Cuddling professional yay or nay

DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat
edited November 2018 in General

How do you feel about paying for something that I personally feel should be free since your both getting the same thing out of the cuddling experience

Note: Pro related discussions are usually moved to the Pro sub-forum but this topic is targeted at everyone so will leave it here. [Mark]

«1

Comments

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited November 2018

    That's all well and good in theory. But in practice, paying a pro is sometimes necessary for a guy who wants to cuddle before the turn of the next century. ;-) Men vastly outnumber women on this site. The ratio of men to enthusiast (non-paid) women is so lopsided that some guys would simply never get a cuddle if they had to wait for an enthusiast in their area to agree to see them. I was a member of this site (under a different user name) before pros were allowed. I know what a barren wasteland it was for me

    Pros are easier, because: 1) They are looking for a clientele, not just one cuddle buddy Thus, more supply to meet the demand. 2) They're in the business of providing cuddles, so they tend to be less fearful about doing it. 3) They are generally more accepting of a broad range of people, while many enthusiasts only want to cuddle someone they would actually date. 4) Many enthusiasts become unavailable once they meet "that special someone." Good pros stick around, regardless of their relationship status. For all these reasons, scheduling with pros tends to be quicker and more convenient. I should also add that, in my experience pros are less likely to get things confused --- they're not going to fall in love, imagine you have a "relationship," and that sort of thing.

    That said, I have had some success meeting enthusiasts. I've met a total of seven from here. Ironically enough, it is my karma from pros that is the reason some enthusiasts have been comfortable reaching out to me, and haven't needed me to jump through all sorts of hoops before they were comfortable meeting. Cuddling with enthusiasts is great. But I have a pretty regular cuddle habit, so I am thankful for the pros who help me keep my cuddle calendar full.

  • Tom85Tom85

    I recently cuddled with a pro and am glad I did. She knew what she was doing, and I also enjoyed the conversation and the beginning of a friendship. Also, because of the cuddle session, I can tell that I'm more relaxed than I was beforehand. Finally, like quietman775 said, pros can give you good karma that can be seen by non-pros. This could help in future cuddles. If you're a gentleman during a pro session, they might just reciprocate with a good karma.

  • CatloafCatloaf
    edited November 2018

    Pretty much mirror everything @quietman775 says. When you enlist a professional cuddler, you typically get what you pay for, and there are many quality professionals around who pour themselves so much into this work. It is more of a guarantee than anything. We're literal strangers who open up our homes, or travel great distances to see people who we don't know on a personal level, and who otherwise might not be given the time of day, for whatever reason. We also cannot hold you to judgment on superficial standards as professionals. Should it be free for most people? Yes, it should. But keep in mind, touch isn't readily accessible for all. I see a lot of people say stuff like the following, especially on public forums like Facebook and such:

    "I have a spouse to cuddle with. Why would I ever pay for it?"

    "This is stupid. Just get a dog." (Hellooooo, lady, some people have allergies! Plus a lot of people who hire professional cuddlers DO have pets. So why are they coming to me if Fido is capable of getting their needs met?)

    "Well jeez, have they ever heard of dating websites?"

    These solutions described above may work for some, but not everybody is married, some people are divorced or broken up and not ready to get back out there, not everybody wants or can have a pet, and dating websites have their own muck to sift through. In many situations when dealing with people, you'd be hard-pressed finding someone who just wants to cuddle without expectations of leading into more. That's the need we fulfill and we take payment to do this work because otherwise it isn't sustainable in several ways. First, from a fiscal perspective, especially if you travel or include things to use in your session like a diffuser with essential oils or massage lotion for massage etc. Secondly, we are essentially performing emotional labour when we offer someone to get close and give them the opportunity to open up rather than being a glorified body pillow. If we were enthusiasts offering this type of experience, EVERY single guy would be lining up and demanding every ounce of our time, and we would get burnt out very quickly.

    Rest assured, if I ever win the lottery, I'll buy a giant mansion and host a monthly cuddle puddle in my giant living room where everybody can chill out for free. Till that day, I have a transit pass, gas & car maintenance, and supplies to bring to my sessions that I need to always have the funds on stand-by for. Charging an hourly rate helps with this and allows me to continue offering cuddles that people really enjoy.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    I have had plenty of cuddle sessions never paid, I'm lucky to be in an area filled with a lot of people i never really understood why a guy would pay but to each his own.

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited November 2018

    @Chocolatetreat I was going to say that it doesn't hurt that you are in NY/NJ and that you are 28 years old. Add fifteen more years to your age and the search for enthusiasts will likely get more challenging.

    "I have never really understood why a guy would pay, but to each his own. " But you yourself have paid --- you have exchanged karma with at least one pro. ;-)

  • [Deleted User]acvf1972 (deleted user)

    Well I will give the caveat that I am speaking as somebody who is not in a major market with a lot of amateur enthusiasts, but for me I am more interested in professionals right now because I actually do have a special person that means a lot to me, but we’re not able to get together on the spur of the moment because we live far apart. I treasure that situationship, and I don’t want to come down with a case of “the feelings” for somebody else.

    But I do still get lonely. So for me, it seems like a much cleaner way to ensure the boundaries are clear. I would prefer to cultivate a professional relationship with somebody who does this for money and focus on the cuddling without any subtext whatsoever. I want to be completely emotionally available to somebody else, but still meet my needs for cuddling. And I’m not saying that amateur to amateur cuddling with clear boundaries and no complications is not possible, I’m saying it’s much easier for me to navigate with a professional.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    My thoughts regarding what is different about when you cuddle with a pro versus a friend:

    It is my job to be there for you, to meet for cuddles when you need it, and to listen to everything that you need to let out. I have a LOT more time to provide attention to you, because I get paid for this. If I didn't get paid, I would have another job, and would not be able to take on clients, as the only time and energy I would have left would go towards cuddling with my partner. In addition, my focus on you is unique to the client/professional relationship. Your needs are my top priority (within the confines of the service agreement). I might be in a slightly uncomfortable / not ideal position in order to connect with you in the most nurturing way, and that's ok. You will never be put in an uncomfortable position. It is not about my needs. You will have to make minimal movements, while I do cuddle choreography around you as we go into different positions. You are the king or queen of our time together. I do not get my own cuddle needs met in my sessions, that is taken care of in my time with my partner. I am wholly present with you, your needs, your responses, your breath, your words, your tension, and either following your direction in your needs (if you know) or helping anticipate and guide you through what I can sense may help you achieve more relaxation (if you don't know).

    Not to mention the HUGE safety issue that is a concern for many people when meeting with enthusiasts. The safety I provide you is of TOP priority for me. The fact that there is no question as to my intentions. You will never be put into an uncomfortable position when I push for something more in a session. I will NEVER cross your boundaries. I provide a completely safe space where boundaries are respected and you will never be judged. You have full confidentiality in both that we are having sessions and anything you might share with me in your session. Safety is a huge value and sometimes vastly underrated. I have had a client who saw enthusiasts before having a terrible experience, after which they decided to go through me instead. There is no joke serious value in paying for a professional for many people. If you are just out to have fun cuddling, maybe safety is not as much of an issue. But a lot of people are dealing with a lot of shit where safety is important. Whether you're worried about judgment for who you are, confidentiality in the activity, or purely physical safety. If you have touch/trust issues from past trauma, I would always recommend a professional. If you have emotional struggles, you need someone who is empathetic and understanding of your struggles. Some people see a talk therapist, and many professional cuddlers know how to work in triad with your current therapist to excel your healing.

    @quietman775 gets a lot of the points spot on in his comment. The number of people I have seen who have gone through struggles finding someone to cuddle with them is significant. There are people across the country (and beyond) who have contacted me wishing I were closer, because they have received no acceptance or response from people more local to them. It is a real and genuine struggle, and this is a real physical and emotional need for the human species. Professionals are here to help meet this need. Even if you have touch positive people in your life, the benefits above can still be a great method of self-care. Like how people still get professional massages even if they have a partner willing to give them massages. There's still a benefit to receiving one from a professional. Same with cuddling. If you don't believe cuddling (both the touch and the hearing/conversation aspect) is a skill (with both natural and learned aspects), then you haven't had a superior cuddle yet.

  • MyrddynMyrddyn
    edited November 2018

    @ubergigglefritz is spot on!
    @Catloaf when you win the lottery, please put me on the invitation list for your Ultimate Cudde Puddle. ?

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle

    I don't mind paying for a Pro. I agree- I would be waiting a long time for a non Pro to agree to cuddle. Only problem is- as I stated in another Forum- I bring all the stuff- music, water, lotion. Also lots of times they dont bring a change of clothes.

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle

    I have learned that their are sites to be Certified as a Cuddler. That should be one reason a Pro could charge more. I still think $60-$80 is fair.
    $100 too much.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Honestly, there are people I have cuddled with (at CuddleXpo in Chicago or Cuddle Sanctuary training in CA) who if they lived near me, I would gladly pay to receive a cuddle from them on a REGULAR basis. And yes, it's receive. Receiving an amazing cuddle from a professional is night and day different from cuddling with someone else and so amazingly healing and rejuvenating. Some professionals are really a professional for a reason. Wow =)

  • pmvinespmvines

    I don't pay but am not opposed to it. Some folks are militant about their opinions re this but to each their own really just do what works for you and what you are comfy with. Reason I don't pay is because I have friends who I cuddle with as friends. Even paid cuddlers I have hung out with as friends not as client. However if I didn't have this, and could pay for it without making too much an impact, I would see nothing wrong with it.

  • ColouredCrayonsColouredCrayons

    I think there is still a lot of stigma around professional cuddling that is entirely unwarranted. It's a service like any other service that when done to a professional degree should be reimbursed. I agree that professionals can offer something unique that an enthusiast would find difficult to offer (see above). As a nonprofessional I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for money for cuddles because that would take away from the experience for me. I would pay for cuddles with a professional but I don't see that becoming something I would regularly do. I feel like there is a difference between platonic relationship based cuddling and professional cuddling and I tend to prefer the former. In the end though, it's nice to have both as options.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Also know that a professional cuddling experience can vary greatly from one professional to another. Its easy to make assumptions based on an experience, but I hope people don't. This industry is still too new for everyone to know what this should be or what to expect, which is why I get more frustrated than I otherwise would when there are professionals who misrepresent it :-/

  • CreativeCuddlesCreativeCuddles

    @quietman775 ? touche’

  • 661661

    If you're a guy, I think the question is how much you're willing to pay. Free, in my opinion, is a long shot.

  • [Deleted User]BigHugsCA (deleted user)

    @Chocolatetreat Try being a 50+ year old married male.

  • calineurcalineur
    edited November 2018

    @quietman775 That is one comprehensive response.

    @BigHugsCA, @661 +1

    Water should be free. Nowadays they got us paying $2-$5 at the store and any restaurant, depending on what brand and quantity one wants.

    I would love to be able to cuddle the ones that I have for free.
    Perhaps @DeathbyChocolat could start a movement to convince the girls that they should mend their ways?
    However, it simply would not happen unless there were an exchange of $$$.

    Interestingly, @DeathbyChocolat since your age preference stops at 45, we 46+ year-olds would be left out even with the relatively open minded like yourself. Perhaps you could be persuaded with a little $$$?

    Thank you, Pro cuddlers, for charging me to cuddle. Otherwise, I never would have met you. You are some kind of wonderful.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    If I thought my cuddles were worth money, I'd totally charge for them. But, frankly, I don't want to put in the effort to be sure the person I'm cuddling with is completely satisfied. I want to make sure my needs are met, thanks... and theirs too, so they'll be more likely to cuddle with me in future. But mine first.

    Therefore, my cuddles aren't worth money—so I don't charge.

    Pros (male and female) are willing to put in the effort, so it wouldn't even occur to me to try convincing those boys and girls to "mend their ways" and stop offering good product for whatever price the market'll bear. I mean, I live in a capitalistic society, so I was raised to think that getting as much money as you can for as good a product as you can produce just makes perfect sense.

    What ways need mending? The "putting your needs above my own" ways, or the "receiving compensation for it" ways?

  • [Deleted User]simontudley (deleted user)

    My need for cuddles comes from an abusive childhood, so I’ve got major issues about not being wanted or loveable. I therefore won’t pay for affection, as that will will just reinforce those negative beliefs - a pro only wants to cuddle me because they’re getting paid for it.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @simontudley I'm sorry for your experience in childhood :-( But I don't only want to cuddle my clients because I get paid. I get paid so I CAN cuddle with everyone. If I didn't get paid, I wouldn't have the time or energy because I would have to get another job. I understand how you feel the way you do though. It is a complicated situation with professionals :-/ But the good ones feel how I described.

  • DeathbyChocolatDeathbyChocolat

    These comments are awesome much appreciated from both sides I personally wouldn't feel comfortable accepting money to cuddle but I also understand paying for a service but (just because your not getting paid doesn't mean you shouldnt be a attentive cuddler) I personally try my best when i'm cuddling someone the feeling is suppose to be positive platonic affection on both sides.....I haven't had any complaints yet

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @DeathbyChocolat, well, there's a difference between being an attentive cuddler and being a selfless cuddler. It's not like I'm going to ignore what my cuddle buddy wants and focus only on myself—that would be a good way to make sure they never cuddled with me ever again. But this?

    @ubergigglefritz:
    Your needs are my top priority (within the confines of the service agreement). I might be in a slightly uncomfortable / not ideal position in order to connect with you in the most nurturing way, and that's ok. You will never be put in an uncomfortable position. It is not about my needs. You will have to make minimal movements, while I do cuddle choreography around you as we go into different positions. You are the king or queen of our time together. I do not get my own cuddle needs met in my sessions, that is taken care of in my time with my partner. I am wholly present with you, your needs, your responses, your breath, your words, your tension, and either following your direction in your needs (if you know) or helping anticipate and guide you through what I can sense may help you achieve more relaxation (if you don't know).

    No one should expect to get that kind of awesomely selfless cuddling for free.

  • LoreleiLorelei
    edited November 2018

    @DeathbyChocolat @Chocolatetreat

    Well. As an example for some of the lengths a pro will go to in order to please a client that an enthusiast wouldn't ... I just did an over 9 hour round trip to see a client who was having trouble finding stable cuddlers in his area. Given the gas spent, the potential damage to my car--(my windshield now has a crack in it, people really shouldn't toss stuff on the highway...) the personal risk to myself in making the trip and so forth... while I enjoyed meeting him, and the session itself was lovely; there is absolutely no way I could do all of that for free. Total, it was over 13 hours of my life.

    If either of you have 9 free hours of your work week that you can spend driving to a strange city for free and you'd honestly enjoy utilizing it that way with no incentive beyond cuddling, I do commend you... but sadly, I do not have that luxury. However, I am very happy that I did it, I've had the opportunity to meet some absolutely wonderful people through pro cuddling; including pros I have paid for myself, because they were worth every penny.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    @quietman775 i never paid all the girls in my karma did not charge me they were non pros when i met them and turned pro after.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    @Lorelei im not knocking your hustle just saying i don't have to pay to get a girl to come over and spend time with me and cuddle lol some guys do and I'm not judging them for that.

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    @BigHugsCA if your married i understand but if your single you can find a girl that would cuddle for free. But like i said if you choose to pay to cuddle its cool nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with pros charging. Im speaking for myself.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @DeathbyChocolat , @DarrenWalker is right. There is a distinct difference. And thanks @DarrenWalker for the quote and recognizing the value of what some of us do. I work hard through education and reflection to build my skills to provide the most authentic and rewarding experience for my clients. I have my cuddling needs met. What I need is fulfillment in my work and life, and my bills to get paid by what I do with my time. There needs to be an equitable exchange of value. Everything you choose to do in your life gives you something to make you want to do it. If what you get isn't enough, you won't do it again (you need an equitable exchange). I think I'm getting tired of trying to explain. Sort of beating a dead horse here...

    You probably won't ever understand my perspective. I understand yours. But please, @Chocolatetreat , don't perpetuate the shame people have with this. You are LUCKY. Just because you are single, does not mean it's easy to find someone to cuddle with you for free. That is an absolute and factual falsehood. And one which causes a lot of people pain and sadness. There are endless reasons why someone wouldn't be able to. Like really. Endless.

    Honestly, if I weren't a pro, and I needed cuddles, I would probably end up with a pro if there were a good one near enough to me. In my experience, most men have ulterior motives and will push for more at some point. I don't need my therapy relaxation time to perpetuate that belief and cause me stress. I like the boundaries and trust with professionals. And the attention to me, time to relax, and worry about nothing but what I'm wanting or needing at that moment. My cuddles at cuddlexpo and my training weekend were the absolute best cuddles I have ever had (don't tell my boyfriend). These people are good at what they do, know their shit, and you can feel so much more energy, tenderness, and attention than with mere mortals (haha). Even as a pro, if there were one I liked nearby, I would see them regularly. I can think of one male professional in Chicago and Florida in particular...

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    And please don't take offense from my experience in life (and occasionally even with clients). I know there are plenty of good men out there, but it is the unfortunate truth that the bad apples mess it up for a lot of you. As a pro, I see a lot of them. I keep going, because my time with the good ones are amazing and give my life purpose (and it's my business, so it's ok that I waste a ton of my time dealing with and screening out all the people I can't see). If I had another job, I wouldn't have the time. With how I was treated on here before I went pro, I definitely wouldn't have stuck around. There's an imbalance between supply and demand for a reason unfortunately, and that's one of the many reasons pros are needed :-(

  • MattsWeatherMattsWeather
    edited November 2018

    Wow! This particular forum is the best one ever, it touches on so many of the challenges all cuddlers (professional, client, enthusiast) face. @purepoetry @SnugglewithSam @October1027 @gisellemybelle @Terra check it out! @simontudley I totally resonate with what you shared about not paying because it reinforces your negative belief of not being wanted or lovable. Truth be told, I'd say that's one of many reasons some people see pro cuddlers because it helps reinforce that we are all only human and we all have baggage in life. The beautiful thing about really FEELING this truth that is that it makes our new reality be that we are never alone in ANYTHING we struggle with in life. At the same time, you are an extraordinarily special human being just as you are, it doesn't mean that you are any less special for being who you are joy, pain and all. Each person's individual experiences and perspective based on those are experiences are always valid! Even if somebody wildly disagrees with me about something, I still value there perspective and see it and them as valid. @ubergigglefritz your response to @simontudley is perfect! I do also find that most pro cuddlers feel that way about the money aspect when discussions have come up about "how sad I sometimes feel it is that I have to pay just for someone to give me some attention in life".

Sign In or Register to comment.