Thoughts on Pretty Privilege?

HuggycatbearHuggycatbear
edited April 17 in General

I see a lot of thoughts over physical attraction in this community. This has even extended outside the forums.

There is a camp that believe that it's okay to choose connections with people based on physical features they find atttactive. It can still be wholly platonic.

Others believe that it's sexual attraction and touches on the non-platonic side.

A lot of pros on here also showcase or highlight their physical features in pics. Thoughts on this?

Also, would like to hear thoughts on how physical attractiveness has its affect on this community and our society. Is it a gift? Curse? Neither?

  1. Is choosing a pro based on attractive features106 votes
    1. Preferences and can be wholly platonic
      84.91%
    2. Sexual Atttaction and touches on non-platonic
      15.09%
«1

Comments

  • KrishaKrisha

    Could be both depending on the person.

    I find it shallow either way.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    Pretty privilege is definitely a thing in this world. While privileged connotes something positive, I would like to point out that being conventionally attractive in this society is not ALWAYS a positive thing. Guys tend to say and do things like you're not a human being, but a piece of meat, something to be bought and sold. I've had some incredibly frightening interactions in public places, just trying to get groceries or gas or run errands with my children.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited April 17

    If we are talking pros and money is involved, I think people are going to spend their money how they want and if attractiveness is something they are looking for, I don’t think anyone could be faulted for that. They would be potentially missing out on some amazing cuddles as attractiveness doesn’t make someone a better cuddler, but it’s their money and they can spend it how they want.

    (I’m just speaking as a forum member here. If someone ever feels unsafe please report.)

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    And I do think that it is completely possible to just cuddle with someone that you find generally attractive simply because I think it's human nature to want to be near people you find attractive in some way.

  • consciousseekerconsciousseeker
    edited April 17

    Good looks bring automatic privileges and sometimes as pointed out by @SpicyNSweet it can bring unwanted attention, safety concerns and could be a curse.

    Good looks are for short-term/instant gratification like a commercial on the TV, lead roles in the movies etcetera.
    but for long lasting friendships, connections, relationships we need skills, character, integrity, being reliable, showing up consistently, open/common world views, sharing resources etcetera.

    @Huggycatbear - If your post is exclusively about this platform , sure if someone is looking for one-time session or a few times then looks can drive/take over.

    I am talking to a few incredible people on CC. Some I don't know what they look like. They all bring immense joy in my day-to-day life.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited April 17

    Everyone I cuddle or spend time with are beautiful in their own ways. Beauty is not all about appearances with me, and it does not denote that I have romantic intentions or that I am choosing to be their friends or spend time with them because on it.

    I think if someone cuddled someone only due to appearance (or that being a primary factor) then it certainly does seem shallow . However, I also feel it is equally shallow for someone to blast about how attractive they are, and when they use that as a primary marketing feature or status symbol it's sad because they are missing the point of what it is to just exist and be a good human. There are so many things about a person that might attract me or draw me to them, and appearance is such a small piece of that.

  • BearBear

    On this platform I hired a pro based on her being attractive to me. One of the worse cuddles Ive ever had. I stopped basing on looks after that. I don’t have luck I think based on my size. I’ve been this size since 8th grade. I haven’t had an enthusiast in quite awhile. Yet I reach out to ones who don’t have pics up. I met a decent friend doing that. Still haven’t cuddled with her, yet she is an awesome person. Been out to lunch a few times with her and talk to her on a weekly basis. She didn’t have a profile pic, yet turned out to be attractive.

  • consciousseekerconsciousseeker

    @pmvines - Well said!

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited April 17

    In the end, I feel a lot of it boils down to our history of misogyny and the sexualization of women, making women feel they have to use their attractiveness to get ahead in life. If they weren't historically judged on a scale of one to ten and treated like pieces of meat where looks matter most then it's quite possible there would be less women feeling like they have to promote their bodies and push their looks on this site as a means of competing for business.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    There's a difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic/sexual attraction. Finding someone nice to look at is entirely different than only seeking out people whom you would choose to date. It's those who follow the latter that become suspect to me.

    And I'd like to push back against the idea that preferences just are and shouldn't be examined or challenged. A lot of problematic biases continue to create systemic problems because people are afraid to examine the "why" of their preferences. Why is this person only attracted to members of their own race? Why is that person only attracted to people of a certain height/build? Why are people afraid of touching the physically disabled? Why is someone only comfortable cuddling people of a certain gender? Most "preferences" are not innate, but rather shaped by social expectations, past experiences, environmental biases, etc.

    Falling back on the "I just prefer this type" with a shrug doesn't just do you a disservice - it has shaped problematic social patterns for much of our history. And examining or challenging a preference doesn't necessarily mean it changes - but at least you understand where it is coming from and can behave accordingly.

  • pmvinespmvines

    It's a big double standard when men ogle women and sexualize them for their appearance and obviously choose the ones showing the most skin and conventional attractive features, yet they want to still come on the site and start slamming them for it and accuse them of being sex workers, and slut shame them for their rates and pics. Pretty ironic. But then again, we are a historically misogynistic society.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    @cuddlefaery excellent points

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    As a professional, I kind of think of it similar to general marketing. Real Estate agents try to look as attractive as possible on their billboard and bench ads. People comment on the appearance of dentists, doctors, massage therapists. I do want to appear clean and friendly and put together. I feel like I probably do get some clients based on how I look.

    It would be wonderful if looks were entirely irrelevant, but they're not. 🤷‍♀️ anything that we buy or services we pay for can be influenced by physical appearance. I don't think that necessarily means there are non-platonic motivations for that. If I have no other reasons to choose one accountant over another, I might go with the better looking one. LOL But I rarely make decisions that way. Its usually someone I knowrecommended someone, or their reviews on Google, or proximity to my home.

    It's usually pretty obvious if someone's motivation and comments about my appearance are non-platonic. But it doesn't bother me if people think I'm good looking.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @cuddlefaery
    Yes! excellent points. And for me someone can be pleasing to look at and still become much more (or much much much less) appealing overall based on their personality and how they engage. Personality is part of the whole picture of what makes someone appealing to me (or not).

    To the OP point, yes, "pretty privilege" in terms of societal preferences definitely exists, sometimes it is positive, sometimes it is negative. But in general the societal norms/expectations on everyone tend to do more harm than good to all sides.

    Happy and safe cuddling to everyone.

  • SecretsirenSecretsiren

    There was a study done a while back that said people trust you more when you’re attractive. I think for the most part people book what they find appealing to the eye. Pretty privilege exists in all aspects of life unfortunately.

  • [Deleted User]Adam_Prof (deleted user)

    I think that every person has his/her own unique appearance which differentiates between people and it's everyone's decision on how to use it as a feature or a curse. According to my experience, most of people prefer the other gender to use as much products they need to look more charming including make up products, which I think they make it worse and cover the real beauty of that person. But, unfortunately if you are trying to search on a website for someone to book a session with, those charming pictures will attract you to find more about that person, because as human's nature our brains prefer colorful, glowing picture more than regular ones and this is what they use in social media advertisements by including extra-ordinary facial products on someone's face.

    Personally, I don't care about appearance and when I look into those super attractive pictures I know that this person is not looking for a meaningful connection and doesn't understand the concept of platonic cuddling. On the other hand, the most attractive picture for me is someone's face once they wake up at morning, and that would be a person that I will be encouraged to send a message to.

  • frankchaosfrankchaos

    I'm probably one of the most non shallow people I know, people's personality exudes out and flavors their physical attributes in ways that make any otherwise unattractive features just a part of the whole art piece of a person that is beautiful. But being an artist, I do appreciate certain aesthetics and those are personal to me, just like anyone else.
    But being more about looks I accept if that is someone's jam. People tend to label anyone who holds looks as a top priority as shallow, but the shallowness comes from ONLY caring about looks so much that personality and compatibility are not any part of that choice in companionship.
    My late fiancé was very big on looks and initially thought his priorities on looks would annoy/anger me, but it's not me that's choosing that, it's his preference and I knew that he had much higher standards for who a person was too, so just because he preferred a pleasing shell did not mean his interest in me was mainly about my looks.
    He was actually the only person I felt sure about not just being interested in me for my looks or other attributes that were more surface level.

  • [Deleted User]Bluzy (deleted user)

    @Huggycatbear great topic. To me beauty or attractiveness is a much larger thing than an individual’s looks. Thx @pmvines.

    As for me in the context of CC, the profiles of individuals I approach to cuddle with are usually based upon many things: (1) a relatable age (2) profile content that I can relate to (3) appearance (4) interaction through messaging on CC (5) cost (6) scheduling flexibility. I’m often turned off and don’t approach pros who seem too perfect: looks and exposing body part pics, etc … I try to find real folks who I can connect with relationally/friendly not just physically in a cuddle.

  • [Deleted User]Tom_D (deleted user)

    I would never book a cuddle with a woman who I didn’t find sexually attractive.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited April 17

    Society by and large prefers attractive people, whether it’s your driving instructor, nurse, server, and for sure cuddler. The important part is to keep it platonic and respectful regardless of your preference for them.

    I have noticed though there are many cuddlers on this site that also couldn’t give a rats you know what about what their cuddler’s skin suit looks like. But I think a good majority of people prefer their cuddler to be physically attractive.

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    If a photo is involved, more attractive people are always going to get more customers. That's simply acknowledging human nature.

  • [Deleted User]GoodVibes2 (deleted user)
    edited April 17

    As with anything, balance is what is important. Taking anything too far is problematic, and this includes being overanalytical over someone else's preferences. The idea that someone can't just have a preference without it needing to be scrutinized by another is wrong, whether innate or trained from experience. One's preferemces reflect their individual rights to choice and expression and they are often personal and subconscious. Many people seek specific patterns that bring them comfort, such as a specific race, gender, orientation, body type, age range, etc. This is perfectly normal and absolutely typical of human experience.

    And while everyone is welcome to their own perspective and preferences including scrutinizing their own mind if they want to understand themselves, the problem with thinking YOU are in any position to do so for someone else's preferences and "examine and challenge" their preferences as someone mentioned earlier, seems flat out a bad idea if not downright ethically and morally wrong especially if the individual isn't ready to dissect their life history for your approval of their personal tastes. The idea is frankly absurdly offensive that people's preferences and desires all need to be "examined and challeneged" if they don't like what you like.

    Many preferences are shaped from trauma-aversion. Many people didn't have a life experience that is in any way similar to yours and so developed differently. People seek what comforts them and often if you aren't "it", it might feel like some personal slight to you being rejected or uninformed of why, but it certainly doesn't give you a right to "examine and challenge" their personal, life-experience shaped, and deeply personal preferences. The primary "examination and challenege" that brings true growth is looking into one's self, not trying to direct someone else's subconscious desires because you feel left out or think everyone should think and feel like you or you imagine they are an enemy to be scrutinized. If someone is attracted to pure mind and soul (whatever that means to them) and that's ok, then the opposite extreme is also ok, for someone to value pure physical beauty (whatever that means to them). People aren't all the same and we all must meet each other at different levels

    We all have preferences and it's ok and perfectly normal to be different.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Disingenuously taking a quote from my comment, to then argue my exact point, is such a tired cliche online it's become hilarious.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08
    edited April 17

    I don’t think it’s healthy to be judging others for their preferences. We’re all free to “go with our gut” and not be questioned for it. It sounds like a lot of people “here” are just insecure and think it’s looks that make people not want to cuddle with them. I’m also finding from male cuddlers that they’re not reporting women with provocative or “suggestive” photos or who offer “more” during sessions. Fellas- THIS NEEDS TO STOP (and only YOU can make that happen)!!

  • kendrayk74kendrayk74

    @GoodVibes2 Weird, at first it felt like we were reading different messages.

    I read @cuddlefaery as each person should examine and challenge their own preferences to consider their origins, and what roles social expectation and past experience might have played. Past experience exactly like the trauma aversion you talk about.

    On the third or so read-through of her message, I finally caught what I think you might be responding to, where she indicate that she would wonder why this/that person had certain preferences about race/gender/disability. Not that anyone has to explain themselves to her, but that she would wonder. I wonder a million things without thinking anyone owes me a moment of their time, let alone an answer.

    And she also commented about the potential for unexamined preferences to unintentionally compound and perpetuate social devaluation of people unnecessarily. So genuinely reflecting on our preferences gives us the opportunity to do a tiny part to help make ourselves, and thereby the world, a tiny bit more accepting and kind.

  • MorpheusMorpheus
    edited April 17

    There is a camp that believe that it's okay to choose connections with people based on physical features they find atttactive. It can still be wholly platonic.

    Yes, absolutely you can have platonic cuddles with someone you find sexually attractive.

    Others believe that it's sexual attraction and touches on the non-platonic side.

    It’s non platonic when you make it non platonic. Sexual attraction in and of itself, does not make it non platonic.

    A lot of pros on here also showcase or highlight their physical features in pics. Thoughts on this?

    Nothing wrong with that so long as they are within site guidelines.

    Also, would like to hear thoughts on how physical attractiveness has its affect on this community and our society. Is it a gift? Curse? Neither?

    It doesn’t necessarily affect myself. I don’t have an issue finding cuddle buddies. As far as my personal choice in choosing a cuddle buddy, looks are a factor for me but it’s not the only thing. When you search for cuddle buddies, what appears in your search? Picture, price, profile name, age, city and distance from you. I am able to filter age, distance from me and price in my search so what’s left that will initially catch my attention? Their profile name and their picture. As I view my potential cuddle buddies that are included in my filter, I don’t click on every one, I click on the profile names that catch my attention and or the pics that catch my attentions. A pic may catch my attention for many reasons, it may be looks or it may be something else in the pic that catches my attention such as where the pic was taken, hiking, nature, drinking coffee etc So I don’t click on every profile, I click on the ones that have caught my attention based on my filter as well as the profiles that catch my attention. I then read their bio and go from there. I’ve seen profile pics of very aesthetically beautiful women but they may either have no profile, a one sentence profile or say something that to me is a turn off. I may click on the profile of a female that isn’t conventionally attractive but I may find her profile very inviting so I may very well request a session with the lesser physically attractive female.

    All of that being said and you all can call me a bad person for this, if I’m cuddling with an enthusiast, I will likely cuddle with any female but if I’m paying for it and have more than one female that appeals to me, attractiveness will likely be the tie breaker. I have been on CC for years and I’m not here for non platonic activities. I can cuddle with someone I find attractive and keep it platonic without an issue but looks are a factor.

    I think for the majority (I didn’t say all) of men on CC, looks are very important especially if they are paying for it. You all can feel how you want about it but it’s the truth.

  • Buddy20099Buddy20099

    I would have to say I think the idea of pretty Privilege on society is bad for tons of reasons (most of which would get ma a ban here),

    As far as this service goes, I would prefer skill/training over look, but I dont fill many people care about that today and its quite sad.

  • N_of_1N_of_1

    Lookism and pretty privilege pervade social spaces. However, I happen to be a quite physically attractive person who has never once been approached by someone who was interested in me. Mostly I'm told by my guy friends, my female friends who already have boyfriends or husbands, and my online friends who have seen my body and face on live streams (I do culinary content). So while pretty privilege and lookism probably play a factor in decisions others make on services like these where there seem to be many alternatives and choices… it hasn't earned me a single favor other than a tossed compliment or two from a stranger.

    Personally, I don't judge looks. Cuddles can be done blind. All I ask is that my buddy not smell like tobacco or 420.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Thoughts on Pretty Privilege?

    It's fine.

    It does not denote unintelligence, shallowness, or callousness in the individual possessing it.

    Privilege isn't problematic, envy is.

    Harrison Bergeron.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @GoodVibes2- 🏆WELL SAID!!!

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