Am I "it"?

great_pillow08great_pillow08
in General

I was just told by a very dear fellow cuddler (don't feel the need to identify yourself in ANY way. Just know you're appreciated beyond comprehension!) that I'm probably the last female non "pro" on this site. I have my reasons for not charging a fee, but these past few months- I'm getting scared just from private messages. I'm not going to "call out" via screen names or publically give examples, but female pros- Is it because I'm not charging or is it the same for you? It wouldn't be the same FOR M-E if I charged a fee, but I don't see why paying money should motivate someone to be more descent or respectful. Maybe it's immature or naive of me, but I don't understand that! Like, what is going on!?! I almost feel as if I'm doing something wrong in not charging. Like I'm somehow "inviting" this behavior or saying it's okay because I'm not requesting payment. When I joined SEVERAL years ago, that WAS N-O-T the point. I just, I'm confused, so I'm asking- Is this what's "normal" now??

And yes- I know it's not MY fault, yes- I know it's not okay, and yes- I report it EVERY time. These poor moderators are probably sick of me! I don't mind getting messages- I actually try REALLY hard to respond to EVERY one of them, but cuddling IS NOT my career. Is "this" honestly the expectation because I don't charge a fee?

Comments

  • whoismaryamswhoismaryams

    It is not your fault and it's not you. It's just that the "barrier to entry" is low. Your cuddles are free so you'll be inundated with requests from all kinds of men and that includes disrespectful ones. My barrier of entry is much higher. Not only do you have to pay me, but you also in some instances have to send advance electronic payments or your personal information. I don't get disrespect, but I do get guys that obviously don't read my profile or who'll waste my time. It's even creepier when they keep looking at your profile, but never book. Just makes me think they're living out their mom's basement and staring at my pictures with a bottle of lotion. I'd take that last paragraph on your profile and move it to the top and I'd remove any discussion of an abusive relationship. Predators may see this as weakness or low esteem and pounce all over you. You are the prize! You don't HAVE to respond to anyone you don't want to and you can explicitly say what you're looking for in an initial message to cut down on the junk.

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    It’s definitely not just you.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox
    edited April 2025

    Not just you. Enthusiast here. And I get all kinds of stoopid and creepy in my inbox.

    I only reply to folks who write a decent message, have clearly read my profile, and write something that helps keep the conversation going. 😊

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    First, I’m sorry you have been made to feel this way because you aren’t charging for your cuddle services.

    But it’s not you at all! Even as a pro, I’ve received creepy messages. Oftentimes, those guys get banned fairly quickly, or they remove themselves as soon as I tell them no for something. I’ve literally had people who clearly didn’t read the TOS ask me questions about giving out my number before booking or something off-putting, and I’m sitting here going…you signed an agreement that said you read it. As far as rules go, it’s not a long list and is straightforward…yet, I’ve had to either gently remind people now and again of the rules or recommend they read what they agreed to when signing up. Typically, the person says they were unaware, which I don’t quite understand.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @CuddlesComfort8 Oh, well, look at the number of people in the forums who skipped over the "no politics or religion" clause. Folks pay attention to the rules they want to pay attention to and ignore the rest.

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    @WriterGF - I realize that. It’s just funny to me how so many people will try and play the “I didn’t know” card for certain rules.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08
    edited April 2025

    @WriterGF I try to stay off the forums. I typically find them full of threads unrelated to cuddling which I think of as being attention seeking. Politics and religion should be avoided FOR SURE though. Generally, people can't handle the true meaning of "diversity" and it's just safer for everyone if that remains a one on one conversation. When I joined this site, it was about finding comfort, but now I feel like it's become a money making opportunity and a way for insecure people to seek validation from random strangers and I don't find that "comforting" AT ALL!!

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @whoismaryams I'll make those changes just as soon as I can! I only added the thing about that toxic relationship because the site suggested "we" include what we're looking for from this site. That relationship ended I think 7 or 8 years ago, but I'd be lying if I said the "red flags" don't come up just as quickly. Anxiety is still VERY MUCH a "thing" though, but I try to be fair! I'm just not sure how to cut down on the hostility from males who seemingly expect me to be able to drop everything because they're willing to pay me.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @great_pillow08
    Last June I created a thread called “are you part of the a 0.5%”. That posted broke down CC forum activity for the last week of May 2024. My conclusion was that of the active monthly users of CC, only 0.5% (1 in 200) had posted anything to the forum that week.

    This basically means 99.5% of CC users are “invisible” unless you look up their profile or they contact you. What is interesting to me is to go back to that post and look at the chart I created of the users names of everyone who posted to the forum the last week of May 2024. Of the top 20 most frequent posters, 11 are still active in the forums (although 1 or 2 changed their screen names, I am still counting them). However, 9 of the top 20 most frequent posters (45%) 11 months ago are no longer active in the forums.

    I know a couple of those 9 were banned or deleted their accounts. The others either deactivated or simply quit posting. The point is, among the “visible” CC members (those who participate in the forum) there is roughly a 50% turnover rate per year.

    Assuming this turnover rate holds among the “invisible” CC members (the vast majority who do not post to the forum) that would suggest 50% of this sites active members are new every year. That would go a long way to answering your question…

    When I joined SEVERAL years ago, that WAS N-O-T the point. I just, I'm confused, so I'm asking- Is this what's "normal" now??

    The “vibe” of any community can change pretty quickly when you “lose” 50% of the old community and replace them with new members every year. Even if the turnover rate on CC was “only” 25% rather than 50%, it would still be very noticeable over the years you have been here.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @great_pillow08 Sorry to hear this. But I do hear this happening a lot with most women whether they are pros or not. Guys hear what they want to hear and if they do not they change the narrative to suit their needs. Unfortunately, it is the guys that need to change. You can only stick to your boundaries and continue to report those that ignore your boundaries.

  • 4bearhugs4bearhugs

    While it is certainly not you, there are people who are definitely changing the perception of what this site is about. For example, a pro I met a few months ago asked if I had an extra $50 for sex. And today I asked for a specific location of a member, and she replied that she was looking for a sugar baby relationship. If a person with alternative motives runs into that frequently enough, they become emboldened to assume that more people are out here for similar interactions. And (in their minds) what's the harm of a few no's to find a couple "yes's".

    BTW, thanks for being a non-pro! You are few and far between.

  • KatotaKatota

    males who seemingly expect me to be able to drop everything because they're willing to pay me.

    @great_pillow08 Lol! I always find these types to be oxymorons, heavy on the MORON part!😁😜

    Due to the constant Dudebro whining about PAYING Cuddle Pros, yet want to attempt to "transform" a Cuddle Enthusiast INTO a "Cuddle Pro" by offering money to said Enthusiast.🤑

    It's ridiculous and hilarious to me. 🤦😆

    To answer the topic question at hand, NO! 😔

    No, you are not IT! 😊

    Lol! 🤣
    Unless, we are engaged in a platonic friendly game of TAG of course.😄

    Then you will be IT! 😁

  • cde123cde123

    Well, props to you for not charging. If the attention becomes too much, you can always mute your profile and it'll prevent anyone new messaging you.

  • frankparker9frankparker9
    edited April 2025

    If people won't stop hitting on you at the library, is the answer to become a librarian? I don't think it would help.

    Did you mean to write "scared" by the private messages? Or "scarred"? I don't think strangers sending indecent messages is ok. At the same time, practically speaking, it's the Internet (edit: meaning, I suppose, that only so much can be done, and setting expectations too high will result in disappointment). Above all, you are certainly NOT responsible for these people's behavior.

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    To answer the title's question, no, there are still some female enthusiasts. I met one recently and made a new friend. :) Being a pro means going into business. Many women are not interested in doing that. When I first joined the site, though, there were no pros and at least 5x as many female enthusiasts in my area.

  • friendlyj311friendlyj311

    Believe me, no it's not just you!

  • MTexMTex
    edited April 2025

    Fellow female enthusiast here who also does not want to go pro.

    I muted my account so that it's not found on the search. I was getting too many messages. Granted someone can click on my account whenever I post to the forum.

    Now I just choose who I want to message. Since I want to chat awhile before a meet up I've been getting ghosted. 🤷 Maybe it would be different if I was a pro but I want to cuddle on my terms when I have time.

    Edit: I will say that I've only been on here for a short time but the moderators are on it. They follow up on reports quickly.

  • PinkMalloPinkMallo

    Adding to what everyone has said... it really isn't a you problem. The problem is people feeling entitled to your time, attention and cuddles. And truly nothing you can do but keep reporting. From discussions I have had it seems the non-pros are subjected to "but its free so im entitled to whatever I want because free" and myself and most pros get the other side if that coin "but I bought you so I get whatever I want" ugh. Like so much nope to go around.

    The good lovely respectful clients are amazing and keep me doing this. But whew. I feel you on the report button burnout. Lol.

  • kirbythelovebugkirbythelovebug

    Sometimes I feel like men are even creepier when you’re charging because then they feel some type of entitlement to request/do weird things!

  • dennis22554dennis22554
    edited April 2025

    @ cuddle_pillow8 let me begin by saying,how could any man be disrespectful to someone with such a great profile name? Disrespectful trolls have some real mental and emotional challenges. both professionals and enthusiasts provide the CC community with the gift of touch and genuine connection and should be treasured..not treated like trash..if it continues..a few rotten apples will ruin it for all! I think these trolls hide in the darkness of the web and try to make up for their insecurities by attacking others! It's sick behavior...don't let them bring you down because I can tell you..that you are treasured

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @dennis2254 I have a few "established" cuddle buddies on this site and I generally feel appreciated. I'm also plenty old enough to know that not all males are the same and definitely don't let it "get me down", but it's hard when you have a huge heart that you've learned to protect and strangers come at you with demands (for lack of a better term) based on unrealistic expectations. I don't mean to be a b!tch, but "no" I-S a full sentence (I hope that's not some like, feminist term or something because I'm independent, strong willed, and well educated, but you fellas have your place and I COMPLETELY respect that, so a "feminist"- I am not!) 😉

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