I don’t always cheat, but when I do, I do it for $100/hr.
—The Most Divorced Man In the World
@Velvet_Heart Same for me and my relationship-- Have to have complete transparency and openness and strict boundaries... He understands its work for me, not a personal relationship. I also believe we probably fall into the exception rather than the rule category because I know many people who haven't been okay with it.
@pokergirl89 Good for you! There is a reason we have lasted 23 years! Granted, we are far from perfect but trust and jealousy have never been an issue from the get.
In retrospect after typing that, it seems the real problem here is that I haven’t been willing to follow through with action on the boundaries I actually did communicate. >That’s on me.
@CO_dreaming I struggled with that for a long time myself. The biggest difficulty with boundaries isn't just with setting and communicating them - it's with enforcing them for ourselves. Every time we move the goalpost and let things slide, it tells the other person that their behavior is ok and that we will bend to them. Basically it makes the boundaries ineffective as if they didn't exist. Note that this isn't the same as consciously making the decision to adjust a boundary based off of changing circumstances or information - I'm talking about when we give up on enforcing our boundaries, which reflects that we respect and care for ourselves less than we do the other person. It's not sustainable.
I hope you're able to move forward into better relationships for yourself - including with yourself! It's a tough habit to break.