@durantpiano awww thank you! I appreciate you listening to it! It does have a Christian vibe to it but it’s more of a “I’m at a low point but I believe in myself and will rise above it” kind of meaning lol
@Sheena123 wow I definitely will check it out… I’m actually a pianist and music producer.
@durantpiano ooooo well, now I’m nervous lol I hope it’s good to you 😆😆😆
@AL3XGage_06 I disagree about your assessment on why it would bother a cuddler for their cuddle partner to be married. From my experience the people that are most concerned about marital status are women who would want no part in any extra curricular activities. They just feel unethical to be cuddling with someone that is in a committed relationship even though it's a completely platonic activity. Yes some will say "but she's ok with it", unfortunately that's something people will just say. It's not as though there's a way to verify.
I'd wager that most men who are going to push boundaries aren't going to give a dam about whether the gal is married or not.
@Sheena123 line about property totally reminded me of this.
If I remember right, a pros relationship status does not appear on their profile but you can search and filter out married pros in the search options.
while I agree the relationship status of the pro cuddler is not relevant to service provided, can the op’s position be seen from a safety perspective (alongside preference)? many pro cuddlers have many protocols to enhance safety (where first meeting, video or phone call first, payment before or after service). those are all perfectly fine. why can’t a client then decide for his or her safety not to want to seek out services of a married cuddler? the client might be concerned another party may not be as understanding or open minded about platonic cuddling as those of here. I would think it would be professional courtesy to disclose that either in the profile or at least before setting up a meeting. some here say it shouldn’t be an issue because the pro says “the spouse is ok with it”, but as wilderdude mentions how does the client know that? the client must take the word of the pro…do pros always take the word of the client?
I would think a married cuddler concerned about an inappropriate client would disclose that to further discourage any inappropriate activity. it seems strange why a married cuddler would want to keep that a secret if that cuddler also thinks the issue is totally irrelevant at the same time. I would then wonder what the cuddler’s motives were...
the op’s position be seen from a safety perspective (alongside preference)?
Absolutely, that’s why I had a post asking if the cuddle took place at her house. Because if it did, I think she should have been forthcoming with that information when entering Papa Bear’s cave. They may be cool with it but as a stranger you do not know, and if the role was reversed the pro would want to know if she went to his place to find his Mama Bear. That’s an awareness and safety concern. I think in situations like that it would fall under informed consent. I have cuddled a few people in their house while their husband was home and it was fine, but they told me up front and in advance and allowed questions and I did and moved forward with a cuddle—that’s informed consent.
I totally agree with the above because we really don’t know accurately what the situation is with the married couple. Do we know the whole truth? I think that it’s preferable that the Pro discloses their status for the start. I’ve cuddled with married men in the past who revealed that their wife didn’t know. That’s often why many men here will not post a photo. It’s a mix of both I’m sure, ones who have their partner’s approval and others who do it secretly. I have rarely had a session at a man’s house, it doesn’t feel that safe to me until I thoroughly know the situation. If I can’t host, I prefer hotel as the location.
I didn't read the entire thread, but it seems that everyone involved is okay but you, which means you only need to decide for yourself.
If you're not sure, which it seems you aren't, then it looks like you have a perfect opportunity to discover a part of yourself in a safe environment. Sounds great to me. No matter what conclusion you come to it will benefit you.
The only thing I would.... Recommend.....is to see if you can discover your own truth. Try to not have other people tell you what you think (society, upbringing, opinions of others, etc)
@AL3XGage_06 It's a personal preference and it's perfectly valid to ask if the lady is in a relationship before making the decision to book a platonic cuddle session.
Relationship status shouldn’t matter. If it does you have to ask yourself “why am I so bothered by this?” There’s a societal stigma that married people or ppl in a serious relationship should only get touch and cuddles from their significant other.. let’s change this narrative! Don’t drink the kool aid.. Variety of touch & cuddles is healthy! It’s intimate but platonic.
@zoeloveshugs Even though this topic has come up many times and this thread is about Pros, naturally many scenarios will be presented. I think some of us are looking at this through the eyes of the partner or spouse who doesn’t know that their SO is cuddling with someone else outside of their relationship. This is a platonic site, every encounter is of course 💯 platonic but that still doesn’t mean the other person in the relationship would be ok with it. There’s 2 views to this conversation. I think only the partner of the cuddler can answer how they feel about it. The other side is when the Pro doesn’t reveal their status, some consider it irrelevant and others don’t.
You know what I think a lot of the women here are picking up on that I simply glazed over the first time... and perhaps why they are responding the way they are:
While we’re midway into the cuddle session, she mentions her husband
This is OFTEN done on purpose. Its a common gentle or not so gentle reminder that the person you are with is taken. I feel like a lot the responders here just picked up on that wavelength instinctually.
Granted conversations like this happen when cuddling so it possibly wasn't... but given the reaction to the comment I think the ick factor is seeping through as a possibility.
EDIT
Everyone else did the gentle nudges, im more of a .. "hey heres the brass tacks" kind of person.
Sooo OP.. explain the context and we could see if this whole thread is even necessary anymore. What was the conversation that lead up to them telling you about their husband? Was this in the process of say.. telling each other about your lives, or did she just suddenly randomly throw out that little fact.
I dont like debating the merits of all of this without understanding the whole reason this started in the first place.
@tacpmurg I definitely get it. Anyway there are many ways to look at this subject, and it becomes very personal to some because of their real, lived experience.
@tacpmurg we were literally cuddling side by side… there was no up close contact besides my shoulder and hers. We were talking about our church upbringing & background and she mentioned her husband… so try again ✅ Church and up on another man’s wife is awkward… Did you pick up on that???
@durantpiano Yes, I did pick up on it. Your responses in this thread, the way you talked about the pro cuddler after you learned they were married, the sudden seemingly discomfort...Im just being honest but all of these things continue to paint a picture of a red flag for me.
Though I am trying to take you at face value so far and perhaps you are just very religious.
But then I ask myself, why does such a religious person not ask about such hard boundaries at the start of the interaction, when messaging. I do all sorts of boundary checks when I message a pro.
Its important to communicate with people we are going to physically interact with so intimately, and continue to communicate all the way through before, during, and after (up to a point after lol).
I apologize if the point of this thread is to simply have something to argue about back and forth, I see that a lot on some forums.. but if we are truly discussing OPs scenario legitimately, I'd like to understand better why they even got so far as to be cuddling with the pro before finding this information out that is a super hard line for them.
@tacpmurg you win! I was sincere and you are still reaching trying to make this into something totally beyond what it was intended for…lol
@durantpiano I think you mistake my bluntness for something it isnt, but thats not on you. I have a bit of the tism so you will have to take my words for what they are.
Everyone else is concentrating on the merits of if a pro cuddler should or should not list the married status.. im much more curious about the cause and the effect.
For me, I take great great pains to make sure that the pro cuddler and myself are always in a place of comfort and consent, so this.. breach.. of your consent/comfort is important to be understood. But as I look at it the breach didnt come from the pro, but a sort of self inflicted wound. Which is why im asking clarifying questions.
Ah, feel free to just say you dont want to explain btw, I have a tendency to kill threads here with my need to understand.
Whoops, judging by the fact the thread died again, im just going to assume you all were intentionally arguing for arguments sake.
My bad, I can never tell the difference.
@durantpiano I think a lot of what many are saying that may come across as unnecessarily harsh but is actually some good advice is simply this—much of what’s on profiles is purely optional. You do not have to offer your ethnicity, religion, relationship status, etc unless you are comfortable doing so. In my view, making information optional has nothing to do with the platonic nature of cuddling but more that this is a community conceived on the principles of acceptance and tolerance—many here have social anxiety, are on the spectrum, struggle with depression, or are basically fighting ingrained shame from stigmas attached to emotions and touch. The list is endless, but the community is here not to cure but to support. And if one only feels comfortable sharing small pieces of information and the trade off is they find the community then the trade off is worth it.
But part of that trade off is—and I think this is what @tacpmurg and others are trying to convey—you are responsible for your own safety and it is imperative that you know yourself and vet everyone accordingly. I think this comes easier for women because they learn at an earlier age about situational awareness for obvious reasons, while vetting for situational awareness purposes really does not occur to men outside of dealing with potential threats from other men. Most men never dream of asking women questions regarding their own boundaries or even their own safety. I had to learn it the hard way from a couple of bad sessions and now I never have a bad session. You’re new and have entered a new world that you probably didn’t know existed until recently, so you will have some ah-ha moments like your first cuddle and I am sure you are the wiser for it and your cuddle partners will become progressively better fits for you. But you do need to take what you learned and turn it into meaningful communication. And asking questions like you did by starting this thread is a good start.
Good luck on your cuddle journey!
One of my no's is cuddlers who are married or dating someone. Don't want any drama, it's too awkward, just how I feel.
the OP says its his first pro cuddle, it is possible he incorrectly had the understanding that pro cuddler would volunteer this information up front and not wait into the middle of the cuddle to reveal. it didn’t occur to him until that moment this is a question he needs to ask given how the site is set up and how some have the belief that sharing information like that is voluntary. learning experience on this site. if this is a concern, one should ask the cuddler if that is a concern. It is a reasonable concern or preference on the client.
I think some of the pro cuddlers criticizing him are taking a strange position that having this preference is wrong or some sort of TOS violation. some here have suggested that even asking such a question is a red flag and also feel that they don’t have to disclose this information. whether some like it or not, some don’t feel comfortable engaging in a platonic cuddle with a married person whether it is religious belief or upbringing or bad memories or whatever. no one has a “right” to cuddle anyone else on the site and no cuddler has an obligation to cuddle with every client who asks. why is a pro cuddler asking questions of client for safety permitted but the vice versa is considered a “red flag"
I’m interested in knowing why a married cuddler would want to withhold that information (if not posted on profile, at least withhold that from introductory conversation when setting up meet). the only think I can think of is the pro cuddler thinks cuddler is less likely to get booked. but then the question is why would you want to risk a situation of trying to “appear” single to a client when married, given that relationship status is irrelevant to the service provided. I would think revealing relationship status would enhance safety by discouraging bad actor clients.
Unlocking the thread and apologizing to @durantpiano for being a little too harsh.
My previous comment juble was talking about but that too may be too harsh.
Ecwryone's re;lationship status is listed in their profile
@durantpiano I can understand how for you personally it is an issue and that it was uncomfortable. I also see how others could view that as a red flag but I also see where coming from a stricter religious background or just personal morals it could be an issue. I once had a friend that belonged to a church where a man and a woman couldn't be alone in a room for any reason unless they were related to each other.
The solution I see to it is that prior to booking with a pro in the future, I would just ask their status, if I was you and it bothered me.
Happy cuddling 🫂
Until we start cuddling with our doctors, accountants, massage therapists, lawyers, mechanics, hairstylists, etc, equating them to pro cuddlers is a leap. Of course there’s a difference. And that difference is platonic-neutral and it’s quite ok to have differences among the professions.
I agree that cuddling can be intimate even if it is platonic. I am an enthusiast but I hesitate to cuddle with married men whose wives do not know that they are on the site. Because I would not want to be a part of something that's deceiving someone else. Even if it's platonic, a lot of spouses or significant others would not be happy if they knew their partners were on the site. I applaud pros who have supportive partners!
Some enthusiasts have written in their profile that they would not like to be contacted by other married cuddlers, whether enthusiast or pro. Perhaps this would be a way to prevent something like this from happening in the future.
For a pro is a business, a service, a way of living. If it is platonic then should not be a problem, if person is married