Unhinged

xandriarainxandriarain
in General

Today, I am feeling especially unhinged and saying all the things I am not supposed to say out loud. Does anyone else have days like this? Also, I am supposed to go to a social event tomorrow, but I am not supposed to talk about the few things I have been obsessing over lately. I have to act normal and be social, but I am not sure my brain has the capacity to do that at that moment. Can anyone else relate?

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited February 2025

    I certainly can relate good luck with your event . Distraction certainly can be helpful. Do you have a trusted friend or person you can be with to be your buddy to vent to if needed, or to just goof off with? Hopefully it's the type of event you can sink yourself into for a while and focus on what's going on there in your immediate surroundings rather than what is going on in the world.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    @pmvines sadly not it is my boyfriend’s sister’s bridal shower and it’s all women so he won’t be there and his sister is nice but I’ve only met her a few times and I am sure she will be busy and there will be a bunch of people there I don’t know

  • pmvinespmvines

    Do you feel that they would understand if you are anxious, or if you need space ?

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I say things i shouldn't all the time, i like that about myself. It's limiting but im happy with it.

  • xandriarainxandriarain
    edited February 2025

    @pmvines I’m not sure. And @ReltvlyCanshes I love that for you. My default mode is not having a filter but sometimes people get upset with me for being that way. I guess I can be a bit of a nuisance.

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited February 2025

    Sometimes when I'm this way, I am able to get it out of my system beforehand. Either by talking to someone else or writing about. Sometimes it takes just enough of the edge off, allowing me to curb the behavior.

    Or I talk to myself saying that I can do the thing later. It seems to help me to think of the thing as a good a natural thing to do, but maybe just in another time and space. When I try and just not do the thing, not have an outlet, or judge it as bad, then it's much harder.

    Oooh, sometimes wearing myself out like with exercise or hard physical work can help too.

    In any case, good luck. I hope it goes well for you! Sounds like a difficult situation.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @xandriarain everyone ain't for everybody and that's ok.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited February 2025

    @xandriarain
    I feel your pain and I hope you get through tomorrow however you can. My SIL always says, “Fake it till you make it” especially about social events and work situations.
    Well that’s one way to handle it I guess.
    We all have to at times. But honestly I get so tired of pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
    🤗 to you and it’s just a few hours, think of something pleasant and procrastinate thinking of everything else.

  • pmvinespmvines

    One of my favorite sayings is be you, the world will adapt. Don't worry about what others think of how you are presenting. More often than not the way that we feel that we are being seen by others is not the way that others are actually seeing us. And as long as you aren't harming anyone, so what ?

  • SquishyJackieSquishyJackie

    I am this way all the time but while that may have helped me get ahead in general, there are bad days where it certainly hurts me. It hurts my chances for success, for the chance that people will take me seriously, the chance of achieving positive results in the workplace, friendships etc. Sometimes what feels normal & right & ok in the moment fills me with regret later. I sent out a mass work email last week asking if we couldn't get our shit together once and for all. I received not one but TWO private emails from previous supervisors telling me that while I wasn't wrong, it was HIGHLY unprofessional & chastising me for it. I told one of them that if I had to take one for the team yo get my point across, so be it...... but I DID send a follow-up apology. So yeah, between anger, frustration & anxiety, I feel like I know what it means to be unhinged. Not gonna lie, my suggestions usually involve medication.....sometimes mixed with natural supplements. I don't think I can be of help but I want you to know that if i could I would totally go with you to that shower and we would have a great time being awkward & unsure & anxious together. 🙂 Good luck!

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    @g_w_t_w thank you for understanding @pmvines I agree but I have been known to ruin special occasions, well maybe not ruin but cause a scene and feel a bit of pressure not to ruin someone else’s special day. And @SquishyJackie that sounds really difficult. I feel so blessed to be self employed, I couldn’t handle working in an office

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    You're recognising the situation, taking responsibility for it, asking for help in dealing with it .... that's half the battle. Sounds like you're doing a great job already, well done.

    I don't have the same thing myself, but I do have enough similar stuff to be able to relate personally to some extent. Scenario planning helps me a lot. What would happen if .... [it's almost always something not really that important]. What should I do if I ...... [usually not hard]. What are all the things I might need while I'm there?

    For obsession stuff, which isn't a big deal for me but does happen occasionally, I allocate some time to think about it. Sometimes write some stuff down. And of course sometimes talk it through with somebody.

    Make sure you are properly hydrated. It's more often a factor than most people think, and helps more than most people realise. Give your body what it needs, take the physiological stress out of the equation.

    Will be thinking of you. 🫂🫂

    Oh, and if all else fails, get drunk at the party. Or at least drink enough so you can pretend successfully. People are very forgiving of that as long as you apologise properly the next day. Much easier to explain. Well, that's true here in the UK, may not be in the US.

  • xandriarainxandriarain
    edited February 2025

    @CuddleDuncan yeah, maybe I should just get it out of my system before hand. If I can I don’t know which outlet, I will have to figure it out. Unfortunately, I have to drive after so I can’t drink too much lightweight but I’m good at getting pretend drunk.

  • pmvinespmvines

    You may just be over thinking it. I find anxiety and worry tends to be at its worst beforehand because you are preparing for the absolute worst outcome. The worst rarely happens. I am sure that you will do just fine, even if you don't feel fine. It's only a limited amount of time that you'll need to be there. Nobody says you have to be at your best, but that doesn't mean you'll be at your worst. I believe in you, and I know that you have the coping skills and the means to get through this. Hugs 🤗

  • CuddlePro_CuddlePro_

    @xandriarain yes I can relate. I def support facing problems head on and working to overcome challenges. Uncomfortable situations tend to push us towards growth. However, if you have tried and need an alternative FOR NOW, socialize for an hour being politically correct and pleasant and then say your period started and you keep bleeding through your pads. If they’re decent women, they’ll excuse you. You can even ask a few of them if they have any you can have just to play into it. Or say quietly aside to your sister in law you have diarrhea and need to excuse yourself.
    But def work on overcoming this so you don’t need an escape plan. 😊

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    My day was unhinged also. I'm so sorry and I hope tomorrow goes well for you

  • cde123cde123

    Well, for me it can be exceptionally helpful when people just straight up explain themselves, for example when the other day you mentioned how you love "being bold and ruthless and burning bridges". I've been mulling that over for a few days, and it actually opened a new perspective for me - so thank you!

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I can’t read the words “burning bridges” without thinking of the theme song to the 1970 Clinton Eastwood movie, Kelly’s Heroes”. There was a time in my life where my path was lit by glow of the burning bridges behind me.

    In hindsight, a few of them truly needed to burn but others… I should have put more effort into repairing than destroying. Today, we are all the result of yesterday’s decisions and tomorrow we will be the result of today’s decisions.

    Chorus:
    “All the burning bridges
    That have fallen after me
    All the lonely feelings
    And the burning memories
    Everyone I left behind
    Each time I closed the door
    Burning bridges lost forevermore”

  • starrynitecudsstarrynitecuds

    Yes, I distanced myself from family and chose to not attend many a family event since I lived on my own.
    It's not your celebration to ruin. If you have to attend, make it brief, excuse yourself and leave.
    I'm sure you wouldn't want someone purposely causing a scene at a celebration for you, right?
    (I have burned many a bridge in my lifetime, but learned not all need fireworks and explosions, slow burns work, too.)

  • beaublissbeaubliss

    I have said things I am not supposed to say my entire life! But what I have found as I’ve matured and been humbled…..is that most people will accept WHAT you say if HOW you say it includes tolerance, understanding, and kindness

  • pmvinespmvines

    Agree with @starrynitecuds . Don't feel like you have to stay the whole time, even if you have to have an excuse just leave early if you need to there will be plenty of other folks there to keep things going

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Personally, I have never met a party that suffered from my absence. So I tend to leave early if I cannot avoid going in the first place.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    We don’t have much time left.

    Do you really want to spend any of it doing anything that you don’t want to, or actually need to?

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    I can definitely relate. I dislike being in the company of others where I cannot be my authentic self. If you fear you won’t have a “ filter” sometimes not saying anything at all is better than talking. I don’t mean give ppl the silent treatment but be sparingly with convo.

    You can always make “ small talk” with your surroundings.. “ It feels so good that the sun is shining.. love the color of your nail polish “.. or a film or tv recently watched “ has anyone seen____? I loved when____”

    Sometimes journaling before what you think will be a stressful event can help. It gets the sh*t out! 🤗

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