Some of you might remember me, I'm kinda just getting back into this after recently getting out of a very emotionally and mentally toxic relationship.
Though I'm not yet ready to get back into trying to connect with others for platonic cuddling, I wanted to possibly gradually check in. Hopefully in due time I'll make a good connection or two here.
I'm glad it's over, and I wanted to share a little about what I've so far learned. It's still so very new to me and I've a lot to process. I've no professional mental health or the like training, I'm just sharing my personal experience. Though here's a few things I hope could help others who may be in or find themselves in something like this:
Know when enough is enough, and to walk away.
Try to notice and recognize the patterns. It may be easy not to see the connections between the toxic behaviors, and how things may not be as isolated incidents as you might think they are. Possibly making it easier for you to forgive and believe that they didn't mean it or will stop.
He basically to simplify told he wasn't hurting me the same way. Though in hindsight I realized, it was all hurtful just in different forms, and it didn't matter that he wasn't doing the same thing twice.
Don't drive yourself up the wall about why they did it or overanalyze them/their childhood or trauma. Especially if you're someone who is more relationship inclined and enjoy learning about things like that.
For me I enjoy learning about it, though I need to know when to take a break, and when to check my motivation for asking those questions. Is it a part of me that's hoping he changes, and maybe wants to share my findings to fix/'help'save him? Or driven by a hope that if I can just solve it, we get back together in some way, and be better together this time?
Is it perhaps I simply and truly just want to understand it for its own sake, or to help free/heal myself from it all?
I>!'ve realized some people can be snakes in human form. Whether it's nature or nurture that made them that way I feel is beside the point. So maybe stop asking yourself, why the snake bit or keeps biting you, and instead get yourself far away from it. Metaphorically speaking, If it was a non venomous snake, or for some magic reason the venom didn't get that much into you that you're able to take care of it yourself: I hope you do so.
If it was venomous and you're hurting so badly, then you deserve to try to get for yourself the help you need. Why it bit or keeps biting you is really besides the point at some point.
PS. To clarify, I mean why it did it in a way of trying to figure out their motives in hopes of either trying to fix them, and maybe have a better relationship with them. Though I think it's helpful to ask and figure out, even if you gotta enlist the help of a professional, what about you may have allowed that to continue. That question isn't meant to victim blame, and you shouldn't even ask yourself in that way. Though its purpose is to try to figure out if there are things about you, be they trauma you're not so conscious, self esteem issues, etc., that may have made you more susceptible to getting into that or continuing with it. Sure, it may not all be about you or that. Though I believe trying to figure that out is an important component in helping you to heal, and hopefully have a better relationship.
I hope y'all are good and that helps. My journey to healing from this, and trying to help myself is only just beginning.