Can you fall in love with someone that you cuddle?

verysqueezerverysqueezer
edited March 13 in General

Hey guys/girls did it happen that when you cuddle with someone that your feelings can like betray you a little? I never cuddle with someone as yet but to touch someone for me that person will penetrate my hearth more faster and maybe can things up... how do you prepare mentally/.

«13

Comments

  • Comet85Comet85

    Maybe you’re not ready

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg

    ^

  • BellaAineBellaAine

    No, I've never fallen in love with someone I've cuddled with. I think most people confuse lust with love. I don't develop any type of feelings. I care for people and love every living being in a non romantic way because we are all connected.

    Be careful not to drink poison, simply because you are thirsty. Pore enough love into yourself that you won't accept crumbs as a full coarse meal.

    To answer your question, read or watch educational videos to understand more on the topic. You can even ask AI to help you unpack everything.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    There is a famous story on this site. Many years ago two people met for a cuddle. The cuddle went pretty well ..... so well in fact, that after the cuddle they popped down to the registry office and got married. After five and ten year anniversaries they logged back onto the site to confirm they were still happily married.

    Don't quote me on the details, but the story is true.

    However ...... the concern that the OP is expressing is a very real and important one. It's called transference, and a very similar thing happens in other fields besides cuddling. When you are cuddled and cared for by another cuddler, whether professional or enthusiast, this creates all kind of warm fuzzy feelings. Which is good, that is what is supposed to happen. However, particularly if you are touch and/or affection deprived, it is possible to mistake these feelings for genuine love. It isn't genuine love because you don't actually know the person. But you are both acting in a loving way, which is what can cause the confusion.

    The first thing to do is simply be conscious of the risk, as the OP already is. The second is to take care not to become over-attached.

    In my own case, after a number of cuddles with my first professional cuddler, I asked for a referral to another professional for this reason. Not that I intended to stop cuddling with the first one, and I didn't. But having two and later three people to cuddle prevented my brain from fooling itself that the feelings were real.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I don’t catch feelings. I enjoy the moment and I let it go.

  • CuddlesofcuddleCuddlesofcuddle

    Platonic love is so much better. Try not to romanticize it if you can. Pretty please 🙏 ☺️

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Catching feelings for people in inappropriate situations (like for a platonic service provider, a boss, etc.) frequently points towards past trauma and/or unresolved issues that need to be examined with a qualified mental health provider.

    Note: I'm saying this as someone who is polyamorous and demisexual, who frequently catches feelings for friends, coworkers, anyone I build emotional intimacy with. I've had to take a hard look at this with therapists and work on reframing feelings. Not everything we feel needs to be acted on, and we don't have to suffer due to unrequited romantic attachments. Learning this and strategies for processing the emotions in healthier ways has been a HUGE game changer for my overall mental health and feelings of loneliness/suffering. I have learned how to recognize my emotions better, name them, analyse what is triggering them, and make conscious choices on how I'm going to proceed. For me, this "falling in love too fast" situation is a form of fawning.

    Emotions, even love, are just the notifications system of our bodies - we can choose to snooze them, ignore them, schedule action, or manage them immediately as we see fit. Strong, even unexpected, emotions don't have to be urgent or problematic.

    Thankfully I learned and started working on this prior to starting platonic cuddling, else I'd likely have gotten myself into some sticky situations. My recommendation: if you find yourself falling for a platonic cuddle partner means it's time to throw on the breaks, take a giant step back to get breathing room and perspective. It's easy to mix up feelings of emotional intimacy and safety with love in our society, as the only real paradigm we have for it as adults is within the bounds of romantic relationships.

  • jonnyquestjonnyquest

    When I first started cuddling in the back of my mind I knew that if there was a downside to this it would be one person crossing that line.. This can be very intimate, and it's real easy to get caught up in emotions.. As one of the mods mentioned before there was a couple that met here and wound up getting married.. I'm pretty sure people have met here and started dating even though that's not the reason why they joined this site in the first place.. Personally every person I have a session with I lay out the boundaries.. And as long as those boundaries aren't crossed we should be good.. But I also believe in honesty and if one of us feels like those boundaries are crossed then a conversation needs to be had.. I remember a conversation I had with one pro where she told me that she had to let a client go.. Her client was a college student about 20 years old if I remember right and he told her that he couldn't see her anymore.. She asked him why just out of curiosity. That's when he told her that he told her parents about her.. She asked him why would you do that? He said that his parents send him some money every month to help him out since he's a college student.. One day he asked for more money and that's when his mom asked why.. So he told her about this girl he's been cuddling with like on a weekly basis. And that's when some drama started to happen.. This 20 year old guy had pretty much fallen for the Pro he'd been seeing.. I guess he wasn't really comfortable around girls and was using cuddle sessions as sort of a way to be around girls and that's when he started catching feelings for her.. This is a tricky world that we're in and in a lot of ways this is still the Wild West.. You can enjoy the moment without falling into romantic love with the person you're with.. But the minute you start seeing yourself heading in that direction then you need to have a conversation with that person and it doesn't matter if you're a client or a pro.. At the end of the day we're all human, right person right moment. And unfortunately sometimes we think with our hearts instead of our head..

  • JubalJubal

    Short answer - yes, it's quite possible. We're only human after all.

  • RomeoSapRomeoSap

    Think it's important to remember that for the professional, this is a job, an income stream. They're almost certainly compartmentalizing you and the session and/or have very sturdy emotional walls. I have one pro i've seen a few times I can actually see the moment she wraps me up and puts me back in her compartment; it's almost humorous.

    For me, as long as I'm paying someone to spend time with me, nothing beyond the cuddle is going to happen. And if I did feel myself coppin feelings, I'd probably just remove myself from that situation. As far as I'm concerned, if a pro did start to have feelings for me, it's on her to bring it up, and that's on my list of things that's not going to happen, so I dont worry about it.

  • AntiqueWpatinaAntiqueWpatina

    H-ll, I became attached to a nurse in my urologist office. Actually, she sort of liked me. She would tell me things about her personal life that I couldn't believe, that fell into the personal category. Keeping in mind her profession, she had a way of swaying feelings. She left the office on short notice and i never saw her again. 7 years later, I still wonder how her life turned out and would give anything if I could take her out to lunch and catch up on her life. (initially I had weekly visits, then 2 week visits...etc. )

  • sausalitosausalito

    I usually see more than one during a period of time so that i dont develop feelings by exclusively seeing one person and making them uncomfortable.

  • KaybloomKaybloom

    Interesting, I’m going to stay in this thread for a while ( sips jasmine tea)

  • TiredAndBoredTiredAndBored

    Nah. My two cents: It's just a job and I could never date a cuddler.

  • HUGGGGGGHUGGGGGG

    Feels like op needs to practice letting go? … cuddle is just a cuddle take it in a positive stride, feels like heaven with some people but then just move on because cuddling is inherently a pseudo-stable interaction … and when/if you really fall in love such questions lose value, love has a language of its own … having said that, it could happen, if I recall correctly…I’ve heard of one cuddling couple on these forums who got married …

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    I used to do ballroom dancing. When you first meet a new instructor, they would make sure to tell you that there was no fraternization. It wasn’t just to make sure the studio was covered, it was because it is actually really easy to catch feelings with someone that you dance with, even if you’re paying them to teach you.

    There is a lot of physical contact, eye contact, intimacy working together on something over a long period of time. It’s physical and also emotional and if you aren’t prepared for it, it is very easy to imagine that the bond you are building with your instructor resembles romantic affection. The same thing sometimes happens a lot with personal trainers.

    As an earlier poster mentioned, transference is a very real thing. It’s not necessarily your fault, but it is something that everyone should be aware of.

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited March 14

    @Kaybloom
    Ima just pull up next to you right here with the popcorn, dont mind me.

    Cuddling releases a ton of chemicals on the brain, that some of the smarter people who have studied it on here could tell you about, and it can cause us to go all sorts of haywire with feelings. Its a great resource for healing if used properly and with understanding.

  • SoftnSmileySoftnSmiley

    I admit I fell hard for my very first cuddle buddy.
    I had lost my husband 6 months earlier, and a friend sent me this site when I starting saying I was ready for a “man hug” but not ready to date.

    My first cuddle buddy was SUCH a gentleman and we hit it off immediately. We talked on the phone and went to coffee and dinner a couple of times before cuddling, and we stayed totally platonic physically, but we never ran out of things to discuss and were eager to see each other 2-3 times per week.

    We were both enthusiasts, not pros, and just had so much in common. I was completely caught off guard and knew I wasn’t ready for committed relationship, but emotionally I was getting more attached with every cuddle, despite telling myself not to.

    Finally, after about a month of this, we met for a dinner, and a dealbreaker was revealed. It was clear we could not continue seeing each other, especially since we both admitted we had developed a crush on the other.

    So, as I started gaining distance from this whirlwind of emotions and sensations, it felt like I was sobering up after being drunk!

    I realized that I had been bathing my brain in the Oxytocin chemicals for an entire month, after not having had much of that for 6 months since my hubby. Oxytocin is not only peaceful and pleasurable, but it is bonding as well - creating long-term stories automatically.

    That realization helped so much!
    Even with the very next cuddle buddy, I was able to discern a bit better what thoughts were “real” and what was “under the influence” of the Cuddle Chemicals… sort of like how I can tell a “drunk thought” from a sane thought… most of the time.

    It helped me also partake in cuddling in moderation, at the pace that will not get me addicted, like alcohol or sugar or other substances that can be overused.

    I am so grateful for this experience now - it allowed me to see the extreme of what can happen if I’m not aware of the influx of chemicals that cuddling brings. I am susceptible to them and I don’t have a choice about them showing up or not,

    So I best get some awareness and strategies to encounter them 😊 hope this is helpful!

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Some people know my story some people don't but my wife fell in love with a cuddler she divorced me and married him. True story. The end

  • BreeTreeBreeTree

    I call this sensation I see with some clients, cuddle drunk. You’re so immersed in the chemicals your brain releases while cuddling they can be confused for real affection. Almost like when you’re drunk and confuse feels as well. If this happens, I usually recommend they see other pros if they start feeling too “drunk” at the end of a session. For their own mental health mainly, and for my peace of mind. I had a regular I saw weekly for close to a year who ended up having to take a step back to reign in the feelings. He proposed to me at the end of a session! It was hard to let him down gently that I think of him only as a friend and that this is my job. He was able to reign in the feels, saw some other pros for awhile and I now see him again on a bi monthly basis for one session to keep him from catching too many feels while still being able to take time for him.

  • CaptCuddlezCaptCuddlez

    It is possible to platonically fall in love. You can uniquely love someone and not have it be sexual or romantic. Just be sure to understand the context and be aware of your own feelings and intentions and the other person's. It's usually not very healthy to have a one sided attachment to someone in any scenario, especially if they are operating as a service or a limited container space.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    Should this situation ever occur, I STRONGLY advise you don’t meet with said cuddler again. I imagine it’s possible to accidentally meet “someone special” through this site, but I don’t recommend being of the mindset that it will. Our thoughts become actions and this isn’t a dating site!

  • Mike403Mike403

    This isn't a dating site but I wouldn't consider it against the rules if it does happen and it's mutual. People have met their significant other at Walmart.

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited March 23

    If you can control feelings, bottle the formula and sell it.

    They happen. They are you, Have them.

    After some thought, if I can share, it can be presented this way:

    You are alive right now, you may have doubt, you may have faint certainty in your spirit evolution, but all of it comes with your unique spontaneous spark of butterfly trails and starbursts. It is really the only thing that we create that is truly ours. People will tell you what to feel, in a select context, people will deny what you feel, you may try to communicate feelings, express them in a way that doesn't offend, but we cannot really control our "gold."

    Have them, then put them in a feeling memory box..then use them, for your art, for your hobbies to create or inspire. On rare occasions you can share them, and sometimes take the feelings home with you. They are after all, yours to keep. You helped make them.

    When someone asks, "what are you feeling?" always reply,"The spring air." Then get into your Lamborghini and ride away. Lol

  • TheFragmentedTheFragmented

    Brother

  • trysdettrysdet

    Nooooo.

  • VAdudeVAdude

    Hasn't there been at least one case where two cuddlers on this site ended up getting married? I don't know if they were both enthusiasts or not, or if they both stopped cuddling with other people after that, but to answer your question, it's certainly possible.

  • ray1974ray1974

    Yes.

    The base case should always be that falling in love is not an option, as we all should be here to improve our emotional health through a platonic / phisical relationship with no strings attached.

    However, the probability depends on the dynamics of each relationship and intentions of each person.

    Typically, when one is a professional, the probability is very low.

    Personally, I keep by the website rules, be sensitive and alert that things don't go beyond a reasonable point, be clear with myself where my boundaries are (and politely make them clear). These are not only phisical, but also emotional and personal.

    Be always truthful and sincere and that should win the day (and session 😃).

    R.

  • ray1974ray1974

    If the match is good, and circumstances are right (they don't need to be perfect) go for it and build your dream with each other!

  • pmvinespmvines

    Sure you can. Why is that even debatable, or a question? People fall in love for various reasons every day at any given moment. Not sure what relevance cuddling has to do with it

Sign In or Register to comment.