🌈🦋🌞The BEAUTY Inside... Is it US or is it THEM? 🤔

sillysassysillysassy
in General

I'm curious. The BEAUTY that is inside us.... who/what creates/changes that?

How many of you feel like we are who we are based on the external influences in our lives? (I know we've talked about Nature vs Nurture and all of that.... but I think this lands a little bit differently.)

I had an experience with someone recently, and their kindness and compassion were so intense that I was a bit taken aback. A lil bit teary actually. They spoke of beautiful things, and the idea that another person made them into someone enjoyable.... Someone worthy of love. Someone capable of big things.

Add to that, there was also an interesting thread about what you see when you look in the mirror and it got me thinking.
How much do we base our opinion of ourselves on how other people view us? How often do we believe the good or bad after someone else comments on it or brings it to light?

It seems like, who we are on the inside and the changes that happen to us, are because WE decide what we are going to be, what we are going to change, how we are going to grow.
Maybe, who we ARE is not because of the other person.... it just lives inside of us. Ever changing and evolving, growing if we tend to it.... turning stagnant if we neglect it. Something might seem new... possibly a side that we didn't see very often in our selves, but has been there all along.....

Maybe our perspective of ourselves is the ONE and only thing we have control over.

  1. Is WHO WE ARE within our control and not based on external opinions?14 votes
    1. No way. That's total B$
        7.14%
    2. ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY
      64.29%
    3. I'm curious what point you're trying to make here Sassy.
      21.43%
    4. I'm not completely sure.... I'll lurk for a bit if that's ok 😊
        7.14%

Comments

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    Sassy..maybe I should clarify my mirror post....its not just looking in the mirror and thinking about the reflection...its choosing to yo concentrate on the positive reflections you can control and not let the bad ones destroy your self esteem

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @dennis22554 I appreciate that too. WE choose to focus on whatever aspect and that can be useful or damaging. Totally agree with what you've got going on over there.... This is a little different perspective. 😊

    I have my thinking cap on today....

    So many of our connections in the cuddle world bring about unexpected thoughts, feelings, insights. It feels like, the very nature of cuddles with someone who you don't have a ton of history with, winds up opening up portals into ourselves whether we mean for it to happen or not.

    I suppose this video also had a large part in the thought process.
    After I watched it, I was reminded of a song I love called "I'll Be Your Mirror" that speaks of being a relflection of someone. I wonder how much truth there is to the thought that when people make us feel seen, heard, appreciated... we attribute all of that beauty to the OTHER person. Maybe they are just the CATALYST that helps you see the beauty that is in you..... Maybe that is something that seems impossible to believe.

    We fall in love with the version of ourselves that comes alive in their presence.

    So many interesting ideas coming alive here.

    The version of us that feels more free, more radiant, more whole...
    Through them, we catch a glimpse of the beauty, the depth, and the possibility that already lives inside of us.

    https://www.tiktok.com/@sleepfix/video/7455382116411411742?_r=1&_t=ZP-8tOTkh3HiD1

    I wrote his dialogue because not everyone has tiktokking capabilities. I also spoiled it because I didn't want anyone freaking out since he is talking about L-O-V-E and this ISN'T a dating site. I think he's talking about when someone you love passes or leaves the relationship, but it feels applicable to a LOT of connections. In the cuddle realm as well as everyday life.

    We don't fall in love with another person. Not really.
    We fall in love with the version of ourselves that comes alive in their presence.
    The version of us that feels more free, more radiant, more whole...
    Through them, we catch a glimpse of the beauty, the depth, and the possibility that already lives inside of us.
    Love so often becomes something that we see existing OVER THERE in the beloved.
    When they leave it feels like they are taking the love with them.

    But no. It doesn't belong to them.

    They were the CATALYST... not the container.

    They ignited a spark for something that was already smoldering inside of you.
    Love, that's your very nature. You're the container. Love is you.
    The real question isn't about losing them. Its about remembering who you were when you were with them.
    Remembering how you felt.
    What did you feel? Joy, freedom, a sense of possibility, a sense of lightness?
    You generated that. It wasn't imported. It wasn't borrowed. That was you.
    It was YOURS all along even if you didn't realize it.
    The great lie is that the absence of the beloved means you've lost something essential.
    The great truth is that the essence of love, the depth, the beauty, the expansiveness, is something that is within you all the time. Its portable. Its infinite. And its not dependent on any one person to activate it.
    You're capable of feeling that depth of love again. Not because someone else brings it to you, but its because its who you are.
    The right person might help you remember it, they might draw it out of hiding, but make no mistake, that love is YOURS. Its YOU.
    This is why love isn't scarce. It isn't fragile. It isn't something that disappears when someone walks away.
    Love is a force of nature that moves through you when you allow it. Its the pulse of your own aliveness, ready to meet the world through your eyes, your touch, your presence.
    So yes.... Grieve the loss of a person. Honor the space that they held in your life. But never ever grieve the loss of love itself. Love isn't gone. Love is here. Love is you.

    The more you realize this in yourself, the more resilient you are. And ironically the more you will experience love with other people.

    ~Michael @sleepfix tik tok

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    I honestly think that we have incredibly little control over our own lives.

    At best we can keep control of our own actions.

    But the world is pretty random around the edges, and everything in the middle was made up by delusional people using bad information, so even if you had “control”, what would that look like and what would it be useful for?

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    @charles. I absolutely disagree we may not be able to control everything but we were certainly given the tools to shape a lot?!

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    I’ll agree that to a point control of our lives is an illusion. A better analogy might be that we are at the rudder of our own ship and can and should steer to what we value, but the sea and its experiences are ultimately outside our control. The rudder does not overcome the sea, it merely allows the ship to react to it.

    As for who we choose to be, we exist in a continuum of internal thoughts and external influences that are always interacting and being influenced. It’s a muddy issue.

    Some people have ceded control and allowed others to dictate who they are. The voices of negativity and discouragement are reflections of criticism we have received, and are so powerful because we fear them to be true.

    I embraced cynicism and snark for a time. I didn’t like who I was becoming.

    But I have met so many others that regardless of soul crushing disappointments and defeats have chosen who they want to be; that is people that face the future with drive and will for a positive outcome that I am personally humbled when I periodically succumb to any sense of hopelessness.

    Most will say it is naive or mock it but really who you are is who you choose to be, each and every day. You can point to all sorts of circumstances and experiences to explain why you are not who you want to be but ultimately I do believe the choice is ours.

    That’s my preaching for the day, think I’ll log off now.

    @sillysassy I appreciate what you consistently offer, have a beautiful day.

  • [Deleted User]lovelydelight28 (deleted user)

    I believe that who we are is influenced by outside forces, but ultimately, we have the power to decide and choose the good and beauty despite the amount of ugly we may encounter. The choice becomes ours when we realize that our feelings and experiences are valid, but they solely belong to us. Once we accept this, we can be more intentional in how we treat others and how we perceive them—and the world around us.

  • robroorobroo

    I believe external Influences nearly 100% make up who we are, but we do have the power to change ourselves if we are strong enough.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull
    edited January 2025

    Circling back, because I didn’t read the spoiler earlier @sillysassy i think I would reject some key parts of what your tiktoker presented. Honestly it feels shallow and based on different presuppositions than I hold.

    The first part of what he is saying is misdirected because I wouldn’t call that love. I would call it infatuation. That “spark” that most people talk about. And ultimately conflate with “love”.

    That can be, but is not necessarily, based on how they made you feel, but to call that love is simplistic and ultimately narcissistic. When they don’t make you feel that way are you no longer “in love” with them?

    Love matures from that initiation into a deeper understanding, and ultimately a valuation of that other person. For who they are, not just what they can do for you. It’s not transactional or self directed.

    From there I don’t think I disagree. Love can be grieved, but is not killed by the loss if that loved one. It’s only killed when you decide to deaden yourself to that pain for fear of experiencing it again.

    Edited: sorry, just reread that and it feels preachy again. I’ll try to keep it lighter next time. Have a great week everyone.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited January 2025

    Who we are, how we are, what have you I feel is always there but just takes different forms depending on how we filter and process things. I don't believe it is ever truly shaped by outside force just maybe partially influenced

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I don't believe it is ever truly shaped by outside for

    Somewhat true, but I feel much stronger ever since I moved from Krypton to Earth. I think that influenced me and I didn’t put in any extra time at the gym.

  • sillysassysillysassy
    edited January 2025

    I have so many thoughts about this. Thank you for sharing your perspective.... (Even you @TheFunCartel you SuperHero you.... I see you)

    For today... I'm going to function on the fact that I get to take all of that external stuff and process/filter/respond etc. and I get to decide how to move forward.

    I am struggling a bit with my thoughts... I am extremely grateful for the comments and the shares though. 😊

    Edit because WOW!!! Language!!

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited January 2025

    Unconditional
    IMO is what we are looking for. A conversation can derail any ideological views and result in a misunderstanding because they are a snapshot anyway.

    An "A" for effort only works in an Unconditional environment, though that kind of interaction (the kind that gives all and expects nothing) is rarely completely understood. We tend to look for the edges of a thing, something that defines direction. Imagine two spirits that love Unconditionally. In this world I would dare say, rarely exists. Most of the time Unconditional effort/love is from one party. (The other has a hard list of standards.)

    And BTW (don't take this the wrong way) I love you all. Every single one of you.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @sillysassy wrote:

    I'm curious. The BEAUTY that is inside us.... who/what creates/changes that?

    I believe that beauty is innate, inherent, and untouchable. But it's like the sunshine, and it can be obscured by clouds. But only from our point of view. The sunshine is still there whether we see it or not.

    Beauty is the same and it's everywhere. But it can be really hard to see from our limited perspective.

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    I believe ever encounter

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    I belelive most all encounters have a purpose...that people are put together for a reason......it may be trivial or life changing or somewhere in-between. Some of the most influential events in my life came from encounters with people I didn't or barely knew.

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