@cuddlefaery I understand the general “you”, sorry about that. @WriterGF I can also understand being as direct with an enthusiast as I would a pro, might come across that way. I think I do that because pro’s for the most part, want a more thorough introduction (from my experience). A lot of pro’s that I’ve talked to, don’t want a simple “are you available”. They mostly want to know what you want from meeting with them. I guess I figured enthusiasts would want the same courtesy, to show that I’m respectful of their time. Also, I have no problem with building a friendship first. Being comfortable with someone is important if you’re going to be meeting them. @AmberUK sorry about that. I hope your experience with cuddlers improves, and that you can talk with people who show you some respect.
I don’t even bother with enthusiasts. There aren’t that many in my area anyways and vast majority have zero karma, only one picture, and don’t even have their profile filled out. I wouldn’t be surprised if most just throw a profile up and forget about the site shortly after.
@disneysamurai what does karma and pictures matter?
@AmberUK , what do you mean? Pictures and karma are wats to know someone is both real real and safe.
Why would it not matter?
A lot of my karma is from pros, but I do meet up with enthusiasts from time to time. You just have to be lucky, persistent, and be able to hold a normal text convo, pretty much, and eventually they will reach out. They are looking for thr right person to vibe with since they aren’t being paid
@KennyG332211 This is the internet I can steal photos from anywhere, it means nothing
@AmberUK Won't they know the photo wasn't you the second you show up? And consequently slam the door?
The karma question is an interesting one. If I were a female enthusiast, and I have found a good cuddle partner, then why would I care about karma? I'm not looking to attract the interest of someone else, most likely.
As others have said, enthusiasts are inundated with messages and unlike pros, it’s not our job. We do this for us.
Make sure the enthusiast has logged on recently. If they haven’t, you’re less likely to get a reply from them and they likely have notifications turned off.
If you’re writing with your dates in town and what you’re looking for in a cuddle, I’m less interested. I personally try to reply to all messages with something as long as they are appropriate. But to that I would say no thank you. It’s not why I’m here.
If you’re messaging me I want to hear about you’re messaging me particularly, not just my geographical area. I’m also not as interested in one time drive by cuddles. I want to build connections with people I can meet up with repeatedly. If it’s a one time thing, I will of course let you know, but it’s a no for me.
If you treat me like a pro, talk to me like I’m a pro, it doesn’t really work for me. And that’s nothing bad about the pros. But I’m here for a different reason.
I don’t charge money but I do charge time and effort and intention. And I do try to be picky about who I cuddle with. Because every time I rush it, it’s kind of a let down experience.
I have built connections and friendships with people all over the place and have even been able to connect with a few in person. So I might focus on building the connection instead of a specific cuddle date.
Of course everyone is different and an enthusiast could come here and say the complete opposite of me.
@mauvefox I completely agree with this. Time and effort are key for me. My sweet spot is a month of messaging & at least one phone call before a meet-up. There have been a couple of times where I met with someone the same week & I regretted it.
I do exchange photos with potential partners so we both know what we look like before meeting.
My goal is to have repeat partners so that we can build rapport with one another. Having mutual respect, comfortably, shared interests, & safety makes for great cuddles. I've been able to enjoy repeat cuddles with these types of partners.
Enthusiasts are out there. I am one of them. I respond with the sane energy ppl give me. If they say hi, I only say hi back. But I respond. Most fade out or deactivate ...when I check back later in the week lol so...I dk what's going on there. But finding A good Enthusiasts is much harder then you think . Good luck and be patient.
many enthusiasts aren't seeking drive-by type cuddle partners
@cuddlefaery 👍👍👍👍
Very true, well unless it's cuddling with an actual vehicle...If so, I am gonna be like "Buddy, thanks for stopping by Gainesville to hug me! Yay!" 🫂
😄😄😄😄
@FunCartel_ "If you don’t receive a reply from your initial message, a good follow-up is to say “For being an enthusiast the enthusiasm is undetectable.” "Trust me it works. They are very enthusiastic about telling you why they will never meet you after that."
Lol, 🤣 I just may try this. Undetectable from most indeed. If I can't get a cordial "no thanks", or "not now" then I'd rather they berate me than say nothing at all. Sitting there ignoring or critiquing with a smug F.U. button.
I know "people are busy" and "inundated" and all of the usual copouts but we all have a device on or near our person that takes 5 seconds to check occasionally. But sure, we can pretend like we aren't already checking Insta or TikTok from our toilet or desks 5 times a day yet can't check a thoughtful message on CC that could be something real, once in 6 months.
The irony is that my facetious take will now garner me 20 visitors over the next few days. Mostly guys for some reason. Always an adventure on CC.
@RiverBreeze Very few people seem to feel any obligation to complete strangers these days. It's the same as the job market. Apply and WAY more often than not you never hear anything back at all. These days, it's just accepted that silence means "no."
Jimmy house
@WriterGF Yeah. You've pegged it. But everyone is a stranger until they aren't. So ghosting a potential non-stranger is still shitty psychologically. Being a modern trend doesnt make it less so. Just say nahhh. Or yessss. Not that hard.
@WriterGF Thats the base of it isn’t it! Well said. Courtesy with strangers has become an expendable trait online. There is always a million other suitors waiting just a few swipes away to feed our needs, and it’s all to easy to just ignore someone’s honest attempt at getting to know you or connecting online. For women online it’s both a burden and a benefit. I don’t have a frame of reference for how draining it must be, but i understand.
For myself, growing up in a time where being social still meant meeting in person it’s difficult to reconcile the constant silence of online rejection. For the most part i have chosen to not contact enthusiasts unless i find some strong reason to. It’s a shame and i wish i knew the solution for everyone here on CC. The site is full of some great people that deserve connections .
@Chris_Cuddlez It’s a difficult situation you’re in trying to make friends and connections quickly with the deadlines of traveling. I wish you luck and hope you succeed some day!
Maybe a bit of heartfelt honesty is the way to go? Let people know your struggles with traveling and how you feel about finding cuddle friends.
Well, online is a double-edged sword. You can potentially contact a lot more people, but it's way easier for them to just ignore you. If you're only getting a handful of messages a year, it's easy to wonder why anyone wouldn't respond. But I have one enthusiast friend who went away for a weekend and had 250 messages when she got back. That's a lot to deal with.
How does anyone automatically “deserve” anything? Connections are earned over a period of time, based on effort and behavior, aren’t they? Too many people on this site seem to feel that they are entitled to access another person’s body, just because they want it/think they need it. But no, they really aren’t, even when paying for a service. It’s still a choice. I personally was raised to be polite, kind and courteous. And I will usually answer any message I receive - even the one word “hey” I get fairly often (last one was yesterday and I honestly didn’t have the energy to deal with that). Are people really so lacking in understanding of what it takes to get a response or to make a connection for cuddling? Even though I do normally answer inquiries, the rudeness and entitlement from some just seems to be an insult.
@g_w_t_w I didn’t say automatically deserve. In any human endeavor effort is always a determining factor of success. Some times For some it’s a very small factor and for others it’s massive and daunting.
I think we all get what we put into the world. if deserve is too strong of a word for you, call it karma or call it what you will , but if a person is putting forward the effort of being a kind and respectful human, that is something deserving of a certain respect in my view. Not unlimited access to my life, but a respect and recognition as a human being.
Of course if someone is making an effort to be rude, accusatory or limited and self serving the world will attempt to educate in return one way or another.
We all have to set our boundaries for entry into our lives. We can’t invite the whole world into our homes for dinner and cuddles 😏 Most of us pass by hundreds or even thousands of people every day and never give them a thought, because we have to set limits.
But if we could invite them into our lives for even just a second, maybe those thousands souls who never got a chance each day would turn out to be amazing friendships . It’s not fair that it has to be that way, but it’s life.
No one has to justify the reasons for their own boundaries to anyone. We all have our own experiences to handle and limits to set each day.
But if you were an all powerful, limitless being who had the capacity or ability to love everyone as much as they would allow it wouldn’t you do it? Wouldn’t you be kind to everyone who was kind, be receptive to all those who could accept it, and be helpful and educative to everyone who needed guidance to grow ? That means each of us are deserving of something, we just don’t always find it
There seems to be an assumption that enthusiasts are reading every message they get and choosing not to respond. The truth, at least for the enthusiasts I have met, is they get so many messages they have no time to look at all of them, let alone answer them. An enthusiast woman, especially a newer member, gets treated like a loose football around here, which is part of the reason so many get scared off.
(This is the more appropriate gif response based on the previous post)
(This was the gif originally running in my head)
(This is mostly unrelated, but it was a gif i found while searching for the other gifs; i thought it was too funny not to share)
@WriterGF I do appreciate your empathetic approach. If an enthusiast comes home to 250 messages after a weekend away that's certainly overwhelming.
I don't think anyone here views them as a loose football to scramble for necessarily, but I do imagine that some feel as I do, where it's courteous to respond to those responding to you.
Even if I have 200 emails I still read them. I haven't gotten that many messages at once here of course, but I've gotten 20. And given each of them a moment of my time.
So this is not coming from a place of being "entitled" as one said here, anymore than they're acting "entitled" not to respond. Some assumptions on both sides obviously. It's unfortunate that some newbies get scared off. And to be fair, some of us could reign in impatience. I don't even expect a reply anymore because it's so rare, however I do try to welcome new enthusiasts so they may feel at home here.
But is that sustainable for everyday?
Let's say it takes 30 seconds to read an email(message). To go through 200, it would take 100 mins -- that is more than an hour ... of just reading. But now if you are expected to answer ... let's say 30 seconds to come up with something thoughtful and typing it in and sending. So that is 200 mins of dealing with messages (over 3 hours). Would you be able and willing to do that daily? (I couldn't ...)
@RiverBreeze Back when chat rooms were a thing, if someone with a female-sounding screen name came in, every guy in the place tried to meet her at once. It was a scramble.
And it's no different here. A new female enthusiast gets absolutely buried in messages, some polite, some curt, and some wildly inappropriate. There's a mad rush when a new woman appears here, because men vastly outnumber women on this site.
I fully believe you would not react to a woman here that way. But, trust me, you're the exception and not the rule.
Fact is, anyone writing is a complete stranger reaching out to another complete stranger on the Internet. I won't say all or even most, but a good number of people on the web see no reason to worry about the feelings of complete strangers. And after a woman has gotten enough messages here from guys asking for sex, odds are she stops looking at messages, period.
Lol yea the good old yahoo chatrooms.
I agree with the frustration. In my recent experience I have found that this is strictly a service for money advertising website. Zero normal person cuddles or conversations taken place. After awhile you have to question everyones motives. The IDEA that this site represents while exciting and different equals pipe dream. Lesson learned. I wont pay for a mutual cuddle because the MONEY makes it not mutual , it makes it one step from illegal.
@SnugglyJoe In what way is it one step from illegal? If you're keeping it platonic, as I am sure you are, there is nothing anywhere close to illegal about it.
And the fact is, while it is not a dating site, its demographics are very similar - lots of men, not a lot of women. That's not the fault of the site. It's the nature of the beast. As the cliche goes, women can generally find someone in their life to cuddle with if they want, they don't necessarily need to come here.
It’s totally normal. It means they’re not interested, full stop. This is the case despite most enthusiasts having flooded inboxes. When they’re interested in a specific person, they respond.
I recently reached out to one and started a conversation. The replies stopped. That’s it - moving on.
Think of it this way: why would you want to connect with someone who won’t put in minimum effort to meet you?
@dan_blue Well put. Exactly. The best approach is message and move on. If you hear back, great. If not, they're a total stranger anyway, so why get upset about it?
@GuyverGordon Inherently unsustainable equation. But that's presuming those #s are accurate longterm which is not the case. You're talking about places like KC where we have a small pool. If anyone here says they're getting 200 messages a day they're heavily exaggerating at best. Maybe scared, that could be true. Or timid. Or selfish. Or lazy. Or selective. Or well meaning, intending to get back but never did. I don't know. Don't need to know. People make time for what they want to make time for. They will respond or they won't. I'll continue corresponding with everyone regardless. Last I've got to say on the subject matter. Reach out if you want. Happy Cuddling and good luck out there. ✌️