Still nobody to cuddle with

AXoshijuacAXoshijuac
in General

As it is now April, 2 years of being a member, and I have yet been able to find someone to snuggle with. I am wondering what I've done wrong, or is it my profile? I have politely reached out to everyone in my local area. And either no response is given (which I understand is a response) or they respond once, and never reply back any further. I've looked over the tutorials and and believe i have applied them to my profile. I tried the pay route, and nobody in my area seems kind enough to reply. I get a lot of offers from out of state, but is that the only option? I have to fly 1300 miles to another town to find someone to cuddle with? Basically I'm wondering if someone can point out the flaws in my profile? Or perhaps i'm doomed to never find someone to snuggle with?

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Comments

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    Hi ... I'm so sorry you're having difficulty finding a cuddle partner. I've checked out your profile and I see nothing wrong with it. What is it you write in your messages when you reach out to other enthusiasts?

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    I've found albuqurque to be a bit of a ghost town when it comes to cuddlers.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    Your profile is very warm and welcoming. The photo of you with the puppy is adorable! Sometimes people are located in what I call a cuddle desert: a location where there aren't many cuddlers and therefore no cuddle culture, no meetups, etc. I live in such an area.

    It's probably not anything you've done. I know someone who's been on here for many years. It took him years before he met up with anyone. But he likes the forums, so he just kept plugging away. Eventually people liked what they saw of him on the forums, and people who were traveling through his area started to connect with him.

    Forum activity can be very helpful in making friends which might lead to becoming cuddle partners.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be extremely frustrating and confusing.
    I would cuddle you!

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai

    Profile looks good and you look really young for your age.

    To quote “ I have to fly 1300 miles to another town to find someone to cuddle with?”

    I do that sometimes.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @disneysamurai Yikes!! I thought there were lots of cuddlers in Florida.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I think staying active and making friends in here is one way. I’ve made friends with some people who are very far away from me. Kept in regular contact. And eventually been able to work out meeting up with some of them because something aligns and we end up in the same area. And even if we can’t figure out a meetup, at least I’ve got a new friend/textpal. 🤷‍♀️😁

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I think your profile and photos are great!
    I don’t know if there are many active cuddlers in your area. I sometimes try to understand how others think and realized a while ago that’s it’s nearly useless.
    I do hope you find someone, there’s a Cuddle Requests forum section divided by city. Not sure if that would help.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    So sorry to hear this! It’s NOT you!! Your profile is very thoughtful and you also included photos… it’s just the lack of the cuddling community in Albuquerque. If you’re ever in NYC I would LOVE to meet up, cuddle and share great conversation.

    Try responding to posts to get more visibility, log in at different hours and use the filter so you can choose “ 20 miles “ from where you live.. if none of this works I hope you make it out to NYC! You are a kind soul & I resonate with your vulnerability & tenderness. Sending you hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗

  • AXoshijuacAXoshijuac

    Thank you all for your kinds words of encouragement. I will try to stay active an hopefully find some new friends.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 7

    @AXoshijuac I sent you a post in another thread awhile back regarding this. I travel to Albuquerque 2-3 times a year and it is tough sledding in that town for cuddling. I have had luck in El Paso if you are ever down there.

    Quick Albuquerque story—in probably the first 18 months of being on this site (years ago) I cuddled an enthusiast who is a professor at UNM. We went to dinner at the Frontier across from campus, went to my hotel and cuddled for an hour and had some laughs and then she jumped up in a panic, put on her shoes and said “I am getting too attached to you!” And left. I don’t get attached to myself within 2-3 hours let alone a stranger, so I think I dodged some instability. She deleted her account that night.

    Be careful what you wish for!

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai

    @BlueIris there are but a lot of the pros I’ve connected with are only in Orlando for vacation or a business trip, although there’s a few pros who live here permanently that I connect with. But I like traveling too.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    Nope! You sound awesome!! Sadly, I can’t think of a reason I’d ever be anywhere near Albuquerque, but if I were, I’d TOTALLY be “game” for any/all of that!!

  • SolarisSolaris
    edited April 7

    A lot a lot a lot of men here have a similar issue. I don't think it's you, but please listen to the women. They would know better than I.

    One thing I've learned is that it's 20 times harder to get an enthusiast cuddle than it is to get a date. I thought it would be the opposite. Silly me.

    I doubt this is true for you, but I'll bring it up just in case. I earnestly wanted cuddles so badly when I first joined in 2014 or 2015. But over time, I realized I was more scared of being close than I was craving being close. So I didn't work at it as hard as I needed to. And I'd sabotage myself too. I wasn't aware of that.

    I'm not at all saying this is you. It probably isn't you. I would get depressed or triggered and stop trying. But really, I was too anxious. My experiences with touch growing up were 99% abusive, and that was just tough for me.

    It also doesn't help that most of the men here are apparently abusive, so it can take a lot to help a woman feel safe enough to get close to us. And rightly so. They have to look out for themselves first.

    I think posting here frequently is great advice. I've had a lot of women write me after i posted something authentic to me. They were mostly from other cities. But I could have had cuddles with a few of them if I wanted to travel or go to a meetup or something like that. You make a couple a friends, actually friend them on the site, and then it's easier to make more friends. And then a long list of friends, male and female, and a history of posting
    might just be enough to get someone to give you a chance.

    Just don't get down on yourself. It's hard for us, it really is.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @Solaris It's admirable how much self examination you've done and the growth you've had as a result. Thank you for sharing that with us.

  • SolarisSolaris

    Well, yeah. Things keep not working, so you keep looking for answers. I don't know how much of what i shared is directly relatable, but I do think a lot of people get in their own way sometimes. And we often need someone else's example to help us see.

  • OhioMikeOhioMike
    edited April 7

    @Solaris I have to agree with @BlueIris comments 👍 My gosh you have been here a bit (2014!) I really enjoyed reading your comments above! I can't agree more with the thought of that "we often need someone else's examples to help see"

    When I read posts similar to this about ...cant meet anyone...I do wonder if peeps who are in this predicament , do they look around to see all the profiles that are meeting people here?

    I am not saying this to about the OP , but usually when I see a post about cant meet anyone, I will visit their profile and say hello, welcome, and other encouraging words and most times I wont get a response at all , not even a return profile visit. I mean this happens a lot it seems. It makes me wonder how much effort is actually going in trying to meet people here. Just my random thoughts ( No facts or statistics were used or harmed in the above thoughts 🤣)

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    One of the best ways to get platonic cuddling when living in a cuddle desert is networking. And besides, you get to make awesome friends with similar interests along the way!

    • Attend any events you can - local or able to travel to.
    • Try making friends with other male enthusiasts in your area who seem to have similar vibe/ethics. They may be able to put you in contact with active cuddlers. And a personal reference goes a lot further than an online profile for many.
    • if you build it, they will come. If there are not any local platonic cuddling events or groups, if you have the capacity for it you could try starting one! I have met the vast majority of my cuddle partners through hosting and attending events. Word of mouth goes a very long way in niche communities.
    • try joining some platonic cuddling groups on any social media sites you might be active on. They're another great way to connect.
    • be an ambassador - try bringing up platonic cuddling and Cuddle Comfort in inclusive local spaces - Good Neighbors FB groups, alternative health & wellness meetups, yoga & massage studios, social dance groups, etc. A lot of people are probably at least curious, but may not realize what their options are.
  • SolarisSolaris

    @OhioMike thanks! I can see from your photos that you have done a lot of networking!

    And @cuddlefaery is right. Networking and work are what it takes. This isn't like dating at all where you can just put up a profile and get results.

    The fact that you can't get a pro to write you back is disappointing though. Sometimes they don't write me back, but they usually do.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    @AXoshijuac it’s definitely not you. You have a nice, thoughtful profile. I’ve been on here for seven years and I’ve had a total of two cuddle sessions.

    It’s hard in places like Oklahoma and New Mexico. I think some of it has to do with the local culture and demographics. Just not many cuddlers around. People are a lot more family oriented than other regions and individuals are less likely to be open for, letting alone looking for cuddling.

    I politely reach out to everyone within 100 miles or so, but rarely get a response. I’m more likely to get messages from those who are selling something else, or ask me to travel to Texas or another state. Oklahoma, almost no one. Texas does seem to have a lot more, so that might be the best option that’s not too far away from us.

  • idontknowwidontknoww

    Nothing wrong with you or your profile. You have to pay a pro.

    Non pros get a bajillion requests so they are set if that’s their goal.

    Generally, women won’t do it for free and they shouldn’t. In general if you are good at something that people will pay for then, why would you not charge?

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    This thread makes me feel grateful to be in an area with tons of pros and enthusiasts 🩷

  • FatesCauseFatesCause

    I hope you get some responses soon. As everyone said your profile is filled out well. If you ever need people to talk to there are many people on here who are great to chat with and the forum has been helpful.

  • weluvcuddlesweluvcuddles

    Honestly bud, you might be in one of those it's not me, it's them situations. Your profile is very respectful and has no red flags imo. Perhaps, and to no fault of your own, women might find your size intimidating even though your demeanor is teddy bearish. Esthetically speaking, perhaps lose the beard to soften your look. It's not fair to be judged on appearance but the reality is most people associate looks with a "gut feeling". And if you're looking big and burly some people might associate a stereotype to that which isn't an accurate reflection of who you are. Best of luck to you and hope you find an ideal cuddle friend!

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    Beards are so warm and cuddly!

  • [Deleted User]Adam_Prof (deleted user)

    I have just joined this website so I can't help you that much but wishing you finding what you are looking for.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    Esthetically speaking, perhaps lose the beard to soften your look.

    Yeah, I don’t think I that’s it. Facial hair and dad bods (I don’t think that describes you necessarily) are very in right now. Especially with cuddling.

    I’m general in society, facial hair is much more trendy for guys right now than it was a few years back.

  • SnorryPorrySnorryPorry

    I'm wondering the same, but looking at active profiles in my country, you can count them on one hand so... And whenever reaching out to neighbouring countries, it really is "either no response is given or they respond once, and never reply back any further." That's why so many are inactive on here, you can try communicating but after two weeks on here contacting people while no follow-up communication is given, cuddle therapy for me seems a dead end for sure.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    A well maintained beard is a beautiful thing. Never ever ever ever get rid of a beard. 🤣

    (I mean do whatever you want, it's your face... but please save the beards.)

    Also, visual appearance is so personal. One person will love a beard and another won't. I don't think there is any change one can make to themselves, or should have to make, in order to attract cuddlers.

  • johnstrousejohnstrouse

    I know it sucks. I’m having that problems a little bit too in a different way some of the women that are reaching out to me too far away from them and then the ones that are in my area they haven’t been on for months. I have some of them in my area that are looking, but they aren’t reaching out. I was thinking is there something wrong with my profile as well.

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