Lashing Out: Hatred, Violence, and Cuddling

In my time using this site, I’ve never seen a post regarding a different sort of cuddling; a type of platonic intimacy where those involved talk about what they truly despise, and where one is more likely to dig their nails into their partner’s flesh than to stroke their hair.

I’m familiar with this sort of cuddling. It can be amazingly cathartic to share hatreds and to inflict pain. Naturally, those involved must discuss their limits, preferences, and so on. But that’s no different than typical platonic cuddling. Ideally.

I believe that this sort of physical intimacy is entirely valid. I imagine some people will say that such activities are intrinsically sexual/fetishistic. If that’s the case, then the same can be said of normal cuddling, and some of the rituals involved in that (lighting candles, mood music, etc). The potential for things to be sexual are about the same, I should think.

As an example, one of my recent cuddles involved my partner and I complaining about work. This progressed into my partner hitting my chest, pulling my hair, and then my lightly choking her. We sobbed for a bit, held each other, and then played video games. It was spectacular and recuperative.

So! Is anyone else here into this sort of thing? Maybe you, dear reader, have felt disinclined from sharing an interest in this variety of cuddling? I’m curious*!

*I’m also curious if anything about what I’ve described goes against CC rules and regulations. The majority of users might find it distasteful, but...that doesn’t mean much.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]mdx71 (deleted user)

    I don't have a comment except to say this is the most interesting post I have seen here.

  • My initial reaction would be concerned about assault charges. Be careful and good luck.

  • edited June 2019

    @mdx71

    Thank you. I thought that this thread might fill a void of some sort. I’m not at all unique in my preferences, is what I’m getting at.

    Some people enjoy having their cheek lightly caressed. I prefer a firm smack. Both have something to do with feelings of comfort and trust, I imagine.

    @OhioMike

    Which is why interested parties should discuss their preferences beforehand. Spontaneously hugging/massaging random people is just as problematic as punching/strangling them. Usually.

    I thank you for your concern and wishes, though. I don’t mean for my comment to be argumentative, by the way—I simply feel that it’s critically important to reiterate some core points that I’m trying to make. I fully realize this concept will be difficult for some people to grasp.

  • Ok just to be clear, spontaneously hugging a random person on the street, like on new years eve in times square, is the same to you as someone punching or strangling that same person? I do recognize you stated "Usually " I'm probably missing your point.

  • @OhioMike

    Well, this thread is about mutually beneficial platonic touch between two or more people. Communication is key, as it is when cuddling regularly.

    “Assault charges”, in my mind, conveyed spontaneity and discontent. The point I was getting at was: it’s usually not acceptable to just cuddle a person. Assault charges wouldn’t even be considered in a scenario where those involved discussed their limits.

    Also: I feel that people who randomly hug others (or hug others without their express consent) are insufferable and are committing a form of molestation. I’d rather be hit.

  • [Deleted User]DaveJA (deleted user)
    edited June 2019

    As with most everything on this site I think the main issue is consent. If you and your buddy talk about it beforehand and set safe boundaries then I think, similar to cuddling (which can be misconstrued as sexual), that more violent or aggressive physical contact is fine. (even though it can similarly be misconstrued)

  • I don't know if the cuddle comfort site would encourage digging nails into skin, hitting, slapping, and choking someone even consensually. But again you stated earlier some people would have touch time grasping this idea. I guess I'm one of those people.I would get the best lawyer and draft the best consent from one can have.

  • @DaveJA

    Yeah. Like I mentioned, I’m mainly curious if anyone else here is into violent cuddling. I’ve never seen this subject discussed on the CC forum.

  • ...tough time grasping..

    ..best consent form...

    Typos:-)

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @OhioMike: Ah. Hahahaha. Ehh... speaking purely personally, I would feel just as attacked by some random person who spontaneously hugged me on the street as I would if they'd hit me. Maybe more so, actually, since if they hit me at least I could defend myself....

    @hogboblin: I think some people consider a firm tug on the hair an acceptable part of "playing with hair." It feels good on the scalp for some folks.

    But. I don't know how many people think a nice bit of strangulation is relaxing. The "feels good" part of an inability to breathe is usually genital-related, isn't it? Hmm. I suppose, if it didn't go far enough to turn stuff on, it could just be an appreciation of firm grip. I like deep touch—soothes my autistic nerves—so I could see that. Assuming it didn't turn anybody on (or, if it did, it was unintentional, and they just changed positions and waited for it to go away).

    As far as pummeling and "digging nails into flesh" go, well, that could be massage and a nice back scratch. Taking it far enough to hurt.... Well, it's different. I'd want to be really sure my buddy liked it (and entirely platonically, thanks) before doing that with anyone from this site. Not sure I'd trust anyone here enough for that without a lot of chatting first. Like a few years.

    But yeah: I enjoy this kind of cuddling, too. So that's two out of....

  • @OhioMike

    “I don't know if the cuddle comfort site would encourage digging nails into skin, hitting, slapping, and choking someone even consensually.”

    This is something else that interests me. So long as things stay platonic, everything should be fine, right?

    Note: I know that Cuddle Comfort isn’t about finding people to hurt. What I’ve been describing isn’t exclusively abuse—it’s in addition to holding another person, resting together, being intertwined like pretzels, etc.

    Just substitute stuff like lightly touching a person’s ear with yanking on it.

  • edited June 2019

    @DarrenWalker

    Certain things, like strangulation, are more emotional. For me, anyways. It denotes trust. Being able to trust another person is nice.

    I’m pretty sure that you already knew this, however, and that you’re helping me in covering as many bases as is possible.

  • Slapping and strangling a partner even with consent and platonic versus holding someone.....I'm sorry, I don't grasp it. It seems like two different things entirely. But again we are all here trying to meet people and we are all different I'm sure somewhere you will find or at least begin a dialogue with someone similar. I wish you all the best in your cuddle journey.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @hogboblin:

    Hmm. Taken as a whole, it sounds like catharsis to me. You talk about what you truly despise; you express negative emotion in a safe, accepting environment; you share physical and emotional pain with someone else. And you cuddle.

    Some people snuggle up and talk about how wonderful their lives are.
    Some people snuggle up and talk about the rough time they're having at work.
    Some people snuggle up and talk about how pointless life seems.

    Some people like a light, flickering touch.
    Some people like a firm touch.
    Some people like a quick, firm touch (otherwise known as a slap).

    Everyone does cuddling differently. So long as it's platonic, consensual, and mutually enjoyable... well, it looks like the same thing to me. Cuddling.

    Cuddling with a joyful emphasis on how wonderful your life is (Pollyanna cuddling) is great. Cuddling with a sorrowful, yet hopeful, emphasis on how difficult things are right now but how it's possible they may improve (comfort cuddling) is great. Cuddling with a bitter emphasis on how awful life always is (catharsis cuddling) is great.

    And whatever type of touch you like—light, firm, gentle, harsh—so long as it's not sexual, it's just fine. In fact... it's great.

    At least, that's what I think.

  • I can only agree with mdx71, this is definetely the most interesting topic I've seen posted about...

  • [Deleted User]mdx71 (deleted user)
    edited June 2019

    @hogboblin keep being interesting. It's awesome. I don't know if I could get into this S&M style of cuddling, I'm too lazy and that sounds like actual work, but you're living outside the box and I dig it. I did have a cuddle buddy like when I tugged her hair and another when I slapped her butt but that's about as far as I go.

  • @DarrenWalker & @hogboblin add me to the list, so that makes three...

    I could definitely enjoy this type of cuddling, with full discussion, negotiations and consent. I don't personally have sexual arousal from causing others pain, hurt or harm so I can see how this would be very similar to platonic cuddling.

    I can definitely agreed that there is an amount of release and catharsis from receiving the right type of pain, delivered the right way in the right amounts - I would never have considered that type of touch here, but I guess it is feasible.

    Now my mind is racing with new possibilities! Thank you once again for helping to open my mind to another Avenue of thought and perhaps soon, adventure!

  • @DarrenWalker

    I thank you for sharing your thoughts. As per usual, they’re clear and succinct.

    @mdx71 @Mister_Chris

    The both of you are too kind.

    @TouchIsTLC

    Maybe we should form a club!

  • Club name submission: Cathartic cuddle comfort

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @DaForceofNature: Oh, do we have four members? Lovely!

    I like the name.

  • I think there could definitely be a time for this type of cuddling. Platonic healing touch can take many forms.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @DaForceofNature: Agreed.

  • [Deleted User]qu3ntum (deleted user)

    Hogboblin i never am bored when i read your forum posts!
    ...someone on this side of cuddling can definitely share more info with me

  • [Deleted User]qu3ntum (deleted user)

    @hogboblin member number 5 me thank you!

  • edited June 2019

    This is interesting considering I'm feeling the most lonely I've ever felt in my life, multiple people I tried to get together with but whom all disappeared or went home alone due to miscommunications or misunderstandings, just words on a screen or pictures, the phone calls not answered, and now my neighbor upstairs has kept me awake again, please don't state how easy it is to deal with this, you don't know, I want to angrily lash out because of the discompassionateness, the apathy, the fear, the 180-degree turns for no apparent reason, the hiding, the bars and clubs that way too much stress and drama and peer pressure to act stupid and loud and frivolous, the bizarre ghosting and deleting of accounts of people I had great conversations with, the people I love who are too far away, the ones close who are too ashamed to be together, the love I felt from people I met online and grew a connection through honesty whom turned on me when the honesty wasn't convenient... Yah I want to lash out, but that's not a cuddle is it? That's just anger, and right now I feel it more than I've ever felt the want for a cuddle.

  • This is a strange post. I think you should find a bdsm club instead of finding cuddlers..

    Even with consent it’s weird for someone to meet expecting cuddles and then to have a stranger choking them instead.

  • edited June 2019

    @qu3ntum

    The club welcomes you! We haven’t got an emblem. Or a slogan. It’s still very much a work in progress.

    @black_panther90

    I highly doubt it would be weird between persons with a shared interest in cathartic cuddling.

  • Well, golly gee. This thread of mine is back. I assume that this is an error of sorts, and that it will be reinterred soon?

  • [Deleted User]SoulcuddlerZ (deleted user)
    edited July 2019

    Yes, one of the many things that had to be rectified since the security incident. As said before, some of the comments here observe the letter, not the spirit of this community.

    Closed. 02 JUL 2019 12:43 EDT

This discussion has been locked.