The Best Things In Life Should Be Free

There is a prevalent assumption on this and other cuddling sites that paying for Professional Cuddling is as valuable and valid as getting it for free.

However this flys in the face of a huge body of knowledge from clinical psychology to more esoteric energy modalities that suggests that it may not be!

There is huge scientific evidence that, biologically and psychologically, nothing beats a good cuddle, whether free or paid for.

HOWEVER having to pay for them can also have detrimental psychological effects - both for the payer...and the payee!

It creates an imbalance of power and is likely to negatively impact - even if only subconsciously - the self esteem and self image if the person who finds themselves having to pay for one of the best things in life - that should be freely available to every human on the planet.

While the paid provider, although significantly empowered, can also find their sense of self and personal relationships subtly negatively impacted by having to constantly simulate, or even on occassion impersonate, an otherwise natural and spontaneous human act.

  1. Would you prefer cuddling to be free for all?15 votes
    1. Would you pay for cuddling?
      80.00%
    2. Are you female?
      20.00%

Comments

  • "—that should be freely available to every human on the planet."

    That sounds very ideal. I'm having some difficulty figuring out how serious your post is.

  • Mmmmmh I don't know, in nature, nothing is for free.

    I'm more in favor of a fair interchange.

  • It's definitely not the same

  • From what I have heard professionals say, the thing with a negative impact is being treated with entitlement by some clients and having their boundaries violated. Under normal circumstances though, being able to provide comfort to people who need it is very satisfying and fulfilling. Check some of the answers to questions about what cuddling means to them in the member interviews thread; here are just a few:

    "my favorite part is when someone I cuddled tells me that I've helped them and how happy they are for the next day or week. I love making a difference and helping people. Warms my heart." -- AshleyCuddles

    "Most rewarding -- seeing people light up when I meet them, and feeling like I'm actually making people happy and cared for, and also learning from them." -- Brandi

    "Honestly, the best thing about being a professional cuddler is that it gives me a permission slip to openly share love with others. Gah, finally!! :D Love is the underlying motivation for all that I do, in my art, my writing, my teaching, the example I try to set ... cuddling gives me a platform to express this love more openly in one of the most pure, healing and beautiful ways." -- JRose

    Just because someone is cuddling for a fee doesn't mean their care isn't genuine. In fact, what makes a professional good is that they do care. To paraphrase one of them, the time may be paid for but the love and care is free.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    What kind of a poll is that? hahaha!

    Welcome to the party, @HappinessHenry

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited March 2019

    Oh great. Another anti-pro cuddler price thread. We haven't had any of those in about ten minutes.

    MOD Edit: lose the profanity. [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • I did not get how the poll is supposed to work? all the options are questions that are different from the original poll question?

    interesting point of view but I think of folks who often have to defend their desire to seek a professional and this type of conversation feels like it can be a tad bit.. whats the word im looking for... condescending? like 'hey there, nobody should be paying for a service that involves an act that should be freely given to anybody.'

    but many who appreciate the safe and caring touch that professionals DO provide best understand that value of the option. cuddle with a pro or non-pro, im sure there are just as much 'less than caring' non-pros who would cuddle while caring less about attending to another's platonic touch needs. I know some folks have had less than satisfying cuddle sessions with some pros, but there are plenty out there who honestly put in their best cuddles for those who seek out their services. those who respect my boundaries for examples, I ABSOLUTELY adore to cuddle with.

    so why don't I do it for free? if I had all the time in the world to do it, I would. if we're self-employed, it means we don't have the luxury to give our time for free. not even my casual friends get that luxury, my family themselves keep asking for me lol

    even with jobs outside of this, time is a main factor in things. that's why our rates vary and even if our schedules may seem as open, there is always something we have to be on top of like our own daily routines and even responding to inquiries on this site or on other means.

    the great thing about this community is that it has the beauty of both options. cuddle with a pro or non-pro... the choice is free to be yours!

  • OH! and the beauty of it all is in my experience, it's always more than just a cuddle and by that I mean, it can be therapy for some, and for others it can be a great opportunity to learn something new. I've had had folks talk to me about their life stresses, their concerns, they've cried and felt safe to express themselves, they've had the chance to be able to ask me questions about healthy boundaries, how to care for themselves when they have anxiety and depression, and some folks often find an interest in my interests and they learn from me what I know and vice-versa. it's a cuddle session that comes with multiple benefits. some have even found relief from insomnia thanks to my cuddling session where I included my knowledge in sleep (studies I did during college).

  • edited April 2019

    Ok everybodies I agree I messed up the poll bit but it has been a 100 years since I did my stats (statistics) module.

    And that does not invalidate my thesis which IS backed up by some fairly hard social science research.

    And yes, for once, I am fairly serious here @hobgoblin and I am also extremely heartened and gratified that my treatise has, for once, stimulated a decent amount of real and intelligent debate. And @stellarosass I am definitely not MEANING to be condescending here. I am just English and I'm afraid we all talk like that (not being entirely serious here @hobgoblin).

    Any who I am going to give up on the second part of my theory about the potentially deleterious effects on the vendor, especially in the light of the reasoned and more-informed-than-I opinions of @stellacrosass

    But, instead, am going to (r)amp up my argument about the loss the the consumer of professional cuddling.

    So hang on to your hugging habits, cos this could be a bumpy ride.

    1. Socio-politically: It is an empirical fact that statistically the majority of professional cuddlers are female and under 40. While the customers are mostly male. With a significant number over 40. I am definitely not going as far as to say that these exchanges are abusive but there is strong potential energetic and certainly economic imbalance. Why do men find themselves having to pay for cuddles to a significantly greater extend than young women. There is nothing evolutionary about this. This is a sociological product of gender disparities within our society.

    And is also, I believe, another (albeit significantly more benign) example of the objectification of women and the glorification of youth (to the detriment of the none young).

    1. Politically: Ok folks, here's where you may be tempted to call in the Mccarthy Committee. I, personally, am not a Capitalist. There I said it. I live in a Capitalist world and am not an anarchist (except occasionally when it comes to humo(u)r. Therefore I don't believe the commoditiztion of....well...EVERYTHING.

    I can absolutely see that providing cuddles can be both highly empowering and fulfilling for the professional providers but I still believe @garrablanca that many things in life ARE free. Life itself is free, the air we breath (albeit often heavily polluted) is still free (as yet). Love, is by and large, still free.

    And, for me, so should cuddling be.

  • [Deleted User]sunrise789 (deleted user)

    Maybe AOC can write in a free-cuddles-for-all-forever mandate into the Green New Deal? IRS, FBI, BATF or any other handy agency can vigilantly enforce? Fingers crossed.

  • [Deleted User]Keira (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    I think this post is degrading to the paid cuddlers on here. I've noticed that my personal relationships have actually improved since I became a professional cuddler. I love cuddling. I love this job. And I appreciate men who value my time and energy enough to pay me for it. And as another professional stated above, I don't have the time to cuddle for free. That doesn't make my cuddle sessions any less genuine. I still love talking to my clients, watching movies them, and getting to know them. I love cuddling, I love giving and receiving back massages. This is my dream job.

    I think what @HappinessHenry is saying is down right creepy. You're basically saying that women should have to cuddle with you for free. Even if it's platonic, It still has a very forceful and "off" vibe to it. Both younger women AND younger men can often get cuddling for free. Cuddling shouldn't always be free because IT IS NOT YOUR BODY. It is not up to you whether I cuddle you or anyone else for free. You wouldn't go get a reiki session or a massage for free, and cuddling is no different. We are providing a healing service. I think what you really mean to say is "Women in their 20s won't cuddle with me unless I pay them to." because we both know there are PLENTY of amateur female cuddlers on this site over the age of 50 that you probably aren't giving the time of day to. You're the one degrading women and glorifying youth and then claiming not to. What we do is absolutely none of your business. I personally love cuddling with men of all ages, it makes no difference to me, in fact, older men are often more respectful, but, I still wouldn't cuddle with anyone, young or old, for free right now since I don't have the time to. But, again, if this is actually about CUDDLING and not just you feeling entitled to younger women on this site, then go message one of the older amateur cuddlers on here.

  • [Deleted User]Keira (deleted user)

    I hope @SoulcuddlerZ keeps an eye on you. Unless I misunderstood what you were saying... but, from what I read, I personally wouldn't feel safe cuddling with someone who feels like they're entitled to me to that extent.

  • edited April 2019

    @HappinessHenry

    It seems like your entire point is based around anemic idealism. Unsurprisingly, you'd stand to benefit a great deal if things were as they "should" be, according to you. Many would likely agree with your vision of an ideal reality—at least in this specific area. I find that very eerie.

    Personally, I think that professional cuddlers should be able to name a blood price for their services. Many would likely disagree with me, and find my ideal reality rather unpleasant.

    Fortunately, for those who would disagree with both of our ideal realities, they are equally unlikely to become the norm. They both have the same value outside of our minds: none at all.

  • edited April 2019

    I personally will happily cuddle a women as readily as a man. I do not care your gender or biological sex. This site does allow for both men and women to be pro cuddlers. The dynamic of men being in a way forced to pay is skewed as the customers are whomever decide they need a cuddle and cant get any free cuddles anywhere else. Just because men are paying instead of applying to be a pro cuddler is not the pros fault. That was the men for choosing to pay instead of taking up a job with the site.

    Also i will note that not everything in life is free. And cuddling with a complete stranger can be dangerous. I am personally putting myself in their bed and litterally in their grasp. Maybe while your doing research you should do some on the skin trade. I have to talk to many people, schedule, book, travel, carry self defense tools, etc etc. I dont get paid for anything but the cuddle session. I am not paid hourly to sit around and talk to everyone.

    Cuddles are free as long as you can find someone willing to do it. But your going to have to find that through other non-pro cuddlers. Just like paying for a message, or therapy. If they are a pro you pay, if its your buddy who offered for free your not gunna pay.

    I have found personally through the few people i have cuddled with, that they state quite the opposite of your argument. That they are so over worked and stressed and cant get out there and find women who are willing to cuddle them 'for free'. Most women these days are on guard because they know there are monsters out there. But as a pro I take that risk. The people I have cuddled has claimed it to be theraputic, it has eased their stress, and they have found it extremely comforting. Some of the people i cuddle are people who have been passed up in all of their love seeking adventures, wether it is because of how they look, or even just a disability such as limping or even an amputee. Ive also been told by others that they travel too much to actually have a gf or lover, and honestly they just want someones touch and to unwinde but without all the strings attached. It calms their mind and softens the blow on their heart. If i didnt want to cuddle them i wouldnt.

    Your statement that love is free is 100% incorrect. You do pay for love. Yes there is money spent on dates and living together and what not. But there is also a lotttt of emotional baggage that comes with it. Some dont mind paying to cuddle because they get the cuddles with none of the emotional attachments. Paying for a service is how this world works. The only times people get free cuddles from me are close friends or if you catch me in the middle of a cuddle puddle with 15 people draped across my lap.

    Personally in my life I lost my way, the price and shot at love has ground me so far into a deep hole that I just cant seem to open up the walls preventing it from arising. I have found through cuddling it has started to chip away at these walls. I dont fall in love with these people, but i get to express a caring side that has long been locked up and express it in a safe way. It Reminds me that not every male I meet is just trying to get in my pants. Or is dead set on ruining me. So for me as a pro cuddler i have found many benefits. Less stress from having extra cash. Can finally pay off my bills with, and I get to help people who need it the most. People so desperate for someones touch that they are willing to come on a website and take the time to book an appointment. Accepting the charge. They do this knowingly and it is their choice. Whether you agree with it or not. It isnt mandatory that you need to come here in your quest for closeness. Its your decision. The site offers a service, it nedds to make money for hosting the server. And the cuddlers need to make back expenses spent on getting ready and getting to you.

    If you want your free cuddles, then find a cuddler who is willing to work out something like that for you. But dont knock the pros for doing it professionally and gaining some income for their time tending to other peoples emotional wounds and helping people heal. Do not go on a website and start bashing heads around because you think everything in life should be free. I am risking my life to cuddle strangers. I am traveling to them. I am a working women who is trying to afford life in an otherwise terrible market. Where a single one bedroom appt costs easily 1,100. But i cant afford to move out of the state. I dont get free healthcare, I dont get food stamps or welfare, and my paychecks never cover all of my bills.

    In a way it is a service that helps both parties. And considering my bookings are filling up quite quickly, I am just saying that these other people dont seem to have a problem at all with paying for cuddles. And not one of them that i have met has ever complained of the price. (Especially since idk if you know, 15% is taken right off the top by the website)

    Nothing in life is truly free. And i dont care what your studies say. Because when it comes to actual personal experience i find it completely wrong.

    I will also note that us younger people on here as pros, arent just because we like to cuddle. In a market where it costs an arm and a leg just to live, where even my $18 an hour job doesnt cover the expenses, are all looking for alternative ways to make extra cash just to get by. This is an opportunity for us to actually live instead of survive by the skin of our teeth.

  • This is supposed to be comedic, right? This is a satire making fun of those who think that getting paid or having to pay somehow degrades the value of something, right? I am getting a great laugh from this, so thanks for that. :lol:

  • @cabellye

    Welcome to the CC forums!

  • I do agree with Keira. 100%

  • Cuddling should always be free. I've really thought this out.
    Female cuddlers should be forced to cuddle with whoever wants to for free. We can set reasonably weekly hour limits, like 40, so they have time to earn money other ways. Maybe we can pass a law so that it is illegal for any pro female cuddler to quit cuddling. (Otherwise someone with capitalistic leanings might complain that almost all will quit.)

    We can have a lottery system for the most desirable cuddlers. Or, maybe we can make it random so that nobody can choose who they cuddle with. The cuddler will be assigned by the government.
    I'm a good person because I support taking things from other people under threat of imprisonment and giving them to others who haven't earned them. Since I can get more than I'll have to give, this suits me just fine. And I feel like a good person too!

  • @11rollover I second that plan, and I would like to put my name in the lottery for cuddles and volunteer myself as tribute to be the only one that gets to cuddle @11rollover and there is a mandatory 30 hours per week requirement.

    Thirds anyone?

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    This kind of... misguided... person crops up in the arts all the time.

    “Why are you charging to play music? It’s free on the radio! It’s essential to our souls.”

    It’s so essential I was compelled to learn, study, practice, perform, fail, and try again and again for THOUSANDS of hours to get good at it.

    Good enough to show up and no matter what my adventures were in traveling here, no matter what’s going on in my life away from music, I can step up onto the stage and perform.

    In the wise words of El-P and Killer Mike, “I don’t work for free. I am barely giving a f*ck away!”

    And in the powerful truth of Malcolm Reynolds, “I do the job, and then I get paid.”

  • Agree with babestorm too

  • @CharlesTwisted

    @babestorm

    These are the best posts in this thread. Nothing more needs to be said, really.

  • @TouchIsTLC
    Stop right there - you are a man! I wasn't implying that I would have to cuddle with anyone I didn't want to! Only that pro female cuddlers would have to cuddle people they didn't want to, for free. Because that's fair.

  • @CuddlyPup shows a great deal of wisdom on the subject of pro paid cuddling. Her arguments are valid and are expressed in a sincere manner without being cheeky, ironic or disrespectful. I very much appreciate her talking points on the subject. She knows what we female pro cuddlers go through regarding our vulnerability, our safety, and ultimately our joy at providing caring and comfort.

  • [Deleted User]SoulcuddlerZ (deleted user)
    edited April 2019

    Clearly, no explanation is needed why this discussion is controversial. Also, attacking professional cuddling borderlines against forum rules.

    Professional Cuddling: Please avoid continuous unnecessary negativity about professional cuddling as it is not conducive to open discussion and risks making professionals feel unwelcome on the forum.

    This discussion is closed as of 01 APR 2019 13:26.

This discussion has been locked.