New users overwhelmed with messages

respectfulrespectful
in General

What advice would you give someone who receives a very large number of messages in their first few days after joining? (Typically a non-professional, younger woman).

I've seen someone deactivate their account when this happened, which isn't a very good outcome.

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]TripleC (deleted user)

    I wish I had that problem.

  • [Deleted User]Sweetmama (deleted user)

    I have noticed that. It seems people are quick to move on the new cuddlers. The question is. Why? Are they inexperienced and new, possibly easy pray, or teachable and people want to help a new cuddler.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    I think because there aren't a lot of options, so when someone new arrives, they are excited and pounce.

    Even if there are options, it's good for people to cuddle with different people.

    So there really is little reason not to message a new person on the site :-/ My only hope is there are enough kind messages to counterbalance the rude / icky ones :-P

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    I send a "welcome" to most new users I see. Simple word, nothing strong. I want them to be noticed.

    If it's someone in my "service area", I jump quick, hoping:
    1) I'll get in there first, before they get worn-out/inundated.
    2) Limited options in my area cause me to want to make the most of the opportunity.

    I figure, There is no way to balance it because everyone has a different expectation. All I feel I can do to improve my odds is to be welcoming, polite, and get there first.

    I often get replies. Often, the account is already closed/banned, by the time I see their reply. Shrug. Just a comment.

    Peace

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24

    Why can’t the website , create some kind of “ regulator “ electronic device , that limits the message inflow to someone’s inbox .
    The overflow , goes into some kind of “ container” with “ first in” messages, to be automatically successfully sent once the mailbox owner responds to , existing messages in their inbox .
    If a senders message , is sent to the overflow container , a website notice is sent to the sender that the persons mailbox is full , and once messages are responded or deleted or some action is taken by the recipient , their message will be fowarded in turn , to the messagee.

    Did someone else suggest this once?

  • calineurcalineur

    Perhaps new ones can click on an option to receive messages or not receive messages,
    or have the ability to control from whom they receive messages by clicking on "willing to receive messages from [members who fit these parameters].

    I used to message new members until I realized what was happening. They were just getting overwhelmed and leaving the site before they had time to acclimate to the concept of cuddling and to decide what they wanted from this site or with whom they wanted to interact.

  • stephen1987stephen1987

    There aren't that many people in location that's why

  • sparky6666sparky6666

    I just joined and am struggling to accept it is a legit site haha

    The forum part seems more legit at least

  • [Deleted User]Koala87 (deleted user)

    I just joined and am not sure about it, it’s a little bit hard to tell who’s legit and I don’t ever want to assume people are being intentionally creepy, but it’s difficult.

  • Kai816Kai816

    @sparky6666 Yes this is a legitimate site. As a Pro, I have many clients and repeat clients. This is partly to me being kind, compassionate and non-judgemental.
    The only reason I can think of about the inundation of emails, is that on the home page of this website, they list the profiles of recently joined members.
    Yes, from time to time we get a creep who thinks this is a “dating” website, or those who message rude or things of a non-platonic nature. We report them, they either get banned or you can block them from messaging you.
    K

  • respectfulrespectful

    @Koala87 Can I ask roughly how many messages you are getting as a new person?

    I hope any creeps don't put you off! There are some lovely people on here.

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited August 2018

    I'm still wondering what a good strategy is for a new person with lots of messages.

    Maybe just pick a few to focus on, and either ignore the rest for now or send them a brief reply saying you have too many messages to respond to but you might be able to talk later?

    I really appreciate replies to messages even if it's "no thank you", but I can understand someone not being able to reply to 30+ messages per day.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    We're starting into weird territory here where it's being suggested that we behave to some code that isn't part of the website. I'm all-for being aware of how we might come-off, but I'm not comfortable with the social-engineering aspects.

  • respectfulrespectful

    @galowglass Could you clarify that a bit -- which things are being suggested that you are uncomfortable with?

    (I have no issue with people messaging new members ... I'm just wondering how to encourage those people not feel overwhelmed and leave).

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    "still wondering what's a good strategy" ... For whom and who decides?

  • tallteddytallteddy

    I guess I'm part of the problem, as I do send out messages to new cuddlers in my area. I've heard from a few of them that they felt overwhelmed, particularly with sorting out who is or isn't a potential cuddle buddy. Apparently, some people will write any new member even if they live on the other side of the world.

    Perhaps I shouldn't be so eager to make contact and just write them a week or two later, only if I fit within what they want from a cuddle buddy.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I may send a brief hope all is well in your world and i hope this site is kind to you message. If they write back can always expand

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited August 2018

    @galowglass '"still wondering what's a good strategy" ... For whom and who decides?'

    As I said in the original post: "What advice would you give someone who receives a very large number of messages in their first few days after joining?"

    Not deciding for them, just wondering what advice to give them so they don't feel like leaving immediately (or at least deactivating their account) due to too many messages, which I have seen happen.

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    cool. I took it out of context. thanks

    1) I would tell them that if they feel bad about not responding, then they should copy/paste the same response into every message, "Thanks for your note. I'm just checking this place out for now. Have a great day."
    Go through every message in the inbox. If it's not interesting, reply, paste-in the canned response. click send. delete the conversation later.
    That way, as you are going through the messages, you have the opportunity to provide a more encouraging response to those people who seem interesting. But then you also know that you've left no one waiting for a reply.

    2) A more efficient method, but at the other extreme... Delete every message you get for the first week, or whatever period of time. Only reach out to those people you want-to.

    3) If you have all the time in the world, reply to them all.

    As for what to expect... Don't get discouraged by creeps. Delete the messages and block the accounts. If things are ugly or unjust, flag the account and let a moderator take care of it. While this is not the gentlest of methods, you will find most people here support your right to respond/react to offensive communications. You don't even have to tell anyone, anything. Just, Click the button and provide a couple details and then forget about it.

    Participate in the forums! You will find a lot of kindred souls. At least lurk your way through them. You'll find a lot on non-creeps around the place. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but it is always good to read through existing posts, first. A Lot of topics come up repeatedly.

    Welcome!

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited August 2018

    @galowglass Option 1 is more or less what I was thinking. I wouldn't want them to feel pressure to reply to everyone (as much as I do value getting replies to messages!).

    Option 2 is a little harsh! It could work though.

    Option 3 may be tricky if they're feeling overwhelmed by messages.

    About creeps ... I guess there's a skill to learn (if they don't have it already) that it is OK to not be "nice" if someone is talking/acting inappropriately towards them, i.e. having healthy boundaries.

    Participating in the forums sounds like a good suggestion too.

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited August 2018

    One solution is to take away the ability of male members to message non-pro female members unless the female member has messaged them first. Women would always have to make the first contact. That would absolutely solve the problem of women receiving too many messages. Of course, it would also place on them the burden of making the first contact and risking possible rejection.

  • floaties16floaties16
    edited August 2018

    I was overwhelmed at first. I would not log in because I felt guilty for not wanting to reply to everyone. There really is no solution. Just remind yourself that rejection is a normal part of the user experience. They will eventually find what they are looking for and if they dont there are always pros who are much more receptive.

  • respectfulrespectful

    @floaties16 Roughly how many messages were you getting? Were most of them ok (non-creepy)?

  • MarkMark
    edited August 2018

    This topic is actually something I started thinking about a few weeks ago from a technical perspective.

    A couple of ideas so far is to automatically have a new member's email frequency change to a daily summary, if they receive a lot of messages. And secondly, prevent people messaging new users who are not in their general location.

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited August 2018

    @Mark Those could help.

    As well as happening to new users, someone can be a bit overwhelmed when they just come back online again after being away for a while (so they appear at the beginning of searches). I'm aware of two people who were in that situation.

    So I wonder if there could be an option "don't appear in searches" so people can still receive messages, but only from people they already know (and people on the forum if they've posted there I guess)?

    Possibly with either a time limit or a reminder message, since it might be easy to forget they are hidden.

  • MarkMark
    edited August 2018

    So I wonder if there could be an option "don't appear in searches" so people can still receive messages, but only from people they already know (and people on the forum if they've posted there I guess)?

    I think someone previously made this suggestion and referred to it as a 'Mute' button. It definitely seems like a more valuable feature in the context of this discussion.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24

    @mark

    “ and secondly,prevent people from messaging new users who are not in their general area”

    It seems like a user could adjust their settings, to display their location the same as the new user and .... badabing! .... “
    Hello.....”
    am I wrong about that

  • [Deleted User]galowglass (deleted user)

    This account is already disabled so I think I can share this without upsetting anyone. I thought this response was very revealing,

    Me: Welcome!
    Other cuddler: aw thank you! I made this account out of sheer curiosity, but you seemed too nice to ignore. I'll most likely end up ignoring my account or deleting it if i find out how to do so (lol) so if i don't talk to you i hope you find good luck on this site :^)

  • MarkMark
    edited August 2018

    @cuddlerforu24 Sure but I doubt you'd get many people bothering to do that for the sake of saying hello. There should still be a decent reduction of messages with such a rule.

  • floaties16floaties16

    @respectful No messages were creepy. some of them were what is your availability or can we cuddle rather than an introduction. For the most part they are fine. Options are good so its okay my advice is just that its okay to not be interested.

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