Was the experience better or different in a good way, with speech taken away and focus solely on presence and touch?
I have not had or wanted this type of experience. I think it would create a huge problem with consent if you cannot verbally communicate.
Yes.
While touring in other countries, where if you were accepted into a family’s hospitality it was only a matter of time before food, music, and dancing ended up with a couple of children sleeping against me comfortably on the couch or floor cushions.
And, being the firstborn of my generation on both sides, I cuddled a series of cousins from infancy to childhood, well before they spoke.
And, it could be noted, that I have cuddled with women and clearly we don’t communicate the same way.
Consent is never confusing.
If you aren’t COMPLETELY CERTAIN then there is not consent.
Nods, gentle touching, squeezing, holding closer, relaxed posture and breathing, soft voices, no pulling back, or elbows and knees between you both, no frowns, no growls.
Pretty much the same as cuddling a pet… Perhaps a bit less smelly, but not much…
Yes of course, I'm a relatively normal human being.
Mostly babies and animals of course. God alone knows who when I was a baby, consent was NOT king in those days. But also people at cuddle workshops who spoke little or no English. Not full on cuddling but a hug certainly with somebody in a foreign land when we have established a connection of some kind. Strangers in pubs and nightclubs in the ordinary course of events in such places, when no words have been exchanged, just a shared experience. Dancing of course, I mean old fashioned dancing. And I should think a hundred other circumstances.
The question does not apply to life on Cuddle Comfort for obvious reasons. Well I suppose you could use Google Translate but I feel that's breaching the spirit of the question.
Yes, I cuddled with many deaf people before. Dependence on non verbals and finding alternative ways to communicate were helpful.
Fair point that consent is essential.
But an enormous amount of communication is nonverbal. And having a language in common won’t protect you from bad actors. So, if you’re with someone who is respectful your autonomy, having a spoken language in common might not be all that important.
For context, I’ve participated in silent retreats where cuddling occurred without any words being exchanged. I’ve also had a wonderful experience navigating consent with someone with whom I had only a few words in common.
Personally, I tend to fixate on language; sometimes I struggle to articulate what I’m experiencing, almost compulsively. So in my case, words can actually frame my experiences in a way that distances me from them.
So, cuddles for me in the above contexts were especially delightful.
YMMV
🙊
Nope! And I probably wouldn't. I've cuddled with many people who may be beginners with English, but none that don't know any.
On a train in Italy decades ago before there was an internet with cuddle sites. With a complete stranger. Sometimes you don’t need words.
Really thoughtful responses on this thread. View points i hadn't considered initially.
Deaf mutes was a category i would be happy to cuddle and never have.
Of course babies do not speak the same language as me and I have cuddled a lot of babies.
@cozysox ”deaf mute “ is a really offensive term, and should not be used in 2024. I’ve added a link to educate yourself on folks who are Hard of hearing, or Deaf.
https://www.nad.org/resources/american-sign-language/community-and-culture-frequently-asked-questions/#:~:text=Deaf%2DMute%20–%20Another%20offensive%20term,generally%20have%20functioning%20vocal%20chords.
@g_w_t_w that's intriguing. Can you share more about how that happened?
I'm not sure how I'd feel in a situation with an adult and nonverbal communication with an adult. I guess if consent was clear I'd be ok but that would definitely have to be established.
@NikkiFM thank you for the resources and I am sorry, I wasn't aware.
@CaramelNotes I sent a DM It’s a wonderfully romantic story that started with a cuddle!
@NikkiFM yes, upon reading I was aware of this. I meant in terms of the forum thread to not speak my language as in to be mute. Truly mute. Not to refer to people in the community who can vocalize and are inaccurately labeled under an offensive umbrella term. Buuut I did sort of use the term the article even specifics it as "deaf-mute" with a hyphen and a singular grammar. I mean deaf .... well, I won't repeat myself because well, just, sorry. I will be more careful when posting.
I have not. Won’t say it couldn’t happen but I’m personally leery of it. There’s many ways to communicate and yet miscommunication still occurs, even with good intentions.
Anybody else thinking about that “Black Mirror” episode where the stuffed monkey can only say two phrases?
“Monkey loves you.” and “Monkey needs a hug.”
It’s nightmare fuel because the monkey (which contains a human consciousness) cannot move or adequately communicate its will.
@cozysox ”mute” is still offensive. The correct word is non-verbal, or a bunch of other words to describe limited vocal givings. Mute is pretty much on the same level as the “r” word.
The speech police are back I see.
@NikkiFM words have power and we as cultures shift the power amongst the sounds we create and mutually agree upon. The words that caused offense no longer do and the ones that didn't do. Luckily, I know well enough the word that offended here, henceforth known as "m" will from mine own lips ne'er be spoken this century in reference to another human.
@Ihavenoidea2 not all words have a place in today, for good reason. If you can’t respect people with disabilities, or learn the proper language to speak about who they are and what they need - you’re willfully ignorant. Language does change, and we should keep up to protect our neighbors and friends. Ya know, civilized and progressive society isn’t a bad thing.
“Is he mute or what?!” Is very different than, “is he non-verbal?” Mute is derogatory, it’s not that hard.
You don't respect anyone except those who agree with so you don't deserve my respect especially since you always resort to name-calling. I have disabilities also but you just assume I don't. You're pathetic.
@Ihavenoidea2, just like your username - I have no idea who you are. We’ve never talked, or met - just the singular exchange of saying I’m the “language police” after I told the forum of some now dead and derogatory language towards marginalized groups. I’ve never called you a name, and respect is earned not given. I wouldn’t respect someone who is a hypocrite, meaning calling me a name which was “pathetic”, when you’re falsely accusing me of doing the same.
I don’t know who you are; but if you’re disabled I find it bizarre that you’re not for appropriate language.
No, and I don't think I would love it. For me, the conversation is a big part of the cuddle experience.
I've had massages from therapists who speak no (or very little) English, and that can be workable, since there's not a whole lot of conversation to be had.
Navigating consent and boundaries and what is ok vs not ok would be difficult
Cuddling is THEBuniversal language
Yes, a Mexican gal. We used Google translate, which led to some funny exchanges when mistranslation occurred
With how much this thread derailed and the comments between @MaverickLegend and @Eliezer I'm locking this thread for now to get things sorted from the wall of comment reports many site members made. Both parties are now in a 1-month timeout for the amount of content they posted which breaks the forum rules. Once I'm able to clear things up and remove the trash from the thread I'll see about unlocking this to see if the discussion can continue normally.
UPDATE: I've removed what I believe to be all the comments which derailed this thread and will unlock it for the conversation to resume.
Well, have had a cuddle session with a lady from this site that did not sling the same lingo as me. That is, even tbough we both were speaking English, we were in many ways speaking different languages due to drastically different worldviews.
I know this is not really what the OP meant, but its the first thing I thought of.
@NikkiFM did not say or do anything harmful. They educated me, they spoke directly and respectfully to their point, they never resorted to ad hominem attacks.
What they didn't do was coddle me before responding. And that's okay.
Sorry the thread got derailed apparently. I just needed to add this last point.
I have cuddled with people with speaking and hearing impairments due to disabilities but we could communicate through texting and writing. If I cuddled someone who did not speak English I would use translation apps to do an initial consultation and agree to a system of non verbal communication. Eg. if you are uncomfortable pick up this pillow. The conversation and emotional connection is a big part of cuddling for me so I don’t think a quiet session with someone who didn’t speak the same language would be as enjoyable but I would do my best to make it work.