Does anybody else dislike how initial connections these days are usually played out in messaging?

HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
edited December 2025 in General

This topic is not just about CC.

I feel like one good conversation face to face with each other allows everyone to bring their most present self with their full "arsenal" for connection.

Video and phone calls come second.

I'm an easy connector with most people, but some texters don't put much personality in their messages and some come across like they're downright illiterate when it's most likely they are rushing the text.

It's all a number games today and I miss the quality time people would take with individuals.

What's your preferred method of initial connection?

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Comments

  • JubalJubal

    Yes, given my druthers, I'd druther meet relatively quickly in a public setting - a typical public coffeeshop or Barnes & Noble type setting where you can chat for just a few minutes or hang out for an hour if you're both engaged in the conversation. If nothing else, meeting in person like this gives both of you a 'vibe check' that's far more useful than text messages onsite.

    After that initial meeting, if one or the other isn't interested, then it's easy to decline a booking request.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    What's your preferred method of initial connection?

    I miss the sound and anticipation of old modems. Would you connect? Or would you be disconnected?

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I actually enjoy connecting over text methods at first. But then, I'm one of those odd balls who writes novel length texts, uses a bunch of emojis for tone, and spams memes & gifs as a love language.

    I've always felt more comfortable expressing myself via written word over speaking. Maybe its my neurodivergence, maybe its just a preference - all I know is that I don't get social anxiety with typing the way I do with speaking. I also love how text mediums allow me to meet more people from different backgrounds and viewpoints than I normally would in everyday life. It's allowed me to connect with people who have become lifelong friends, and when we finally managed to meet in person it was just all the sweeter because we already had this rich history of communication. It's also allowed me to stay connected to people during my frequent illnesses, instead of me staying isolated waiting for the next interaction.

    Sure, I still absolutely love meeting people face-to-face, but I don't mind having a lengthy text exchange first or having text be our primary form of communication. As much as I am a super tactile, cuddly person - I'm even more a brain person, so if anything I prefer delaying meeting in person until we're both comfortable and ready.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited December 2025

    To answer the question, I always prefer in person to text. First, most people put far more effort into a live meeting. And live meetings provide a more accurate reading of what is a lie and what isn’t from someone. Texts just do not provide much substantial evidence of social clues and cues that live conversations face-to-face offer. Texts don’t fidget, texts don’t blush and texts do not capture a person’s enthusiasm or lack thereof as well as a live interaction.

    Edit: I do get introductory info and introductions via texts, as they can offer basic facts. But anyone reticent about face-to-face is quickly eliminated from my world or the become a lower priority. I need real social interaction, not simulations.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    I won't meet a new person without a few messages first. I've often learned enough about someone in a few messages to decide whether an in person meeting would be worthwhile. So many messages I've received were low effort and entitled.

  • AmberUKAmberUK

    Much prefer text. I hate the phone, don't do videos and dread face to face. I know I need to do face to face cos of cuddles but most the ones I have here have been awful which is why I keep deactivating my account cos I need cuddles but do wanna meet anyhow, meh. Wish I could do text cuddles or just not need them at all

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    @cuddlefaery I am the same way and maybe it's also because I'm an author. When people inject their personality into their texts, it makes it flow like spoken conversation, and I feel a lot more comfortable feeling some sort of presence in them.

    When people barely write and don't bother to spell things out, it comes off creepy-mysterious like somebody scrawled on a wall.

    Another thing that throws me off from texting, is sometimes people write from what seems like a different personality than who they speak from.

    What are the signs that you find in people's texting mannerisms that are red flags and green flags? Besides the obvious things like someone talking sexual.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    I don't reveal on the forums what I consider red flags in messages. I don't want to teach people how to be better at deceiving others.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Huggycatbear not necessarily red flags, but ones that might make me think they wouldn't be a good match with me:

    • non-responses and excessive small talk (single word replies, repeatedly asking the same inane "how are you?"/"how's the weather?")
    • ignoring, avoiding, or deflecting direct questions
    • obvious generic copy-paste intros
    • excessive compliments on appearance
    • sarcasm to the point of being difficult to tell if they are ever serious
    • mean-spirited "jokes"
    • wanting drive-by or short notice cuddles (just not my jam)
    • using any sort of pejorative or discriminatory language (zero tolerance for that shyte)
    • comments or questions that make it clear they did not actually read my profile
    • comments that make it clear we do not align ethically
    • being allergic to or disliking cats 😹
  • AmberUKAmberUK

    @cuddlefaery yeah the cats thing is a bad sign 🙀

  • coolrunnings12coolrunnings12

    @cuddlefaery being allergic to cats is a red flag🤣. Get your immune system together buddy, lol

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @AmberUK it's just a fact - if you cuddle with me, you're very likely also going to be cuddling with my cat 😂

    Not to mention there's a decently strong correlation between disliking cats and disliking boundaries....

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @coolrunnings12 hey now, I'm the last person to judge someone's immune system - considering I was born with an officially diagnosed crappy one 😂 being allergic is not a red flag, just incompatibility

  • CuddleHideawayCuddleHideaway

    I would disagree with the premise of this post. While it applies to initial connection on this site, by necessity, I don't believe it is true for the lion's share of life. A vast majority of my initial connections are made face-to-face. I appreciate the convenience of texts/messages, and am thankful for the people I've met here on CC, but face-to-face is still the higher percentage by far for me.

  • coolrunnings12coolrunnings12

    @cuddlefaery ohhh I misread that, not a good match for you. Yeah I have a cat too and she’s 100% involved in a cuddle lol

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    @cuddlefaery I agree to written contact first, as I get really nervous meeting new people in person or even on the phone/video call. It gives me a chance to gather my thoughts and really think about what I want to say or ask. If I just meet someone in person for the first time I am likely to be quiet, shy, and awkwardly trying to try to think of what to say or talk about, while hoping I'm giving a good first impression of myself. There will be most likely some "sooo..." or "umm" processing moments a lot if it's the first time I'm speaking to someone live with my voice. Eventually I can do that, and once a person gets to know me better and gets me to let down my guard I can probably talk for far too long on a topic and make a phone conversation last hours (especially if it involves me telling stories where I go off on tangents and then come back to the main topic). But until I reach that level of comfort I'm quite quiet and short in my answers and trying to think of things to say or ask.

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I once had someone's cat sit on my head during a cuddle lol I don't mind cats or dogs joining usually, though one time someone's dog had to be put in the room because he would not stop licking my face or trying to climb on top of me to the point it was hard to breathe. 😂 He was a big dog too lol. I still felt bad he was in the other room, but this was a paid cuddle session. I made sure to greet him again before leaving. I love animals and am happy when one takes right to me.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Lmao, I also am a package deal with my cat. He gets to be in a cuddle puddle without doing any of the work. I've been surprised how many people agreed to cuddle even with allergies. Some didn't even know, but I have his pic right on my profile. Maybe I should have a disclaimer.

    So I make sure they know in the messaging.

    I appreciate the green flags and red flags. It's not about helping people decieve or anything, but just nice for people to have a chance to learn greeting and cuddling etiquette.

    Do you find the way people text to be vastly different then the way they hold conversation?

  • theHugAlchemisttheHugAlchemist

    I'm allergic to texting... too many ways things can be misinterpreted, hard to get a feel for a person without tone of voice cues, etc. ugh. I don't want to meet people online.. but here I am, humbly trying to get to the phone call stage as swiftly as possible.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Omg I feel the same way @theHugAlchemist. Unless someone is really putting personality in their texts, I get straight up anxiety. It's akin to me having a conversation with someone I just met in the dark.

  • CuddlesofcuddleCuddlesofcuddle

    I'm a horrible texter but I'm awesome in person so I'm with @theHugAlchemist 100%

  • BearBear

    I’m just happy lately when an enthusiast replies. When I start getting intermittent or vague replies from a pro, I move on. If they act in a off manner, I see that as a indication of issues to come, first hand experience

    I also try to be understanding and not look at things from my perspective only. They could be busy or inundated. Especially this time of year.

    Some enthusiasts can be lurkers or curious onlookers. If some one wants to cuddle they will make an effort to reply.

    Take a maybe or no answer as a no. Don’t have high expectations. Some people have issues saying no.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    i think it depends on who each person is. i have social anxiety, it's easier for me to interact through messages and texts. i also gain a lot of information from them and folks can weed themselves out pretty quickly. meeting up in person would be a big waste of time for me if i jumped to that with most people.

    any time i've met up with someone before i've felt absolutely comfortable, it's turned out anywhere between poor to meh. 🤷‍♀️ I'm here to build lasting connections, not 'vibes'.

    Some people do great/better in person. I prefer to get to know them first, have some comfort, and then meet up in person.

    Also, I've met people here and in other areas of life from very far away and have engaged completely via message and calls and i would consider some of them great friends.

  • DEV_in_MNDEV_in_MN
    edited December 2025

    I'm usually not nervous about meeting new people, especially if it's just one person or a small group. I have to interact with new people constantly at work, so maybe I’ve gotten used to it. Plus, platonic interactions feel like much less pressure than other types. Knowing that a meeting is strictly platonic makes me feel comfortable meeting in person sooner

    I don't have a strong preference for how I find people, whether it’s meeting at work or an event, or finding someone via a search here. My preference for the initial contact depends on the situation: if we match online, we’ll probably text or have some type of call first. I think the only time that wouldn't happen is if we meet at an activity, or If I'm meeting someone at a place that I was already at.

    I'm okay with using the internet as a resource for finding people, but I'm just as comfortable meeting offline.

    Sometimes texting is easier, because like others have said you have friends that aren't in the same state or maybe they are busy. For ongoing relationships, I think my preference would be being able to interact in person if possible or hoping on a quick call

  • AmberUKAmberUK

    @mauvefox oh so this, people rush me and it just does not work for me at all.
    Hard to do this when you are an introvert

  • rosejerryrosejerry

    With ChatGPT, it’s easy to compose a text. Even a small novella. However, I much prefer a phone call or in person get together. So much context gets lost over text. No opportunity for natural conversation and back/forth. Sorry AI, not yet for me! And how about those cats?!

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited December 2025

    It’s shocking how many younger people do not like to talk on the phone and have anxiety built around it. Makes it difficult to connect.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @WestsideMarc as someone who is the same age as you, i assure you, it's not just 'younger people'.

    there are lots of ways to connect, and once i'm comfortable with someone, i love to hang out in person (I have always hated talking on the phone though).

    but people take a lot of energy for me to engage with and it's easy to have my social resources drained if i'm not careful who i expend them on. so I try to be very careful about that.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Initial contact by text is fine… to set up a more meaning face to face meeting in a public location.

    I’ve had cuddles with pros after very brief text conversations leading to a booking, but I admit not being completely comfortable with that arrangement (I assume the pros were completely OK with it because that is how they chose to proceed).

    Any enthusiast I have cuddled with usually followed weeks to months of getting to know each other by text, a video chat, and/or a meeting in a public location to ensure we were comfortable with each other before being alone together. I greatly prefer this approach but I know it usually isn’t practical for a pro to invest that type of time before booking an appointment.

    I’ve really slowed down on cuddling over the past year or so due to my work and travel schedule. I used to book a lot of cuddles while traveling but I have slowed down on that as well because I am traveling to more locations but my stays at each location are getting shorter.

  • AmberUKAmberUK

    @JohnR1972 wow i wish people moved that slow. People who message me, not matter what I put on my profile act like this place is the tinder for cuddles. I have so given up

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