@BR123 Part of is is that the term "pollution" is very charged, and frequently used by bigots of various stripes.
And there's also that the cuddler's partner, not the cuddler, is the one dictating what can or can not happen. Removing all agency and authority from the cuddler and putting it all on her boyfriend. In this type of dynamic, she is invariably better off without him.
I do not have the 🥄 🥄 🥄 for this thread. But I appreciate the spicy, ironic, cuddlefaeries and their ilk who keep showing up and representing in good faith.
Cheers!
🙊
“Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?”
GWB
It's so interesting to me when people assume you can't cuddle in a committed relationship without hurting your partner.
🤣
@SpicyNSweet Interesting, it's hilarious to me, Lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I have a cuddle bud who is married, and I did in fact talked to his spouse (before even meeting him at a public place, and definitely before cuddling too) to get verification from her and to fully explain that platonically cuddling is ALL that will happen between her husband and I...And that is ALL that has happened! 😁
And to be CLEAR .... ☝️😌
I don't want another husband (not for me and I definitely don't want anyone else's husband) for romantic/sexual purposes. 😔👎
NO! 🙅
I want a Werewolf 🐺 and/or Yautja 👹 for those purposes, thank you very much! 😁👍
I mentioned in my CC profile that I am open to cuddling married/attached cuddlers. As long as I talk to their spouses/partners via phone or in-person. I do GREATLY appreciate him for respecting my boundaries/safety protocols and following through on his end, because SO MANY lying husbands/boyfriends/fiance/whatever that have breeched my inbox with deceitful nonsense...🤦🙄😒
Yes, very appreciative of him and his wife for not being deceitful! 😁🫂
It's so interesting to me when people assume you can't cuddle in a committed relationship without hurting your partner. Myopic.
@SpicyNSweet
Partially it's due to social norms making it difficult for people to think outside the tropes. But honestly? It's largely because most people here aren't actually looking for fully platonic cuddling - they're wanting replacements for romantic relationships or for what their romantic relationships aren't providing. At best, that's seeking quasi-romantic relationships, or maybe even QPRs if not cis het. But realistically, most are slapping a platonic label on what is most definitely romantic and/or sexually based.
Relationships generally don't fall into neat little boxes of labels as people are complex... But only cuddling people you find romantically and sexually attractive is 10000% not strictly platonic. I wish people would stop kidding themselves and unintentionally (or intentionally) deceiving their cuddle partners. It's no wonder people get confused about what platonic actually means when the vast majority of people here do not actually mean what they say.
I mentioned in my CC profile that I am open to cuddling married/attached cuddlers. As long as I talk to their spouses/partners via phone or in-person.
@Katota I'd be cautious with this, given my own experiences with men getting female friends/acquaintances to pose as their spouse for the purpose of getting what they want. The lengths people go to to lie 🤦🏻♀️ being fully honest might not be easy, but it's definitely simpler
That's entirely accurate, @cuddlefaery , which is why the use of "hall pass" on here was wiiiiild! 🤦🤣 I mean sure, keep telling us how confused you clearly are.
I'd be cautious with this, given my own experiences with men getting female friends/acquaintances to pose as their spouse for the purpose of getting what they want.
😊
@cuddlefaery Ahh, that sneaky concept has occurred to me once or twice...But luckily I have not come across clever enough liars willing to go to that extent yet! 😜
But I do thank you for mentioning it just the same, many lying spouses give up on me once I start responding with nonsense one syllable word responses. Or when I start reciting movie quotes as responses. Lol 🤣 🤣 🤣
Lol! 😆 I tend to "attract" lazy low effort liars in my inbox, so I have no worries so far. But much appreciate you always with your wonderful words of advice for safety against the neverending onslaught of internet Dudebros. 😊🫂
@Katota I never said they were clever... 😅😒 It is surprising how many will try it in certain areas/communities, no matter how badly.
@cuddlefaery Lol. You are correct, I gave them too much credit. My mistake. 😆😏
Oh yes, definitely major liars everywhere. When I started venturing amongst alternative lifestyle communities, especially within kink communities...Wow, I seen a lot and learned a lot! 😊😲
@IronicMaiden i fully agree. A lot of guys don’t realize that trying to control every aspect of their partner’s life just creates more work for themselves…
But, that’s the reality for most guys.
Hall pass basically means permission.
@BR123
A lot of guys don’t realize that trying to control every aspect of their partner’s life just creates more work for themselves
Well, that's certainly a viewpoint that still fails to take the other person into consideration. Could be that it's wrong to try to control someone, especially someone they're in a relationship with, but I guess the real problem is just that it creates more work for them.
Reality for most guys? And they wonder why we chose, and continue to choose, the bear 😬
The red flags are just non-stop at this point lmfao
@BR123 I respect your preference and I understand why you feel that way.. I just think you are missing out. But everyone has their lines. I have mine and state it in my profile and I get some flak for it, but that just confirms they weren’t a good fit for me.
@IronicMaiden i didn’t think I had to divulge every aspect of control within relationships because that was never the crux of my argument.
Of course it’s wrong to control people. And a proper incentive for those who wish to do so is that it’s too much work.
The crux of my argument is that I will never touch a married individual, or knowingly interject myself into a situation where another man has any sort of influence that I may have to placate to… through her, or otherwise.
@TheFunCartel Right on! Thanks for addressing the nature of my argument.
@BR123 I don't think anyone is arguing your decision to not cuddle married women. However, from the beginning, your stated reasons have been highly questionable, all boiling down to that you feel it means another man has control over your cuddling. The entire time, however you phrased it, your reasons have been entirely about control.
@IronicMaiden EXACTLY.
As soon as a spouse or significant other is in the picture, I’m avoiding the situation entirely.
She can do whatever she wants to do…I’m just not going to be involved.
So, ultimately, the only person I’m controlling is myself.
If y’all have used this to try to piece together my intimate affairs, good luck, because I’ve given very little insight into that. But, admittedly, I am consistent when it comes to certain standards and non-negotiables: I don’t fuss. I don’t fight. I just leave.
I'd feel like a moron f she was with someone. My impression is she would go home and laugh it up with her husband.
@BR123 No, not exactly. In fact, not at all.
I was referring to having control over the cuddler. Your argument has been that as soon as a man enters the picture, he has control over what she does. She has no autonomy. She just does what he says.
Your willingness to not fight for control of her sounds admirable, but it's still about who has control of her.
@IronicMaiden Well, I’m just not convinced that a significant other/spouse/husband/wife has absolutely no influence over the affairs of their partner.
We’re all familiar with guys who say, “I really want a motorcycle, but my wife won’t let me get one.” “I really want a sports car, but my wife won’t let me get one”. “I really want to sell the house and live in a cabin in the woods, but my wife will never let me get away with it.” In other words, the guy is saying “she’s not ALLOWING me to do xyz”. It doesn’t make him less of a man. It makes him a married man. It’s just what comes with the territory.
Of course, we’re all adults who can ultimately do what we want to do. But, that’s not what you sign up for when you get married. Wives influence the lives of their husbands, and husbands influence the lives of their wives. If you don’t want it, don’t sign up for it. I don’t want my life influenced by another man, so I don’t cuddle married women. Plain and simple. Whether she believes that her husband—the man that she crawls into the bed with every night—has influence over her affairs or not is irrelevant to me. Her autonomy, or lack thereof is irrelevant to me. You know who it’s most relevant to? HER HUSBAND.
@BR123 I said control. Not influence.
I don’t want my life influenced by another man
Go live as a hermit.
Your decision to not cuddle married women is not the issue we're seeing, @BR123 . Your views of women's autonomy, consent, and relationship dynamics are what seems concerning.
Those men who say their wives won't let them do things are equally yellow or red flags in my book. At best, they're making distasteful jokes about their spouses whom they're supposed to respect and support. More likely, they're displaying a lack of personal accountability and would rather blame their wives for their own choices and unhappiness, rather than actually do anything meaningful to change their situation. And even more concerning, they're displaying outright resentment of their spouse.
What person with a healthy sense of self-worth wants to stay in a relationship with someone who resents them, blames them for their unhappiness, and/or makes jokes about them behind their back? It's giving "the divorce came out of no where! 😫" vibes.
The fact that you are stating all or even just most relationships are like this says a lot more about your own views on relationships and women than you may think. And I promise you, we women notice.
@TiredAndBored Lolhahaha
@TiredAndBored you also seem confused about what cuddling is.
My impression is she would go home and laugh it up with her husband.
Why are you showing your junk to her?
If it's platonic, and done the way it should be with professionalism. Why should being married, single, relationship etc, be a thing? Ive cuddled with everyone, its therapy in its own right. For those who think it's wrong, then you got different ideas.
@cuddlefaery you’re absolutely correct. I don’t believe that married men can act entirely independent of their wives consent, and I don’t believe that married women can act entirely independent of their husbands consent.
Believing that hasn’t plunged my life into ruin yet, so I think I’m good.
And, your problem with my beliefs is exactly that… YOUR PROBLEM. Good luck.
All of that is extremely narrow minded because it's operating under the assumption married men ALLLLLLLL wouldn't be comfortable with their wives cuddling. Personal opinions, comfort levels, and codes of conduct aren't the same thing as making sweeping generalizations. I hope that helps. 😁
I'm a firm believer that with a little YouTube, a lot of self-belief, and a willing heart, I can figure out just about anything. I'm curious, playful, and find joy in the little things good conversations, quiet moments, and making people feel seen and safe.