@quietman775 - Thanks for the explanation. In social media, I'm pretty liberal about who I friend. Here I'll probably restrict that to people I know better.
@respectful i was an enthusiast, but four men messaged me, and they all wanted sex or outercourse. I have deleted my account, but i came back to let people know there are a whole lot of men who want far more than platonic cuddling. One guy actually went to home base without warning after i said no sex, and i am still trying to deal with the aftermath.
I'm really sorry you experienced any of that. It's not supposed to happen, but it does. On the one hand, this is the Internet --- there are always predators in any corner of the Internet. it's a jungle at best, no matter how friendly and benign a given web community looks. It's easy to forget that.
On the other hand, there are good guys here. Plenty of them, from what I can tell. You just have to take the time to carefully distinguish good from bad before meeting. And report every profile that sends you an inappropriate message, and every member you meet who behaves badly. They will get banned, and you will save some future woman the aggravation of dealing with those individuals.
I hope you will stay. I sent a pm, but decided to post this here in the forum too, since it is of general concern. The only way to make this community what it needs to be is for good people to plant their feet, and for everyone to help take out the trash.
The only way to make this community what it needs to be is for good people to plant their feet, and for everyone to help take out the trash.
I understand what you’re trying to say... but it sounds like she was basically date raped. So... that might be a little much to ask. ??
@AndiCuddles I could not fault the poster for deciding to leave. I do think the four people who messaged her inappropriately should be reported. And I agree the physical encounter seems to rise to sexual assault, and should probably be reported to law enforcement as such. My "plant your feet and take out the trash" comment was for general consumption, and not an attempt to tell her how to respond to the trauma of an assault.
There's always a possibility that there are some that want more than cuddles.
@Joyfulwoman. Sorry that you have had such negative experiences.
I would think that for both men and women, you would want to setup a initial meeting to get a feel (no pun intended) for the person. Ask them personal questions and see if he/she is hesitant or seem a bit deceitful. Your first instinct is usually the correct one.
@quietman775 I get you.
@quietman775 it is true that predators are on many sites. I let my guard down, which i regret, but i have learned my lesson. Thank you @Tonyc . First instinct is the most important. I hope other women dont let their guard down as i did!
At a minimum check the sex offenders registry for your area. In Phoenix AZ there is a website that lists their crimes, names and addresses. And yes there are women listed on there as well as men.
At a minimum check the sex offenders registry for your area. In Phoenix AZ there is a website that lists their crimes, names and addresses.
How do you know their name to check?
@AndiCuddles - you'd have to somehow get their name or address. I'm not saying it's a foolproof system, it's just another resource that many people may not be aware is available. The site also has a photo of each person. In AZ, a drivers license has a person's name, address and photo.
I’m being a bit of a jerk, I’ll admit. Because when I recently started a thread (https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/4219/let-s-talk-about-asking-for-id#latest) asking about what people thought about asking to see a client’s ID as a measure of safety, it did not seem like a very popular idea.
Sorry about not linking the word thread... it isn’t easy to do on my iPad.
@AndiCuddles I agree that checking some form of ID is a very valid request. Some people might be worried about ID theft and such as well. I usually like to exchange social media profiles like FB or LinkedIn before agreeing to meet in person. That way atleast you can verify the person's name (in most cases).
You have every right to check and verify ID. However, most are probably uncomfortable since they are either doing this secretly or afraid of ID theft as Jacky pointed out.
I have met females off dating sites and I would usually request for 3 initial meetings to chat. During the 2nd and 3rd meetings, back track on some of the previous questions to see if the story changes. Also to important to ask some questions via text and ask them later on to see if the response is valid. And of course, if red flags are still sounding off, just walk away.
@Tonyc You have an interesting approach.
"Ask them personal questions and see if he/she is hesitant."
"Backtrack on some of the previous questions to see if the story changes."
"Ask some questions via text and ask them later on to see if the response is valid."
I would find that so wearying, so enervating. The whole mindset of laying traps to catch someone in a lie doesn't seem conducive to a cuddly good time, even if she passes the test. If I don't plan to marry her or go into a business partnership with her, I don't feel a need to interrogate her. All I need to know is whether she is safe to cuddle with; I want a chat, not a deposition. She's not applying for a security clearance.
I'd feel intrusive asking a bunch of personal questions, and I'd feel manipulative asking the same questions at different times or in different ways in an effort to trip her up. When you question people, they assume it is out of curiosity or personal interest, an innocent desire to know them better. They'd be ticked off to discover your real motive is to evaluate their honesty. You, of course, want to hide that motive --- the test is less effective if they know they are taking it. So at that point, who is being deceptive? You are! Unless, of course, you are both doing it. Imagine all the verbal fencing masquerading as friendly conversation then! No thank you.
She doesn't owe me any of the details of her life, and I don't owe her any of the details of mine. I know if I heard the same question coming at me multiple times and ways, I'd be thinking, "Objection, Your Honor: asked and answered." And I'd be out the door. What you are suggesting is not illegal, immoral, or fattening. Still, there is a fine line between reasonable caution and ... something more unsavory. For me, this crosses that line.
Edit: I don't mean for this to sound in any way harsh. Just my 2 cents. Speaking for myself and no one else.
Yeah that is some unnecessarily CSI drama there