When to stop.

jonnyquestjonnyquest
in General

This is a question for everyone, because whether you're a pro or an enthusiast one of these days this chapter is going to have to close.. How do you know or have any of you even thought when it's time for you to walk away from cuddling? I've asked this question of myself more than once.I guess with everything that's been happening to me this past year when it comes to cuddling it makes me wonder if I need a break or maybe it's time for me to walk away.. To be fair I usually take a break from cuddling around this time of year, football season, working overtime because I usually take the last 2 weeks of the year off and go somewhere, and this year for whatever reason I got volunteered to help plan my classes 40th reunion next year. But as far as cuddling goes I guess this year I've seen the ugly side of it more than I have the good. Being ghosted more than once, setting a date and giving a deposit and the cuddler never showing up. Having a session with a pro and then having her basically break down and say she's tired of being alone, tired of paying all the bills and wants someone to take care of her. That was an uncomfortable situation. Having more than one pro message you out of the blue wondering if you were available for a session that day or that weekend, making me wonder if the rent was due and I was nothing more than just a dollar sign to them. The best one was a pro trying to convince me to see them on a weekly basis because they enjoyed cuddling with me so much. I had to convince her that I'm not a platonic sugar daddy.Trust me I could go on but you get the idea. When I first started this 3 years ago it was out of genuine curiosity.. It was never an alternative to dating. And I had some wonderful moments with different Pros, memories that genuinely made me smile.. But I don't know if things are changing in the cuddle world, maybe they've always been this way and I've been lucky until now. But either way I'm going to take my usual break around this time of year, because I said while I've made some great memories things have changed and maybe someone is trying to tell me this chapter of my life is coming to an end.. So, do any of you know when it's time for you to walk away?

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Comments

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited August 31

    removing snark

  • CuddlesofcuddleCuddlesofcuddle

    I got into a long distance relationship and he knows I cuddle. When we're no longer states away I may walk away. Do I have to? No. But I said to myself that it's just a representation of the respect I care to have for him.

  • cheeseboycheeseboy Mod

    If you feel like it's time to take a break or step back, then it may be time to do that. You can always come back if the need arises.

    A note on deactivating your account (from the settings page) -- if you deactivate, you can reactivate at any time in the future with the account as you left it. If you deactivate AND delete, you only have 30 days to recover your account before it's completely lost.

    You can also "mute" your profile, which hides it from search results and does not allow new messages from others that you don't already have a conversation with.

    I hope you find what you need either way.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    If something is weighing on you and you have the ability to remove that weight, then you should. But only you know when that is and if you choose to leave you can always come back.

  • ksb30ksb30

    I wanted to echo whats been said here if its stressful and weighing on you I would strongly consider leaving.
    For me if I or my regular would find a relationship I would stop I think it just feels right to me and im honestly not looking for another cuddler after this.
    Another reaason is if my work schedule drastically changes or my schooling would Interfere I would stop.
    Be sure to take care of yourself OK?

  • sean2589sean2589

    I agree with the above advice and encouragement. I would say for me personally, I would likely walk away once I got into a relationship with someone. But if at any point, cuddling affected my mental health negatively, or my sense of worth, or it caused me to be too dependent on it for unmet needs, I would walk away sooner. I would at least take a break for some time.

  • SnuggleFroggieSnuggleFroggie

    I was forced to take a break for 2 years. I truly missed cuddling and came back. You seem to have had more than your share of bad luck. I think the question is, does the good outweigh the bad?

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    Agreed with a lot of the above.
    For me, I'm considering leaving to spend more time working on myself and figuring out what is and isn't working. Getting older in just over a week isn't helping 😅 But yeah, maybe a break will do some good.

  • BearBear

    I’ve been here about 13 years now. Originally when there was no pros. I’ve taken a break here and there. When my brother passed and then my dad the following year, I was very glad this site was here.

    I’m not a huge proponent of pro cuddling for myself. I can’t always afford it. I still deal with depression and grief and miss days of work. So it’s not always in my budget. Yet I’d be the first one to help for someone else that needs it and can’t afford it. I’m more stingy with myself.

    When my brother passed away, I came across a few professionals. They treated people like ATMs. I didn’t say anything right away. Nor did I give a bad review. I’m at fault for that. You are responsible for yourself as well as taking care of yourself. No one else will. No one else will know either. If you do not report some of the crap you mentioned. They’ll just keep doing it to others.

    I’ve also met some beautiful people that are professionals as well. People that I met when I was doing with the heaviest part of the grief as well as just in general being on here and going to meet and greets. There was also a pro that I became friends with outside of here and we would talk in such and be pretty close. Then they disappeared on me and came back and I gave him a second chance. We became close again. Then I got ghosted again. She totally just stopped communicating and I reached out because I wasn’t sure if something happened or if she was in danger in trouble. Three months later, she reached out like nothing happened. I scolded her via text and said how worried I was and never again.

    There’s good and bad that has happened to me. Good has happened because I try to be a good person in general. Bad has happened sometimes because I had to learn my boundaries and not be a rug to be walked over. As well as start listening to my intuition more. Also taking heed of what my dog taught me years ago. She figured bad attention was better than none at all.

    @jonnyquest the answer to your question could be different for each person. Especially depending on the circumstances. You have to figure out where you want your boundaries and why you are treated as a what my brother called a sponsor.

  • sosubtlesosubtle

    When my bf said so
    But I'm waiting on that ring ya know

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @bear @jonnyquest There are a few pros that view clients as an ATM. But in my experience, the vast majority do care about the person they are with. But some people struggle financially and as economic disparities worsen, people seek out new side hustles to make ends meet, so I understand why they become pros. I probably would too if the circumstances were reversed. But the ones that view you as an ATM or abuse your time are the worst.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    I've taken multiple extended breaks (up to 6 months) due to health issues. I absolutely recommend folks take breaks as need|d for their own health and sanity. As said above, the site will still be here if & when you decide to return.

    For me, I know it's time for another break when coming to the site feels like a chore OR like a requirement. For me, this is a hobby, so if it's not bringing me enjoyment, then it's time to focus on something else.

  • BearBear

    @TheFunCartel
    I say live and learn, from experience

    One thing I didn’t say. This community has been here for me in so many different ways that unless something tragic happened, I would never leave. I say Community because it is one.

    @TheFunCartel i’ve never met you in person nor have I talked to you outside of the forum. Yet there are days I look forward to your facetious remarks. There are days that I see the other side of you that you see in this post.

    What comes to mind of the type of family you are is that Long lost crazy uncle that comes to visit every once in a while and always comes with the story as well as leaving you with a story about his visit, lol.

    Thank you.

  • BrandiBrandi
    edited August 31

    I’ve taken breaks when life has become too difficult to be there for others emotionally. I’ve offered cuddles professionally full time, sometimes part time between other jobs, and then not at all when I was working too much at another job and i was too exhausted to be someone’s outlet. While I do see the perspective of clients seeing themselves being viewed as an ATM and I’m sure that’s the case with some people who came here for a quick buck, however you also have to understand a lot of us pros see ourselves as penpals or our time being taken advantage of by being someone’s therapist or friend for free if sessions aren’t being booked and that can feel a bit rude in my opinion when you know we are here to provide a service. Not saying I haven’t made friendships within the cuddle to client world, I truly appreciate and care for my clients, am friendly with them, but…it’s a service after all. This is a common trend in the forums with this gray area and always seems to end in tension with pros and clients pushing their narratives and not feeling heard on either end when in reality two things can be true at once. Grace and understanding is needed for both sides 🙌 I’ve also reached out to my Cali cuddlers after I’ve moved knowing the chances of cuddling again are slim to none but I want them to know I hope they are doing well and I still care about their well-being, however I won’t be regularly chatting with them on a daily basis because it would be stretching myself too thin with my time/energy.

    As for when to take a break, yes I echo everyone else’s sentiments, you will know when or if it’s not beneficial for you anymore or if you need a relationship and that’s your own journey you gotta figure out on your own, nobody can tell you when it’s right for you. 🤷‍♀️

  • _marC_marC

    If it stopped being a benifet to me I would consider stopping, but even then I'll deactivate as opposed to deleting

  • ksb30ksb30
    edited August 31

    Speaking out on what the fun cartel said, I've had a pro that used me like an atm in the past.. I remember asking her what my name was after five sessions and she didnt remember it took ages to respond to any communication (weeks) To me that showed how much they cared lol. Ill admit i was too attached to them. At that point I was going to stop but remained with some talki.g to ither ciddle people i know and was fortunate to learn from the experience and find another that cared and valued me as a person.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited August 31

    @Bear I will take long lost crazy uncle. 🤪 I have been referred to by worse things. Some just wish I was long lost.

    And thank you Bear for noticing my crazy. I admire your grace and acceptance of others even when you are struggling. You are one of those people who I see in the forums-@sillysassy @ohiomike among others who seemingly glide through troubled waters with grace and calm and I wish I was more like that. But I am more like the creature in Alien. I sit calmly inside and pop out spewing acid when the spaghetti isn’t good.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited August 31

    Great topic! While most of my experiences here have been great on a %age basis, I’ve had a NUMBERRRR of really frustrating experiences. The last one just being yesterday.

    PRIOR to booking I literally told the Pro THREE times my general location for her navigation purposes because she was visiting Los Angeles, and confirmed my hosting AND I’m not paying an additional travel fee on top so she needs to feel comfortable on the distance PRIOR to booking..

    I told her over and over and over again my city and zip and a general landmark and wanted to make sure she didn’t add some last minute travel fee on or issue and then when I we booked then I gave her my location AGAIN post booking by text and even confirmed verbally too on the phone that she was coming to me and again no travel fee. I mean, how many times do I need to make it clear? I booked a full week ago!

    Then just yesterday she tells me she thought that I was hosting!!! AND that she won’t have a car so I told her YOU make the cancellation and explain why as I really don’t like cancellations on my record.

    I told her in the nicest way how pissed I was about her thinking I was hosting despite me reading her back all the many texts telling her my city and zip, and saying why would I tell you my location 1000 times and discuss no travel if I would be driving to you? It doesn’t make sense!

    Fortunately and finally, she understood and took full responsibility for the so called “misunderstanding” and that it was her bad on the cancellation, so that ended that l - it’s just so frustrating.

    Another HUGE and repeated problem for me that has given me cause to deactivate are pros showing up looking SUBSTANTIALLY different than both their photos and how they self describe in their profiles. It is a problem!

    I’m sharing these as examples of how I too sometimes feel like I need to take a break from CC……. because if I want this much aggravation I can just go back out into the wild.

    The time to re-think cuddling is when the bad outweighs the good and the process itself lowers to the level of longer feeling good.

    Fortunately I’m not there quite yet….

  • jdev25jdev25

    @WestsideMarc I dunno man, you both said you were hosting and said you weren't hosting in the same message you just wrote.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited August 31

    @jdev25 Where did I write she was hosting? That was never the plan verbally or in writing. And why would I ever mention traveling fees to her if she would be hosting?

  • ProfHermesProfHermes

    @WestsideMarc I also got confused by your post. Sounded to me you were hosting and was giving her your address..

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited August 31

    @ProfHermes Yes, you are correct. I was hosting. That was the plan and the discussion the entire time for ME to host.

    Once again, I had given her my neighborhood location MANY times and confirmed no travel fee. Why would I repeatedly give her my location and confirm no travel fee if there was any mention of her hosting???

    I went back and re-read my post 4 times so I’m not sure what part is confusing my friend. Anyway, I don’t wanna hijack the OP, I was just trying to share a fellow frustrating experience.

  • EmmerichEmmerich

    @WestsideMarc I could be wrong, but I think what's confusing everyone is the part where your post doesn't make any fucking sense? :tongue:

    If you've re-read your post and can't see the issue, I wonder whether your brain is glossing over your mistake - or maybe you somehow don't know what "hosting" is.

  • SpicyNSweetSpicyNSweet

    What an off-putting screed 🤣

  • AdragayleAdragayle
    edited August 31

    *

  • BrandiBrandi

    This thread seems to have gotten way off topic in a way but I’d just like to add that I agree that this guys example of what was frustrating to him was also a really confusing read for me too. And if the pro and several others are agreeing that the communication is confusing maybe it’s time to look within and see there’s a pattern that his communication is confusing 😂
    ^^

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited August 31

    Yes, we’ve established that there was a misunderstanding. That’s obvious. The point is I just have no idea as to how she arrived at even the idea of her hosting based on allllll of the messaging as there was never ever a mention of her hosting. And once again, I repeatedly told her my location so she could ultimately decide if it was too far for her to drive.. And once again, I repeatedly confirmed no travel fee.

    Please go back and read my original post.

    And I had also given her my exact address after the booking and I had even discussed with her on the phone like 5 DAYS AGO what possible snacks she might like me to provide when she is here. So let’s just let this one rest ok?

  • MelNYCMelNYC

    @WestsideMarc ” Then just yesterday she tells me she thought that I was hosting!!! AND that she won’t have a car so I told her YOU make the cancellation and explain why as I really don’t like cancellations on my record.

    I told her in the nicest way how pissed I was about her thinking I was hosting ”

    I think the phrasing here is leading to some misunderstanding.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited August 31

    @MelNYC

    Ok now it makes sense!

    I apologize to everyone for putting you all through that. Lol.

    Mel, thank you for bringing that to my attention!

    That was a typo that I made to y’all!

    I told her in the nicest way how pissed I was about her thinking that SHEEEEEEEEE was hosting! Not I.

    THAT WAS MY BAD!
    NOW I SEE.
    I don’t know how that typo slipped up but the reality of the situation is it was very clear between her and I and I didn’t make it clear to everyone else through my own typo. So again I apologize for putting everyone through that.
    SORRY EVERYONE!!!!!

  • Snuggletherapy1Snuggletherapy1

    @WestsideMarc I understood your post and I feel your frustration. I'm sorry that happened to you 😔

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