@cuddlefaery You make a good point, but I think that reasoning could apply to other things as well that might affect a long-term cuddle arrangement. Someone’s relationship status could change, they could relocate, their work schedule could change. At the very least I think "plans to relocate" (that isn't mentioned) should be more important than "plans to have children."
I love the relationship status feature because I’m adamantly against cuddling with married women.
People who express not wanting to cuddle with married people tend to get railroaded on here. But, I don’t care. Being the third leg in that level of commitment—whether platonic or not—is energy pollution in my opinion. Pollution of MY energy.
Also, they often say that the husband is okay with it. Well, what if he becomes ‘not okay with it’ for whatever reason? Why should I enter into an arrangement where I have to placate to the whims of another man? Not happening. Won’t happen …especially if I don’t think that he can beat me up.. lol, just kidding.. kinda.
@BR123 Absolutely no one is trying to push you or others to cuddle people outside of your comfort level, for whatever reason. I'm simply unsure how you could be a third leg in a relationship that doesn't include you, as a platonic cuddle client. You seem confused to me.
@SpicyNSweet I said what I said.
Again, you seem quite confused about what your role is in this situation.
Also, I hope you realize that in order for a cuddler to agree to a session with you in the first place, you're "placating to the whims" of someone else already.
@SpicyNSweet Again, I said what I said.
Kind of odd to post on a discussion board and refuse to engage in any discussion 😂😂
@SpicyNSweet I’m open to discussion. Just not with you.
Have a good day, sis.
Don't be disingenuous. You refused to discuss your comment immediately.
No worries though. I'm wholly disinterested in conversations that are intellectually dishonest or closed minded. 😊
@SpicyNSweet Fantastic. Have a good day, sis.
Now, to anyone who isn’t @SpicyNSweet
I’m smart enough to know the difference between someone who’s inquiring of me to gain a deeper understanding of my position(s), and someone who is seeking a fruitless argument. The latter tends to frame their inquiries like they’re genuinely curious, but they often sprinkle a sly comment or two in there like a Trojan Horse.
I’m open to discuss my OPINIONS. But, I’m not going to argue with strangers over the internet.
My reply was completely sincere. Like I said, disingenuous.
And I don't appreciate being called sis. You're being disrespectful.
There's a term for someone who aggressively states an opinion that he knows others will question, and then refuses to talk about it. Especially when said opinion is about feeling polluted by certain people.
Several terms, probably.
@BR123 I think you’ll find you’re in good company as far as not wanting to cuddle married folks. I’ve seen a lot of people feel that way. I saw you say people who felt that way weren’t supported so I wanted to support it.
I agree that the status makes sense for that reason. One either is or is not ok with cuddling someone in a relationship. And there are valid reasons either way.
It helps to know the status going in. Now whether or not people answer the question (which I assume to be the answer in itself) or answer it truthfully is another issue.
I didn’t realize that pros couldn’t answer that question in their profiles though.
@BR123
Also, they often say that the husband is okay with it. Well, what if he becomes ‘not okay with it’ for whatever reason?
Then if she values the relationship, she might stop cuddling. Which is one of several reasons why she might stop cuddling. But ultimately, it's her choice.
Oh gosh, an old post revived yet again.
Still not sure why pros can't list their relationship status! It's not even an option. I agree with myself from 2 years ago on that opinion.
I'm leaning toward the 'it's not even a big deal, don't answer the question if you don't want to' line of thought. Imo there are too many other issues, more important ones, in the 🌎 to worry about something few of us, if any, know any particulars about. Unless the one(s) responsible for the difference in the questioning chime in, it's not really fair to assume this or assume that. It could be as simple as a pain old oversight for all we know. (I'm definitely not saying the op shouldn't have noted or asked the question, fyi. This is just my opinion.)
@IronicMaiden I agree. It’s her choice. But, the fact that his decision can incite her to make that choice, and ultimately affect my cuddle situation is one of the many reasons why I don’t touch married women.
Also, if he’s not okay with it, but she’s okay with it, I’m still not doing it.
Just too many variables for me, in addition to my moral convictions.
@BR123 How is that any different from if a single cuddler stops cuddling because she found a romantic partner?
@IronicMaiden it isn’t much of a difference. If she makes the choice to stop cuddling to focus on her relationship—or anything else for that matter—that’s fine with me. And, it’s actually normal, because all things must come to an end.
I’m saying that if another guy is in the picture—from the beginning—basically allowing us to cuddle, then he can also disallow it for whatever reason—directly or indirectly. I’ll never willingly put myself in a situation where I’m being given a hall pass by another man.
And, once again, that’s in addition to my moral convictions regarding married people.
@IronicMaiden In regard to a single woman who gets into a relationship, a more fitting juxtaposition would be this:
Let’s say that me and her were cuddling every weekend night.
Then, the new boyfriend enters the picture and says that we can only cuddle once a week, during the day, and on weekdays only.
I’m not going to fuss or fight. I’m going to simply remove myself from the equation because he’s basically dictating my schedule through her, and giving me a hall pass.
She would placate because she cares about him, and may want to water and grow the relationship. But, who is he to me? Just another man.
Nobody is to blame. Just my personal convictions.
I can't speak for others, but my partner does not "allow" or disallow me to do anything. Ever. Period. I left that sort of controlling BS behind after my last abusive relationship more than 15 years ago. If someone feels like they need to control whom I interact with and how in order to feel secure in our relationship, then our relationship was never meant to be. This goes for romantic AND platonic relationships. Relationship vetos are incompatible for me.
That said - I won't generally cuddle people in committed relationships unless I am confident that everything is happening with fully informed consent for all parties impacted. In my view, it's not the cuddling that would be the cheating - it'd be the lying and lack of consent. I don't do the whole "don't ask, don't tell" thing because it almost always involves someone's lack of knowledge, and therefore inability to consent. And inevitably someone ends up being harmed. I don't need to know someone's whole relationship business - I just need to know that I'm not being made party to or used in the harm and violation of another person.
And some people like me don't mind cuddling married women for moral reasons. It's all the same. 🤷🏻♂️
If you cuddle with someone who is in a relationship as a client or even as a non client, it doesn't mean that you are necessarily getting anything less than if they were not in a relationship. It isn't pie. I am sure there are people who also don't want to cuddle with others who are in relationships because they are wanting to leave the door open for something more then platonic connections. And if that's the case, that's just not what this site is intended for.
Regarding whether to allow or disallow it. I allow and disallow children. With adults I'm in relationships with I have mutual discussions based on consent, equal footing and respect.
@BR123 If someone gets into a relationship and their new partner starts telling them what to do, dictating who they can or can not spend time with, there's bigger problems there.
giving me a hall pass
I'm not familiar with this phrase. What does it mean?
I think y’all are getting caught up on the allow/disallow part of it, insinuating some sort of patriarchal influence.
When I was married, my now ex-wife influenced my decisions just as much as I influenced hers, whether we were aware of it or not. If she disapproved of something, I had to consider her reasons, and possibly move things around. So, yes, when you’re dealing with a male or female who’s committed to another person, that other person—male or female—is directly or indirectly influencing the dynamic, thus allowing, or disallowing. I only used male influencing female as an example because I only cuddle women. But, I believe that the same applies the other way around. If a man’s wife or long term girlfriend disapproves for whatever reason, she can directly or indirectly influence the situation. If he decides to ignore her concerns, I don’t think it would be wise for a woman to KNOWINGLY put herself into that situation. I fully believe that when the spoken and unspoken terms of verbal, physical, and emotional contracts are violated, the universe takes up the case. This is why I said it’s energy pollution.
It's so interesting to me when people assume you can't cuddle in a committed relationship without hurting your partner. Myopic.