Seeking Advice! No Shows and Deposits?

AlyLaurenAlyLauren
in Pro Cuddling

I’m a professional, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on an issue I’ve been experiencing recently. Whether you’re a client, a fellow professional, or just someone with insight, your perspective is welcome!

Here’s the situation:

In the past few weeks, I’ve had three different clients book sessions under very similar circumstances. All three were traveling to my area or requesting hotel sessions. They booked weeks in advance, had positive karma from other professionals, and communicated clearly and frequently. There were no red flags about TOS violations or any discomfort for me.

The odd part? None of them told me where they were staying, saying they’d share that info the day of the session. When I followed up on the session day, all three said they hadn’t yet booked accommodations but would let me know soon. Then, 2–3 hours before the session, they ghosted me.

They didn’t delete the booking, leaving me to do it, and there was no further communication or explanation. It’s baffling how similar these experiences were, and I can’t figure out if it’s some kind of scam and I just don't understand what they're getting from it, or just coincidental no-shows.

This is frustrating on multiple levels. Not only do I lose income from the session, but they also take time I could have reserved for other clients or personal plans.

I’ve left karma on their profiles to warn other professionals, but I’m now questioning whether I should start charging a deposit to secure bookings. I’ve avoided deposits so far because I want to build trust with my clients and keep things simple. Deposits add complexity: tracking them, setting a refund policy, handling cancellations, etc.

That said, I’m feeling frustrated and want to avoid this happening again.

To clients and professionals:

Have you experienced this kind of behavior?

Do you think deposits are a fair way to address it?

What tips do you have for managing deposits effectively without deterring clients?

Thank you for your thoughts—I appreciate you all! 💛

  1. Do you think Pros should charge a deposit?19 votes
    1. Yes, I think that makes sense
      47.37%
    2. No, deposits deter clients
      36.84%
    3. Doesn't matter
      15.79%

Comments

  • xandriarainxandriarain
    edited January 2025

    I forget when I started charging for deposits. I had been doing this work for at least a year or two maybe a year and a half. But I’ve been charging a deposit for years now with no regrets. Every time I’ve created a new boundary in my practice it has only served as a filter for clients I don’t want and was never been a deterrent to the types of clients I do want: clients that respect me and my boundaries. Full disclaimer this is not the only place that I market myself. I probably get a fewer and fewer clients from here each year but overall, I am getting new clients all the time and have a thriving full time cuddle practice. Remember predatory clients want you to have a scarcity mindset, they want you to be afraid to set boundaries out of fear of loss. But the reality is the clients who seek out this service for therapeutic reasons will see your boundaries as a green flag and will help them feel safer with you.

  • AchterbahnAchterbahn

    As a client, I agree with @xandriarain that boundaries aren't a deterrent for good clients. However, while I don't generally have an issue with a deposit for someone who is well-established and known to the community, if a pro who just joined within the last month or two with only a few (or no) karma asked for a deposit, I would pass and look for someone else.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @xandriarain Thank you so much for your input! Sounds like deposits may be a good plan. I'm fairly new to this (just started professionally in August) so I love to hear from people with more experience. I have definitely been learning constantly about where to set explicit boundaries and ask the right questions. 😊 I'm not currently promoting anywhere else but that is a really interesting idea to consider too!

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @Achterbahn thank you so much for your input as a client. I think that makes perfect sense. I don't want any of my clients to worry about my intentions or if I'm a trustworthy person to send money too.

    But ultimately I think you both are right that it would help me filter out clients!

  • AchterbahnAchterbahn

    @AlyLauren Also, the amount of the deposit matters. If it's 15-20%, I'm more willing to take a risk on someone who's a bit newer. If it's 50% like @xandriarain then they need to back that up with a flawless reputation.

    Of course, charging a deposit generally means a paper trail of some sort, so anyone wanting to completely avoid that will not choose someone who has a deposit requirement.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    Those are really good points! I was thinking along the same deposit as the site charges me for the session, so 15%.

    I do understand what you're saying about the paper trail. It also adds organizational work for me, like holding deposits until the appointment, setting a refund policy for cancellations that are communicated in a timely manner, etc. But I also feel like someone not wanting a paper trail is potentially a red flag.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Achterbahn
    What is the concern about a paper trail, just curious?
    Cuddling is not illegal.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @g_w_t_w I'm not sure of the concerns @Achterbahn is thinking of, but I have had some clients that wanted it to be separate from their professional life. For example, I had a client who owned a business and had an accountant/bookkeeper managing his finances and didn't feel like disclosing his cuddling activity to that person so he paid with cash which didn't bother me. He basically kept his personal spending, "fun money" in cash (for socializing, going out, buying things for fun, cuddling) so he didn't need to categorize it for his accountant. He was respectful and had positive karma and was a great client.

    I worry about people hiding it from romantic partners. Or wanting it to be secret because they intend to behave badly. I think the desire for privacy can be positive or negative.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @AlyLauren
    And I think you are 💯 right.
    You will meet all types here.
    Re: professional accounting and paperwork, even someone owning his own business would likely have personal spending measures in place that are separate from his work.
    There are many reasons especially for marred people also to not want to leave a paper trail.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    the paper trail is primarily an issue for married clients. I made a post about how to make an electronic deposit without a paper trail or less of one: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/15675/discreet-deposits/p1?new=1

  • AchterbahnAchterbahn

    @g_w_t_w The paper trail isn't really a specific concern of mine (I have sent pros money using various payment apps). However, it's generally been my observation that many people tend to be concerned about paper trails for things that they either don't want others to know about or things they feel might not be understood.

    Several years ago I was talking to a person running the front desk of a spa I was at. This particular spa was co-ed and clothing optional. Nothing illegal and a completely non-sexual environment. However, she mentioned that a lot of people preferred to pay in cash because they didn't want people knowing. I'm sure some were hiding it from spouses and some were just paranoid, but they dealt with more cash than other similar non-clothing-optional places.

    It's obviously not illegal, but I think most of us agree that cuddling falls into the "easily misunderstood" category.

Sign In or Register to comment.