Physical touch 40%, quality time 30%. I’d say that’s pretty spot on. It’s funny whenever you take those you never 100% positive that it sounds right to you.. this one definitely sounded right to me.
Mine was:
1.Receiving Gifts (37%) 2.Acts of Service (30%) 3.Quality Time (20%) 4.Words of Affirmation 5.Physical Touch
It actually makes sense why I'm a pro cuddler. I like receiving gifts, and getting paid is technically a gift. 😅
What's always interest me is that the way we receive love isn't the same as the way we show it. I naturally express my appreciation through physical touch. I'm very affectionate. That's why being a Pro is perfect for me. 🥰
I've always known this so not surprised at all. I dislike when people run their mouths that they’re going to do xyz for me. I value actions over words.
As a “cuddler” you’d think physical touch would be #1 but I’m a through and through Taurus. It doesn’t even register on MY list 🤣 I think LOVE LANGUAGES need to be reevaluated. Other options. Give me comfort Food (food should absolutely be a love language) Recognize a need without me having to speak it.
Let’s start there 🤣🤣🤣
Example, create a cozy CLEAN space when you KNOW I’m hungry after work and feed me tacos. 🌮
Easy work.
@BrokenWillow Those would all fall under Acts of Service. 😊 Someone doing things for you that make you feel special, or doing things you dislike so you don't have to, etc. (Check it out, the little logo for this one is even food-related. 🤭)
And I agree...Mexican food is definitely always the right answer! 😁🌮
~ Sunset Snuggles
🫂 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Junkie 📷 Shutter Bug
@SunsetSnuggles Well damn. I guess I just need to be serviced then 🤣🤣🌮🌮♥️
The Five Love Languages Aren't Real
The Problem With Love Languages
@IronicMaiden that's why I added Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love to the list for book club. It's a way to keep using a "love languages" framework for communicating needs, without giving money or free advertising to a highly problematic man or falling into pop psychology traps. Plus it's just more inclusive - it explicitly includes platonic love, which is more relevant to this site than a system which only focuses on hetero romantic relationships/marriages.
I just wish more people were aware of the problems with the 5 system and its creator, and that there were other options. But when I bring it up some folks get mighty defensive 😔
You really have to read the book, as there isn't a quiz - it's not about telling you what yours are, but rather about allowing you to discover where your strengths and needs are. And the fact that those strengths and needs can change over time or in different environments/relationships. And recognizing that most people utilize ALL of them in some fashion even if they have a preference. It's just more nuanced.
I also enjoy the Neurodivergent Love Locutions / Neurospicy Love Languages - another take on giving and receiving love in different ways as a or for a neurodivergent person.
(Edit to add: clearly infodumping is one of my strengths 😅)
@cuddlefaery I'm stealing the neurospicy love languages to share elsewhere. Sadly, I don't have mental energy to read the book you mentioned.
I definitely like words of affirmation and acts of service. Ex; someone who can make my life more efficient, or knows how to put together a 200 piece ikea furniture and thoughtful gifts
And I really enjoy in return giving quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch and acts of service.
Acts of service at 30% close second at 27% at words of affirmation. Actions speak louder than words. But being authentic in your communication is a biggie. Those two things combined lead to quality time and then the physical touch has meaning after that. Gifts for 0%. But it’s all wrong.. my real love language is delicious food!
Omg @cuddlefaery besides just being some interesting infographics, I love “penguin pebbling” 🤣 what a great name for it!
thank you @IronicMaiden I loathe the five love languages... so simplistic and I want different things depending on how I'm doing and who I'm interacting with...
I only want one person to give me gifts they pick out themselves and that is my roommate. Everyone else gets me things I hate. I used to say touch was one of mine, but one of my friends is a smelly boi and we don't cuddle for instance.
there are things that feel good to receive from specific people but it's not universal in any way
give me attunement and ability to read the room any day
Physical touch 40% Quality Time 23% Words of affirmation 17% Acts of service 13% Receiving gifts 7%
@cuddlefaery those are awesome!!! Thank you!
@cuddlefaery your book/publication lists to date and info dumping are all very relevant to the space so that is definitely appreciated (so please do keep going)
French and Italian are pretty cool.
@theHugAlchemist that is a great movie to have as a background for that quote
Why? The entire premise of the book this question is based on is to help people identify how they express and revive love. This site isn’t about love- Supposedly, it’s about comfort. Confusing the two is what leads to the blurring of lines between platonic and non platonic. There shouldn’t be any level of emotional dependency between cuddle buddies! We’re not allowed to tag other users, but there’s NO WAY I’m the only one who read the thread about “catching feelings”. This post only fuels that fire and it’s inappropriate in that it invites people to reveal how to meet their emotional needs. It’s dangerous and mocks what this site claims to be about. @Mark
@great_pillow08 The Love Languages are a wide concept that include many types of relationships between people, including parents and their children. It is definitely not about romance, it's about understanding what makes people feel appreciated.
This wasn't that surprising, I knew I hated getting gifts lol. Though Acts of Service being number one was definitely not something I was expecting.
Acts of Service 40% Gifts 27% Quality Time 17% Words of Affirmation 7% Touch 7%
Adds up to 101%
Works for me
@SunsetSnuggles Please read the book! That’s not the context it’s written in and I’m EXTREMELY UNcomfortable with even the possibility of having someone I’m not in a “romantic” relationship with come to me to have such a need met. I’ve had too many experiences with mentally challenged cuddlers on this site to ignore the danger in this (we’re not allowed to “name names” or post private screen shots or I could prove this). I read the title and cringed, then I read comments and the bells & whistles went off because I wasn’t wrong. You can spin it any way you want, but it’s out of context for this site in a way that puts us in danger of unrealistic expectations and shouldn’t be allowed. This site is for CUDDLING, NOT feeling “loved” or “appreciated”. This “widens the net” and then where does it end? @Mark
There are many types of love. Our society doesn't acknowledge that, and cripples people by making them believe that the only love is romantic love. And I think the more you buy into that, the less capable you are of any love, even romantic love.
If someone cuddles to make other people feel comfortable or appreciated or in some way better, that's an expression of love. I would hate to cuddle with someone who has no love in her heart.
@great_pillow08 There is more than one book, including...
It is not inherently romantic.
@Mark is certainly free to remove this thread if, after four years of no issues, it's suddenly become an issue.
The reason I started the thread is because I noticed so many people referencing their love languages in their profiles and in casual conversation.
It's an interesting subject that is perfectly platonic in the context of children, relatives, and friends. It can also be for romantic relationships, but that is not its sole application by any stretch of the imagination.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines "cuddle" by use of the word "love", twice:
"to put your arms around someone and hold them in a loving way, or (of two people) to hold each other close to show love or for comfort"
The word "love" is not inherently romantic or sexual. People love their children. They love soccer. They love Italian food. They love hiking. This thread has never had anything to do with romantic love.
Mark may do as he pleases and I am fine with either outcome. This thread was meant to spark thought and be fun. It still is doing so, four years later. I will always advocate for platonic cuddles, and if the use of the word "love" is triggering you, it's no bother to me if the thread goes away.
@cuddlefaery thank you for adding the expanded idea of our love language. Love and human connection can be so complicated and also so simple at the same time; making it even more confusing. Therefore, I don’t like the idea of limiting my languages to 5.
@SunsetSnuggles also yes. Love isn’t only romantic love. Again it’s a complex thing that can also be pretty simple.
It’s completely legitimate to have this conversation on a platonic website.
Be well
I can’t imagine someone reading this thread and thinking this is anything but wholesome even if 5lovelanguages is a brand and kinda corporate at this point.
One language I seem to have that I often have trouble filing in a box is that I don’t much like gift giving in the consumerist sense of buying things for people but I do like making things for people that they might appreciate. It’s like an acts of service penguin pebbling where the service is manufacture and art. Most of my friends have something on a shelf somewhere I’ve made for them.
@cuddlefaery I’ll definitely look into the issues with the creator separately though. 😬
@SunsetSnuggles I tagged Mark because of the excessive abuse of “authority” that’s been happening around here A LOT for some reason. I was just in a THREE WEEK “time out” for stating something that’s been openly discussed in threads on these forums more times than I care to count, followed by a very snarky email sent to my personal email account (gloating included). That behavior (especially from a moderator) is unprofessional and immature.
The original book had absolutely nothing to do with children- Nor does this site, so stop “reaching”. As a nanny- I highly advise reconsidering involving children in this matter. I was voicing my opinion! I thought this “community” was supposed to include “all” people? I’m not “new” by any means, but it’s inconsiderate to disregard the legitimate safety concerns of members because you disagree with them, but that’s just my opinion (no snark intended, seriously!) This thread is just validly inappropriate for this site.
Members should be advised not to discuss topics outside of cuddling. It makes “this space” unsafe for all of us.
Me.. “triggered”? Please, this isn’t THAT serious- At least, it’s not supposed to be! It’s my understanding that cuddling on this site is to be casual or did I miss something? @Mark
💯 @SunsetSnuggles . There isn't anything "problematic" about the 5 Love Languages. You're right, I see them referenced all over the place and in countless profiles.
Mexican food is definitely always the right answer! 😁🌮
Physical touch of warm fajita tortillas: 100% Quality Time assembling my fajita: 100% Words of affirmation, "Enjoy your fajitas!": 100% Acts of service of serving sizzling fajitas: 100% Receiving gifts cards for more fajitas: 100%