What does a sandwich have in common with L.A. traffic and roller derby?
They're always jam packed.
Banana is very a peel ing... Lol
I got fired from my last job for asking customers “smoking or non-smoking.”
Apparently, the proper terms are “cremation or burial.”
What did the frogs crossing the road said to each other? -- "Be careful with the plap" -- "Which plop"
@WarmChillFella That one made me laugh!!
@BlueIris Haha 😂
You show me a church choir who eats grits before Sunday service, and I'll show a choir that's in perfect "hominy."
Why does the crow perch on the top of the tree?
Because it cant go any higher 🤣
Before the Crowbar was invented....crows used to drink at home
How do fish get high?
Seaweed
The crow sat on the telephone wire, making a long distance caw.
The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
Why didn’t the toilet roll make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack
Definition: A contagious disease spread throughout an insane asylum.
Solution: One "flu" over the cuckoo's nest.
If you to cross a horse wth a black widow spider, what do you get?
I don't know, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!
If Tarzan had no luxuries in the jungle, how come he was always clean-shaven?
Definition: Eating gourmet ice cream while stoned.
Solution: Häagen-Dazsed and Confused
Scientists have published the results of their study on the effects of alcohol.
The results are staggering.
Everyone’s always tryna get me to call them daddy. Sir, I am your father. (Star Wars reference)
What do Star Wars fans near Scottish waterways say?
May the Firth be with you...
What do you call a private teacher of struggling ballet dancers?
A tutur.
Didja hear about the time the priest accidentally spilled some Mirilax into the holy water?
There was quite a religious movement.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee-fish.
I recently adopted a dog from a blacksmith.
I brought him home and the first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.
Judges usually go easy on convicts who stutter because it takes them longer to finish a sentence.
Why are you always so happy when you go to the aquarium?
It's because of all the endorphins.
Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? because the P is silent.
A chicken flew in to the house. Lol
I'm reading a horror novel in Braile. Something BAD is about to happen... I can feel it.
The earth is flat... Lol