The Gas Situation

TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
in General

I have shared meals with some cuddlers and the resulting bodily reactions leads to the question—what do you do about rampant flatulence?

Do you squeeze your cheeks and pray?

If you dislike the cuddler do you become the little spoon, break the provisions of the Geneva Agreement and engage in gas warfare?

Do you serenade your cuddler and go to the bathroom which serves as an exquisite echo chamber amplifying the resulting organic blast?

If you have the Fart Studio app on your phone, do you have your partner play a parlor game by trying to match the app sound, thus allowing you to toot your horn in the name of sportsmanship?

Do you get under the covers, but tell your partner to stay on top of the covers under the guise that it is environmentally friendly to balance body temperatures, thus obfuscating your real motivation ?

Flatulence is one of the massive obstacles one faces when cuddling. I post this out of equal opportunity as women cannot truly experience the boner predicament other than a poke. Flatulence is democratic.

New research in Flatulence Etiquette are welcomed in this thread.

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Comments

  • hogboblinhogboblin

    Wear gas masks, of course.

  • Hu_Phlung_puHu_Phlung_pu

    As with any innocent animal, I announce the surprise that Fido has nasty gas and has brought it to our session. However, I have been known to hold my eruptions for more than a day back when I was dating. This only lead to a mysterious stomach ache and eventually to a rectal cyclone that even the big bad wolf would have envied.

    In the eventual hope to actually being in my first cuddle session, I imagine I would welcome the wind generation and formally disclose before the session that maintaining true comfort was the goal, even if it meant flatulent transcendence. However, I’m warm natured so I’m usually most comfortable under a breezy ceiling fan.

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24

    I’d like to know why some farts are quiet and other s are noisy .

  • pmvinespmvines

    You tuck your torso under the blanket for approximately 3 to 5 minutes , or until the threat of odor subsides

  • Dante_SDante_S

    @cuddlerforu24 Physics really... Speed of air flow, volume of air, density of air, size of space it's flowing though, is that space firm or relaxed? ;)

    Honestly, as horrible as this sounds... fill a balloon full of air, and adjust the end as noise escapes... When you match the sound made down below... that might just be what happens down there ;)

  • CatloafCatloaf

    My husband does this frequently and without warning will pull the covers over my head. He refers to it as 'going camping'.

  • mokissiamokissia

    @Catloaf do it back to him but say we are not camping tonight you’ve been in Dutch oven and cooked

  • [Deleted User]katphone4jd (deleted user)

    Oh my goodness, that is so funny. I really hope I never have to find out, lol

  • boomerang86boomerang86

    I think that sounds awkward. Hopefully you are able to hold in your diarrhea until after the session...

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24

    @dante s ... my oncologist hinted that I might need a bag someday . When that happens I guess I’ll be able to fill a few balloons.

  • Alan2018Alan2018

    Plenty of ventilation helps to effortlessly eliminate any unpleasantry.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I open the floor to the Queef contingent. Do the Queefers wish to be recognized?

  • CatloafCatloaf

    @FunCartel You'll get all the recognition you need if you walk into a fitness class working the lower abdominals with the legs lifted at a 90 degree angle.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I already put in 90 minutes at the gym this morning.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @Alan2018: 👍🏾 Outdoor cuddles ftw.

    Mine tend to be the silent-but-deadly variety. Seems rather unfair—I don't even eat beans.

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    Either I'd keep getting up and going to the bathroom, or try popping some beeno tablets. But over the years I've paid attention to which foods cause that and simply don't eat them on date night.

  • earlpittsearlpitts

    If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen! 😉

  • FrankyFranky

    This is hilarious!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited July 2019

    @Franky it is no laughing matter to the victim. 🤭

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    I can deal with a bit of non stinky gas towards the very end of a long session. I'm thinking the last 15-30 minutes. Constant gas from the beginning, or stinky gas, is a no-no for this lady.

    My nose is extremely sensitive as are my sensibilities. Accidental gas is one thing, but just tooting in front of people goes against how I was raised. If I can hold it or excuse myself other people can as well. It's out of respect to the other person the same way making sure your breath and body smell good are.

    If someone has a gas problem, I'd prefer they communicate that so we can adjust to make us both comfortable. If we prepare for it, then there's a much better chance that the session will go smoothly and stay enjoyable for everyone.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @RaindropSweetie Yes that is common sense about gas. I really began this thread as a tongue in cheek response to a thread called “The Bone Situation” which was yet another boner thread. The author or soulcuddler has since changed the name of the thread to na.

  • RaindropSweetieRaindropSweetie

    I hoped, but I'll admit I had waking nightmares by the time I got to Dutch Ovens and silent but deadly gas reading through this page. Ha ha ha

  • [Deleted User]Ellelife (deleted user)

    I have clients with IBS and the device that is attached to them does make noises. We kindly accept the noise but should there be a circumstance it's going to be more awkward we understand to separate or distance ourselves until it passes. Or the gas-filled individual excuses themselves to the bathroom and the session is on pause until they return and we carry on.

  • boomerang86boomerang86

    If one party starts to smell like a colostomy bag the other party should have an exit plan. Maybe have a friend call with a fake emergency and leave.

  • natural_oceansnatural_oceans

    Naive me, I honestly expected this thread to be about how to split travel costs 😂

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)
    edited August 2019

    MOD: Comment removed - inappropriate [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @natural_oceans Well you are splitting ham, cutting cheese, etc

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @NJMcaringcuddlr: Might cause some interesting problems pants-wise. Unless you're thinking nude cuddling is okay with this site? (Hint: it isn't.)

  • [Deleted User]NJMcaringcuddlr (deleted user)

    Your right I didn’t think of that. I guess it would be a problem unless wearing loose fitting clothing. Yes I am aware nude cuddling is off limits.

  • [Deleted User]xlandert (deleted user)

    I would make sure you (and now that you point this out, also I!) have an air freshener close by ah. Jokes aside, I think it can happen to the best of us... just laugh about it/talk about it and move on, so it is not awkward or uncomfortable :)

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