What am I doing wrong? Should I give up?

Jay211Jay211
edited March 2019 in General

For the past two years I have been trying to find a cuddle buddy. I'm in a long distance relationship, and I crave platonic affection. I've sent countless messages to countless people, not just on this site but others too. Not once has anyone ever responded to me. Usually I'll say something along the lines of "hello there! Just wanted to say hi. If you're interested I'd love to talk some, maybe hang out even. Hope to hear from you soon!"

What am I doing wrong? Is it my profile? The messages I send? Is it because I'm in a relationship? Am I ugly? I get that people aren't required to respond if they aren't interested. I just wish I could get some feedback from anyone. It's really disheartening........

Comments

  • cuddletime222cuddletime222

    Have you tried hiring a pro?

  • Jay211Jay211

    I really don't have the money to. I already pay to see a therapist once a month.
    (Also holy cow our names how weird is that???)

  • OhioMikeOhioMike

    Hello Jay211, you are doing everything right probably as far as I can tell. It's about numbers. Your filters are the issue , only a few days a week you're available, no pro's, you're in a relationship, only women. You're in a really tight window of people available. Good luck to you. Hate to be the bringer of rough news. I'm rooting for you though!

  • pmvinespmvines

    I wouldnt ask to hang out in your initial message that may come off a certain way that might be off putting to some

  • RexagonRexagon

    That is discouraging. Unfortunately, there appears to a surplus of men and a scarcity of women looking to cuddle in your area. Maybe check out the dance community or participate in group activities you enjoy.

  • inparadiseinparadise

    I'm sure some people are (unfortunately) turned off by the fact that you're in a relationship. It seems silly, but that may definitely be a factor. Keep looking, you'll find someone! :) I like @Rexagon idea too!

  • longlostlonglost

    Save 2-3 dollars a day and hire a pro for an hour once a month, or adopt a pet.

  • garrablancagarrablanca

    @Jay211 The truth is that is not easy to find a Cuddle buddy non-pro, it's so rare, if you are kind, nice guy, a gentleman, the problem is not you, it's simply not easy.
    You need to invest time in that new potential cuddle friend.
    So don't blame your self, you just need to invest more time on them.

  • respectfulrespectful

    @Jay211 "I really don't have the money to [see a professional]"

    That's a difficult position to be in. A thought though: having a karma comment as feedback from someone might possibly help non-professionals to trust you (no guarantees though).

    I can see three professionals in your city and they all seem lovely; one of them is $60 per hour, which is lower than average.

  • Rose143Rose143

    Hello Jay211, my name is Rose. I would first like to tell you I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I'm not from your area unfortunately but if i was i would cuddle you! I can't speak for everyone but personally your relationship status shouldn't be a problem. After all, a good genuine session should always start with honesty! I think all of the other fellow cuddlers are right about a few things.... Money is a key factor, you would have better luck hiring a professional. Maybe start off by searching for the most affordable ones in your area, then save. A couple bucks a day can add up fast! Most importantly, you are not ugly!! I would say try out some of these pointers and see if they help. Based on your profile you sound like you would be a lovely cuddler with lots to talk about! so try to not lose hope!
    take care hun!

  • PlushandPerfectPlushandPerfect

    I agree that the parameters you are setting up are pretty specific. I don't think it is because you are "ugly" and I think your introduction is fine. It could be because you are in a relationship (though it really shouldn't be an issue). It shows you are only available Thursday and Friday afternoons and nights which is pretty limiting. I understand and respect you not wanting to hire a pro. The ideas that @longlost gave are good, start saving up a bit at a time and before you know it you can hire a pro. I do hope the best for you in whatever you choose.

    Also love the Darkthrone shirt.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    You should never give up. If you give up you will have gained nothing and surrendered your hope. Continue searching because as long as you are searching there is hope.

    I might suggest dropping the “let’s hang out” portion when trying to connect as it is somewhat presumptuous. I would simply state “I have read your profile and I am interested in cuddling at some point. Please reply and tell me a little about yourself.” This way you have stated your objective but you are not pressuring to meet immediately. If you read a lot of these threads, many will tell you that looking for a meeting right away is a red flag to them. Unfortunately, you could be a victim of the few bad apples spoiling it for everyone else.

  • RainbowZebraSamRainbowZebraSam
    edited March 2019

    Perhaps a better approach would be something like, "Hi there! Just read your profile and you seem interesting because of [insert reason here]. I'd like to get to know you a bit better, and potentially become platonic cuddle friends if it's a good fit."

    Unfortunately it's going to be harder since you're in a relationship, as a lot of online forums and dating websites attract married or partnered men who just want to cheat, and are not in ethical non-monogamous relationships. Also the fact you only want to cuddle women will probably raise a few eyebrows, and make people wonder if it's partially motivated by a desire for sex/romance.

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    Make your first priority finding a friend. That does not require disclosure of your relationship status or available days/hours. Remove any possible detriment to your cause from your profile. Include only content that will attract rather than repel. There will be a time to share more once you have connected with someone.

  • [Deleted User]onetosee (deleted user)

    Jay I feel your pain! Same for me also. It’s like whenever I request usually I get no response. My suggestion is just keep trying as I am doing.

  • Jay211Jay211

    I really do appreciate the support from everyone. I'll try to take everyone's advice that I can, and hopefully I'll find some success.

    @UKGuy I really don't want to hide anything or purposefully omit it from my profile. If something about me would be a dealbreaker for someone, better they just ignore me than we spend a bunch of time talking to discover that we aren't a good fit. Honestly and openness is important to me.

  • CuddleSquidCuddleSquid

    Change your approach. Don't ask about hanging out right away, and don't JUST ask to talk either. That may sometimes work if there's plenty of information on your profile and you're just checking to see if they'd be interested before actually starting an engaging conversation, but most of the time you should be actively doing that already -- ask about them, tell them about yourself, try to make a friend first before ever approaching the idea of meeting or cuddling.

  • CuddlyPupCuddlyPup
    edited April 2019

    Hey just a thought. Might want to add into your profile that your fiance is 100% ok with you having a cuddle buddy. Maybe people are a bit off put with that being your opening line and without anywhere ststing you have permission to be cuddling. No one wants to be stuck between a man and their women thinking everything was ok. They usually end up terrified to be in the middle of that. I also think it has to maybe do with your location? Are people usually open to poly or open relationships? If they are then they wouldnt really think cuddling while your in a relationship is a big issue.

    I notice what is acceptable and what is not usually changes based on where you live. Mn more people are open to that so its pretty easy around here i guess.

    Also gotta think, those girls may get 50 messages a day because they arent pros. Which means they are like bait without a hook. So many fish trying to steal the bait but only a few actually get a piece. Theres no hook so shes not really catching anything. Just putting the bait out there.

    So the women are basically swarmed and prob being hyper selective. Ik ive got 3 dating profiles i havent used in a couple years but still have up. Maybe your contacting people that have gone awol? Idk i left because it was too much attention but mostly from all the wrong people. It was to a point where I just couldnt keep up and then others were getting mad i didnt talk to them. Because id choose a select few i was semi interested in and just leave the rest because there was just so many. I couldnt hold 30 convos at once. I noticed this monday i was suddenly swarmed with messages and my bookings filled up within a day. The rest of he week has been one or two here and there who hit me up. So idk if its timing or if these ladies are just getting swamoed and trying to find a diamond in the rough idk. Another thing is they could just not have the same available days or times.

    just food for thought. Its not always you.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @Jay211 don’t give up, but don’t expect fast response. Just accept that it will happen when it’s time. You aren’t really spending too much energy at trying to find a cuddle and if you stop trying you definitely won’t. Be open to the fact you may find one out side of this community and you didn’t even expect it.

  • Lev136Lev136

    Being in a relationship is a definite factor. Also, if you can hire a pro at all do so. I've done it and many are terrific women who do a great job at cuddling!!!!

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