What do you do when you cant get any cuddles?

Theswarmlord22Theswarmlord22
in General

Im very much a physical touch enjoyer, and ive rarely received any cuddles and/or physical touch throughout my life, so its always been hard for me to go without ether for long periods of time, which is why I joined this site, I just wish I could be cuddled more ig 😅, what do yall do when you dont get the amount of physical touch you crave ? What helps yall get through the day? Cuz I need some advice since I cant get any cuddles 😅

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Comments

  • tristan406tristan406

    It's been about seven months since I had cuddles. Not complaining, I think I just get used to feeling touch depraved. My cat is a lap lover so she helps, and I've become very much used to sleeping with stuffed animals at night these days. In terms of managing stress, since cuddles also help with that, meditation and exercise are great. Hope this helps, and hope you get good cuddles soon my friend 🫂

  • natasya148natasya148

    @tristan406 I am similar to you too regarding the animal interaction aspect. I got plenty of animals that take turn to requesting attention and touch from me. 😬

  • AutumnNicholeAutumnNichole

    You can stimulate the same fibers in your skin (C-Tactile fibers) that respond to gentle, repetitive stroking yourself.

    We've lost how to self-soothe and regulate, but we can relearn! These fibers are easily activated by someone else during a cuddle because being with someone requires more of your presence and mindfulness. We often feel very disconnected when it comes to self-care, so we slap lotion on our bodies quickly and roughly, or we only touch our genitals when we need relaxation.

    But if you gently caress and stroke your arm, chest, and face, paying close attention to the sensation of being touched, you stimulate those amazing fibers and release a big dose of the good stuff—oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine! Additionally, deep belly breathing helps you massage your gut and vagus nerve, shifting your hormones from stress to rest! Lastly, I do a meditation focusing on the three major nervous system points—hands, perineum, and feet. When you concentrate on feeling these areas, you release the energy trapped in your mind (overthinking and anxiety) and bring it into your body and senses. This brings you the pure pleasure of feeling your body and reduces the overthinking and stress.

    I think it's super important we learn to self-regulate in healthy ways as we continue to work towards being physically safe for one another. Platonically and sexually.

    Love that you're asking this question and wish you all the best 💚🤗

  • AutumnNicholeAutumnNichole

    @tristan406 those are all amazing practices!! I also sleep with a stuffie and it's supa soothing!!

  • GuyNextDoor416GuyNextDoor416

    Take up partner dancing.

  • BearBear

    I’ve rescued a dog that has become a big help in this situation. I’ll pack the bed next to me and she’ll come up closer and I’ll start stroking her back and then she flips over right away and wants me to pet her belly.

  • Heart_HeldHeart_Held

    What a lovely thread! Thank you for creating a space where we can share and discuss ideas and resources

    @tristan406 A furry companion, exercise, and meditation are all excellent ways to boost wellbeing!

    @AutumnNichole I absolutely love the advocacy for self-soothing and self-regulating. Thank you so much for the reminder!

    I’m very tactile-oriented so when I’m feeling a craving for cuddles, I’ll sometimes surround my body with water by taking a bath or going for a swim - it’s such an exquisite feeling, to feel the water swirl around your arms and legs, and flow through your hair 🤩 Like being hugged by a large body of water 😌

    Or, I might burrow and snuggle into a pile of my softest blankets, comforters, throws and pillows. I never lost the childhood habit of running my hands along products when shopping. Consequently, I have amassed a collection of cloud-like, buttery-smooth blankets 😍

    When I had pets, I would smoosh and rub my face into the softest parts of their fur and breathe - I miss their cornchip smell.

    Other times, I’ll engage in other forms of self-care that I enjoy, like skin care routine and face masks, exercising, meditating, journaling, biking, going to comedy shows, planning solo dates, reaching out to loved ones, etc! ☺️

  • trysdettrysdet

    It's good to buy squishmallow for cuddles

  • HeyCasualTouchHeyCasualTouch

    I like to occupy my mind with work or creative projects. Physically, I find that walking or a hot shower can help too. Something about the water spray hitting my back ….

    Failing all that, I manage to compartmentalize. But I figured it's time to try something new, so here I am.

  • Theswarmlord22Theswarmlord22

    Thank you all for your input, I hope this thread continues to grow and help spread helpful info 🫂

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    Some suggestions: hug a pillow and/or have something silky or satiny to touch too, partner dancing, get a hair tickler, also called scalp massager( very soothing) , sit by running bath water and hug yourself while the water cascades, call someone who can offer you calming, positive , conversation or someone you are close enough to that can verbally describe how they’d love to give you a hug 🤗

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33
    edited May 20

    Wow! Everyone has such great ideas! 😃 I cuddle with my two cats 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ My elderly rescue cat is very needy , ha. She loves to cuddle 24/7.. constantly jumping all over me and my toddler cat 🐈‍⬛.. very sweet 🥰
    I ride my horse 🐴
    Get a mani/pedi
    Get a professional massage
    Lymphatic facial brushes are great too!
    I absolutely love them !
    Go shopping 🛍️
    Outdoor cafe now that the weather is nice , order a lavender chai tea ☕️
    Puppy 🐶 yoga
    Watch/listen to ASMR videos
    Shiatsu neck and back massage pads or massage chair
    Handheld rolling percussive massager
    Pure joy ! 🤩

  • VAdudeVAdude

    Haha, yes, exactly! They want to be "independent businesses" until it's time to absorb the related costs of running said business. That's what happens when you monetize what should be a free and equal exchange.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Something I don't has been mentioned yet: compression sacks, bed sheets, and shawls. These are mostly marketed towards kids with autism, but they can help anyone with sensory and nervous system regulation! They are usually made out of stretchy material and provide gentle, full body compression similar to a full body hug. They're lighter, more breathable, and more portable than weighted blankets while offering many of the same benefits.

    I've used the sack version in dance: both as a fun teaching activity and for performances as there's just a lot of fun things you can do with them as a prop!

    I've wanted to get the sheet version for awhile now, as weighted blankets tend to trigger my fibromyalgia and I get way too hot under them. They even have some that are open on both ends for people who like to stick their feet out.

    And the shawl version (I've seen on Etsy) seem like a great option for wearing out in public in a more stealthy way. They'd probably be a great addition to other compression clothing.

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33
    edited May 20

    @cuddlefaery yes 🙌 weighted blankets , shawls, sleep pods! I have seen these on Shark Tank ! It’s like being swaddled , I want one now .. 😃

  • trysdettrysdet

    Well, i go to Sauna and hot tub at gym

  • SweetCuddler33SweetCuddler33

    @trysdet I like to use my hot tub during the Winter 🥶 🥵 , also, Hot Spring Spa Resorts are amazing ! So relaxing 😌

  • trysdettrysdet

    Hi sweet. It's certainly a nice luxury

  • KokopantzKokopantz

    Hug and kiss myself until I feel a little better ....

  • jaypoejaypoe
    edited May 20

    Signing up for a community like this is a solid first step! I hope you find what you're looking for :)

    I know I'm speaking from a place of privilege as a cute woman but finding like-minded people helps. You can't just go around hugging every purrson you see but you can do appropriate things like practice friendly, firm handshakes, giving props and high/low fives. Even during the pandacake when people tapped elbows which was sorta silly - a friendly mutual touch really makes me feel good aboot people I meet. It really does just start with something so simple.

    I also tend to wear comfortable clothing - soft and stretchy natural (breathable) fabrics. Sure that makes me easy to hug but more selfishly I feel good just going aboot my day. I don't do belts or underwires, zippers against my neck etc. I wear a tailored suit to my day job when I'm on the clock but Im 100% fine with being a slob not trying to impress anyone the rest of the time lol.

    But the biggest game changer is really investing in the most comfortable bedding - it took me a while to get my bed exactly the way I want it. Maybe it's different for everyone so do your own research... Weighted blanket is the only way I can get to sleep anymore. They used to be such a niche product but you can find them on Amazon now for like <$40. I recommend the 20 lb ones. I also have a heated one for winter and a refrigerated sheet in summer. This is not a flex but the pillow I sleep on cost $700. It's way more than I ever thought I would spend but once I got it right I haven't had neck/back pain in a decade. You spend half your life in bed, its worth the spend and it will pay dividends to you all day.

    Of course if you're able to, having a pet dog or cat is incredible for your mental health. Say if there's a dog park near you, you could totally go to hang out and people will typically let you pet their doges like for free. It's incredible. Highly recommended

  • BearCraftBearCraft

    Luckily for me I have my cats and my pups, one or more of them is always wanting to cuddle up.

  • needwarmthhneedwarmthh

    Pillows help while sleeping. During the day, I march on as a touch deprived human trying to get busy and distracted with work and workout

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles

    I'd say the thing that's made the biggest difference when I'm feeling touch-starved is actually weighted stuffed animals, especially ones with long, weighted arms 🤔 There's one I found that works really well (they're called Moon Pals), but I'm sure there are ways to DIY something similar that doesn't cost nearly as much.

    I think they work best for me because I sleep better with a partner, and having something more solid either in front of or behind me, with a weighted arm thrown over me triggers that same sense of safety and comfort, just at a lower level 🤘🏻

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @Theswarmlord22

    Cuddle with your pets. Pets are by far the best cuddle buddies.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @morpheus
    Unless they’re 75 pounds of long fluffy fur that sheds everywhere, boney joints, teeth, and slobber.
    That think they’re a tiny lap dog but definitely are not.
    🤣

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    I recommend a weighted blanket!

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    Things that have helped me:

    Cuddling with pets (if you cannot have a pet in your home consider a dog park or volunteering at a shelter to be near many loveable critters)

    Weighted Blankets

    XL size / Body pillows or just lots of regular ones

    Professional Massages and/or massage belts (I have one that also adds heat which is very comfortable)

    Dancing! Dancing is a wonderful platonic way to share touch with someone else and it is also fun, can be good exercise, and activates happy chemicals in the brain.

    I don’t sleep with stuffed animals anymore but I would absolutely recommend that.

    They also make these things called “Warmies” that are used for period discomfort. I haven’t tried them myself but I read they are also therapeutic and used for comforting general anxiety. It seems kind of like having a pet sitting in your lap or arms.

  • trysdettrysdet

    Squishmallow

  • [Deleted User]FluffyRaccoon (deleted user)

    I have a plush Snorlax I hug and talk to. Sounds bonkers but gotta get that energy out. I hate spiraling into depression. I recently got a dog and when she lets me holder her I feel calm and relaxed. So yes a pet can help.

  • NefertitiCuddleNefertitiCuddle

    Give someone a hug & allow the other person to release you first. Embrace someone

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