Non-platonic expectations

JoannainFloridaJoannainFlorida
edited June 27 in General

I am relatively new to the site (2-3 months). My first couple sessions were great. Anything later there seems to be expectations of sex or at least serious grinding. I am also contacted by many men asking about sex (usually hidden under “how far would you go”, “ if the vibe is right, would you…”. In different words but that’s the idea.

Is this the norm? I am feeling discouraged and sometimes disgusted. I really live cuddle, I enjoyed the beginnings, I felt recharged after these sessions. Now I feel deflated.

What are your experiences?

I've softened the title because it appears on the homepage. And while I'm making this edit, note to all: please report anyone that conducts themselves in the way described here. - Mark

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Comments

  • jdev25jdev25

    It's just the nature of the beast. I've noticed that pros who list "100% platonic", "absolutely nothing sexual", and so forth are often offering exactly that, so it doesn't mean much to put it on your profile and probably won't deter people. I think the best thing to do is to respond to such messages and tell them that if they keep making such implications that you will report them. Better yet, just report them anyone and then block them, because then maybe they won't bother someone else.

    From what I've heard, it happens a lot the other way too, where it's the pro who is pressuring the client. I live in Las Vegas, so maybe that's a little more prevalent here than average, but who knows. My first cuddler turned out to be an amazing person and I didn't have any such issues, fortunately. She normally doesn't accept new people with no karma, but we both communicated well and talked a bit with no pressure on either side, so I think that plays a big part. People who take the time to get to know you a bit vs. the people being super pushy is a huge clue.

    In the end, just report and block. Nothing you can do to prevent it completely though.

  • Blake1844Blake1844

    This concerns me. I specifically joined this site because I want cuddles with boundaries. I like sex as much as the next person. However, I don't believe in sex outside of Marriage and I don't want to get married anytime soon.
    As a man am I going to be put into situations where women are looking for more than cuddles?

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod

    Please report them

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @Blake1844 Everyone needs to do some level of vetting. There's various red flags you can look for. For pros, this includes trying to take the conversation off-site before the booking is done or saying they offer extras. Both of these are against the rules and should be reported.

    For enthusiasts, the biggest red flag would probably be if she wants to meet up and cuddle (especially if it's an overnight cuddle) immediately, without a lot of conversation and meeting in public first. The first comment shows you why women do extensive vetting.

    And if something doesn't feel right, trust your instincts.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Report, report, report. And tighten up your vetting process - do video or in person public meetings before a session with a new person, ask open ended questions that force them to show comprehension. State your boundaries frequently and firmly, and then stick to them. For example: "I only do completely platonic, non-sexual cuddling. Any sexual advances or self-gratification will result in the immediate ending of our session and a negative report on your account with the site. There will be no refunds for sessions ended due to inappropriate behavior."

    State the rules/boundaries again at the start of the session. If they make any inappropriate moves or questions, state the session is over and leave immediately. Don't make exceptions - they know and have agreed to the rules multiple times by that point. Never, ever compromise your safety and comfort. It doesn't matter if they are socially awkward, new to cuddling, or neurodivergent - unacceptable behavior has consequences, and in this case the consequences are ending the session, reporting them to the site blocking them, and perhaps a police report if necessary.

    The only way we will ever stop the inappropriate behavior is if we stop excusing it and stop accepting it. Make life as difficult as possible for those seeking to break the rules, and they'll move on to easier targets.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    You would be disturbed to know that there are group chats out there and forums where these men share screenshots of pro’s profiles and ask for intel. You can swat all the flies you want but the door is wide open.

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    Yes. There is a Telegram group where men discuss how far woman will go, fat shame the one's who don't put out and say really nasty , disgusting things about ppl that is almost criminal , about woman.

    There are also a few good ones. Who never crossed a line and have always been respectful.

    My vetting...takes weeks, even months now. Outdoor/public first meets only and if they refuse to travel to me. Bye. I have 0 tolerance for low energy /high expectations ppl. 😁

  • CuddlesWithCatCuddlesWithCat

    @j d e v

    I say strictly platonic so people like that don’t even try. I’ve had a really weird and uncomfy experience with a guy who was eventually permanently banned!

  • SqueezeBuddySqueezeBuddy
    edited June 27

    If they want sex there are many other websites for that. Here all is platonic

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    Report them.

    Don’t tell them or warn them. Just report them.

    If they’re doing it to you then they’re doing it to other people.

    When you report someone their entire messaging history is now available for the mods to review. They cannot do this until the person is reported.

    Then as others have said, vet vet and do more vetting.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @mauvefox 100% what I was going to say. No need for warnings...report them and let the mods sort it out.
    We want this behavior off of this platform, period.

  • JoannainFloridaJoannainFlorida

    Thank you everybody. That gives me some hope that it will get better.
    I will definitely add “platonic service only” to my profile.

    Do they know who reported them?

    I have learnt from a potential client that he gets messages from other guys asking him about the cuddlers for whom he left karma. They want to know if these women provided sex.

    Which brings me to another issue : I don’t any option for me to messages other professional cuddlers - or am I missing it?
    They can exchange info on us but we cannot do the same?

  • trysdettrysdet

    You can always report them. I hope you will

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    @jdev25 It's disheartening to see that some people listing 'strictly platonic,' would then be offering beyond that. Also don't love to hear about the pressure for non platonic from both Pros and clients / cuddle buddies.

    @JoannainFlorida Yes, non platonic inquiries, verbiage, vibes and behavior can be common ( I feel ) reports here.

    BUT / AND ...

    This platform has enabled me at times to meet my needs for touch and connection without the pressure of sex or a relationship and the benefits are immense.

    I can also say that I have had amazing experiences with safe and wonderful people that Ive met on this platform. Ive built meaningful friendships here with folks Ive met in this community which have enriched my life beyond measure. The gatherings and meet and greets people plan and host, for me, have been a great avenue for true, accepting, wholesome touch and connection. Highly recommend these as well as the other tips provided such as vetting, and certainly reporting to help protect and cultivate the safe space many of us do enjoy on this platform.

    The internet is a great big strange and exciting place and people have a variety of needs they are trying to meet. Cuddling is on a spectrum of touch work which I often perceive to be adjacent to sex work in that many people seeking to relieve, fulfill, indulge, those non platonic needs, also seek safe, platonic and wholesome love and affection. I understand and respect the needs of others however, I do wish they would keep the avenues by which they seek their needs separate. When people seeking non platonic connection on a platonic platform such as this one, it can deter good people from staying, and be abundantly harmful and problematic in my opinion.

    To the mods and site owners and the amazing people in this community who care deeply about promoting, providing and enjoying safe, platonic touch and connection with boundaries and consent, transactionally or otherwise, THANK YOU.

  • HoodiesnugglesHoodiesnuggles

    Please report them. It’s so important to protect this platform and it’s pure form.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited June 27

    @JoannainFlorida The person who is reported doesn't know who did the reporting. This keeps people safe from retaliation. I've had people message me repeatedly and beg, whine, plead and cry to know who reported them, making a pest out of themselves. Beg, plead and cry all you want (until I block you for harassment). It's not gonna happen.

    There is a forum on here for Pros Only. Only professional providers and mods have access to that forum so that pros may speak freely and share experiences. I suggest you go there for your networking. It will help you.

  • Goonie4lifeGoonie4life

    Report them and then block them

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    Honestly, I find that saying “platonic only” is not a strong enough deterrent. I put a whole code of conduct in my profile and have a screening process that involves a Zoom call and a deposit.

    Feel free to copy and paste my code of conduct to your profile:

    My Code Of Conduct:
    1. I only see clients who are 18 or older
    2. We both agree to be free of mind-altering substances and, therefore, fully able to give consent. (No drugs or alcohol)
    3. We both agree to practice consent and pay attention to personal boundaries at all times
    4. We will communicate what is mutually comfortable throughout the session
    5. This is a strictly platonic service, and we both agree not to pursue or encourage sexual arousal.
    • The minimum clothing is a tank top and shorts ( I do not take clothing requests)
    •No hand-to-genital, breast, or buttocks contact or intentional genital stimulation of any kind
    •No kissing on any part of the body
    • No hands under clothing
    • Nothing kink or fetish related
    •No grinding/ dry humping
    6. We both agree to have good hygiene for the session (this includes a recent shower, clean clothes, fresh breath, and deodorant)
    7. Your confidentiality will be respected
    8. Either party may end the session at any time

  • Lev136Lev136

    If you read the site thourouly enough, it is v;eat yjat this is not a sex site. Yrt there are many lookung hust fir that in here Those who have cuddled wioth me know that I am happy with a few gppd hugs and nice conversation.

  • Lev136Lev136
    edited June 27

    @Xandriarain , I think that many do not rvrn inderstand what platonoc measns.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Lev136 that's why one of my screening questions is: "what does platonic mean to you?"

    I also usually ask things like:
    (Note: general "you", not anyone in particular)

    • describe a time you were rejected. How did you feel? How did you respond?
    • if we were cuddling and I set a new boundary mid-session (i.e. asked to not be touched in a particular way), how would that make you feel? How would you respond?
    • how do you deal with frustration or disappointment in the moment? How do you process afterwards?
    • What do boundaries mean to you? What are your boundaries for this session?
    • what self-work have you done for your mental and emotional health? Can you briefly describe any professional assistance you've sought to that end?

    I switch up what and how I ask - I don't want prepared or AI responses. I don't need polished responses, I need authentic ones that demonstrate emotional literacy and self-awareness. I listen for phrases and patterns I recognize from abusers, controlling and/or potentially dangerous individuals. I listen for when they're just telling me what they think I want to hear vs what they actually think/feel/believe. My BS meter has gotten pretty good over the years.

    Referencing karma as evidence of being safe is a yellow flag for me - just because you were safe with someone else doesn't mean you'll be safe for me. Over-reliance on karma/reputation rather than actually demonstrating being safe through actions just tells me that you know how to manipulate people and the system, or do not have the social-emotional skills necessary to be a safe person.

    If anyone wants help figuring out their own vetting questions, I'm happy to discuss in DM.

  • VelvetHoneyVelvetHoney

    Honestly just report them… It keeps us all safe. 🤗

  • cheeseboycheeseboy Mod

    While the client does not directly know that they've been reported, if you're the only one they've interacted with recently then they can probably figure it out if they get a warning or get banned.

    If you are going to report someone, doing so from their profile page will show you as a recent visitor to their page. You can avoid this by finding their message thread in your inbox and reporting them from there instead (top right "..." menu tray once inside the message history with them).

    You can attach up to 4-5 screenshots with your initial report - they are helpful to the moderators. With a report, the moderators can see the on-site conversation between you and the person you're reporting - so, no need to attach screenshots of the on-site messages, just what took place elsewhere.

  • ResonantSoulResonantSoul

    Never been an issue with me. I suppose its part of the deal. Report & block. Have heard stories it works both ways too...

  • Velvet_HeartVelvet_Heart

    Come on—most adults know exactly what "platonic" means. I find it unnecessary to ask someone for their personal definition when the word already has a clear, well-established meaning. If there's any doubt, it's easily found in a dictionary.

    In my experience, some people claim they don't understand what "platonic" means as a way to test boundaries or avoid accountability for inappropriate comments or behavior.

    And honestly, what's the point of stating in your profile that your services are platonic? The platform already makes it abundantly clear that all services offered are strictly platonic. It's hard to believe that anyone using Cuddle Comfort could reasonably think otherwise.🤣

  • Velvet_HeartVelvet_Heart

    A client today mentioned that they’ve encountered several hosting professionals who answered the door in lingerie. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard similar accounts. I’ve also been told on more than one occasion that some providers present a “menu” of sexual services similar to escorting. In addition, I’ve heard reports of clients feeling pressured to move into non-platonic activities in exchange for additional payment, to the point where it made them uncomfortable.

  • neonbrushartneonbrushart

    In my experience, even pros who claim to be strictly platonic will often find themselves pressure the clients to take extras. Essentially, while the initial session might remain platonic, subsequent sessions are almost certainly non-platonic. They consistently provide hints and strategically place items, creating an impression of greater possibilities for clients.

  • ksb30ksb30
    edited June 28

    You gotta be safe and selective out there is all I have to say!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited June 28

    @neonbrushart You just joined in May 2026 and you have been pressured by pros to be non-platonic on a consistent basis?

    I have been here for years, and while I will say it was presented more than once, I was never pressured. Overall, I have found the offering of non-platonic services to not be very common. Usually the offering is veiled by an innocuous question during the session in the form of “you’ve done a lot of cuddling. Do you just cuddle during sessions?” This is the opening to an offer and it is an open ended question to entice you to be explicit in what you want. I always answer with a question of “What do you mean exactly?” which shuts down that line of questioning pretty quick, but there has been the rare occasion where they were bolder. But I was never pressured or at least I never felt pressured.

    I am not accusing you of this because I do not know, but the offering of services occurs more to people who are looking for non-platonic services to begin with. That is just my two cents based on intuition.

  • neonbrushartneonbrushart

    @TheFunCartel I don't think my time on this platform is important. We can continue to argue without reaching a conclusion. That's the reality I'm addressing. I'm not claiming to be perfect or to never make mistakes. My arguments aren't solely based on my own experiences; there are multiple forums online, besides Reddit, where people discuss "pro cuddlers" from this platform and their experiences.

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