Explaining cuddling to SO / someone you’re newly dating

sempergumby33sempergumby33
in General

I have been cuddling regularly with a very professional, strictly platonic Pro for about a year now.

I am also dating. I’m getting to the point where I’m going to need to bring this up sooner than later.

Any tips for communicating about it and/or experiences with that going well or not so well are welcome.

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Comments

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited December 2025

    You seem like a genuine fellow. And your profile gets right to the heart of why you’re here. Just keep being bravely yourself and dive right in.

    It will only be awkward if you make it awkward. And something tells me you won’t. You’re going to be fine.

    🐒

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Let them know there is clear boundaries it's simply for therapeutic purposes and that they would be your primary focus but you are telling them because you want them to know who you are and how you live your Life. And if they are willing to try to understand it or embrace you we happy to explain to them further but if it's a deal breaker let them know you respect and understand their decision and inform them you value integrity and honesty above all else and you are there if they decide to reevaluate

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    Just a question now that you’re dating someone and it’s getting a little more serious, couldn’t you cuddle with her? While some may be open-minded to you cuddling someone, most people would not. But in any case good luck with that and I hope it works out.

  • Cuddle_Guy_GRCuddle_Guy_GR
    edited December 2025

    If you're dating with the intent of a monogamous relationship, you'll have to accept that most monoganous partners will not be accepting of you cuddling with other people.

    Sometimes we have to remove good things from our life to make room for new things. It may come down to making a decision on what's more important to you: cuddling or a relationship.

    For me personally, a quality monogamous relationship is incredibly important at some point, but unfortunately not compatible with my current lifestyle. I make sure to have the conversation with anybody in my life who transcends platonic relations that there will be a point down the road where we need to say goodbye. It's extremely difficult because some of these people are dear to me and have been in my life for years. But maintaining the relationship would create a lot of discomfort for my theoretical partner.

    I don't know that I have this all perfect. But this is the best I've been able to figure out over the past few years. I hope it can help you figure out your situation.

  • MTexMTex

    Asking the person you are seeing if they like to cuddle might be a good way to bring it up. Depending on their answer you can figure out how they feel about it & in turn what their reaction might be.

    If they are non-judgmental & open-minded to begin with, it shouldn't be an issue. If not, then education might be the better route. Show them a news story or documentary on cuddling first to ease them into the idea.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    You have to be prepared for the reality that you may lose this person. Or, you may be faced with the choice of giving up non-relationship cuddling or losing this person. Communicate it immediately. Don't wait.

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    my boyfriend and I met in a very cuddle friendly community and he has zero problem with me cuddling with literally anyone (who respects my boundaries!) in this wonky world.

    that being said! much of the world outside my community is super weird about touch.

    be upfront. I wouldn't wait on this, I'd say it right away

  • BearBear

    Be honest and forthright. Some people will only cuddle with a SO or partner. It’s an intimate act for them. You would have to ask them how they feel about it.

    As other mentioned. Tell the truth and be straightforward about. They still might have an issue. Some partners can be jealous and insecure and are not open to “ sharing “.

    Most importantly, listen to what they say. Don’t rely on your perspective, they are not you. They may not see things as you do. Also they may be fine with it. Use your intuition.

    If they ask why you didn’t divulge anything previously, compare it to therapy maybe. Ppl don’t divulge they’re in therapy right off the bat in a new relationship.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I know this isn't the most helpful in current situation, but my advice: disclose really early if you have a potential deal breaker, before feelings get involved. It has the added bonus if disqualifying potential dates who are explicitly not ok with it, or you find out they're also into it or at least curious to explore.

    I learned this the hard way with being polyam/ENM. I used to wait til I got to know the person a bit more before talking about it .... But it always backfired one way or another if they weren't also looking for ENM. Their feelings would get hurt, feeling like I wasted their time and lied to them, and my feelings would get hurt at the rejection. It's far easier to handle rejection on or before a first date than after several.

    This can apply to any number of situations where someone has an interest or trait that might be a potential deal breaker for a large number of people. Sexuality, disability, specific relationship goals, children, etc. Not everyone is going to feel safe doing an early disclosure, and that's ok - safety is always more important. I just wanted to share my perspective on the downside of waiting.

  • JimmysBrotherJimmysBrother

    Hiya

  • sempergumby33sempergumby33

    cuddlefaery - I can’t figure out how to quote in this board 🤷🏼‍♂️ it just kept taking me to your profile. Thank you for actually answering my question, it was relevant and useful.

    I had a therapist basically ask me if I thought I should be poly years ago, but my mind was blown by that at the time. I think she may have been on to something though 🤷🏼‍♂️

  • sempergumby33sempergumby33
    edited December 2025

    theHugAlchemist - I’m curious about this cuddle friendly community? Do they franchise? 😂👀🤔

  • [Deleted User]seatacCuddles (deleted user)

    Ain't gonna lie , may need to give this up chief. That's just me personally

  • CuddleCove4CuddleCove4

    Give this up.

  • coolrunnings12coolrunnings12

    Do you have a barometer on how SO would take it? If you feel it might be a deal breaker for the whole relationship, I would tread lightly and consider not cuddling anymore. Follow your intuition

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    I can tell you from experience that even meeting in a cuddle-friendly environment doesn’t necessarily mean an SO would be comfortable with their partner cuddling other people. I’ve had a handful of dates now with people who have expressed how they wish I would get a “real job” & have even sent me links for applications, despite knowing upfront this is what I do for my primary income right now.

    Fun fact: none of those people have gotten past a couple dates. Humans tend to have jealousy streaks on occasion. I second maybe finding someone who is ENM or open to what cuddling is. Perhaps see if you can introduce your date to a cuddle session? With all parties permission, of course!

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    From my experience both here and dating it’s definitely a - choose one or the other - if a decision is made that it will be monogamous. Especially in a new dating relationship when trying to earn trust, people who are not part of and familiar with a platonic cuddle community would consider cuddling as too intimate.
    What they are imagining as you’re explaining what platonic cuddling involves, they probably won’t believe that it’s innocent hugging.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I was dating someone who was aware from the beginning that I cuddle people from here. At first we were friends for a bit before taking things to another level so they were already aware. However they did say they would feel more comfortable if I didn't seek out cuddles with other people, as it made them feel special. I therefore took a break while in that relationship. I told them I was still on here for the forums and talking to people and they were fine with that. When it ended, I quickly came back looking for comfort to help ease the pain of a break up. Though I did give myself some time first. That being said, I probably wouldn't have had much time to meet and cuddle other people anyway since I was spending most of my free time with that person, family, and friends (who don't cuddle) so I got a lot of cuddling done with her.
    I would just be honest about it early on, but not blunt. Something like "hey so I have something to tell you that has been a part of my life and I'd like to get your thoughts and opinions on it." and then discuss and come to a conclusion of whether they'll be ok with it, or if you'll have to decide between cuddling others and being in that relationship. For me, while I'd ideally like to have the freedom to cuddle whoever I want, whenever while in a relationship with someone, I realize that the chances aren't too high for me, and in the end I would hopefully have a partner who loves cuddling as much as I do to fulfill that need for me (all my exes seemed to enjoy cuddling I'd say - at least at some point. which would give a clue to me when the end was near if that changed).
    I've only been in monogamous relationships, but am open to the idea of polyamory, it's just that I've never met someone in person that would be interested in exploring that with me. Those that were poly weren't interested in dating me or weren't in person, and those who dated me only wanted monogamy which was fine for me. I guess I'm flexible and just believe things should be more or less equal/even in a relationship as far as what people "can or can't do" while in a relationship together. Unfortunately I've been in situations where it's been "it's ok for me, but not for you" (the other person being the "me" in that sentence).

    Anyway in short, just be upfront, honest, kind, understanding, and open-minded when hearing their side of the discussion. Then think what you want to do and decide.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    Do you need consistency in cuddling OR variety in who you cuddle with?
    If it’s consistenty & your dating partner cannot provide this explain that.. but preface it by highlighting platonic cuddling and you need touch in order to feel “ alive” or “ mentally healthy .”
    If it’s variety, that maybe harder for someone you’re dating to understand. If you truly want to be honest show the person your profile here and your karmas

  • [Deleted User]onerelaxedguy (deleted user)

    Great genuine question - the answer is all about you.
    Generally when newly dating you both outline things you like and want both personally, wide things like sports etc and well being items - things good for the soul. Somewhere along the way you outlined cuddling or love those head on shoulder moments and chatting. Following same path that for my well being and soul side, signed up for a great site called CC. You got this one!

  • DaveLaughsDaveLaughs
    edited December 2025

    I think it depends on who you’re dating and how open they are to this sort of thing

    It’s about boundaries (yours and theirs), consent, and about getting needs met

    If the needs you get from cuddling with pros platonically are not being met by the person you’re dating (or vice-versa?), maybe this is a point to reflect on

  • frankparker9frankparker9
    edited December 2025

    I’ve met plenty of people who aren’t poly but who understand that cuddling is fundamentally platonic for many people. I tend to hang out in poly- and cuddle-adjacent spaces, though.

    Honestly, I think even if you are monogamous, it’s better to date someone who isn’t as jealous or possessive as the norm. It took me years to realize my ex-wife just wasn’t comfortable with me having female friends. (This was before I had my cuddle awakening, or my poly awakening.) IMO, a partner or potential partner being threatened by platonic emotional intimacy or physical touch is NOT a good sign, even if that’s easy to find.

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    My advice is to find a partner or partners that accept you for who you are and the lifestyle you want and not what they want you to be. The more you are outside of the norms of society the smaller the pool of potential partners becomes.

  • bluefish281bluefish281

    I've never dated while seeing professional cuddlers before. Whenever I'm dating the companionship I get from them scratches that itch. That's just me. Anyway, whenever I tell them about this they have always been open minded about it and understand why someone would want to pay for this. If I were to tell someone about it and they reacted negatively that would mean that our values most likely aren't aligned. If they think professional cuddling is weird then we probably disagree on other things.

    My advice is that if you are on the fence about whether you should tell them about this that means you should definitely tell them.

  • joshguru111joshguru111

    Is depend on whom you are dating telling the person will give lot of peace and clarity in your relationship with him, you just need courage to go ahead and say that to him

  • jonnyquestjonnyquest

    My 2 cents.. I've had this conversation with a couple pros. I've said that if I was in a serious relationship I'd stop cuddling.Because even though it's platonic it's still cheating in my book.I'm spending an intimate moment with someone who isn't my girlfriend or wife.And if I happened to get in a serious relationship with a pro I'd ask her to stop for the same reasons.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Even if you (the attached person Cuddler) don’t consider it cheating, think seriously about how your SO would feel about it - even better would be to actually ask them before doing it. Honesty is a thing, you know?

  • MindTherapyMindTherapy
    edited December 2025

    From my experience, you would need to pick one or the other because it’s more about respect than whether it’s platonic or not. I wouldn’t be ok being in a relationship and cuddling others as I feel it would devalue my relationship. You can tell her about it, but just be prepared it may change the dynamic of your relationship. If you’re really serious, you may want to end your cuddle relationship prior to bringing it up. Your SO will want to feel she is the most important person in your world. If you’re not ready to end things with your cuddle buddy, it may not be a good time to seek a committed relationship.

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    I heavily disagree with giving up any part of yourself, your hobbies, your friends, etc. for a romantic relationship. I have strong opinions about this as someone who has been in a few codependent romantic relationships. If you are cutting off bits of yourself to fit into someone else's idea of a relationship, it's not going to be a healthy relationship. The right person will accept and love you exactly as you are.

    If cuddling is something that is important to you, then you should find a partner who accepts it. I would think of it like playing video games, or traveling, or even drinking or substance use. If you meet someone who has totally different values (like you're sober and they enjoy smoking weed for example), then you two are probably not compatible and that is totally okay and both people are valuable, lovable people even if they don't work together in romantic partnership.

    There are as many relationship structures and dynamics and boundaries as there are people! I agree with @cuddlefaery that you should disclose early and often. Personally, I would never be in a relationship where the boundaries were that I wasn't allowed to touch anyone but my romantic partner. I don't want my romantic partner to be responsible for meeting EVERY one of my relational needs and I don't want to be responsible for meeting all of theirs. If I meet someone who feels like cuddling would be cheating, they aren't the right person for me.

    When I am getting to know people, dating or otherwise, I share openly about myself, my hobbies, my work, etc. Especially the things that could be controversial. For example, I am very progressive in my politics, I am involved in psychedelic supported mental health (legal here in CO), I am a pro and enthusiast cuddler, I am bisexual. Those are aspects of my life I won't be compromising on for a romantic partner (or friendship). I care about people who are different and don't agree with those things, but if someone thinks mushrooms are bad, or they're conservative, or they think cuddling is romantic or sexual and want me to stop? That's not my person.

    If you are hiding things about yourself to get someone to date you, you are running the risk that they don't accept you when they find out and even if they might have accepted it, they may disconnect from you because you were hiding things from them. You have to show up authentically yourself to give the right people the opportunity to love you as you are, to see you fully and understand you. 💛

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    I'm so glad Aly responded 😄😊

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