People who are married could benefit from outside cuddles. Relationships can get bogged down if someone is trying to get all their needs met by one person. Healthy relationships are socially integrated.
Thank you peoplelikeus for bringing this topic forward again. Very interesting views already shared and I'm sure more will be forth coming since this is still an area of contention on the site. I agree with your view on healthy relationships.
Lots of interesting points here. As a person who has been a professional cuddler for several years and attended platonic cuddle parties for nearly a decade, I have seen lots of people seek out platonic cuddles for different reasons. Not all of them are addressed by getting married/ living with a partner (even an affectionate/ touchy-feely one).
Some people are simply lonely/ haven't dated in a while. They may generally be missing touch. That "problem" can be solved when they start dating someone/ move in with a partner. If that is the need; then, yeah, marriage can solve that and those individuals often stop attending cuddle parties/ deactivate their account on sites like this pretty quickly.
Some people enjoy getting playful or healing touch from people that might be quite a bit different from their partners. It can be nice for some to have an older woman cuddle them the way their mother did. Drifting off to sleep in the arms of a parental figure can be kinda sweet and very separate from what this person gets from a spouse/ romantic partner. These folx often have romantic/ sexual partners and attend cuddle parties/ seek out new cuddle partners in order to receive something that is not romantic or sexual in any way.
Some people enjoy having touch that is thoughtful and focused on them. Lots of couples get into habits. They may spoon the say way or massage the same way whenever they are together. At some point (likely in the first few weeks of the relationship), you may have discovered something that your partner likes and you continue to do that for the next 10 years or perhaps forever. A professional cuddler or perhaps even a free cuddle buddy on this site, is more likely to want to discuss the types of cuddling that you enjoy and try out different things as desired. If you're getting together specifically for the purpose of cuddling; then, you are far more likely to discuss likes/ dislikes and find the things that you both enjoy instead of just doing something that most people are on board with or that something that was enjoyable 10 years ago. I personally love helping people discover the types of touch that they truly enjoy. Many people have never been asked what they like.
Some people, often women, simply want to work on their boundaries or receive touch that is explicitly non-sexual in nature. People who have been sexually assaulted in the past/ people who have trouble saying no/ people who are on the asexual or ace spectrum may find an explicitly non-sexual space comforting. For them, it can be liberating to be in a space where the rules are clearly laid out and no one is going to remove clothing. They don't have to worry that saying yes to a massage will lead to their cuddle partner thinking that they want to build up to sex. There is no build up. At cuddle parties, everyone is encouraged to simply enjoy each interaction as it's own unique thing and give honest yeses and no's when cuddle requests are made. That's freeing. Personally, I haven't always been able to find that type of mutual respect/ understanding in romantic relationships. Partners often feel in some way entitled to their partner's bodies. They may feel that they are owed an occasional hug, cuddles, or in some cases even sex from time to time. This complicates things. For this reason, I continue to attend cuddle parties and seek out platonic cuddle buddies even while living with romantic/ sexual partners. It's just different.
I tend not to worry what any two adults do in private. We can't truly walk a mile in anyone's shoes, how can we judge an other's relationship?
My girlfriend has lived with me since 2004. Menopause hit hard several years ago. I suffered silently for five years before looking to fill a big void. For obvious reasons, I wont get into details.
Why didn't I breakup with her? First, we have a 20 year history, I'm involved with her family, siblings for the most part. We have shared interests and are close friends. I have been divorced and know how painful that can be. I love her.
I'm a better person when happy, so the road I chose works for me.
I will assume you have a much softer view of her when you're happy also.
I wonder if it makes it easier to see the woman you fell in love with. Help you remember the happy times far outweigh this short one.
Well, I would like to bring a different perspective here. It's not always that someone joins this site because the other partner is unwilling to provide them with the touch. Cases like mine are different.
Me and my wife we both live in different countries because we are pursuing our careers, trying to make a life out of a long long distance (India-US). She visits me for couple of months and I do the same ,but what about the rest of the year.
So I think this is a nice platform for everyone, married/unmarried alike to get their basic necessities of human touch fulfilled.
On a different note, I think this is going to be a great business model, because with increase in our SOCIAL media friends and decrease in REAL life friends, people will eventually realize the importance of human interaction,intimacy and touch..
Have a great weekend my fellow cuddlers.
@SnuggleSymmetry ... You’re saying you cannot share intimacy of any kind, even completely innocent like cuddling, with anyone but your spouse after you’re married? If you had children who wanted to snuggle up with you for security and comfort, would you also reject that? Or other family? Close friends? ... And are you also the kind of person who thinks that married people shouldn’t hang out with friends without their spouse present?
This kind of “my spouse needs to be everything to me all the time” way of thinking puts a lot of stress on ones partner, which marriage counselors and psychologists have already denounced as an unhealthy way to have a relationship.
It’s great if that method works for you, of course .. but since you said people shouldn’t be on here if they’re married, I’m guessing you aren’t. I’ve met several people on here with healthy marriages that have lasted decades... maybe it would be better not to judge others in different circumstances? Or, not to judge others at all? Because we’re all different? Just a thought.
@Lorelei nice thought
@AJsm Thank you! ?
Yes on marriage. Certain personality types thrive around other people which can improve closeness in a love relationship. I say yes.
“Separated” and/or “It's Complicated” should be designations...
This it's a place to help find comfort to those who are seeking cuddles and comfort, not a match maker, I don't see why we need to condemn them for whatever relationship status they may have. As long as this people are not bringing drama, troubles or pain to others here. If someone is looking for cuddles is because they need them. Who knows what problems they may have? And here there is nobody that could help them with those, because that's their personal life that doesn't concern to the community here. So this should be only a matter of cuddles for those who seek it under the terms of platonic cuddles. We all are grown people here. Or that's what I'm guessing ha ha ha.
I don't believe a married person should be seeking cuddling outside of the marriage. I won't knowingly cuddle with a married or "taken" man. It's bothersome to me and is my preference.
As happens more often these days, I am appalled at the preconceptions, judgments, and narrow mindedness exposed in many comments here.
You deal with your life. You cuddle whom you choose. As for the rest? It's none of anyone else's business and the plethora of advice/directives/pronouncements are not welcome.
@Myrddyn merely stating ones opinion on a subject and stating their personal belief does not mean they are telling others what to do or not to do. It is not narrow minded to state your thoughts on this matter. It is however narrow minded to attempt to quell conversation about it.
@pmvines -- Have you read the entire thread? And how about my comment? I'm not attempting to quell anyone's preference or personal beliefs about themselves. I'm addressing those comments and perspectives that say things like [paraphrasing], "married people shouldn't be here" or "if you seek comfort outside of the relationship you have problems" specifically, and I stand by my post: if it isn't your life, your relationship, or your cuddle partner/client, then what business does anyone have making judgments?
Goodness... I simply responded with my perspective on the title of the post. Indeed, you are attempting to quell my belief by implying that your perspective supercedes those that differ. You bemoan others' perspectives, not wanting them to be included, however you are a proponent of including married peoples' perspectives. It's talking out of both sides of your mouth which is not productive to supporting your point. We'll have to agree to disagree and keep it moving. Be blessed.