Interesting read for anybody interested https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958
Ironically, the right side looks more like toxic positivity to me. It's worded in a way that comes across fake.
"I love you through all your emotional states."
No way. There are emotional states that clearly suck, and nobody should have to endure them but yourself.
"... Can I get you a tissue or a hug?"
Sounds like mockery. What I do say is, "dude, it's okay to cry. Let it out."
Always good to know what the person in front of you needs in times of crisis. Sometimes words and optimism are helpful, sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's better just to actively listen and sit in it with them.
@amcuddles608
Agreed! I learned not to try to solve other people's problems unless they really want to dig into that. Just be there for them.
Also toxic positivity shouldn't be confused with perspective shift.
There are times I've been in a deep dark hole that I rescued myself from by focusing on gratitude.
I hate the left column with every fiber in my being. Can I also add "This, too, shall pass" to that list? I have a co-worker who struggles with the same demons I do and I honestly have heard (or can hear) her say every single thing on the right side. So when i read that list, I hear it in her genuine voice of concern.
I have no idea what toxic positivity is...what I do know is the impact truly positive and genuine people have have had on my life and I am grateful for thir presence.it.sure beats hanging out with people drowning in misery and self pity
Maybe. Its the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title. No dig at anyone personally just a short ass thought after a long ass day!!
@Huggycatbear As someone who's been on the receiving side of that, the left side trivializes everything, the right side shows empathy and understanding. "I love you through all your emotional states" is just saying you don't have to be perfect.
What I do say is, "dude, it's okay to cry. Let it out."
I see that as trivializing whatever is going on. It's never a case of "one good cry and everything's better".
I wonder if this is another neurotypical vs neurodivergent communication issue.
@dennis22554 There is a link if you care to read about it. It has nothing at all to do with drowning in misery of self pity. Nor is it anything negative. It's quite the opposite.
I am neurodivergent so not sure. Are you neurotypical?
Letting someone cry is never trivializing what they are going through. It is letting them have a safe space to express whatever they need to. To listen to someone, rather then telling them what you think they need to hear can be beneficial.
And where in the world do you think I mean one good cry makes everything better? You are extrapolating again and failing to understand, while trying to push me into a toxic positivity viewpoint.
Why are you doing that?
I was saying how it sounded to me. Sometimes, probably quite often, what people say isn't what other people hear.
I am also neurodivergent. But we obviously view this in very different ways.
Toxic Positivity often seems to come from those who have not experienced clinical depression, trauma, or who have not yet learned to face it if they have.
It's the opposite of helpful and is a surefire way to shut me down if I was being emotionally vulnerable with them, or flat-out make me angry.
Unfortunately, many, many, many people have absolutely no idea what it is, how it's different from a well-rounded healthy perspective, or when they are engaging in it.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug
I'm glad this concept is starting to gain ground. Most people just say you are being over sensitive but reality it's a form of victim blaming.
Given the evidence, optimism is simply a pleasant delusion.
It amuses me that in the story of Pandora’s Box the “moral” is that, though the Box was opened and released, “all the Evils of the World”, Hope sprang out last.
And we all leap to the idea that Hope is somehow not also one of the Evils of the World, even though it was trapped in that Box with Death, Sickness, Age, Fear, War, and all the rest…
I’m not sure what video games you all are playing, but all the one’s I play, The Big Bad comes out as the Final Boss.
I'm not sure what all this means but all I know is somewhere along the line I have looked at life through a "glass half empty" point of view. Expect the worst so it doesn't hurt so bad and when it's best it's that much sweeter
You get a lot of this on LinkedIn ... people who have never been laid off in their lives giving little Mary Sunshine advice to folks who are about to lose their homes.
Well it’s confirmed by this article. Little Orphan Annie is a red-headed demon and needs to be shone what happens when the sun doesn’t come out tomorrow.
@TheFunCartel "needs to be SHOWN what happens..." Are you serious right now!?! 😲🤷♀️
I think toxic positivity will depend on the person saying it; it is the heart of the person that is saying it and if there is any intentionality to it. My mother (and a few others) can say everything on the left and it not be toxic. I know where her heart is and she truly cares. Also the conversation will not end with those phrases but will be supplemented with supportive encouragement.
However, get an acquaintance (or coworker, or stranger) say the exact same things and it is a different story. The intent (at least) feeling like throwing bread crumbs hoping that will satisfy me; they end up being hollow words with hollow meaning. The phrasing will likely end at that with no intention of truly administering care.
@great_pillow08 Yes, I am all for showing fictional characters the door when they are toxic.
Of course not. I was poking fun at the character who is perhaps the poster child for toxic positivity.
@GuyverGordon I believe you hit the target on your evaluation. The person does matter and close family and friends can get away with saying the wrong things. But at the same time why would we put so much on an acquaintance or coworker if they say the wrong thing? They do not know you as well and I think it is unfair to unload emotional baggage on someone who is merely an acquaintance and expect them to say the right thing.
There is a fine line between those who can say the pat phrases and not be toxic, those who exhibit toxic positivity and should know better, and those who you know superficially and as a result offer superficial toxic responses. Like anything, context and relationship dynamics matter.
@TheFunCartel I think I chose the wrong verb...
However, get an acquaintance (or coworker, or stranger) say the exact same things and it is a different story.
It should actually be " ... and it can be a different story. Not that it has to be.
And to be clear, I don't blame them if it ends up being less than ideal. Like you said, how would they know? They usually don't. That doesn't always mean it doesn't sting sometimes.
That doesn't always mean it doesn't sting sometimes.
@GuyverGordon Very true. I catch myself getting upset at trivial things a stranger says and I have to remind myself—I will probably never encounter this person again so why expend the energy on a non-factor in my life?
@IronLemon
I respect that.
Sorry, I got defensive.
On the left side, I interpret the responses as cold and uncaring.
"You'll get over it." Doesn't seem like TP. Comes off, I don't give a f***
And some of the responses on the right is toxic positivity to me.
Maybe it comes from us reading the tone into flat words.
@Huggycatbear if you click the link there is much more information that explains and provides a deeper understanding to the differences between the left and the right examples shown.
The ones on the right are creating a container for my vulnerability, which isn't natural for me. I heal by spending time with somebody who understands me, or if that's not available, just spending time alone.
Absolutely love it!
The book below is a good read on this topic. It has been helpful in these stressful times for me personally to know that it's ok to not be ok, and that I don't have to be performative with my mood or actions for the sake of making others feel better or lie to myself that everything is fine and blanketing it with a false sense of serenity. This is my opinion and not directed towards anybody to tell them that I am right and they are wrong for how they feel about it or their perspective. Different strokes. Positivity is great but sometimes that's not what the situation calls for. It can indeed lull you into a false sense of security that can unfortunately mean things get worse while we are trapped inside our happy little bubble . And it does not by any means endorse negativity or being the opposite of happy. Quite the contrary. It just means you are human and have a full range of emotional depth. It does not mean that there is something wrong with you. And if others think it does, well it's ok because you aren't responsible for their happiness anyway or for how they feel about you. Positivity at all costs can really end up making us blind to how to actually deal with an adverse situation. Sometimes it enables us to stay stuck instead of empowering us to move forward.
A visualization of what toxic positivity looks like in art form
I b ope you both g ind happier days .
@WestsideMarc Ok, you were right. The choo-choo is off the rails.