@snuggleup101
Yes, she does know and approve. We're confident enough in our relationship and our marriage to not get overly concerned with platonic relationships. Both of us are affectionate people and recognize that cuddling with someone else is very different. When my wife and I cuddle, our minds are usually on the same things (work, family, etc.) so we can't truly escape like we can with an outside person.
@hogboblin
I was just illustrating my thoughts on the original topic - that cuddling can be slightly sexual, yet by the virtue of it being slightly sexual it can remain totally platonic. It's a bit of a paradox, but if the boundaries remain in place it can be a very beautiful thing, and it was a very beautiful thing in this particular instance - 100% platonic and never a fraction of an inch over the line. The naked cuddling part I know is extremely controversial here and I would NEVER in 100 years ask or even suggest that from anybody on here or anywhere else - not only because it's against the rules here but also because I respect boundaries, and as a long time happily married man my wife certainly wouldn't approve of that. She's fine with platonic cuddling but that would no doubt be stepping way over the line. It's definitely not for everybody, but with the right person under the right circumstances it can be an amazing experience, and it can remain platonic. Not everybody views lack of clothing as necessarily sexual or gross.
@snuggledad
Here’s the thing: Your story appears to be about cuddling naked with an emotionally compromised (and drunk) minor. And you both want to screw. It definitely seems as if you were in a position of power.
It’s impossible to tell whether or not you’re being honest about certain events. I don’t doubt that you see “beauty” in your story, or the story that you’re presenting, but that you thought it was an acceptable story to share is ridiculous. That you expect it to adequately illustrate a point is beyond absurd.
It’s entirely anecdotal. And the anecdote itself is shady as hell.
Nice job kids. You chased him off the board.
@Spoonie
Who will get to read his dubious stories now? What a tragedy.
just another open-minded millennial !
To clarify, the OP was banned, not chased away
@pmvines - I am so, so surprised.
To clarify further, he had actually deleted his account. One of the mods later banned him.
That mod must have been an open-minded millennial, huh?
Kids these days, and their lack of open-mindedness when it comes to things that sound exploitative and perverse.
It may be for most. The reason I decided to enroll in this is for the actual act of cuddling. Spending time with others helps me sleep better at night and relaxes my mind before bed. Since I'm single now this seemed the best thing to try.
I cant imagine an account would be banned post-deletion had there not been a reason to. My thinking is that person was likely going to be banned anyway and just happened to delete account first. Regardless though i dont know what goes on behind the scenes to make someone get banned, i just know there are a plethora of reasons. but i would assume if an account is banned post-deletion it is for good reason that likely has zero to do with a post that was made on a forum.
Does it all really matter? He’s gone.
I thank CuddleComfort for an ongoing diet and gym regimen from ALL THIS POPCORN and entertainment.
Geesh I kind wish I read the snuggledad post, sounds crazy
Yeah. Thank god we have mods to protect us.
Though @snuggledad said his story was "slightly sexual," I didn't see anything sexual in it at all. So far as I could tell, it was totally platonic. Inappropriate given current social norms, but not sexual!
Two people almost far enough apart in age to be father and daughter got in the habit of sharing a bed after one night when, drunk, they shared a bed and realized sex didn't have to happen. A few times, the guy had the same physical response lots of guys get when cuddling. Neither of them made a big deal of it, and it went away each time. He thought it was sexual because hey, a stiffy is always sexual, right? It's just the standard confusion there.
The human body does stuff when it's comfortable. It's more obvious on the male types than on the female types, but in either case it's just a thing that (sometimes) happens when things are particularly cosy. Doesn't have anything to do with sex, just pleasure—and sex isn't the only pleasant thing in the world, thanks much!
The fact that they were both going all-natural shouldn't have been mentioned, though. Given the cuddle rules for this site: bad precedent.
I’m not sure i can agree with that based on the impression of the post, i didn’t read it. It could have been no sexual but sounds comepletly inapprorpriAte
@BashfulLoner: I read it, but didn't say anything because I'd just finished a shift and was tired.
Mind you, my impression can't help but be affected by the fact that I'm both autistic and asexual: I don't naturally read into stuff, taking everything almost completely at face value unless I actually put work in, and I don't typically notice sexual stuff unless it's remarkably blatant.
That said—I didn't see anything sexual in it at all.
@DarrenWalker that’s why i chimed in, again i didn’t read the post, but based. On the. Impressionns i got it sounds inappropriate and wrong. I almost got the impression it was borderline criminal but that being said i think being arroused in a. Situation like that is alway too far, for a man of influence and they lady in a vulnerable state. Even an asexual should be able to recognize that that’s an issue(or at least I’d think so). I do recognize your familiarity to physiological happenings but i think some instances are both physiological and lustful.
@BashfulLoner: Some instances, definitely. That one? Beats me, I can't see inside people's heads and I have an innate tendency to assume platonic intentions (especially when dealing with people on a site like this). Weren't they both vulnerable? my socially inept brain thinks. Even if one was physically stronger than the other, they were both drunk the first time, and both sober every time after, plus all they did at any time was cuddle, so...?
In short: my view is extremely restricted in cases like this, so when I say I don't see anything it doesn't necessarily mean there's nothing there to see—just that I don't see it. Probably everyone else sees it just fine.
@DarrenWalker i assume too much i must retreat.
A cording to the story, he was 4 or 5 years older. Not okd enough to be her father.
@BashfulLoner: That is so cute I don't even know how to cope.
@Spoonie: Oh? Could be. All I've got of that post now it's been deleted is my first impression, and I had the impression the age difference was a lot wider—my memory's really not perfect, and I was pretty tired when I read it.
Yes, they met when she was 16 and him 19, but the cuddling didn’t start until a couple of years later when she was 18 and him 21 so it was two young adults in college cuddling and feeling safe with one another. The only reason the story was erased is because it talked about nude cuddling and that’s a no no on the site. Also he deleted his account and for some reason after he deleted his account the site banned him. I thought it was an interesting story and if true and accurate it shows that platonic cuddling is possible even when done au naturel.
My experience with non-paid cuddlers is that yes, for most (allosexual/alloromantic) people cuddling - even if it's clothed and not explicitly sexual - has an erotic and romantic charge. Unless you choose to cuddle someone you don't feel attracted to at all, like a family member or someone of a gender you're not attracted to, then it's highly likely to happen. People can choose not to act on the attraction, but the attraction is almost always there.
It depends a bit on the people, for example pro cuddlers are so used to cuddling that they are very unlikely to dwell on any arousal or sexual attraction that comes up. Also if someone is used to cuddling all their close friends, they might not feel as much attraction or such an intense form of bonding. However, in western countries, it's kind of rare to find people who regularly cuddle one-on-one with several close friends regardless of gender. Sure, they exist, but they are the exception rather than the rule.
Platonic cuddling situations often seem to end up like a friends with benefits arrangement, where both people enter with the best of intentions but one or both often end up catching feelings or getting attached, and it gets messy. Sure, it doesn't always happen, but it's very common. It requires a high level of self-awareness and strong boundaries to avoid this. I suspect this is why pro cuddling is so popular, as it has built in boundaries due to money being exchanged.
MOD: comment removed - sexual activity. This user self-deleted. Banned so that he doesn't re-register with the same details. [SoulcuddlerZ]
@outdoordude99 Is this a case of banned by wishful thinking?
@RainbowZebraSam you said, "...I suspect this is why pro cuddling is so popular, as it has built in boundaries due to money being exchanged."
I feel money does the opposite when cuddling. Interesting.
Very valid and important discussion! The fact that most (straight) men are not willing to cuddle with other men definitely makes me think they don't truly want platonic affection. It's unfortunate. So many more men could be getting affection if they were more open to it. Most people seeking cuddles online are men. And far too often do men attempt to make it sexual when it was agreed to be platonic beforehand.
It shouldn't matter what your cuddle buddy looks like and if you're physically attracted to them, beyond just how your bodies literally fit together/work together to make cuddles the most comfortable physically.
I am definitely seeking feelings of comfort and safety. I always feel more safe cuddling with women! Platonic affection comes so much easier typically with women. I wish it was easier to meet women.
Theoretically I would love to potentially be "slightly sexual" with more people without ever ever having any pressure/expectation of performing any explicitly sexual acts with me. For me I love being sensual without being sexual. Men have a much harder time separating platonic and sensual intimacy from sexual intimacy, and it's such a shame. Sex is too readily available and men are too often programmed to only be affectionate with someone they're romantically/sexually involved with, which is screwing over/harming everybody.
For me personally, kissing is almost never platonic. There are two women (friends) I would always do double kiss cheeks with (and might kiss one of them on the mouth, quick pecks), but beyond literally just those two people, I would never ever ever want to kiss anyone outside of a romantic/sexual relationship. I have far too often been kissed without consent, and I HATE that people are not taught to ask for consent for kissing and all kinds of touch as it's always needed for EVERYTHING. I could never enjoy random kissing/makeouts. I could see enjoying a forehead kiss or hand kiss from a very close friend MAYBE, but beyond that, it's far too intimate for me! Plus, you can transmit infections/diseases/STI's/sickness orally so that's a big deal to me as well. I know people feel differently about this, but I am not remotely comfortable with kissing/being kissed by family AT ALL. I definitely don't think anyone's family members should/need to be kissing each other on the MOUTH at all ever ever ever (besides actual partners obviously), and children NEED to be taught that it's okay to say not to any type of affection/physical contact from family members and should never be pressured/guilted/forced into giving any family members a kiss or hug. It's vital.