Review Request

dennis22554dennis22554
in General

I write children's short stories with adult themes. I have had several people suggest that suggest I publish these stories--so I decided to test run looking for bot positive and negative comments:

Azalea’s Embrace

Once upon a time,
In the valley of a hidden of a hidden forest,
A special flower named Azalea lived….her mom recognized her a unique from the day she was born.
She was unlike any of her family of 232 brothers and sisters after all, she was the only one in that that was pink!
But that’s not the only thing that made her distinct, she was always also very compassionate and took care of her brothers and sisters as well flowers outside her family, no matter where they lived, always willing to sacrifice a petal when needed. She even offered to help to animals (even humans) willing to listen patiently listen, frequently offered heart melting warm hugs, in fact she was always busy taking care of others—rarely taking care of herself with the exception of her physical and cosmetic health!
One day a wise old crow flew by landing at on a branch slightly above her head.
He called out to Azalea and said, “Azalea,” I’ve been watching you and do you have any idea what warmth your presence has brought into the world?”
She replied, “No—I just do what I can to make the world a happier place—it’s no big deal!”
The crow replied, “That’s truly sad—because you are a special flower, and the world needs more of you to make it a truly beautiful place!
She replied, “I am really nothing special!”
With that, the crow flew away stating as he left, “You will see on your birthday!”
The next day she woke up to a sunny day---nothing was different from her regular flower day—as she mumbled under her breathe—"that crow was wrong—it’s just another day.”
And with that she began her day. But, soon after she quickly noted the valley was bare!
Her family was missing as well as well as all the other animals and flowers that typically populated the area—strange she thought!
Suddenly she heard a noise as hundreds of flowers and animals whose lives she had impacted, jumped out from where they were hiding and yelled ”HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Tears began to roll down her petals from happiness due to the unexpected excitement!
Her mother then hugged her daughter and said “See how much love your embrace has brought into the world!
Azalea sighed with happiness thanking everyone! She finally realized she was special and needed to take care of herself to keep spreading love!
The end!

Comments

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Thanks for sharing it's always nerve wracking to share pieces of material we work on because it comes from our heart our brain and soul and typically negative comments feel like personal attacks. But I be happy to share pros and cons

    The pros
    i would say is the dialogue it's catchy and engaging enough to keep reading

    You blend personification with flowers making them feel real and human and with emotions

    Some character building with Azalea on who she is and her personality

    The cons
    As far as Grammer there is a few double talk like the first sentence mentioned hidden twice and there is another part I'll let you find it.

    Though most children stories are simple they usually come with a stronger messege, in this story i couldn't really grasp what the underlying lesson or message was. Started out as typical day then her birthday came she thought people forgot but they surprised her because they did remember it. It's warm and positive but overall didn't feel any depth or purpose felt more like a vlog for the day

    No real climax or conflict point

    Anyway this is just my events im in process of writing a book myself two of them at once and so understand how important feedback is

  • TD1964RGKTD1964RGK

    This is a warm, heartfelt story with a timeless moral about compassion and the importance of self-care — a message that speaks equally to children and adults. The emotional center is strong: Azalea’s kindness, her humility, and the joyful surprise of being celebrated by those she helped make for a touching and memorable ending. The wise crow adds a classic fable-like presence, and the final realization about valuing oneself feels both gentle and profound. 🙂

    To elevate the piece for publication, maybe consider a careful edit to smooth out grammar and repeated phrases, which will make the flow more seamless and professional. The pacing could also be refined — the setup takes its time, but the emotional payoff at the end passes a bit too quickly, IMO. Giving Azalea’s moment of realization a few extra lines of reflection would deepen its emotional impact.

    Stylistically, the story could shine even brighter with a few vivid details or sensory touches to make the valley and Azalea’s acts of kindness more tangible. A sentence or two describing her world — the texture of her petals, the scent of the forest, the way sunlight hits her — could help young readers visualize the setting while keeping adults emotionally engaged.

    Overall, “Azalea’s Embrace” feels like a gentle parable for empaths and caretakers everywhere — those who give freely and forget to care for themselves. With some polishing of language, rhythm, and imagery, this could easily stand as a publishable, illustrated story with wide appeal.

    Nice job. Well done. Congrats.

  • NYCLatnGuyNYCLatnGuy

    @Azaleas_Embrace

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