Most and Least Effective Methods of Connecting With Cuddlers

BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
in General

What do you feel are the most effective and the least effective methods of connecting with cuddlers on this site?

I've been here for nine years and have a few ideas. Will post them later so as not to influence anyone. Thought this might be a useful discussion for the newer folks and those who are struggling to make a connection.

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Comments

  • Looking2relaxLooking2relax

    Be 100% Honest!

  • JubalJubal

    Least effective, as conveyed to me by cuddlers who I've met, is sending a one-word message.

    "yo"
    "sup"
    "hi"

    Followed by short phrases such as "wanna hook up?" or "u available now?"

    (I've never used these myself, but the stories they came from were colorful!)

  • Comet85Comet85

    When reaching out to professionals, I’ve had success by finding folks who express a matching interest in why we’d be cuddling (for me it’s the social/healing benefits), introducing myself with a bit of context around why I’m interested in platonic cuddling as well as a first idea for when and where, and mentioning what I saw in their profile that spoke to a good match. Like “here’s what I’m hoping for, I think you and I would be a good fit.”

    Also, a safe bet for getting a session next Sunday is to reach out to one cuddler on Monday, another on Wednesday if no reply, and a 3rd on Friday if still no replies. Be prepared to tell the earlier folks that you’ve booked with someone else if they reply later.

  • BearBear

    With enthusiasts I have no idea. They usually don’t say anything to me in return. With pros I’m pretty straight forward and honest.

    Oh with enthusiasts who are NOT a professional, don’t treat them like one. Dont say you want to schedule a session. I don’t know how many times I’ve read that I’m here in the forum.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Don't treat them like products, or a means to have your needs itched. Approach it the same as you would with anything that is rooted in socialization and friendship. Cuddling can potentially come at a later time once there has been comfort level and rapport etc. if not, then at least you've made an interwebs friend

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited April 14

    I'm judging effectiveness by 1) percentage that leads to cuddling together, and/or 2) percentage to build meaningful connections online even if unable to meet immediately.

    Most effective: meeting people at meet & greets and other events
    Online-only most effective: contacting someone active on the forums to have a meaningful discussion and not just endless small talk
    Least effective: cold "calling" messaging random folks found through search, especially if it's just "hi, how are you?" on repeat
    So ineffective it's not really worth mentioning: sending pickup lines, "wyd", "are you available?", and/or just "hi".

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Most effective: Already have good karma that stands out and profile filled in.

    Show you are human in your ice breaker with schedule specifics to show you aren't a waste of time.

    Least: "yo, u hot."

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I'd say one least effective method would be to have a blank profile, no pics, at most one word or sentence in the about me section (or blank), then sending a message like "Me cuddle you now! Arrgh!" Along with anything sexual or entitled written.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited April 14

    One least effective method is not reading or ignoring what's in someone's profile. I have a message saying I'm not vetting any new cuddlers right now. In the last month I had about a half dozen local men message me saying how much THEY want to meet me and cuddle. They disregarded my boundary, and only what THEY wanted seemed to matter.

    Way to get yourself blocked or never considered for a meetup ever.

    @Bear You're right. There's a different technique to communication with a pro cuddler and an enthusiast. Enthusiasts typically get very cranky when someone wants to "book a session" with them.

    @pmvines Perfect!!!!!

    @cuddlefaery I agree. The most successful connections I've made on here are frequent forum contributors.

    @CSnMUS87 You're right, and that made me laugh!

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Most affective

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Lmao so true @Morpheus

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @Morpheus
    Not for me. Money has nothing to do with what I’m here for. And the reference seems inappropriate considering what it has historically referenced.

    Reading the other persons profile is a good start. Often, whether it’s a pro or an enthusiast, they will tell you what their preferences are. So read them, carefully. Because we’re all different and we all have different ways of communicating.

    It takes a little more work but I really don’t engage with anyone who doesn’t show that they’ve read and understood what I’ve put in there. So probably worth the effort.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 14

    Awww what's a little funny in all things, especially cuddling.

    I'm glad meeting individuals in the cuddling world aren't as rigid and heavy like the forums.

  • GroundedWarmthGroundedWarmth

    I would have to agree with reading to gain understanding of the person you’re trying to connect with. It’s obvious that you’re not looking for a meaningful experience when you start a conversation with something that is clearly stated as a NO in a persons profile.
    I would say my biggest ick is the immediate booking request without even saying hello .🥴

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited April 14

    I would say my biggest ick is the immediate booking request without even saying hello .🥴

    Yes!! And for enthusiasts, pretty much the same thing, the "are you free tonight" without saying hello. I'll never be free on last minute notice to anyone I don't know. My friends all have manners, and they give me plenty of advance notice when they want to get together.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    Humor lands differently depending on where you’re standing. When the punchline implies that the women in this space are interchangeable with strippers, asking us to find it funny is also asking us to carry the discomfort so you don’t have to. That’s not really how shared humor works.

    And since we’re on the topic of ineffective ways to make connections, leading with jokes that alienate the people you’re hoping to cuddle with is probably worth adding to the list. Just a thought. 💙

  • ShortNPlush85ShortNPlush85

    What I feel are the most effective is to be transparent

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    ⬆️⬆️
    So well-said, @mauvefox and @BlueIris

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I am with @mauvefox - I don't find blatant misogyny funny. Please, @Huggycatbear , can you explain for me what you do find funny about that "joke" - or rather insult masquerading as a joke? It's a disservice to both the pros AND the men who choose to pay them.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear

    Well @Morpheus guess you should've just mentioned farts

  • JerseyBoy2024JerseyBoy2024

    @BlueIris you 73 and cuddling! Love it

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @Huggycatbear 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • consciousseekerconsciousseeker

    Concentrate on the things that are in your control..

    • Upload pictures that reflects you and your life(style)
    • Make time to express yourself writing a honest profile
    • Send thoughtful messages, something that is relevant (on their profile)
    • Do not chase
    • Do not judge, bad mouth or react if they don't respond.

    Leave the things that are not in your control especially looks or finances.

  • JubalJubal

    Threads like this remind me that there's folks with some big chips on their shoulders. The image is hilarious, because it's so universally true. My very first cuddle session on this site had nothing to do with any of the factors that are involved when trying to meet an enthusiast. I simply messaged a pro, asked her if she was available on 'date/timeframe', and agreed to pay her posted fee. It was that simple. Sure, using complete sentences must have helped somewhat.

    When I have a plumbing catastrophe in my home on a weekend at 1am, I can get a plumber out there fast - I just have to agree to pay that emergency overtime rate.

    When you want a lawyer to handle a case - no matter how unpleasant the case - just offer enough money and you'll find someone. There's no shortage of old jokes about this one.

    If you want excellent service and really good drinks at your regular watering hole, get known as a really good tipper with the bartenders or waitstaff.

    Hey - if you walk into my office TODAY and say "I want you to drop everything and get my tax return filed before the April 15 deadline", you just have to offer me enough money to make it worthwhile for me to take on the job.

    Last time I checked, there's both male and female paid pros on this site, and there's both male and female paying clients. I'm sure male pros will respond to offers of payment just as readily as female pros. The OP's question asked for "the most effective [. . . ] methods of connecting with cuddlers on this site". Not women only, not men only. Just cuddlers, everyone, inclusive.

  • [Deleted User]Adam_Prof (deleted user)

    I think that everyone is different (pros or enthusiastic) and no one can interact the same and don't forget about different backgrounds or intentions, so there is no a perfect method of connecting with people you want to cuddle with. Personally, I don't think that making jokes is a good way to communicate with someone you have never known before unless you are considering this website for socializing and enjoying your time. so, I prefer an introduction of other person and the purpose of communicating with me and this a representation of respect to other people's time, so I can differentiate between effectiveness and non-effectiveness messages as followings:

    Effective: direct, respectful, informative and comprehensive.
    Non-effective: Funny, silly, joke, meaningless, disrespectful.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited April 15

    @Adam_Prof

    I hear you when it comes to your stared preferences. However, most people will tell you that a good sense of humor is important when getting to know someone and feeling comfortable with them . I understand that you prefer direct and blunt, however if you're wanting to meet an interwebs stranger to cuddle then comfort level and rapport is crucial, and humor is often times a good way to achieve that. Sometimes being too serious can make the other person feel pretty uncomfortable.

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    Least effective: no bio in profile, one word responses, reaching out by saying “ hit me up” with a ph #, not responding, not confirming or canceling a session, not bringing able to speak on the ph briefly

    MOST EFFECTIVE: Sharing something personal about yourself, being honest, taking the time to read someone’s profile and making a kind comment about it , acknowledging it or asking a question ( ex: I see you like dogs, to me they’re like ppl without inhibitions); streamlining communication ( ex: state availability upfront or if unsure indicate) , saying something nice about a cuddler🤗

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I raised a concern about the image in this thread because, in this context, the image and framing felt inappropriate and demeaning.

    This was not an attempt to say that money is not a factor for professionals. It was about that particular image and what it evokes, especially in a space that regularly has conversations about trying to keep connection platonic and respectful.

    I also have to wonder how a professional would respond to that image being messaged to them directly as an opener. My guess is not especially well.

    Additionally, the thread was not about professionals specifically, it was about effective ways of engaging other cuddlers in general. I’m an enthusiast, money has no role in my decision to interact with a cuddler.

    What feels counterproductive is that instead of responding to the concern directly, the conversation got reframed into “people who did not like it are rigid, have a chip on their shoulder, don’t understand humor.” This sidesteps the actual point and honestly isn’t even a great defense of the image in the first place.

    Now what I find fascinating is that on a site where men appear to significantly outnumber women, it would seem worth taking women’s feedback seriously when we say that certain jokes, images, or comparisons feel demeaning, alienating, or out of step with the stated goal of platonic connection. When you ignore it, and go the extra step of placing the responsibility on women to be less uncomfortable and more accommodating, it only pushes people further away.

    If the purpose of this thread is to talk about effective ways to connect with cuddlers, then dismissing that feedback instead of taking it in seems like a very silly choice indeed.

  • team_cuddleteam_cuddle

    In my experience, it has varied. Least effective way to connect is by having an empty profile or no pic of yourself and or bad communication skills. Most effective way to connect is by being patient by far, being polite and by being patient again. Ive found that most people ive reached out to who are enthusiasts are either very nervous or very unsure of this cuddling site. Im guessing that they are receiving lots of messages from other enthusiasts so, thats where the patience comes into play. I usually wait 1 week before I do a follow-up hello, or I try to initiate conversation with a fun question or fun stat. Thats just been my experience with enthusiasts. With pros im lucky enough to say that my area has pros who communicate efficiently.

  • HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
    edited April 15

    @Jubal Exactly. People on the forum don't realize the reality of the community on this site. Pros aren't here to make friends.

    They are here to provide a service for clients for money.

    Enthusiasts are in a diff camp but indirectly rely on client money to keep this community alive.

    I communicate as an enthusiast to pros because I see everyone as human. Most don't reply the same way. They respond just enough to push for a booking.

    Some don't text until day of.

    I get it. It would be exhausting for a pro to try to make long term conections on this site outside of the session.

    There are exceptions.

    It's mostly a numbers game.

    Also, dancers or strippers, just because they are in various states of undress to make money, should also be treated as human. They are no lesser for the service they provide.

    There are dancers and -ex who have become pros.

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