@pmvines Like it or not, it IS a purchase. If you decide to present yourself as a “professional cuddlier,” you are opening yourself to scrutney. This should be that case since anyone can be a “professional”. If I seek a service like a haircut, massage, facial, or waxing, that person needs a cosmology license. They have actually done something to prove their skill, which give the customer some sense of confidence. All anybody has on here is what someone who calls themselves a pro writes on a profile and post in a picture. I met one pro who finally admitted that, on their listed their age, they were actually 10 years older. Admitted that she did it in an effort to get more booking because she needed the money. There may be people on here that do this for all the most noble reasons and are good people. I have met a few. But there are also ones that this is just a means to generate money. The person I was referring to in the original post, base on the experience and their approach, this all about getting paid. If you are going to treat me as a business transaction, then that should go both ways. I don’t get anyone saying the weight or age is a sensitive subject and getting defensive. This is all about being honest in what you are presenting.
Also, the person I’m referring to about the pictures lists their Body Type in their profile as Athletic.
Wow this is a sentive subject. I agree with the OP in the fact of honesty. I also believe that the first thing you see on a users page is the picture so something is causing you to look further. Often it’s an attraction, i am not specifying what kind but an attraction. @unforgettable is qualifying a type of attraction but it’s generallly the same. If the pro or enthusiast had a scowl on their face or appeared to have bad energy i would look further.
Weight is another factor that’s been mentioned. I don’t see it as an issue because if your intent on cuddling then i think all sizes of people could give wonderful cuddles. A heavier persons cuddles would be totally different than a a thin person but touch is touch.
I would feel a certain way if i was deceived, whether or not the deception was a positive or negative difference. A physical deception or a personal deception. It sucks to be judged on physical attributes you cannot control but we all do it and it’s done to all of us. The fact is the energy and the character is what we should judge but it’s not easy even with the purest intention.
But paying for a lie is a whole different deception. I’m sure if someone’s description seemed kind but they were a jerk in person it piss you off as well. So the karma is the only retribution I’d guess.
Example on these forums i try and use very reasonable language, and most times in my life, my language is much more harsh and direct. Even though i wouldn’t speak that way in a disrespectful manner to anyone i meet. I’m not disrespectful just speak with strong language that would surprise someone if they weren’t expecting it.
@unforgettable "You cannot tell me that seeing someone pics isnt the catalyst to engaging in a text conversation." ... Well now, I certainly can. I've had correspondence with people for months without needing a photo. But you know, what amuses me, is that for someone touting the importance of having a picture, and keeping it up to date, and how EVERYONE on here must be basing the desire to cuddle someone else on here on looks--you yourself don't have a single picture.
Funnily enough, I've had to make these kinds of decisions primarily based on a person's words and personality because a lot of people who request cuddle sessions won't put up a photo and clients do often use photos that are several years old. Guess we're all insecure, huh?
I try to update once month or when I take a pic I love.
Lorelei makes a point, but I have always sent a picture in my first message despite no public profile pic. I think the original poster is being unfairly criticized for a reasonable expectation. It is reasonable to think someone’s chosen profile pics are going to be flattering. But I have had a few meetings where I was afraid to say hello because there was no resemblance to the profile photos and I wasn’t sure it was the same person. But I never was rude and paid and met the cuddler for alotted time we had agreed on. It just to me is a bait and switch and poor etiquette.
@Lorelei Allow me to explain why what you are saying is ridiculous. . To be honest, I’m really surprised I have to explain this because it is so obvious. You are listing yourself as a “professional.” I, on the other hand, am not. If I were doing so, I would chose to post a picture and post a clear and accurate profile. However, since I am not marketing myself on here, I do not need to post one. When I have been asked for a picture, at least I have a descent to send one taken within the last month. Now with regards to your corresponding with people for months without needed a photo, besides the fact that I’m confident that you have people who have reached out to you initially after seeing your profile and picture, you are a professional. You need to step back and look at it from a client perspective. Also, there is a big difference between texting someone for months, meeting someone and meeting someone that you are paying to cuddle. As for clients using old photos, I don’t think that is right either. It’s deceptive, however, their inaccurate picture isn’t being used in a manipulative way to get to end goal of getting someone to give you money to spend time with you.
I’m not at all surprised that it is seems the “professional” cuddlers that are ones being the most defensive about this. I had no idea that expecting honesty was such overreaching ask.
@unforgettable Just so you know your initial premise is not accurate 100% of the time. I often talk to people here based on what their profiles say and they don't even have pictures up. I don't typically ask for a picture unless we get to the point of discussing meeting or if they ask for one first.
I do agree with you somewhat on the overall point of your OP - I don't like to be misled, who does and especially if I'm investing time and energy (and $$$ for a pro) into a "relationship" for potential cuddles you're right, I do want to confirm that the person I'm going to cuddle is a good fit for what I feel is an attraction type match. I don't approach pros I think at drop dead gorgeous because I assume one of two things (primarily) 1) the photos are fakes, if they are not 2) I would be too sexually attracted to them and that would make for an awkward cuddle.
Second point for me is that MOST of the pics (pros or not) are of someone's (their perception of...) better/best pics - outfit, makeup, filters, etc... when it comes down to it for a cuddle, my preference is the natural you - freshly showered, teeth brushed no makeup, etc... there are a few pros on here like that and I really respect that - it's part of who they are as a person. For those that have the glam pics, they are different in that regard, but if a pro told me she only cuddles in full makeup with her hair curled it would be a turnoff for me personally. That's just me, you do you.
Regardless - I do think the words and pictures should be more or less accurate - @Catloaf - 10 lbs is close enough to not worry about, you still look like you. 100 lbs difference or more than 5-10 years difference in pics is not honest unless of course they tell you, "Hey my pics are old, don't feel like posting new ones, but if we get to the point that we're talking about meeting I'll send you something current." BAM! problem solved.
Solution for everyone - if YOU care how accurate the pics/person are to the real deal, ASK those questions, ask for a current pic, etc... IF they give you one and it's not a match, then they are at fault and that should be reported/discussed. This has been suggested many times - facetime or something BEFORE you pay a deposit or take a drive to said pro (or any) cuddle session.
@denveromelette Thanks. Yes, I think it is a reasonable expectation. When I see some of the responses, it’s obvious the posters have not read everything I have said in the thread. The person I am referring to with the pictures has around 14 photos that are all old, they just posted new ones that are obviously old, and they list Body Type as Athletic. People are reading this as an attack on every pro. It’s not, it talking about 1 provider where there is an abundance of evidence that they are purposefully deceptive, and how I think people on this site marketing themselves as professional cuddlers should do so honestly.
@TouchIsTLC. The premise IS accurate. Ok, you say you talk to people based on profile and they don’t have a picture. Then you are talking to non-pros because the pros have pics. I know 1 pro that didnt have any and the site told her she had to post one. I’m talking about pros that request payment for providing a service. Guys are reaching out to a pro because they see a pic and are, in some way, attracted enough to message them.
I agree that people are going to post pics they feel are flattering. Lets focus on one situation....tell me what YOU think. A professional had around 14 pictures posted. In the past 60 days they added 2 or 3 new photos. They list their body type as Athletic. Upon meeting them, it’s clear that all the photos including the new ones to a minimum of 3 to 5 years old and at least 30lbs lighter. 1. Is this person being deceptive? 2. Would you think to ask for recent pics when so many were posted, and there were new ones just added, that all look similar??
FYI, most of the pros I met have been full figured. I prefer that. In this case I was trying something different. The issues was not her size. All the people on here reacting like I’m some shallow ass for bringing up weight need to get that through their heads. Take your emotions out of it and look at facts. This is about having an expectation that professionals be honest. Most probably are but not all.
@unforgettable you mentoon other services such as haircut, cosmo, massage, etc. Would you be so bent out of shape if their photos on their site or business license were not reflective of how they curtently look? Or is it because cuddling is a service where you personally value appearance over service?
@pmvines With those other services I’m not making a decision based on looks. If I go to their place of business, law mandates that they have their license on display. I have proof that they are properly trained trained to provide the service requested. Not so with professional cuddlers. Anyone that wants to sign up and do it can. What else out there is like that?? Even signing on to drive for UBER you have to have a drivers license. Since this whole thing is about touch, feeling good, endorphins.......I want to do so with someone I’m attracted to. All I have going into it, that I can guarantee, is if I’m attracted to you. I have no idea if you’ll be engaging, friendly, talkative, anything. All I know for sure is what you look like and what you say in a profile or text.....and we all know people lie. Someone can’t lie about being a cosmologist and their ability to cut hair or perform a facial, this one the other hand.....
@unforgettable so then it is for you primarily about physical attraction?
@pmvines is it wrong to wish to cuddle with someone you find attractive? You seem be straying way off topic. This is about a professional cuddler’s honestly and accurately representing themselves to potential clients.
@unforgettable i am responding directly to what you are saying, not trying to take it off topic.
I.totally agree with being honest. Just the main beef with this specific discussion has to do with honesty re appearance. You are the one stating physical attraction is your primary driving force. This is what i am drawing into light for clarity.
@pmvines My opinion on attractiveness is completely irrelevant. My original post had nothing to do with someone being attractive or not. It’s about somone, a pro, posting a plethora of photos that are all extremely outdated and, based on them recently posting new photos that are also years old, are purposefully being misleading. It’s all pretty back and white. I dont understand why anyone is trying to make it about anything other than that.
You are the one who has stated the importance of physical appearance when seeking a cuddler. You brought it there. Now you are upset that what you say draws a response. Its fine. I have no problem dropping it.
@pmvines What’s your point? Explain. Please enlighten me as to how my opinion about cuddling with someone I find attractive has anything to do with the topic of a pro trying to pass off 5 year old pictures as recent? I’m curious what you’re trying to imply about me. There has to be something you thinking.
Ooh, ooh, I can explain this.
@unforgettable: You're upset about the fact that your "athletic" pro apparently had sumo in mind because you see a cuddle as "me + warm body that looks a certain way" and you didn't get the type of body that you thought you were getting.
If you saw a cuddle as "me + person with a certain personality" the body type wouldn't even be an issue.
That's how your preference for only cuddling those in bodies you find attractive is connected to the topic of pros with out-of-date photos that aren't marked as old.
I understand the discrepancies here but i think everyone is going to hard on @unforgettable. I don’t think he was trying to talk specifically about the items you all are going back and forth about. I think he expresssed it in a manner that sent antennas up, and he’s defended his position based on the OP. But I believe he was speaking of the deception. He didn’t even comment on whether or not he kept the appointment or cancelled. He even rejected giving bad karma based on it.
@BashfulLoner: You're right that he wasn't thinking about the way he approaches cuddling. I'd be willing to bet money it didn't even occur to him that some people don't decide who they want to cuddle with based on physical appearance.
Out-of-date photos are a real problem for people who put a priority on appearance.
We shouldn't forget that these people exist. It is possible to pick out your favorite face and body from a list of faces and bodies, pay for a cuddle with the set you like best, and not intend anything sexual. You might even like the person whose body it is (in fact, you probably really hope you do). Putting a priority on appearance doesn't necessarily mean you have something non-platonic in mind.
In fact, your second priority might be personality: you might pick out your favorite bodies first, then choose your pro based on who they actually are after you've made sure they'll be wearing a body you like. You can do that. There are lots of nice people in the world, why not get one in a nice body?
But I think it's a good idea to acknowledge that this is what you're doing—putting appearance first—and that not everyone in the world does it that way.
However, because there are people in the world for whom appearance is of the first importance, it makes sense for a pro to make sure their photos are up-to-date. Otherwise you're making things really hard on a group of potential customers that won't even realize they didn't get the data they needed to make decisions that work for them until you've already met... which isn't an ideal situation for anybody.
@BashfulLoner Thanks for having my back. Im sure there are many guys here, some have responsed, that want to portray themselves as more enlightened or noble to state looks are meaningless. Good for you guys. I dont buy it one bit but good for you. I have reached out to pros that I found to be attractive because that’s all I have to work on. I have to be skeptical about whatever they put in their profile because people lie.....and I’ve found sereval I have spoken to have embellished or outright lied. I see some posting about personality? WTF? There has to be something to initiate the contact and conversation. Either it’s what you see in a pic or what they write in a profile. The real problem here is these people that can’t pull their heads out of their hind parts and look at this as a business, which it is for the pros. All I brought up was that anyone offering their service as a professional cuddler charging for their time should be honest and accurate with the potential client. However, because it is about age and weight, some have chosen to focus on that. That want to make out that it is somehow shallow to want to cuddle with someone that is attractive....in my opinion of attractiveness.
LISTEN CLOSELY PEOPLE....ITS ABOUT BEING HONEST WITH PEOPLE....THAT IS ALL. If you’re getting lost or sidetracked with anything else, you’re missing the point.
FYI, since someone asked, yes, I kept the appointment and even had the person stay an extra hour.....so all of you that figure me as shallow and assumed I was repulsed by the person I’m referring to, that’s was not that case. All I’m saying is providers should be honest and this one, for multiple reason, I believe is being deceptive on purpose.
I understood what you said from the beginning. I agree with the honesty part, i try to be as honest as i can. I just hope people are as honest with me as i am with them. I am not choosing cuddles that i am sexually attracted to, but something attracted me wether it was the smile, the words or the appearance of how the cuddle might feel. But i haven’t had anyone bless me with a cuddle yet and haven’t had a pro, so i might be speaking out of turn.
@unforgettable as a professional I agree with you.
I think what I hear you saying is that you don't like women that you see as being 30 lbs over weight and you wish they would post pictures of themselves that show their body size so they don't waste your precious time, and money. It also sounds like you view yourself as not shallow because you'd pay this over weight woman anyway and even add an extra hour. It also sounds like paying is the only way you have of getting cuddled because that's all you "have to work on." It also sounds like you can't get your head around the idea that someone else could care less about body type and if they made mention of that aspect of their character, it would make them arrogant.
@PeopleLikeUs that’s not what @unforgettable said.
Hmm. What I'm getting from @unforgettable's posts are things like this:
"I think professionals should be required to post accurate pics."
"I met with a pro whose pics were probably taken 5 years and 30 lbs ago."
"That's purposefully deceptive."
"Everyone who hires a pro cuddler chooses based on looks."
"It's a purchase."
"If you're a pro, you're marketing yourself and need to advertise how you look now."
"The end goal for a pro is getting someone to give you money to spend time with you."
"When choosing a pro cuddler, I'm making a decision based on looks."
"Cuddling is about touch and feeling good and endorphins, so I want to cuddle with someone I'm physically attracted to."
"I have no idea what your personality's going to be like. People lie. You could be faking everything. All I know for sure is what you look like (assuming you've posted an accurate picture)."
It's not so much about the pro he picked being maybe 30 lbs heavier than current beauty standards dictate as it is that she was larger than he expected. He had a specific body type in mind for that specific cuddle, and was upset when the body he bought wasn't what was advertised. He wishes pro cuddlers would post up-to-date pictures of their faces and bodies so he can make an informed decision using his highest priority—physical appearance.
To him, a cuddle is all about the body. Not the person. He's specifically said that he doesn't believe it's possible to divine someone's personality based on the things they say before you meet. "People lie." Photos, assuming they aren't old or overly edited, don't. So he relies on that... which makes it the most important qualifier.
@PeopleLikeUs: Apparently he actually prefers female bodies with a little extra squoosh. @BashfulLoner is right: he's not saying that he doesn't like women he perceives as being overweight. He's saying that pros should let people know exactly what kind of body they actually have right now so that potential customers can choose the body they want to cuddle with. Never mind personality. "I have no idea if you’ll be engaging, friendly, talkative, anything. All I know for sure is what you look like and what you say in a profile or text.....and we all know people lie." But current, unedited photos don't lie.
So, he says, pros should be required to tell the truth about the bodies they're selling.
@DarrenWalker i understand why this is offensive, i am only saying i have read that he isn’t arguing the same point as everyone that disagrees.
I don’t want to be misunderstood that i feel the same, i want to cuddle with a lady that wants connection and to provide a connection.
I’d hate to choose a cuddle and be surprised when it arrives. It takes a minute for me to adjust. But a heavier lady would be special to me because i can imagine how it reminds me of mother. I could also enjoy a slim lady because of how i could hold or she could hold as well.
But I’m only really saying this because i see the discussion being in productive because, @unforgettable is not saying what everyone else is saying.
I will also say i avoid the ladies i think i am attracted to in a way i think I’d want more.
@BashfulLoner: Well, there's a reason for the divergence in points being argued.
See, @unforgettable says pro cuddlers should post photos that show what their bodies actually look like now. But for people like me, this is like someone saying pro cuddlers should post updated photos of their usual cuddle spots every week—we're left wondering "Why?" Sure, these things change, but are they really that important?
For unforgettable, it's obviously important, and he can't understand how anyone could possibly feel differently.
It's all about premises. My premise is "a potential cuddle buddy's body doesn't matter unless something about it negatively impacts my own." His is "a potential cuddle buddy's body needs to be physically attractive to me in some way."
I don't see anything wrong with either of these premises, even though his sounds disgusting because his cuddle preferences limit him to female bodies and female objectification (tied to sexuality) has been a thing for so long. Believe it or not, there is nothing wrong with (e.g.) only wanting to cuddle with men who're built like your favorite grandfather, who used to read picture books to you when you were a kid, or choosing your friends first based on how much you like to look at them (after all, you're going to be looking at these guys a lot) and only then on shared interests.
Being so strongly impacted by aesthetics that you're only really satisfied with your decisions when they give you something nice to look at is something society has labeled "shallow." But I suspect that, for the people who're truly, deeply impacted by visible beauty, it doesn't seem shallow at all.
Anyway. Our ideas about what matters most in a cuddle differ, but that (by itself) doesn't mean any of us are bad people.
Unforgettable's standards aren't my standards, and that's okay. The important thing is that physical appearance really matters to him (and to others like him), and it's a good idea to help out people like him by posting up-to-date photos—especially if you're charging for your time.