The sad demise of Social Interaction

dennis22554dennis22554
in General

Recently, I had to take several trips on the Washington DC metro and despite crowded trains, there was no interaction among passengers who were mostly locked into their cell phones. No wonder why people are lonely---they isolate themselves and that's not natural, species were meant to interact! The metro is not a "hook up" place, but exchange of pleasantries shouldn't be a stretch. Rarely do people even acknowledge one another on busy downtown streets--it's no wonder why CC is so successful. Lack of interaction makes it difficult to learn social skills like giving up your seat on a busy train to someone who has a greater need. There have been more than a few posts complaining about interactions engaging CC pros that at least in some cases maybe self-inflected. Social interaction and common courtesies used to be discussed as at least a small part of the school curriculum but am not so sure that's the case anymore sadly. Maybe if two strangers engaged each other with a simple "Good Morning! or Hello! when passing, sunny days would be more frequent!

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I can't speak for DC, but if you are in NYC, you try to avoid even meeting people's eyes when you go down the street.

  • AdentoAdento
    edited June 2025

    It’s definitely a problem but hard to find a solution because our activities don’t bring us together and forced interaction doesn’t work too well.

    In the early to mid 2k era someone would go to a card/novelty shop or D&D, play games, hang out, etc. The internet wasn't a portal to our communities, shops, media, and hobbies. We weren't prepared for this level of efficiency. (And the way our world works makes addressing problems painfully slow - There's no conscious effort to innovate in ways that make sure we get what we need, only incentive to give us something we want)

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @Adento

    There's no conscious effort to innovate in ways that make sure we get what we need, only incentive to give us something we want…

    That is a profound thought. So much of our online world is focused on predicting what we might want to buy or watch or read next that we lose the joy of exploring things for ourselves. Watch 2 or 3 similar videos on YouTube and the algorithm will need you a nonstop stream of similar content because the algorithm was designed to keep you watching YouTube as long as possible by giving you more of what you originally watched. Music services do the same. While this “helps” us find more of what we have already shown interest in, it also limits our ability to find and explore new things.

    Even the ads we see online are chosen for us based on our dossiers compiled by marketers and associated with our Google accounts, IP address and/or browser fingerprint.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    @adento and @JohnR1972 I’d propose a contrasting opinion. I don’t want anyone doing social engineering based on their opinion of what I need. That’s, even if well intentioned…. Unwanted.

    The only thing I want anyone to do is respond to what I tell them I want. It’s on me, not anyone else, to decide whether to ask for something beneficial, or otherwise. My mistakes are my own.

    To @JohnR1972 ’s point I do however object to the ongoing dossiers being developed. That’s ubiquitous but just as unacceptable. I don’t allow my self to worry about it, but it bothers me just how invasive that is.

  • AdentoAdento
    edited June 2025

    @JohnR1972 Absolutely. We're having our attention extracted from us in the most manipulative ways. The algorithms aren't even trying to keep us happy any more because happiness isn't the most effective way to keep people engaged. (fear and anger seem to work better.) I absolutely loved when "social media" wasn't a thing and both the world and the internet felt a bit more adventurous.

    @lovingspoonfull I don't think what I'm saying necessitates social engineering but definitely would be nice if there was more concern for wellbeing in the design... even if you refused to participate. Those invasive algorithms are the result of our current way of innovating. The invasive and predatory measures happen because they work too well, especially on kids.
    It makes it so that the old way is harder. EX: I can refuse to buy from Amazon, but that won't make all the shops I went to come back.

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    Lessons from the past can be applied to the present....the solution doesn't have to be complicated

  • KatotaKatota
    edited June 2025

    I absolutely loved when "social media" wasn't a thing and both the world and the internet felt a bit more adventurous.

    👍👍👍👍

    @Adento I agree with that, in fact my favorite "real place" to hang out at was Blockbuster Video (or any other movie rental venue) because of the in-person socializing and the awesome movie conversations amongst random movies lovers (like Myself) that I would engage myself in. 😁

    I also recall meeting a romantic prospect at Blockbuster Video one time, it was a very short lived romance but it happened.🤷😏

    My most memorable Blockbuster convos was between a couple who was checking out Doomsday (starred Rhona Mitra and Malcolm McDowell) the boyfriend says :

    "Huh, what is Doomsday about...???"

    I'm just standing there overhearing but not meaning to overhear...😆👂😆👂

    "Oh my Dude😱, Doomsday is like Mad Max and King Arthur with a Zombie virus thrown in the mix.... You'll love it! Check it out Dude!👍"

    😆😆😆😆

    Yes, I responded with that much excitement and animation at that time. That was 20-something year old me then. Yep 😊👍

    Sighs...I miss Blockbuster Video, I really do. Great place for socializing in my opinion. I praise them for trying to stay afloat, but that not gonna happen with all the streaming stuff rising up.😏

  • [Deleted User]colforbin (deleted user)

    I disagree. There are so many opportunities to talk and to meet people in our day to day. If you don’t believe me, strike up a conversation with a Trader Joe’s employee, tell your barista thank you and that’s a lovely leaf? (I hope that’s a leaf) on your cappuccino or let your letter carrier know that you appreciate their work! These exchanges are genuine and I’ll bet that you get a positive response from each of them.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    @colforbin on the flip side, I work in a retail store and it’s sad how many people blatantly ignore you when you greet them in a friendly, polite way. I’m talking about just saying hi and welcoming them in. NOT trying to sell anything. It wasn’t always like this. The social demise that OP is talking about is real :'(

  • dennis22554dennis22554
    edited June 2025

    OT o o an extent with both of the ìprevious o posts........there is a lot more fear today as people are afraid to interact because of the feat of offending othersi..its going to take a few with courage b to begin reversing the fear

  • AdentoAdento

    @Katota Oh man, Blockbuster was amazing! I met so many cool people there while (primarily) trying out games for my Nintendo 64 and ps2, as well as random obscure movies.

    @colforbin Oh yeah, I think it's always nice to make someone's day a little better with a fun interaction. I am always friendly with the cashiers but It's just not as easy as the 90s~mid2ks. Hours and experiences are being squeezed to compete with online stores (and also just because they can lol)

    When I started at Walgreens in 2013 we had over triple or quadruple the hours in a given store. At the bare minimum we had a dedicated photo technician, a cashier, a dedicated beauty consultant, stock worker, store manager and assistant store manager(9-5), shift manager. Now we're down to one cashier and one keyholder. Conversation with either of those people beyond 2 mins is eating into their time. They want you in and out as fast as possible.
    There was also roller-skate ring downtown, a card and novelty shop behind my house that hosted small local events, a big public fishing dock by the power plant, and different little open public events at the parks.

  • AdentoAdento

    @quincyq03 Yep. makes you feel like a vending machine 🤖😅

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    @Adento it can be very hard to not take it personally. Especially when it’s like 5 different guests in a row and you start questioning life.

    Sure, some of it may be social anxiety or fear of offending, but many times it’s just a lack of common decency and manners. The least you can do is nod or wave, but to walk directly by someone and pretend you didn’t hear them give you a friendly greeting… I’d argue that’s just rude.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Social anxiety has always been around but social media has been an aggravating factor because most people will always take the path of least resistance. Social media offers the path of least resistance. Before social media you had to interact as a means of social survival, and through repetition, practice and social cues you could learn the basics of small talk, proper speech etiquette, and how to read the room. Social media is not the problem in itself, but merely the excuse many use not to be vulnerable or learn through small failures. Social media is a convenient hiding place.

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    What ever happened to Ms Manners?

  • AdentoAdento

    @TheFunCartel 100%. I think the hurdles of social interaction are just as important as overcoming the challenges of training any other skill or strengthening our bodies.

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai
    edited June 2025

    Often I like to get out of my house because I work from home. I’ll rarely if ever study Japanese homework at home, so I often go to local coffee shops. I agree talking to baristas is good to do but sometimes they’re so overwhelmed, especially at Starbucks where they have 10 billion mobile orders per second and only three people to service them while also trying to help people in the drive thru and counter. Every now and then I’ll have a good conversation, but for the most part people like to wall off.

  • ImmersedwarmthImmersedwarmth

    I've been in education for over 25 years. When I am leaving or entering a building, I will often hold the door open for a student(s) coming through.ore times than not, she will walk through like Mariah Carey on her way to her next engagement. No eye contact. Not even a simple "thank you."

  • dennis22554dennis22554
    edited June 2025

    Things can xhangw if there is a will..now if dogs stop engaging each other..the worlld is truly lost......say hi to a sstranger the next time you pass one At the very least
    ..treat everyone on CC the way you want to be treated...with kindmess..courtesy and respect

  • Robbi99ktRobbi99kt

    the DMV area is very unfriendly. Probably since you have to be rich or work to death to stay here.

  • DarlingNikkiiDarlingNikkii

    No one owes you a metro conversation, and I’d feel shame personally if I had your perspective. Imagine all the crazy things going on in someone’s life on their daily commute - and then to have a random stranger blame societies downfall on them for not wanting to talk to a stranger, ESPECIALLY ON A PACKED CAR, is bizarre.

    Time and place. There are plenty of places to socialize. I grew up, and lived in the DMV for 6 years - it’s a friendly and social place.

  • DaveLaughsDaveLaughs

    I just go out and talk to people. Some ignore you, and others are open. However, more people using headphones does make it harder to strike up a conversation, but I don’t really blame anyone, as sometimes when I’m out myself I also don’t want to make eye contact with people and don’t want strangers approaching me.

    On top of that, with an influx of creepyish behaviour (depending on which city you’re in), and people not respecting boundaries, comes an increase of protective behaviour.

    It just takes more effort.

  • ladybug7ladybug7

    @quincyq03 I don't think you have ANY grasp of what true social anxiety is and how many people it's affecting especially post Covid. It was already becoming a thing where people became too anxious to speak to others over the phone so they would text instead.... That's been going on for a decade or more. The notion that people owe you conversation is outdated. They don't, it's not bad manners. No one owes you anything, every interaction is a blessing. Cuddle comfort is successful in part because of this yes... Because we let socials and opinions separate us. We polarize issues that are complex and lump people in to this or that without taking the time to understand them.... So we are infact reaping what we have sowed. I'm going to have to agree with the op that the fix could be as simple as getting rid of the smart phones, picking up some books instead and keeping our computer time limited to home. I think that would make a huge impact but... 🤷🏼‍♀️ What do I know. I'm reading this book called the argument culture and it's actually pretty old but very very pertinent to our current situation. Worth the read.✌️

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Cities in North America are designed for cars not people. Lacking walkable, people scale environments seems pretty harmful for this.

  • pmvinespmvines

    People converse and interact however they are comfortable doing. Especially with strangers and different environments and contexts. So it does not bother me if someone doesn't match my social energy. we are not all the same, nobody should have to accommodate me for the way that I am feeling. I consider it a boundary and respect it and keep it moving.

  • AdentoAdento

    @JasonCuddles As someone who has been a cyclist all my life, YES. Excessive vehicle infrastructure is a solution that causes its own problem. People shouldn't need a vehicle to make it out of their cul-de-sac death traps lol. Here in the middle of FL, I have a bus system that I'm not so certain exists any more lol, bike lanes that end abruptly around corners with free nails for every tire, and daily needs are a shopping plaza away.

    On top of all that, all the hobby shops, non-alcohol-centered-clubs, and hangout spots are gone... hell, even the fishing piers are closed off dammit. I spend my entire social life at work where I don't socialize because I'm working. (and corporate makes sure of that lol)

  • alyhugsalyhugs
    edited June 2025

    Hey so I think you're being just a little dramatic here. 😅 Social interaction isn’t dead—it’s just evolved. Sure, it might take a bit more effort now to connect with people, but we’re definitely not doomed. Get with the times! 🤭

    If you're feeling a little isolated/lonely, maybe try joining a group that matches your interests—a running club, cycling group, book club, wine tasting, paint or sculpting classes, etc. I think there's even a dungeon and dragons shindig that goes on in a local cafe near me lol. Those spaces are out there, and you'd probably be surprised by how welcoming they can be.

    Also, don’t be afraid to say hi to people you see often—at the dog park, your favorite coffee spot, the bookstore. A simple smile and "hey" can go a long way.

    City life:
    As someone who lives in DC—and who’s also lived in Manhattan, San Francisco, and other big cities—I can tell you, it’s totally normal for people not to randomly strike up conversations with strangers. It’s not about being cold, it’s just... city life. That said, once you become a familiar face, trust me, people do acknowledge and check in with you. It's not all politics and power suits, believe or not there is a strong sense of community here within the locals.

    I think it’s important to keep perspective as far as the metro goes as well. I don't think I've been on any metro, anywhere, where people have been super chatty with strangers.

    Look at how many people have engaged with you from this post alone. Humans, much like yourself (🤞 ) are behind these responses lol. It may not be irl social engagement - but it's something! So if this is not enough, go out there and make an effort to connect!

  • quincyq03quincyq03
    edited June 2025

    @ladybug7

    The notion that people owe you conversation is outdated. They don't, it's not bad manners. No one owes you anything, every interaction is a blessing.

    I don’t want a conversation with a stranger (or most people in general), I’m very introverted. All I said was, if I’m running a store and people come into the store and I say “hi, welcome in!” or “hey guys, how’s it going?” and people walk right past you as if you don’t exist, that is bad manners, objectively. Like I said, just a nod would be nice. Pre-Covid, probably 95% of people would at least acknowledge you in the store, but now it’s close to 50% of people who walk right past you. And that’s in a store that you own/manage. It’s not like a random person on a subway car or on the street is trying to start a conversation with you.

    Customers are guests. If you’re a guest in someone’s home, do you walk in like you own the place and ignore whoever welcomed you in? Do you walk by someone who held the door for you without a thank you or at least an acknowledgement (like @Immersedwarmth ’s example)? Of course we’re not expecting a conversation.

    We polarize issues that are complex and lump people in to this or that without taking the time to understand them....

    That’s kind of my point. You walk into someone’s business (or home as a guest as another example) and they welcome you in or say hi, but you don’t take a moment to understand them? Like understand why they’re trying to make you feel welcome in the store? Either with a thank you, a nod or a quick glance? Again, it’s not a conversation that I’m looking for. Even just the slightest acknowledgement, because it makes me feel awful if I address someone in a very polite and informal manner, but they act as if I don’t exist. Take a moment to understand where I’m coming from, like you said.

    Customer service has changed. My approach is very laid back and standoff-ish. I don’t approach people and I give them plenty of space. I am mindful of anxieties people have, because I’m similar. I cannot talk on the phone, unless it’s an emergency or for a very specific reason with someone I’m close to. Otherwise it freaks me out. But I try to be polite when people in professional retail settings address me. Once they start trying to push or sell something to me, then of course you bet I’m getting away from them as fast as I can.

  • AdentoAdento

    @alyhugs When you live in and around large metros, you do find more of those things. however, they have shrunk dramatically. In small towns they’re nonexistent.

    I live in the center of FL and there’s nothing but shopping plazas and empty parks as far as the eye can see lol. There used to be a bunch of hobby groups but they’re gone now.

    You’re right that it’s not gone but changed. That said, While interacting online is nice, I think people need that human-to-human connection that they can see, touch, and hear. Social interaction has evolved into something that can be done at great distances. However, that has come at the cost of many opportunities to be seen, heard, and felt.

  • HaloJumper3505HaloJumper3505
    edited March 23

    (Can’t figure out how do delete an entry)

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