Asking for pics and phone numbers

[Deleted User]Ssklr (deleted user)
in General

Lately I’ve had several cuddlers ask me for a pic and/or my phone number right off the bat during initial contact. I don’t really care for that at all, especially when they haven’t fully filled out their profiles and I know very little or nothing them. I don’t think it’s good etiquette to approach someone that way. I have no problem sharing pics, but only after a few exchanges, and I feel as though the person and I might resonate with one another on some level. I’m not going to just give out my pic to anyone, and I’m especially not going to give out my phone number. I felt it necessary to post this, because I think some of the people who have done this to me may just not be aware that others could find it intrusive or offensive.

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Comments

  • poolmanpoolman

    How much response do you get without pic on profile?

  • JuliaJulia

    I've had the same, thanks for posting about it.

  • CatloafCatloaf

    You shouldn't interact with anybody who isn't giving you due respect. As a pro, I do need to ask for a pic so I know who is opening the door etc... but I don't ask for that until appointment confirmation time, once the client is pretty sure about a booking. I am guessing this person might be a bit paranoid meeting people online or inexperienced in acting this way. Also definitely be wary of who you are giving your image to. One of our members here told me he gave out his photo to someone, and it was an image he had never sent to anyone. Some time later he did an image reverse search, and it turned out it had been used on some section of a porn site. Be careful. :(

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    a/s/l?

  • mickcuddlemickcuddle

    @Catloaf I guess that prompts the question of what kind of photo he sent her that would be useful on a porn site. ?

  • [Deleted User]SoulcuddlerZ (deleted user)

    It is certainly not good etiquette to request pictures [much less phone numbers] on the spot. For those who don't have profile pictures, you can surely send an opening picture when you contact someone (respectful picture, of course). However, at least exchange some messages before you ask for a phone number.

    I would also take this time to point out Google Voice. They allow you to get a 2nd number on which you can send/receive messages and receive calls forwarded to your main number. I've personally adapted to using it as my main number, given it makes things easy to hop between carriers just by updating forwarding information, and the ease that you can also use a computer to call & text. Maybe it'll work out for some of you guys too!

  • [Deleted User]Theshystud (deleted user)

    @Ssklr you also seem to have very little in your profile. I do understand where you are coming from though. I hope things improve for you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I have met Ssklr and she is a kind, thoughtful person who has her reasons to not put a lot in her profile. She is cautious and justifiably so. Ss—just be firm and you might want to copy much of what you said in your first post above as you spell it out clearly. If they do not like what you say then they were not worth meeting, or...you might have avoided potential trouble as there are people with twisted agendas everywhere.

  • CatloafCatloaf

    @mickcuddle The cuddler was a regular poster and the image in question was actually a selfie, because he did not use a picture of himself for a main photo. He's seen dozens of pros who can vouch for him so I seriously doubt it was anything lewd else the mods would have caught it. My only thought is that maybe it was used as a likeness in some way.

  • [Deleted User]Ssklr (deleted user)

    Theshystud, I’m not sure what you mean that I don’t have much in my profile. I listed how I like to cuddle, a brief personality description and I filled out all the bio fields. The people I’m referring to have only filled out a handful of the bio fields -none of their likes/dislikes, no cuddle statement, etc. But thanks for your support.

  • [Deleted User]Ssklr (deleted user)

    Thanks FunCartel. You’re right, I need to list this preference in my profile page. I really don’t mean to be rude to anyone. When someone has approached me like this, I have even asked the person to tell me a little about their self, etc. and it falls on deaf ears. I think that’s what prompted me to post this. I can’t cuddle with someone if they aren’t willing to tell me something about themselves.

  • alexb2alexb2

    I think people are asking for pics, because you have so little on your profile. If you had a few everyday pics, they may be less inclined to ask. I always think a short video chat on Skype or Snapchat, prior to meeting is a good idea. You can at least see the other person, and verify they are genuine, and not a fake profile.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2018

    The issue is not OP not showing her picture or not being open to video call with them. It's some people using "send picture" (in whichever way they phrase) as their "hello". I think communication and some patience is important! Not everyone feels comfortable to share their photo so freely, so quickly and that's alright!

  • Msred331Msred331

    I would not give out my number, it's a bad idea. I really don't need strangers texting, calling, and or sending pics.....yikes!!

  • toolie12toolie12

    But when a cuddlier gives you his #, you don't call to confirm...

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    I agree with @alexb2 you don't have any pics in your profile so they want to know how you look. Videochatting before a meetup should be ok, guys get catfished and setup all the time we want to know who we are talking to especially with somebody who has no pics on there profile. I understand @Ssklr is big on privacy but if somebody has a normal convo with you then asks you for pics or your number should not be an issue. You can always get a textfree app and uninstall the app if they are a creep. Guys are worried about our safety also.

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    Nothing wrong with asking for a phone# after you have already scheduled your cuddle session, in my case i wont cuddle with anyone i dont have a small conversation with before we meet, TOO MANY CRAZIES

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat

    @Navyman1010 exactly why would i meet you if we have never talked on the phone, videochatted or seen your pictures lol

  • cathycuddlessscathycuddlesss

    I would never meet someone without first having atleast a quick chat via phone or video. Google voice numbers help a lot. A human voice can tell you ALOT and their energy whether negative or positive will def come through on a call. Intuition.....

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    If you are going to publicly be on a site about connecting with people for platonic cuddling, include a photo. You can have it set to only friends if privacy is important. Idk if this person was a pro or not as their account seems to be deactivated, but I personally think it's odd to not want to be open about who you are and what you look like if the goal is to end up meeting anyways.

    What I don't grasp is if you plan to meet with someone why wouldn't you show what you looked like? Talked more? Make some point of interest. I get all that. I understand protecting oneself from problem issues with phone numbers. But if you need to play cloak and dagger, try to find a compromise so both parties feel comfortable.

    And FYI. if you ever book with me, I WILL ask for a photo. If you can't be open and GENUINE like I am in my connection I'm trying to form with you as a person, regardless of being pro or not, that is more of a red flag than someone seeing my face.

    But that is my two cents. Do what ever makes your journey most comfortable.

  • diachandiachan

    If someone asks me for my number in first three messages, I just stop responding. This is not something I feel comfortable with.

  • DutchBoyDutchBoy

    It might be easier and more acceptable for the prospective client to offer his number as an option. The female host can decide when the time is right to use it, or even if to use it.

  • [Deleted User]9947A (deleted user)

    What @diachan said.

    I’ve texted and called that early in. 0/10. Would not recommend.

  • Brant76Brant76

    @MissAdventurous I agree with you 100%. Even when booking a cuddle session with a pro cuddler I like to make sure they feel comfortable meeting with me and get to know them a bit via a few messages. It eliminates awkwardness at the start of the session and makes it a better overall session.

  • Jade25Jade25
    edited February 2019

    @MissAdventurous
    I completely agree! I understand discretion as a lot of people are married or have significant others that are unaware of their cuddling hobby, but if someone wants to meet me, I always request a picture of them before we meet or I will NOT cuddle with them.

    I just had a client today request to book me and I requested a picture a few days before the cuddle date. He said he would send a picture, then just didn't. Then he said he would again, then didn't the day of, so I booked with someone else. Their reluctance to show who they are makes me uneasy. I refuse to cuddle with someone that I know absolutely nothing about. It makes me feel like they have something to hide, especially when they have a recent profile and no karma.

  • laylanielaylanie
    edited February 2019

    Yeah! This is exactly my experience with no pic profiles that I posted when I first joined!
    Not too long ago, I had asked the non-pic user if I could see a picture of them since they had contacted me for cuddling. They said sure.... Never sent. Asked again. They said sure.... Never sent. I'm too friggin nice to people cause I'm still talking to this person and asked "are you trolling? Cause you keep asking when I can come to see you, but I don't even know what you look like!" They say "it will be up on my profile soon" couple of days go by, still no pic.
    Also I use the pronoun 'they' because this happened to me quite a few times. (Again, I'm too friggin' nice sometimes, but always curious to see something to the end) I can only imagine this must happen to professionals, but I'm not a pro. I don't get it.
    Moral of the story: if you are bold enough to message someone privately to cuddle without a profile pic, at least offer to show what you look like so you don't come off as a creepy asshole.

  • casuenocasueno

    Ssklr---I totally agree!! It is akin to walking into a womans yard and asking if her husband is home. First, you are making assumptions while trespassing. Secondly, I don't know who you are or what you want. Are you selling me internet or robbing me? :0)
    We have lost civility! A conversation with, hello my name is.....

  • casuenocasueno

    Also...Ssklr, you could say that in ur profile. I say in mine something along the lines of...I dont cuddle immediately

  • JuliaJulia

    Something about this thread just makes me sad. People seem to have such strong opinions and the paradigm feels wrong to me :(

  • laylanielaylanie
    edited February 2019

    @Julia I'm sorry, at least for my view since it is pretty negative but its mostly out of previous burns during my time on the site. I can't say that my experience is universal, but it was a relief to read that my experience isn't unique.
    I just worry since users that are quick to ask for cuddling and phone number without so much as a "hey. How are you" tend to be more pushy and personally make me feel unsafe in even seeing them. I've had a bad thread of these being profiles with no pic so that just makes me worry more about meeting.
    Last, I usually let them know that first time, I would like to meet in public just till I get to know someone. These users are usually ok with it, but then try to encourage that I meet at their house and expect me to feel comfortable about going without a picture (the back and forth from my other post) and feel comfortable.

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