On another note, while I was trying to find a good melting hug gif, I found these adorable hugging gifs:
@GuyverGordon 😆😆😆😆
I don't think it would be THAT ELABORATE! 👍🫂
Nice gif visual of it. 😆😊😆
@GuyverGordon Cuddly cats. Are always a pleasure to observe! 😸🫂😸🫂
@Katota I was hoping for one that had both melting or one that melted more (or faster?)... but I figured that one would do ... 😅
When I heard melting hug I pictured the ac off in Phoenix, in summer. Which ultimately means no hugs. Cause wet and sticky is the opposite response to a perfect hug. 😅
Outside in the heat in Phoenix isn't really a problem. It's when you go inside into the AC where it's only 80 degrees that the sweat stops evaporating and starts pouring off you instead.
@IronLemon at 115 and a slight breeze yeah. We’re talking blow dryer settings. 😬
At the same temp with no breeze? It varies by person but some folks can outsweat the evaporation rate. The clothes stay wet, exposed skin is dry. Gross! It’s a real issue on some of our crews for health and safety.
We shift a lot of work to nighttime here for a reason.
But to provide an answer more in line with the thread; perfect is situational. Sometimes your needs and your partner’s needs vary. When they meet and can be gifted to each other in full trust, consent, and comfort? That’s the momentary perfection that makes it sublime.
Hugs are different for me....always. Perfect hugs can be seeing an old friend for the first time in a long time, and you almost run into it with glee.....has nothing to do with the actual physical part, just the joy of a reunion. Another one is with a young one in your life, like a nephew/niece, or goddaughter/son, where they run into your arms with joy of seeing you. Those both are usually shorter hugs and based on the deep connection.
When it is a hug with a cuddle pro, or an affectionate friend, I love the full body hug.....where it is tight, warm, enthusiastic, and every part of your bodies, even your knees, are touching. For me, that requires a certain size that matches mine, so 5'4 to 5'7, to be perfect....physically......and a similar soul size too, one that engages without fear and suspicion, empathic, giving/receiving simultaneously......and a spirit/thinking alignment too, able to suspend judgment, defy distractions, resist binary-thinking (platonic vs. non-platonic), being completely present, possibly even defying gravity.
A lot can go into the perfect hug, but 90% of our hugs will probably be less than perfect.....yet I feel grateful for them all!
At least 30 seconds deep slow breaths together
@pmvines it’s so funny, I saw this topic and immediately thought of you. Then I read your post and almost didn’t say anything. 😝
But indeed, the most perfect hug I’ve ever had was saying hi to you when we met. Your energy is absolutely perfect, and I could comfortably spend immeasurable time with you (but for work, family, pet, and other friend obligations). 🙂
I really hope the stars align and we get to do it again!!
So, to everyone else: the perfect hug absolutely involves PMVines. 😂😂 He may have a waitlist, but believe me, he’s worth it!
Great hugs are from people that A) genuinely mean it and hold tight for an extended period of time or melt into you when THEY really need the comforting. We all know the power of touch, but let me share this story anyway:
I had a co-worker who was having a bad morning before she even got to work. She was a sarcastic, but happy, person who told it like it was. She was fiercely independent and it was unlike her to be so upset and emotional. I asked if she wanted to talk about it and she didn't, but she was willing to accept a hug. I held her tight until I could feel her muscles relax and she pulled away with a teary smile. About 45 minutes later I turned and asked her how she was doing. She was almost surprised to hear herself say she felt better. I said, "yeah, I thought so." She gave me a quizical look n asked what I meant. I shrugged n said I was feeling icky. I was a little nauseous & something inside just didn't feel right. She was mortified and apologized, saying that's happened to her before, where she's transferred energy. It's why she doesn't typically hug or touch people. I didn't care. It was nothing I couldn't get over and after all, isn't that what we do when we hug people? Carry some of the burden for them? It was the coolest experience ever!
Somebody recently hugged me from behind and it seemed nice until it became a tickle assault. I REALLY despise being tickled. Please if you ever meet me NO tickles! Also, I'm in my 50s so don't pinch my cheeks like I'm three years old.
As shown by many people’s don’ts, perfect is an imperfect word. I think the question should have been what is your most ideal hug. What works for one individual does not work for another quite often so a perfect hug is an aberration from one moment to the next.
With that being said I often wonder about the length of a hug as I feel the length is contextual. If someone is exuberant a tight enthusiastic hug might last a couple of seconds and be fantastic in expressing the moment. On the other hand, while lengthy hugs are nice, they sometimes begin to feel awkward and even begin to make you question intent. I do not have an ideal time for a hug, therefore an ideal hug is something I can’t articulate.
But I know it when it happens. And the hugger opposite me has a lot to do with it.
I’ll answer the second part. It makes you feel seen, heard, felt, supported. It is non-demand, so you feel that you are already enough. It asks nothing more of you. And it lets you surrender and trust something in the world.
The best hugs are when the “ squeeze” is mutual and when you know you can “ let go” and feel the other persons body relaxed as well as your own. The best hugs are also timeless and include intention and gentleness. I once got an incredible hug from a stranger at a concert.. where not only was his hug warm & intentional but his fingers did this little “ walk” up my back .. a mini unexpected massage .
@SquishyJackie - interesting experience - I've probably inadvertently taken someone's bad energy during a hug and not realized it, possibly being focused on making their day better.
I love to give hugs to people that want to receive them - and there are several types depending on the situation.
There are a couple friends that our greeting hug when we haven't seen each other in a long time consists of them running up to me and jumping up for me to grab them in a bear hug and hold for 10 seconds or so. Those are filed with excitement and fun.
There are the back-cracking bear hugs that are tight and also squeeze most of the air out of you (in a controlled manner). Not to be combined with the above example.
The more emotional hugs are the ones that you can feel the stress melt happening. You can feel like the outside world stops mattering for 15 seconds. A break from the stress of life. These can happen on a first hug but it's rare. Usually happens with a stress imbalance between the two people and can be more helpful for one than the other. I find that these will usually have one arm over, one arm under. (Being the stronger person in many hugs, I tend to have both arms under the other person's arms)
The longest hug I've had was about 30 minutes, 8 months into covid times, with a friend that was isolating during that time and lacking human touch. It was outdoors in a parking lot as the sun was going down. Would repeat.
Worse hug ever, my sisters funeral - the guy I lost my virginity to and haven’t been with in 10 years came up to hug me and grabbed my ass and moaned in my ear. Talk about time&place. Like read the room, I’m crying and this ghost from my past used the event as an excuse to try to respark a decade dead attraction. I was so disgusted.
Best hug is warm, the perfect amount of strength, both people are soaking it in and neither wants to pull away. I’ve had many good hugs, the best is probably from my friend that lives a few hours away so every-time we see each other our bodies can feel how much our souls have missed each other. I get to see her next month and I am soooo looking forward to that initial hug.