I feel most people are looking for more than platonic and I’m frustrated

VirtualCuddlerVirtualCuddler
in General

Every message I receive, it says they agreed to the rules but no one follows them. I decided not to do private cuddling (at a residence) because almost every message I received referenced my appearance and it made me uncomfortable to be alone with those people. So I changed it to virtual and public cuddling. The only way people who have wanted public cuddling have asked me to meet in the middle of the night, like after midnight. Obviously I’m not doing that but I find it hard to believe they want something platonic that late. And everyone who has scheduled an online session has brought up after the session was agreed that they have some fetish or it seems they’re expecting some non platonic. Is this site low key for e$corts? My photos are very tame and not at all anything that would suggest I do that type of thing. I just don’t get it.

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Comments

  • BearBear

    Report them.

  • KatotaKatota

    And everyone who has scheduled an online session has brought up after the session was agreed that they have some fetish or it seems they’re expecting some non platonic.

    ☝️😌

    The main reason that I don't bother with video chat/virtual/Skype...Nope! ☝️😌

  • JkayJkay

    The first two months on this site are hellish as a woman. You learn what signs to look for that people are looking for more than platonic connections, and many, many , are looking for that. I’ve also found many lovely people who are looking for platonic and connective touch. I do a lot with my photos to modify the flow and tone of messages I receive. The less attractive or distinguishable the better. I got the highest quality platonic cuddle clients when I didn’t have a photo of myself up at all. But I got in trouble for doing this, as pros are required to have a photo. It’s a bummer though. Right now all the worst people on this site see that you are new and are testing how much they can get away with. You are getting an onslaught of the worst of it. It gets better.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Jkay
    You are 💯 right. I like the way you worded your comment!

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    Absolutely agree with @Jkay

    I have been on here for almost a year as a pro, and initially it was bonkers. TONS of messages, many of them weird. I report everything, even if I just have a weird feeling. Nearly every report I've done resulted in a very quick ban. Mods see all their messages and usually if you get a weird feeling, you're right.

    I take time messaging before meeting, I am assertive and clear in my boundaries, I meet clients in public before the session.

    It does get better! Lately, I get mostly wonderful messages from wonderful people and my clients have been fantastic. I think it's worth sticking with and it's great practice for setting and holding boundaries and effective communication!

  • KatotaKatota

    Nearly every report I've done resulted in a very quick ban. Mods see all their messages

    😁👍

    @AlyLauren This is true, Mods are very much on top of things like banning Dudebros for being Dudebros here on CC.😊
    Lol! 😆 Which isn't something that I am use to on most social media sites (or even dating sites for that matter, hence why I will never rejoin another dating site 😞) I'm so so use to defending myself against Dudebros elsewhere that it took me a while to even remember reporting them here. 😁

    Just hasn't been good Mod results with reporting gross behavior elsewhere, so I just handle it myself. 😊😌

    But I once started reporting Dudebros here, very pleasantly surprised. So yeah the Mods are definitely on it, when I do report. 😁👍

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @Katota I've never seen the word "dudebros" before. I had to look it up.
    Interesting and very appropriate word for the guys that usually exhibit the behavior described.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @VirtualCuddler I'm sorry that has been your experience so far. As the others have stated, if you decide to stick around you'll meet good people who are all-in on platonic cuddling and respect boundaries.

  • MTexMTex
    edited July 2025

    I know as a pro you have to have a pic but as an enthusiast I don't have my photo up at all. If someone asks me for a photo within the first couple of messages that's a big red flag to me. The ones that never ask for a photo are usually legit interested in the cuddle.

    When I first started I thought maybe this was a dating site because of the messages I was getting. 🙄 I take my time to get to know each potential cuddle partner. Even doing that it's been 1 out of 6 that was bad. Now I know what red flags to look for so hopefully I don't get another bad one again.

    Edit: 1 out of 6 cuddle sessions

    Red Flags:
    1) Focused on appearance or your relationship status
    2) Make sure to take every word they say seriously & don't assume they are joking
    3) They won't give you their full name &/or ID
    4) Ask you to wear something like lingerie or underwear, etc.
    5) Taking communication off site too quickly

    I'm sure there are a million more, these are off the top of my head.

  • lovingspoonfulllovingspoonfull

    Has anyone suggested a volunteer mentoring program on the recommendations thread? I like what @Jkay said. It resonated that the early days could be tough and daunting.

    It seems like with a good coach it could help train the “creep-dar” and provide some reassurance from a seasoned eye.

  • wilderdudewilderdude
    edited July 2025

    I would imagine that's the case for those seeking virtual. While a virtual can be great to get to know someone if it's never going to lead to an in person cuddle most legit cuddlers aren't going to be super interested.

    $125 an hour for a virtual is going to be on the high end, definitely going to draw those that are going to assume that 'more' is on the table.

  • MTexMTex
    edited July 2025

    @lovingspoonfull Mentoring is a good idea. I've tried to make myself available to local female enthusiasts and sadly some have gotten exasperated & deleted their accounts.

  • [Deleted User]alndavies (deleted user)

    I had a well reviewed pro tell me during a session the things that men offered her money for, and then got upset with me because I didn’t offer her money for any of those things. It’s not only the men on here.

  • MTexMTex

    @alndavies I hope you reported her. Reporting is the only way to stop non-platonic behavior.

  • InfiniteJoyInfiniteJoy
    edited July 2025

    It's crucial to distinguish between platonic cuddling services and sex work (e.g., escort services). For those seeking sex work, dedicated and regulated platforms exist, often at a higher price point, reflecting the nature of the service. This is a consensual business transaction between adults, and for some, it can be a lucrative profession with no emotional attachment. Professionals on these platforms operate with clear agreements on compensation and screening, and crucially, they establish and enforce their own boundaries and rules. Respecting these distinctions, individual boundaries, and always prioritizing safe practices are paramount in any interaction.

    Within the context of cuddle therapy or platonic cuddling services, adherence to their specific rules and maintaining a strictly platonic interaction is fundamental.

  • Cuddlekitten101Cuddlekitten101

    You just can’t hold back always make sure to report inappropriate people so they get banned.

  • InfiniteJoyInfiniteJoy

    While I deeply respect professionals who adhere to ethical guidelines, it's clear that some unfortunately upsell platonic services (such as selling kisses or engaging in 'top play” to mention some) or otherwise cross professional boundaries. This creates an unfair expectation among clients, who then approach rule-abiding professionals expecting similar services, leading to uncomfortable and compromising situations for those who strictly follow the rules.

  • AMFAMF

    I have gotten a lot of different kinds of messages on the site. Over time I have found a few really nice cuddlers.
    I hope it works out for you.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08
    edited July 2025

    Oh, buddy- I could send you screeshots!! It's 🤮. You're not alone in this! It's discouraging AT FIRST, but you're correct to follow your instincts. I absolutely WOULD NOT cuddle someone beginning that late at night. I've done over nights before, but they started before 7pm and they passed the "vibe" check. If someone mentions your appearance in even a little bit of a specific way- That's probably a red flag. I once talked to a guy on here for 3 years before I met up with him- NEVER talk to someone off this site. You can send moderators screenshots of texts when reporting someone, but generally that's another "red flag". No matter what, first and foremost, BE SAFE!

  • AuroradreamAuroradream
    edited July 2025

    I'm gonna be very honest here. @VirtualCuddler you had a post up on the forums very recently about virtual cuddles. I reported it as advertising. It seems the forum post did its job and you got some traffic/ clients of a type you didn't purposely seek.
    Also, 💯 what @wilderdude said. Your fee for virtuals is more than many providers hourly in person fee.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @MTex

    Your list of red flags is spot on. I want to draw attention to this one:

    2) Make sure to take every word they say seriously & don't assume they are joking

    As a moderator I've seen many instances of people wording their messages very carefully so as to be able to use "I was joking" as an escape plan. It's worthwhile for any pro or enthusiast to be on the lookout for that kind of thing.

    I'm of the opinion that a very large percentage of "jokes" contain at least a kernel of truth.

  • VirtualCuddlerVirtualCuddler

    @ Auroradream 125 is for public in person cuddling, like in a park or something. My fee for virtual is a lot less. They just give me the option to put two different fees. My previous post wasn’t advertising but I could see how it could have come off that way. I was just genuinely curious about virtual cuddling. I met someone a couple weeks ago who told me about this site and she said she did virtual cuddling but I couldn’t find much about it so that’s why I was asking

  • AuroradreamAuroradream

    Ok good luck, I see you did some updates. Your profile originally said only virtual sessions and did not name a different rate or any public cuddling at all. For public cuddles, I really enjoy movie cuddles, it's well air conditioned and I have a local theater with great loveseats.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited July 2025

    @Katota I've never seen the word "dudebros" before. I had to look it up.
    Interesting and very appropriate word for the guys that usually exhibit the behavior described.

    😁

    @MarkBPhx Lol! Thanks, I picked up a lot of slang lingo from Internetting throughout the years. Mainly from other sites that I am active on not just Cuddle Comfort. 😆
    There are other "substitutes" out there like Douchebags, Incels, Horny Toad Morons, Wankers...But I just stick with Dudebros when discussing Dudebros. 😁

  • KatotaKatota

    $125 an hour for a virtual is going to be on the high end, definitely going to draw those that are going to assume that 'more' is on the table.

    🙄

    @wilderdude Right, so it's "the price tag's fault" for rando's gross ASSumptions and even more GROSS behavior. 🤢

    Nice. 😌👍

  • MTexMTex

    I feel like all new female accounts should start off as muted until they can get their bearings and not be inundated with messages. 🤔

  • SideonSideon

    @alndavies - and did you report this supposed high karma pro? Because mods can verify your claim easily.

  • _marC_marC

    @VirtualCuddler have you considered cuddle training? I highly recommend the course(s) on cuddlist.com

    no it won't stop ill intended people from reaching out, but it teaches/empowers you with tools on how to proceed as a platonic cuddle leader. (And worth every penny that they charge For the training imo).

    Many new people just jump on here and go right into paid cuddler status, hope for the best, but their really setting themselves up for failure if you're just "winging it/going in blind.

    I don't get paid but I Cuddl bc i love it and its rewarding in itself
    (and it the feedback really shows🥰)

    have u tried reaching out to some of the other pros and talk to them? I'm pretty sure they have a registered (paid cuddlers only) part of this cuddle community that normals like me don't habe access to. I'm guessing it's for pros to talk an
    d share ideas.

  • lonelyboredlonelybored
    edited July 2025

    The "truth" you are claiming here is victim blaming. - Joyfulheart (Moderator)

  • lonelyboredlonelybored
    edited July 2025

    See above

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