I just do not understand why married people have to go out and cuddle with others ? Cuddling with new random people releases more oxytocin ? Cuddling with partner becomes ineffective after some time ?
My guess: dead bedrooms and seeking that intimacy, or the thrill of the touch of someone new. And there is always the men with more salacious intents who have the out of "it was just cuddling!"
A bad marriage is way harder than being single, at least for me it was. It was a special kind of hell.
I didn't cuddle anyone while I was married (my wife included lol), but I sure would have liked to. People have needs and sometimes your spouse isn't willing or able to meet them.
There are a myriad of reasons...some heartbreaking, some gross. Life is gray, difficult though it may be to accept.
We have married people here who are happy in every aspect, except their spouse isn't affectionate. We have tons of people who are sneaking around behind their spouses backs. We have people whose spouse is dealing with illness such as dementia, and don't even remember they are married. We have people looking for sex workers. We have people who get all the physical touch they need, but simply enjoy more.
The important thing, to me, isn't whether someone is married...it's whether their significant other is aware of and consents to them cuddling with others. Sadly, countless men have told me that their wives/girlfriends do not know, would never consent, and would be heartbroken if they knew.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug
Spot on Sunset Snuggles!
Sometimes couples get married due to necessity, rather than for some idealized version of romance (sure, the couple will probably say "oh, we love each other and that's why we got married", but there's usually practical reasons too). In marriages of necessity, it's not uncommon for one or both spouses to have to get along with unmet needs.
Meditate, Deep breathing, Lift weights, find purpose.. be masculine for men ( don’t accept easy pleasures media, movies, apps..) don’t expect attention… give an year to discipline, change self everything around changes 👍
Ladies connect with inner self, be feminine, deep breathing , give a direction to family..
Meditate , unlearn, eat healthy, purpose 🧘 become who you are , real, true self , authentic, go back into unknown find answers.
We (Prana)last forever, the bodies dies 🧘
@AI_cuddle are men not allowed to “give a direction to a family”?… not sure where that applies to the topic either 🤷🏻♀️
Most of what I’ve experienced has already been described. But my partner is in no way shape or form attentive or affectionate. She was in the beginning of our relationship but it significantly decreased until ultimately there was zero affection. Being a man I didn’t think it mattered or that I had to just be silent and deal with it.
She ultimately approached me about looking elsewhere for affection because she realized more than I did myself how much I needed it. I didn’t realize it myself until my first experience…and thankfully never looked back.
Some people just need more affection than their partner wants to give. Ideally I would like for everyone to know that cuddling outside of marriage is going on but ultimately it's not really my business. It's platonic and nothing wrong is happening.
Sometimes in a marriage you get to the point at which just seeing the other person's face makes you angry.
@wilderdude I call that point "time for a divorce". 😆
@AI_cuddle The thread is asking why people do it. I'm getting sexist vibes from your suggestions... Men do not need to lift weights, for one.
Cuddling outside a marriage, especially in platonic contexts, is typically about emotional or physical comfort rather than replacing or undermining the connection with a spouse. People seek different types of human connection for varied reasons, some might find it therapeutic, stress-relieving, or simply a way to meet their needs for non-romantic intimacy.
For some, cuddling with others doesn’t mean their partner's touch has become “ineffective.” Instead, it could complement their existing relationship by fulfilling social or emotional needs that a partner might not entirely meet. It’s less about oxytocin levels and more about diversifying meaningful connections.
@SunsetSnuggles
I would love to hear more from the married/relationships persons perspectives. Although sunsetsnuggles has covered the bases imo.
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Men and women have different needs.
This has been something of a problem since there have been men and women.
Similar to @billiam. My partner announced she was “non-tactile and proud of it” about 5 years in. Twenty-five years later, nothing’s changed. But in our case we remain good friends, co-habiting, but companions, more like a brother and sister. I could have insisted on a divorce, but decided not to (for the sake of the kids). They’ve left home long ago. There’s nothing more lonely than lying next to a person who has no physical interest in touch. If I’m honest, I’d rather be single.
So, I, on the other hand, am very tactile. My friends, both male and female, know me to be a “hugger” and willingly join me in a hug. But that’s different to a cuddle, and without CC and the wonderful people I’ve met here, it would have been a very sad existence. So, thank you, the good ship Cuddle Comfort, and all who sail in her.
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This is true, SO TRUE! 👍👍👍
@wilderdude Lol! This is ONE TIME that I agree with you. 😁👍
That was what my marriage became in the end, I felt like Barbara Rose actually...Lol! I understand Barbara, I understand. 😁👍
She just bottled a lot of her emotions up inside herself, like I did in my marriage to my ex husband..Smh! 🙄 And Oliver with his smug insensitive self and "daring her to smash his face in", which she DID by the way! 😆😆😆
Luckily we just ended up divorcing unscathed, like I said before, "thank goodness for divorce". Yes! 👏👏👏
Of course, The Roses weren't so lucky. May they rest in peace! 🌹🌹🌹
I had a married man once share with me that his wife was very cold towards him. That she didn’t like to hold him, he said cuddling was all missing from his life, and that’s why he cuddled. I felt bad for him because if someone mentions they’re married, it’s easy to assume, their partner can just fulfill those comfort needs. But truth is many people are cold, and even cold towards their partners. I think understanding the individual can help bring closure to things we might feel uncertain about
I just need touch.
@CambridgeGuy couldn’t have said it better, exactly right.
are men not allowed to “give a direction to a family”?…
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@Sheena123 Lol! That's "woman's work", doncha know? 😜😆
I recall an elderly man telling me that potty training little boys is something that "mothers are responsible for" not the fathers. Lol
I responded back with, "even though I don't have the same equipment as my son does?". He said, "you're responsible for potty training". Lol
Yeah, totally "woman's work". 😜👍
😆😆😆😆
@Katota
@lonelytauros
Woman's Work: "We Can Doo Doo It!" 💩👍
People seek different types of human connection for varied reasons, some might find it therapeutic, stress-relieving, or simply a way to meet their needs for non-romantic intimacy.
@PeopleLikeUs I lean more towards the last 2 reasons for platonic cuddling, myself. 😁
A lot of these discussions are started due to personal perspectives. “ I would not do that “. So why would someone else ?
There are so many answers here. Plus I’m sure each person could give a different answer.
It could be argued that people in a perfect marriage would have no need for outside cuddling. So how many married people are in perfect marriages? I'm going to go ahead and guess 0%. (Not counting deluded newlyweds.)
There are of course numerous people in non-perfect marriages who do get plenty of affectionate touch in spite of the imperfections, and of course they would have no need of outside cuddling.
The notion that a spouse should satisfy all touch needs is a modern one. Ancient humans lived in a world of touch, if only to keep warm or because of lack of space.
@Bear there are a surprising number of people who genuinely don't understand that other people may have different opinions, perspective, habits or needs. It stems from an inability to understand the concept of 'the other'. Some of these people are amenable to education on this point, others are not. People who are asking 'why ...' are usually on the path to understanding.
I'm a professional cuddler. I cuddle because I love listening to others, being a support system, and helping them relax. Hopefully, they will be in a better mood after our session. My husband and I have been together for 14+ years. We have a very healthy relationship, and we both love helping and supporting other people.
@CambridgeGuy said it will. We have talked about my tactile needs and her inability and lack of desire to provide. It always ends up in tears because she "is just broken somehow". Any time I relay my needs, evn with just the slightest nudge, she goes to a place of depression and self loathing. Even mentioning that cuddle therapy exists was a bad result. In every other way, she is a good wife and mother. And in every other part of her life she is level- headed, cool, and unemotional. I can't imagine the downward spiral she would be set on if she knew I was an active member here.