@TxTom- Mexican food makes EVERYTHING better! Seriously!!
@great_pillow08 as I said on another thread, no one is being forced to interact on the forums. If you're upset about a topic, maybe you need to avoid it? The love languages idea isn't inherently romantic or sexual, as others have pointed out. It's about improving understanding and communication between people in various types of relationships. As a nanny, I'm sure you understand that concept.
Acts of utter devotion. Acts of violence against my enemies and everyone who has ever hurt me or made me cry. Acts of complete indulgence of my every whim. Acts of total ensurance of my thorough satisfaction. Acts of constant praise from the moment my feet touch the ground in the morning till they are carefully tucked into the blankets at night. And when my eyes are closed, acts of protection within my dreams to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay lest my slumber be marred by nightmare....I may need to change the books I read.
@Pasquia Morticia and Gomez Addams type of love 🖤🖤🖤
Gifts was zero
@SunsetSnuggles thank you so much for starting this thread back in the day.
When I first read the Love Language book way a hundred years ago, I was thrilled to finally understand that people communicate love (kindness, tenderness, care) to/for each other differently. I was also relieved to know that I wasn't malfunctioning as a human because I felt love (kindness, tenderness, care) differently than some of my friends and family. There was a large amount of joy and relationship building that come from that revelation. It helped me navigate conversations with my romantic partner as well as my friends and eventually my kiddos! To be able to look for ways to make someone else feel the love that I was trying to express was such a important and viable thing. He brought out some new ideas about how to have conversations with your people and encouraged listening to what other people were saying about their experience.
I remember with such clarity how my kids did NOT have the same feelings of warmth when different things happened. If my daughter had a birthday party and no one brought gifts she would have been devastated and felt like they didn't like her. Whereas my son didn't even want people to know it was his birthday because he didn't want to get gifts etc, he just wanted to plan a day to hang out and go exploring.
So many good things happened in ALL of my relationships because of this book.
What I realize now, is that he had a perspective that was only a PORTION of the relationships in our world. He was a marriage counselor who did all his research on the people he was counseling. In hindsight it created a more narrowminded view of the kinds of relationships and also the kinds of love that could be experienced.
NO judgement for anyone who read it, or still relies on the ideas to help them authentically relate to people. I'm so glad that Anne Hodder-Shipp was brave enough to stretch this out to people outside of traditional heteronormative monogamous relationships so that we can all benefit from this kind of thoughtfulness re our relating to each other.
What I find most interesting today, is how much his perspective stunted our ability to imagine that people might love in layers. Thousands and thousands of people lean into "touch is my primary love language" and they think everything would be resolved if they could just get enough hugs. What we seem to have found here at CC over the course of quite a few years, is that a certain amount of hugs a day will never help you feel connected to someone without other aspects coming into play.
@cuddlefaery is doing a bookclub with a video interaction/discussion about this book. I'm excited to expand my thinking and look into corners of ideas that might not be as easily attained. I'm so grateful that we have such a diverse group of people here on CC so we can hear some different perspectives.
I'm looking forward to discussing this and navigating some of the similarities and differences from the original idea of Love Languages. SUPER EXCITED!! Might be a great time to talk about things and share thoughts and ideas!!
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT83YA4GW/
She did a great job explaining how there are good things about what he presented in his work. Yes people express and receive love in different ways, but his wasn't a science based research and it wasn't anything to do with a large group of people in studies with neurosciencey doctors, psychologists, or even a non-biased approach. She says "the author never addresses the more important root causes in these relationships and I think that is one of the biggest clinchers about it just being kind of like an "opinion piece" but so many of us adapted it as fact and science like truth. If heteronormative relationships and/or friendships are what you are after, then you will probably have a different perspective of his work. 😊 (and just another few perspectives... this few from men.) https://www.tiktok.com/@alex_falcone/video/7662162023794445599? https://www.tiktok.com/@world.shaker/video/7324060818214079787?
Please join if you're interested!! https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/25810/cc-book-club/p1 Edited for typos…
It felt unfortunate that there was such an argumentative debate over the use of the word “LOVE” and how that can become problematic. (In the world but SPECIFICALLY here in the cuddleverse)
I could see both perspectives but not useful as it became so extremely heated… sigh…
From my perspective “LOVE” can mean a multitude of things. I’m very careful, though when using the word with new people and especially with cuddlers because of big emotions that might throw curve balls and create a complex situation unexpectedly.
There is an amazing example of a possible definition from the book.
First, the word "love." Love has a lot of meanings (and a lot of baggage) and often comes with the assumption of long-term commitment, family relation, or some kind of impenetrable bond. Love is also often conflated with sex and, depending on the messaging and experiences we receive growing up, it can be tough to separate the idea of love from the act of sex. For instance, some don't feel comfortable having sex before saying the "L-word" while others actively avoid the "L-word" (also known as "catching feelings") out of fear that their FWB or casual sex partner will then mean something more to them. Love is NOT something exclusively felt or experienced among family members; married spouses; long-term BFs, GFs, and partners; people practicing monogamy; twin flames or soulmates; or other hierarchical relationship styles. Love is universal and we can feel it toward animals, inanimate objects, political figures and celebrities, f*ck buddies, and even perfect strangers —
because…
… love is something that builds community, maintains unity, promotes compassion and empathy, acknowledges humanity, and keeps us grounded during challenging times. ❤️❤️❤️ (I LOVE THIS!)
😊🌼☀️
We don't have to earn it, buy it, or do something to be worthy of receiving it — love is something that helps us feel human, and we don't always get to choose who we feel it toward (which is why, for some folks, love is inconvenient and something to avoid).
Thank you again @SunsetSnuggles for opening up the idea that relating to different people has nuance. 💜
@Pasquia Mon chérie, I love it. Your future admirer has been thoroughly informed. 😂💐