously but won’t admit it) a GFE emotional attachment connection that is similar to the relationship they can’t have irl. They want a bff who isn’t transactional, and try to make it into something more.
    But Not everyone here wants a relationship with a Cuddler!

    Men - maybe try to admit to yourself first what you really want from women here. Like have an honest conversation with yourself?
    If you understand that overall, most people mean a cuddle to be a physical pressure around mostly the arms and shoulders, ie hugging. The mental emotional part of it would be the feel-good healing nature, not needy emotional attachment.
    It seems that others like the boundaries that the payment creates. Their lives are full, they are confident and not needy and are ok with paying for that cuddle “therapy “

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @ReltvlyCanshes These forums have a long history of pro bashing, which is why the site has a policy about it. So, yes, people's alarm bells go off very quickly.

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