CC MEN: Why are there so many of you here?

[Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)
edited August 2019 in General

I think everyone would agree that the men on CC outweigh the women very disproportionately. I have my theories, but I would be interested to hear from the men here why you think the ratio is so skewed. I also would be interested in your reply for you to note if you have ever cuddled/are actively cuddling now.

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    I wish it were otherwise, but it is not possible in our current “culture” to have an open, and honest, discussion about intimacy, sex, gender, roles, power, instincts, and desires.

    (And discussing the limbic, adrenal, and endorphin systems that govern so much of our behaviors?

    Forget it.

    That simply gets you the “We AREN’T animals” speech...)

    Perhaps one day, but today is not that day.

  • tommy135tommy135

    It’s really quiet simple. It is easier for women to find someone to cuddle with.

  • MrFirefighterMrFirefighter

    What Charles and Tommy said.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    Trust me, I'm not mad about it. lol I am... sad? disappointed?... for men because you cannot be open about the need to be touched.

    @tommy135 I would somewhat disagree. It may be "easy" to find someone to cuddle as a woman, however, the desire to cuddle is often outweighed by our personal safety fears. Highlighted by the post earlier this week that a man's biggest fear was armpit hair, while women fear being drugged and assaulted.

    In fairness, however, I will say that the two men I have cuddled with have both been "grabbed" by women they've cuddled with so I understand women can be inappropriate too.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    There are probably a number of reasons. Women are likely getting too many messages from people they don’t want to talk to for whatever reason and so abandon the site. I also think women and generally more cuddly with eachother than men and so have less of a need.

    Also I just want to mention 2dogmom(what doggies do you have?) that I also posted that violence is my number one fear in the thread you mentioned

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    I have kids who have friends spend the night. When my sons have friends, they each have their designated area to sleep. My daughter and her friends all share a bed and sleep in what they call a cuddle puddle. Everyone in one spot possibly hugging in each other, limbs over torsos, etc. Carry this into adulthood, and this site. The guys that are not getting the physical affection they need from a significant other don't know how to ask their buddies for it, and see this as a great way to fill this need. Women, when they don't get the physical affection they need from their significant other have experiences that make them more comfortable for a 'girls night' or whatever to get their cuddles on.

    Maybe I'm wrong as I am no sociologist or woman. Just a thought.

    I am an active cuddler.

  • luv2cudl2luv2cudl2

    @2dogmom As the original poster to this discussion, would you be a little annoyed if someone responded with “Yes, I agree that the men on CC outweigh the women very disproportionately” and left it at that? You’d probably be annoyed because this person didn’t even take the time to read entire message or simply read what they felt like. It’s kind of disrespectful because it’s not answering your question and it would’ve only taken 30 more seconds to read the whole thing. That said, I’d appreciate if you would go re-read the FIRST sentence in my “biggest fears” discussion and then glance down to see how many people failed to follow the very simple instructions of “excluding violence.” (Discussion was closed bc of a few idiots but you’re still able to click and read)

    I’m hoping you’ll then see why the frustration from an original posters perspective. Thank you.

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    @creedhands and others -- I can hear what you say about girls and women being able to get their cuddle needs fulfilled by female friends. Ummm.... yeah... don't let your fantasies fool you into believing that all girls/women have access to that type of cuddling/comfort. Some of us are just as touch starved as men are. I come from a very non physically affectionate family. I still find it very awkward to hug my mother and sister. I would never consider cuddling with a female friend.

    I throw that out there just to counteract the assumption that women can easily have their needs met in a way that men cannot. Not always the case. We have our issues too. ;-)

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    @JasonCuddles thank you for sharing. Btw, my pups are Schnockers, half Cocker/half Schnauzer by accidental pregnancy. I adopted them from a humane society.

    @creedhands your comments are more in line with my thoughts. We need to do better when raising young men to teach them that needing touch isn’t counterintuitive to being male.

    @luv2cudl2 not being critical of your post and, for the record, I did read it all. I made a funny comment about clowns. I got it but I also saw the difference between genders in the fears.

    @SJSpooner you took the words out of my mouth. Ditto. Plus I am not a petite girl and like the comfort of being cuddled by a more muscular form.

  • hogboblinhogboblin
    edited August 2019

    There’s likely a multitude of reasons why there are so many men here. Maybe it has something to do with men being expected to be less emotional, or open, about their vulnerabilities/emotional needs?

    I’m fairly certain there’d be fewer dudes on this site if it were currently normal for men to cuddle each other.

    We also live in a male-dominated society that often treats women as something to be used. I think that there’s a certain amount of sexism involved when it comes to men who only cuddle women because “they’re more caring/comforting/etc”. Even if those traits were uniformly found in every woman, it would still be treating them as crutches for one’s own shortcomings to rely upon them exclusively, and it would be a negative thing overall to perpetuate that image—which really only serves to benefit young children and emotionally compromised adult men (which isn’t very fair).

    Furthermore, all of the above (perceiving that women are there to be helpful/that they alone are able to help with one’s emotional problems) can result in a few different perspectives, the most common of which are:

    A. That women are evil manipulators/malefactors.

    B. That women are, effectively, deities.

    Both of these are unrealistic and problematic. You can see examples of both A and B here on the forums.

    A bunch of men here are likely looking for sex, which shouldn’t be surprising. I wonder how many cuddlers there are in the Netherlands, or Switzerland...

    Or, it could all be a grand Reptilian conspiracy.

    I don’t know, dudebro. Whatever the problems are, they run deep, and they won’t likely be resolved any time soon—or ever.

    As for myself, I don’t often crave human contact. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I really needed to be held, or touched. A couple of weeks ago I wept with a friend; we cuddled and inflicted pain upon each other in a platonic and cathartic manner. I thought it was nice, if occasionally annoying, but they seemed to benefit from it.

  • hogboblinhogboblin

    @luv2cudl2

  • mickcuddlemickcuddle

    Force of habit. I’m not really meeting cuddles, but I have no good alternative v

  • [Deleted User]checkingthings (deleted user)

    I can only tell you about my reasons. Perhaps others may be similar.

    With me, it is entirely because of culture; the culture to which I was born, the culture in which I was raised, and the culture that is my family.

    By the standards of the culture around which I was raised, the culture to which I was born is "old fashioned." By the standards of the culture to which I was born, my family conforms to very "old world" values.

    So the unspoken rules of behavior governing "touch" between males and females, and between males go something like this:

    A hug between male and female is only appropriate if the two are married, related by blood, usually also if related by marriage, or if the male is very young (generally only up to preteen years).

    A hug between two males is generally only acceptable between blood related family members, sometimes also those related by marriage, and very close friends. A hug is only generally acceptable only if they have not seen each other in a long while. And the hug must be very brief and minimize body contact as much as possible.

    In all other situations in which the two are not married, a handshake is the only appropriate contact between male dn female, and is generally the only acceptable of contact between two males.

    Keep in mind that I do NOT agree with these unspoken rules They are simply those by which I had to behave.

    I am not an active cuddler. I have not cuddled with anyone, as best I can remember, since my mother held me in her arms for bottle feeding before bed time. Yes, I do have memories from way back when.

    Why have I not? Because even though I do not agree with the above stated rules, it is still very difficult for me to ignore my discomfort caused by even the thought of braking them. I'm working on it. Someday I will.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    Speaking for no one but myself.

    My mother’s illness, and the resulting fear, grief, helplessness, and frustration, ended the long term relationship I was in.

    In that I know that I have human needs for connection and touch, but I currently don’t have the time or emotional resources to be in a reciprocal relationship, I was hoping this site (and others) might provide respectful, and responsible, opportunities to have those needs met.

    So far it’s been 95% Pen Pals and 5% Waiting Patiently.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    @hogboblin I wondered if you would show up to this party... I've been waiting. For me, your insights are spot on. Except for the grand Reptilian conspiracy. And put that salt shaker away boo.

    @mickcuddle maybe you can cast a wider net? I will check out your profile and give some advice if you are ok with me doing so.

    @checkingthings more great insights. Good for you for working on you. PS, I was one of those people who didn't think you could be married and be friends with men. I have let that go but I do set expectations and boundaries.

    @CharlesTwisted I think many people are in the same boat here--we have a partner who doesn't give us enough touch or we have no partner, and no time to have one, but want touch. We are trying to be honest about our needs, but feelings and society "norms" get in the way. Best wishes for you and your mom.

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)

    I am here because I just love to cuddle. It is safe, and feels good. And if two consenting adults want to feel good by cuddling, then I see nothing wrong with it.

    My main thing is cleanliness. I like to cuddle after showering. There is nothing like that fresh out of shower scent of a clean (clothed) body against yours. Clean clothing too is a must, and wearing comfortable clothing is also important. Also important to have fresh breath (always carry a toothbrush and mouthwash with you or in your car if you have one).

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)

    On the subject of cleanliness.... does anyone have a soap preference? I tend to like ivory since it doesn't really have a scent. Some people are sensitive to scented soaps like Irish Spring (which i like too).

  • pmvinespmvines

    If I am being honest , and I base this on what I hear from a lot of women on here and this doesn't reflect my own reasons for being here nor am I applying it to anyone in particular , but a lot of men are on here looking for a hook up . If you subtracted the number who truly just want to cuddle, the numbers would be far less . I realize not all women are here looking to only cuddle as well , just seems to not be the primary motivating factor

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    @NJMcaringcuddlr thanks for weighing in. No judgment from me. Maybe you should make another thread with that soap question...

    @pmvines curiously, do you think men come here to hook up from the start, or really want to cuddle but then see an opportunity for more? Or when they start cuddling, what they've been taught their whole life about being "manly" takes over (along with the hormones) and they just cannot just cuddle?

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)

    i just want to cuddle. its safe and feels good. i think its wrong to trick people into having sex with alterior motives. cuddling is innocent fun.

    yes, i may start another thread about soap preference. lol

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I joined optimistically, but now I’m here just in case a lady needs a cuddle.

  • Navyman1010Navyman1010

    Because we want too lol Period

  • [Deleted User]Cool_Cat_99 (deleted user)

    I think in general it’s easier for women to date and get into a new romantic relationship than it is for men, and some people may be loners and single. I cuddle once in a while. Also, people do this as a side gig for extra income, and people have different priorities in their love language, so some people may value touch as a form of connection or to help with difficult life circumstances more than others. Like self esteem, insecurity, loneliness, wanting a relationship but not meeting the right person and helping to decrease fantasies about wanting a hookup cause of not having that emotional connection and touch with another person, and maybe a cuddling a pet dog isn’t enough sometimes. Just thinking out loud. You’ll probably get different responses from people.

  • boomerang86boomerang86

    If a woman posted an ad on a meetup site saying that she is morbidly obese, has HPV2, and was in a motorcycle accident disfiguring her face she would still get a lot of men responding to the ad.

  • [Deleted User]2dogmom (deleted user)

    @NJMcaringcuddlr thanks for that input--you're one of the good ones. :)

    @BashfulLoner have you cuddled anyone?

    @Navyman1010 I guess I wouldn't invest the time if I didn't get something out of it. lol

    @Cool_Cat_99 thanks for weighing in!

    @boomerang86 LOL... I am crying!

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    @2dogmom i have, since i joined 1 pro cuddle. I guess that’s the only way for a casual man on the site. Enthusiasts don’t seem to be here for men, enthusiastic male.

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    @SJSpooner - I hear you. I would not make the assumption for all women having access to friendly cuddler. Just more women than men. Hence the differential here.

  • Alan2018Alan2018

    Men are more willing to risk an unknown cuddle partner as compared to women who aren't as willing to cuddle with strangers.

  • [Deleted User]BigGuyGa (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    I would imagine a bunch of guys sign up just to try and hit on women. No intention of cuddling or whatever. They probably log in a few times then vanish. Leaving this gulf in the ratio.

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    @boomerang86 I don't know why some guys think that. I've watched women whine constantly about no men being interested for years on social media sites including this one. That's even without those issues.

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