Unwanted Attention

savannanielsensavannanielsen
in General

There is this one experience I had, where this guy and I were cuddling and he took it too far. I felt very I’m uncomfortable the whole time but felt too derresed to say anything. By the time I left I regretted the entire thing and actually left the site for a long time. Every once and a while I will get a phone call from him or a text saying he misses me and wants me to come back. I feel violated. I have blocked and reported his account but then he will delete it and create a new one trying to get me to do something with him again I don’t want this to go any further and I am not sure what to do about the whole thing. It has created a whole issue and made cuddling hard for me. Has anyone else had this problem?

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]JLM (deleted user)

    I’m sure you’re not the only one, based on reading the forums. The most important thing to remember is that you did not do anything wrong.

  • MisterTeaMisterTea

    I would tell him if he contacts you again you will contact the police.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Did you go along with his advances the first time because you were scared? If so that is rape.

  • 11rollover11rollover

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. Keep blocking and reporting if he pops up again. He’s scum and you can help others by keeping him off this site and thus preventing him from taking advantage of other women.

  • sdmpwcsdmpwc

    im so sorry that happened to you, he had no right to make you feel unsafe. report him and if he does not stop harassing u get the police involved. sending positive energies your way

  • EsquireEsquire
    edited March 2019

    @FunCartel You may be jumping to a conclusion. First, that there was penetration and that words like STOP and NO were used. She says she didn't regret "it" until after she left. Police might deem it a seduction and refuse further investigation. She hasn't been clear about what happened. She's avoided him because she doesn't want it to go "any further". That suggests it did not go all the way before. Unless she wants to volunteer more, rape is an unwarranted speculation. Feeling violated isn't the same as being violated.

  • Jade25Jade25

    There are definitely clients that have made me uncomfortable and I reported them immediately.
    I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. Tell him to stop harassing you or you'll involve the authorities.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    :( I am sorry that happened to you :( Maybe he will see this post?

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2019

    @Esquire Hence why I said “If”, because I am pointing out there is an undercurrent in her post that insinuates she was cowered into doing something. IF so, it could be rape. But let’s be clear here, there does not need to be penetration for his actions to fall under sexual assault.

  • SelenielSeleniel

    Leave funcartel Lobey, he was just asking a question. Your response makes it so that if something like rape or close to rape happened, now she will be afraid of all the situations you listed and will be relcutyto get help. It’s a big step for her to put something on this forum about being harassed by a member at all.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Seleniel I am not clear as to whom or what your post was about. Could you please clarify?

  • EsquireEsquire

    @FunCartel we're having an important discussion. We just don't know about what.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Esquire I guess. I certainly do not know.

  • savannanielsensavannanielsen

    I appreciate all of your input. I am just really worried that this could become a stalker situation. He has texted me with multiple different numbers and I block each of them every time. He says he doesn’t know what he did wrong... I just feel bad that he feels hurt. This is such a sticky situation that I’m not sure what the best corse of action is...

  • CatloafCatloaf

    @savannanielsen I'm not sure if law enforcement can really do anything if he's not making threats, but I would start screenshotting the messages from the different numbers as proof of what's going on. Tell him you will take serious action if he doesn't stop messaging you or seeking you out and maybe that will get him off your back?

  • EsquireEsquire

    @savannanielsen If it's practical, change your phone number. Document not only his advances but your declinations.

    For your profile, adjust your age by a couple of years and set pictures as Friend only. You can also change your location.

  • EsquireEsquire

    Do some research on what constitutes stalking in your area. His actions may qualify.

  • CuddleSquidCuddleSquid

    You are not alone in this. I'm so sorry this asshole violated you and won't stop harassing you and bringing back the trauma even more, and making cuddling so hard for you. You deserve safety; you deserve fully respected boundaries; you deserve fully kind and consensual affection.

    Not from this site, but this has definitely happened to me. One of the worst ones would bring back the trauma (more in the forefront, as it's always there and effects my ability to trust forever) by messaging me much later on at a few different intervals. Luckily I was able to block him on both places I knew him through, and he hasn't gone to more extreme lengths like your harasser has. He definitely needs a lifetime ban, but that's really hard when he keeps making new profiles. I hope the site can help you somehow. Maybe you can make a new profile with no photo so he can't find you, if nothing else? You do not deserve this, so sorry he's putting you through this.

    Hope you are safe.

  • CuddleSquidCuddleSquid

    I hate that you feel bad he's hurt. He hurt you, and you owe him nothing. If you feel safe doing so, tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him what he did was not consensual, and you feel violated. Tell him his behaviour is not acceptable, and he needs to leave you alone permanently. Document the harassment, file a restraining order if possible.

  • savannanielsensavannanielsen

    Thank you everyone! I think to be safe in the long run I might just delete my account. This is too much for me and hopefully will get him off my back a little bit. I will definitely document and do some research. I’m not sure everything I can do leagaly. But I definetly can try some type of restrainment order or harassment charge if possible. Thanks again!

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    No matter how far it went in the initial cuddle it appears his behavior is abhorrent. I understand if you aren’t clear on if it was rape because we don’t know how far it went. But any unwanted or unwelcome contact is criminal, i think you need to reconcile with that wether you are on the site or not. Do not feel guilty or threatened by your experience just be clear with the guy, and make sure your boundaries are clear in future contacts with anyone. You don’t deserve to feel this way I’m sorry.

  • [Deleted User]AlecAwesome (deleted user)

    I agree with Esquire. I think it wise at this point to protect yourself on the site, documenting, and by changing your number so you don’t have to worry consciously or subconsciously about being contacted.

    I’d also suggest what I do when meeting someone new online, to use an app that’s a different number like TextFree so that if you get unwanted attention from someone, you can just get a new number without it affecting your personal number. As well as meeting at a public place first and have the conversation of boundaries, and intent you have, and are looking for from the cuddle buddy before you decide to proceed.

    Wish you the best and that you don’t encounter a scenario like that ever again!

  • ChocolatetreatChocolatetreat
    edited April 2019

    I think you have to be clear here, you said you guys did whatever that day and you regretted it you should of let him know that after you guys meet up. That you didn't really feel comfortable with what happened and don't think you guys should still talk. Then went he keeps contacting you advising him that your not interested and he is now stalking you. You also stated that he doesn't know what he did wrong, of course he's not you have to tell him even though he should stop harassing you sometimes you have to make things clear. This is a real scary world we live in where if somebody regrets having sex with somebody they can charge them with rape.

  • [Deleted User]vcrawford (deleted user)

    A word of advice to women who are receiving unwanted texts/messages.
    1. Never reply to them. If you reply, it keeps them emotionally engaged with you.
    2. Block them on your phone and on the site immediately. This helps you to emotionally disconnect also.
    These two things will reduce his interest in contacting you in a couple weeks. You may need to block them over and over again, but do not contact them, even to say you are going to report them to the site, or to the police.

    Just my thoughts from when I became obsessed with someone (not a cuddler).

  • EsquireEsquire

    I've heard of burglars becoming home security consultants, but @vcrawford , wtf?

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    LM@O. I will refrain from further comment. @Esquire summed that one up pretty well.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes
    edited April 2019

    @Esquire my thoughts exactly

    @vcrawford we need to have a little conversation about how we present ideas and thoughts

  • BabichevBabichev

    @vcrawford - she said that he keeps changing his number so, while I agree that she should block his number, that won't keep him from doing it again.

    It has nothing to do with this site, but there's some guy who keeps texting me about every 4-5 months, keeps changing his number and his name but I'm certain it's the same guy because he keeps using the same M.O. Starts off saying hey, I met you at (some event a couple months ago), I thought you were really interesting. Or hey, I'm a friend of (someone I know who has an uncommon name), I met you at her place a few months ago. I have no idea who he is but he definitely knows who I am. I finally asked the police if there were anything I could do and they said unless he threatens me, no.

    I did respond last time he texted. I said, "I can't talk on this phone but call me at this other number," and I put in the number of the police department.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    That was very good thinking @Babichev. I would block him after that. He sounds like a regular Robert Kraft.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I thought ROBERT Kraft only stuck around for a few minutes. I know i know, bad joke

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