i need opinions cause i feel like this generation is beyond capable of settling for a man that knows what they want. i love meeting people but i hate getting vulnerable for nothing.. id rather be in a polygamy.
If you are in a polyamorous relationship, your expectation for vulnerability would DOUBLE. Perhaps you would prefer celibacy?
Hey OP, if you're being serious, I'd suggest that you read the novel "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" and pay close attention to the marriage customs used in that story. Might be eye-opening for you.
As someone who has been actively polyamorous for well over a decade, I can promise you - adding more relationships will never make things easier. You are exponentially adding scheduling concerns, personality dynamics to mediate, conflicting needs to negotiate. Switching to an open relationship will never, ever, "fix" an existing relationship if work isn't done to address the underlying issues. I would never go back to monogamy, and all relationships have their own struggles, but multiple relationships is absolutely more work simply because there's more people to consider.
I'm curious, @hyia_ft - what specifically about polygamy appeals to you?
Also, very important note: polygamy is NOT the same as polyamory. As much as I would love it if all my polyam friends and partners who wanted to get legally married had that option, it's a very slippery slope. Historically and culturally, most examples of polygamy have stemmed from patriarchal control over women and their bodies, viewing and treating women as property to be owned by men. Sure, there have been a few very small polyandrous cultures (where it's one woman with multiple husbands), but the far more common scenario has been men trading their daughters to other men to keep control over their land/goods/finances. I don't foresee our society as it currently stands being able to self-regulate polygamy in a way that avoids abuse and inequality.
When it comes to romantic relationships, no one should ever just settle. Nor can a relationship survive if you have secrets because you don't want to be vulnerable. These I know from experience.
Relationships aren't a transaction, and no relationship is quite what it "should" be. The idea that there's a way relationships are supposed to be is often the first lie that destroys relationships.
I don't foresee our society as it currently stands being able to self-regulate polygamy in a way that avoids abuse and inequality.
@cuddlefaery For what it's worth, I don't think that any society can self-regulate relationships, whether monogamy or polygamy, in a way that avoids abuse or inequality. At least not with laws. Consider that with all the family code laws of all fifty states in the Union, there's still no end of divorces which involve fighting it out over what a "fair share" of marital property is. And that's just property in divorces - I can't imagine what kind of laws could accomplish those things in relationships generally.
@Jubal I don't disagree, though at least currently, marriage laws that restrict number, age, etc. do offer some small protection after the fact as they allow for prosecution (as compares to prior to the laws being in place). While some will break the laws or find loop holes no matter what, they do at least act as a deterrent some of the time so are better than nothing. I think before we'd be able to loosen the restrictions, there'd have to be a good amount of time and effort put into building a framework to help prevent and police abuses.
I don't really understand this post.
Anyways my opinion is.....I have no strong feelings. If you want mono, do mono. If you want poly, do poly. If you're not sure then just be open to whatever until you figure it out.
Relationships don't inherently harm people so you're ethically free to do either, or neither and just play satisfactory instead.
I don't think someone should pursue polyamory for the simple fact of because they can't stand to be with one person I think polyamory is a bit deeper than that. If someone says I'm polyamory because I want more than one that's kind of surface level that's wouldn't purely physical desires.
I'm polyamory but it's really deeper than just the physical connection
Perhaps what matters more is what you want to achieve from it? … IMO focus to find/built tranquility in your relationship and the decision to be mono/poly will naturally follow. PS: be ready to face vulnerability …hiding in multiple relations may bring a certain ‘high’ but not emotional safety …perhaps work on yourself? … read poem If by Rudyard Kipling
I prefer origami
I can't even stand myself sometimes, haha...why would I want to keep adding more than one other person??!!
Jahhahahhahahahhahahh I could apply that to myself too hahahahahahah
If you don't like getting vulnerable, then I suggest staying single or looking for avoidantly attached or narcissistic women instead of putting the blame on the women.
@IronLemon Exactly ! 💯
There is no one universal answer for this. People are different and have different tolerances for what they need/want in a romantic relationship. You have to decide what is good for you. Based on what I've seen, sometimes people think one way would be good only to have it completely destroy a relationship. It's one thing to talk about it another to actually experience it.
@hyia_ft Do you mean polyamory or Ethical Non Monogamy ? There is a difference. Polygamy and polyandry are illegal in the the US if I’m not mistaken. Though I’ve heard of polyamorous quads getting a corporation to cover, legalities and insurance and such.
He didn’t say he didn’t want to be vulnerable. He said he didn’t want to be vulnerable for nothing because most likely the person he opened up to turned out to be a waste of time if I’m reading correctly in between the lines.
Polygamy is innate for men
@pmvines this sounds highly dubious and doubtful 🧐
I’m with @pmvines
Pro-Poly life here 🙈 but dream of having my perfect husband monogamous life.
I for one believe in polyamory I have been married but it was monogamy and I just felt that marriage was not the direction for me. I believe in loving big and if I can share that love with my life with multiple people that works for me and I know the challenges that come with it (past 2 and a half years with the mindset of Poly) but I also understand it is not for everyone
This is a person decision that each person would have to make for themselves. Personally I will only ever be monogamous, I have absolutely zero interest or desire in sharing a partner or being shared. I do know a number of poly people, some who have seem to have made it work and others that didnt, too much jealousy was involved
☝🏽 I do know a number of monogamous people. Some seem to have made it work and others didn’t. Too much jealousy was involved.
🙇🏽👸🏻🙇🏻♂️ POLYMONOGAMY 🙇🏽👸🏻🙇🏻♂️
it takes a village to maintain a Morgan
🤷🏻♀️ I’m just being practical. 🤷🏻♀️
read: ‘THE ETHICAL SLUT’
not comprehensive but a great jumping off point; “polygamy” is rather outdated and I don’t think OP meant the definition of polygamy; comments imply lack of experience/understanding; y’all need this book in your lives
@CuddleQueenLV I agree, a great book on the subject. I was advised to read it when I first got into the lifestyle. I need to read it again.