Something just happened to me that has me ready to just quit and I need to know if I'm overreacting. Had a session scheduled with a new client for Sunday night. He was traveling and would be passing through my area. He has an established profile and lots of good karma so I was looking forward to meeting him. He messaged me this morning (Saturday) and asked if we could meet today instead but he wasn't quite sure of the time. I said of course just keep me updated. He messaged me around 2 that he would be in the area around 7 and that was good for me. As the day went on it changed from 7 to 8, but I was still willing to meet him. I confirmed at 715 and told him I was showering and getting ready. He said he was 20 minutes away but was gonna stop for snack or whatever. I then get a message asking me if the address I sent was correct because it was "in the hood". I told him it was and I'm sorry, but I can't afford to live anywhere else. Long story short, this man didn't give me, or my place a chance. Was 5 minutes away and cancelled. Then said he would still pay for session, but of course he never did. I've had some not so great sessions but I've never had anyone make me feel so shitty like that. He then said I was being unfair.
You're not an Ahole, living in a poorer neighborhood shouldn't disqualify you from a cuddle.
Anyone can back out from a cuddle for any reason, but he should have atleast paid half of the.session or something since you did take time out of your day
@sunnysideup Read the screenshots. He offered to pay for the entire session.
Sorry, I uploaded the screenshots out of order. I'm just so upset. Like, at the very least, just keep your word about paying for the session. That's the least you can do since you offered.
Oh I see. If he offered to pay for the session then went back on that statement thats not a very nice move at all
Sorry for what you went through and hope a negative review was left
Everyone has their own comfort level obviously. In all fairness he DID offer to pay anyway. Bummer he failed to follow through tho. I wouldn’t hold too much weight here. Their loss…
As someone who grew up “in the hood” it’s probably the safest place to be!!!
I've cancelled a couple of sessions because I realized the location was in an area where I was uncomfortable either for my own personal safety, or for safely leaving my truck parked. I have no idea whereabouts you live, so I couldn't guess whether his judgement was reasonable or not. But in general, pro, client, or enthusiast, we all get to make our own choices about our personal safety.
Yes, he should compensate you some amount for the last-minute cancellation if he hasn't already.
Step one, take a deep breath and gather your thoughts. I'm really sorry this happened and it sucks when someone cancels on you last minute.
Now, follow up with him about the payment. It is in the guidelines that if the client cancels last minute, he should pay part of the fees. If he keeps his words, then he will compensate you. If he doesn't keep his words, you can choose to report him.
Don't let one incident ruin your experience here. Don't quit over this.
@ProfHermes thank you. And he is not following through with the payment. He's ignored the last 2 messages I sent asking him to at least honor his word and the offer HE made.
It looks like he offered to pay and he offered to get a hotel. From the screenshots you took it personal. He said he didn't feel safe in that neighborhood. That is not a judgement of you. He doesn't owe me you or your place a chance. Anyone can and should cancel if they don't feel safe. Unfortunately, I do think you ATA here.
@CaramelNotes he offered to pay and didn't follow through and the hotel was for the next time he was in town, as if I would ever give him the chance to play games with me like that again. But ok. I definitely took it personal that he played with my time and insulted my home.
I can understand how that would be extremely hurtful. No one should play with anyone's time. We can only make an assessment based on the pieces of screenshot that you have sent us. It doesn't seem like he insulted your home though. But you have the right to feel how you feel. I'm sorry that you're feeling got hurt.
@CaramelNotes I just wanted to be shown the same care, respect and basic human decency I showed him all day.
I guess I don't see how saying he was uncomfortable with the neighborhood was disrespectful. I do think he should have paid you for your time.
@MKultra79 it doesn't have to get personal. You can leave your emotions out of it. It really boils down to the following:
1) Client cancels last minute 2) Rules/Guidelines say client should pay part of the session fees 3) Client agrees to pay but doesn't do it 4) Report him to the admins
Whatever reason he cancels doesn't matter. He has his rights to cancel due to feeling unsafe, but he still violated the guidelines, so you should be partially compensated for the last minute cancellation.
Rather than give him your address next time. Do what I do I give him major cross streets and then I asked him to let me know when they are there. When they say they're there, I have them. Send me a picture of the 7-Eleven or something. In that area so that I can verify that they are near my house. Then, and only then I will share my address and information never before that! I've had people flip out on the whole sending a picture of seven eleven thing and then they send me a picture of a seven eleven in a different part of town!! Which only confirms that me not giving my address before they are nearby is a great security measure! Also, it's a good test of character. If they flip out about doing that, then they have nefarious intentions. Imo... Never let anybody know or say that they made you feel any sort of way. The only person that control how you feel is you. And even if they did make you feel something, never let them know. They had that kind of power over you. XO
It’s never good to cancel very last minute. I would say going forward communicate up front that you live in a rough neighborhood and if that would be ok. You might lose business this way but you’ll also save a lot of time booking with someone who’s not going to fully commit when there’s someone who would have in their place.
The standard is payment (fee) for cancelled service. He should have paid. He was wrong. He was not wrong in choosing to cancel. I wouldn't force anyone to meet if they feel unsafe. How could someone relax if they felt their car would get broken into, or etc?
The same grace we give for women with safety, we should also give men.
Saying " that's all you can afford" ignores his feelings and is wrong. Asking him give it a chance is also wrong. If this was a woman this thread would be 25 pages admonishing you.
I would apologize , I can see why he ignored paying the fee he owes.
I think neither person is an "a______." He should have paid after cancellation. You have a right to be upset about feeling judged. I don't think it was malicious - some folks are sensitive about urban areas or being in areas with a high density of minorities. I think it's a bit of a sheltered existence - esp when some of those same folks wouldn't hesitate to go out late at night in LA, Chicago, Philly, or NYC which are probably equally if not more dangerous cities (or plop down and explore in a 3rd world country). That's me. I don't see why everyone is pointing the finger at you.
I think he was probably going to pay the cancellation until you accused him of making you feel like garbage when he was actually quite polite in expressing his concerns about his safety. I know a lot of pros make use of day-use or hourly rate hotel rooms. This might be worth looking into going forward as his concern will likely be shared by many potential clients. At the end of the day, keeping one's emotions properly regulated at work is important and will make everyone have a better experience. I wouldn't quit over a cancellation or not living in the best area, those could just be minor roadblocks before a booming cuddling career gets to blossom. To answer your question, like the others have said, I would have to agree you ATA.
@Minestrone101 - some folks are sensitive about urban areas or being in areas with a “high density of minorities.“
What a gross comment, I live in a multimillion neighborhood and 99% are minorities.
Poverty correlates throughout ALL races. Learn statistics instead of judging minorities.
Smh.
My point has been proven. Somehow, the privileged tried to win the victim olympics. "I can't be biased, I have a ____ friend."
Some folks see a couple apartment complexes, or an old car or an abandoned building and suddenly they're in Compton dodging bullets.
It seems like maybe after you got on him for cancelling, after he said he was going to pay, is most likely why he didn't pay. If you had let it alone and not expressed to him how persoannnly you had taken it, you could of had an hour to yourself paid for by him. I think that's the only place where you went wrong.
People can get upset at Walmart and will still pay or at a doctor's office. But somehow the blame is shifted when it's an independent contractor and an entrepreneur - and it's okay for the customer to be emotional and not pay.
I think the broader dynamic besides the tally being 12:1 agst OP is not that the neighborhood or OP is unsafe , but the subject matter makes people uncomfortable and thus OP is suddenly tagged as the oppressor.
Dismissing the customers concern for his own safety as being 'emotional' yet regarding appropriate telling him that he is the reason she feels like garbage is a perspective that is as interesting as it is patently ridiculous.
.
Hey. I want to take a moment to offer you a giant virtual hug. I can hear how frustrated and hurt you are and these comments are certainly not helping. Please take a deep breath and know that you’re cared for and that this comment section is not a reflection of your character or worth as a provider or human.
You’re not an asshole. You’re a person who was hurt and reacted from a place of pain and I think any person with empathy is able to see that very clearly.
Did he have the right to cancel? Yes. He deserves to feel safe during a session and no matter what the location was, he has the right to cancel if he doesn’t feel that way. Him cancelling isn’t the issue. Payment is.
Does he owe you payment for the session? Absolutely. Regardless of your reaction to him cancelling, you are owed money for the time you put aside for him. His decision to go back on what he said because you expressed hurt over what you felt was unfair judgement is not acceptable. He should still pay.
Should you have reacted differently? In a perfect world, yes. But I can imagine the rejection and shame you felt in that moment, with him insinuating that your neighborhood and home were not good enough or up to his standards. I don’t think anything you said came across as malicious or aggressive; it came across as hurt and confused. You reacted rather than responded and for your own sake, I’d try to avoid that; but I can completely understand how you got there. It doesn’t make you an asshole. It makes you human.
The fact that he chose not to pay you after cancelling a session 5 minutes before it was due to start is not okay. He is absolutely allowed to cancel but he is responsible for paying a cancellation fee. Expressing hurt over a perceived rejection does not mean he is no longer on the hook to pay you.
I’m sorry this happened. I know you’ve been going through a lot and this is just adding to the stress. Don’t let this incident determine your future here. You have a lot to offer and your previous karma is all very positive. Try to hold onto that and let this go if you can ♥️
The irony of accusing someone of being privileged while knowing absolutely nothing about their background is laughable at best .
I challenged the association of minority populations and perceptions of unsafe neighborhoods. Instead of addressing the ACTUAL point, one resorted to labeling and personal attacks.
The reference to Compton is off. Criticism of the use of stereotypes while casually mentioning that SAME community “for dodging bullets”. 🥹😵💫
A potential client feeling unsafe with a location is not automatically evidence of racial bias. Nor does someone calling out blatant 🐂 make them privileged.
One should spend more time examining their own arguments.
Being condescending doesn’t make one intellectually superior. It makes the weaknesses in their reasoning easier to reject.
Hey all - to be clear - I would never voluntarily call the OP an a-hole and I don't think most who commented would either. OP literally asked AITA?
It's not fair to ask the question and then get offended by the answer just because people didn't agree with you or have other folks act like we are dog piling here.
Men are entitled to feel unsafe. They’re entitled to exercise caution, change their minds, and remove themselves from situations that make them uncomfortable. That right isn’t exclusive to women.
💯💯💯 @Tigerlilly32
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